My Ghosts Are Not Gone 4

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„Do another ten."

„I've already got the ten before!"

"Yeah, could've been lucky there."

The all too familiar bitchface appeared on Sam's face, making it clear that he was fighting not to mouth off. He couldn't have resisted too hard though because his next retort was spoken in an especially pissy tone.
"There's no luck in hitting ten out of ten."

If any other person had swung around a gun like Sam did right now, Dean would've been concerned. But no matter how much he teased his little brother, he knew that Sam could handle his firearms just fine. It was fun to rile him up though.

"It is possible," Cas commented in his monotonous voice from where he was standing next to Dean leaning against his car.
It was hilarious to watch the angel stiffen up when Sammy shot him a death glare.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Come on, Sam, humor me. Shoot another ten bottles so I don't have to worry about giving you that gun."

The little bitch rolled his eyes in return and grumbled something under his breath. Eventually though, he got his ass moving, plastic bag full of bottles in one hand, Beretta in the other. When he was finally out of hearing range Dean dared to speak up again.

"I stand by what I said. No word to Sam."

Cas shook his head, an exasperated look on his face. "You can't keep everything from him forever. Whether you want to or not, eventually he is going to find out." Dean's face grew grim but either Cas didn't notice, or he didn't care. "You're living in the Man of Letters' former headquarters, Dean. It is filled with information that you don't want Sam to have. But eventually he is going to stumble over something and he will find out anyway."

"Yes, Jesus, you think I don't know that?" For a moment, he tore his eyes of his brother who was now arranging bottles again. "Why the hell do you think we're here?"

As soon as Sam had woken up that day, he had hurried off to examine their extensive library. The kid was a little nerd and Dean had known that it wouldn't have taken him long to find out more that Dean wanted him to know. That's why he dragged his brother out on this foolproof salt-n'-burn.

"How do you intend to live with him? He doesn't even know that I'm an angel."

"And we're going to keep it this way," Dean argued stubbornly. "You're a friend Cas, but the other angels? More often than not they turn out to be dicks. And God wasn't all that better, ditching us the next convenient moment he got. That's not easy for a regular person to accept but Sam… Sam believes in that sort of shit, he prays, he-"

Dean cut himself off and shook his head. His eyes were firmly trained on his little brother who was on his way back to them again. The ten bottles were standing.

"He's still so hopeful, I don't want to take that away from him."

Castiel didn't answer and Sam finally arrived at their side again. He lifted the his gun, Sam's Beretta 92 that Dean has kept the past nine years, another piece of his little brother that he couldn't cast aside, and hit all bottles one after another.

"Good to know you're not completely incapable."

Sam tucked the gun under his waistband and lifted his hands to examine them. "It doesn't feel like much time has passed. Just a few days ago it was 2007."

Dean envied him. Skipping all nine years he spent without Sam – what would he have given to do just that.

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The hunt went over without a hitch for once. Granted, Dean had checked it out before, made sure it wasn't anything too difficult but one could never completely be sure beforehand. Two weeks had passed since then. Two weeks of Dean slowly trying to drag his brother away from Kansas, away from the bunker.

Meanwhile he'd assigned Cas to hide everything incriminating in the building until they returned but it was a slow process. The angel couldn't handle the books very well, unused to working with them and thus calling Dean every few hours in order to ask something.

For the umpteenth time he wished Bobby was still here. He would've worked this out somehow. Sure, he would've grumbled and cursed and told Dean that he was a goddamn idiot but he would've got the work done.
And they needed to get the work done fast. He knew that Sam was suspicious and he constantly kept on nagging Dean with questions that drove him crazy.
It felt as if they were back to being kids, Sam always asking and Dean unable to give him any answers.

"Dean, I saw all those books on mythology at the bunker. Some of them could actually help us with this case."

"And I've already told you that there is nothing. I was living there before you if you remember. I know that place with all its books. We won't find something there." Which was straight and utter bullshit. God, why did he have to show Sam the bunker?

Sam raised one eyebrow, sass perfectly at place. "And I know you, Dean. There is no chance in hell that you've read all of that."

Dean ignored his brother's comment. "It'd take us a whole day to reach the bunker and another to get back to town. We could just spend the time researching here instead."

His brother sighed because there was some truth in Dean's comment. "When I get back there I'm gonna digitalize that library so it's available to us anytime."

Dean could feel the headache he was sporting since a few hours intensifying.

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They fell into a familiar rhythm and it was wonderful.

Drive, Motel, Research, Easy Hunt.

Dean had been doing it all his life but never had he felt so good. Maybe because Sam had been gone for such a long time, he valued these moments with him even more. It wasn't just a simple sense of nostalgia because he wasn't only reveling in memories of the past; he was actually living them all over again.

If Sam would only stop with the questions everything would be perfect.

They were driving because, why wouldn't they? That's what they did most of the time. Their hunts were over fast. Dean researched them beforehand, mostly when Sam was sleeping and made sure that they were foolproof and harmless. Only when that much was clear did he suggest them to his brother.

Sam had noticed it, he was sure, boy wasn't dumb after all.

"Dean, please." That's what Sam's strategy was. Demanding pleadings that he had mastered even since before he had grown teeth. Mostly he didn't stoop so low to use it though, he found it humiliating. Apparently no more. His brother's constant questioning put Dean on edge.

"Just tell me, I know you're keeping something from me."

Dean kept silent. He had said what he had to say in the past days and frankly, he had run out of excuses.

"It's not fair of you to-"

"Bobby's dead."

The Impala's engine was the only source of noise now. Dean was staring ahead, not daring to look into Sam's eyes. He felt guilty about using Bobby's memory to distract Sam but it was necessary and it was working. Sam had finally shut up.

"I didn't want to tell you but-"

"I know." His brother's voice was monotonous and shallow.

"You know?"

"Dean," and the way he stressed his name only the way Sam could made Dean feel only guiltier because he could hear the pain in his little brother's voice. "Why else would you be even living in that bunker? Why else haven't we called him the second we needed help researching during that one hunt?"

Dean sighed. He had almost forgotten the comfort of being able to call Bobby when he didn't know what else to do. The old man didn't always have an answer but it had felt good to talk to him anyway.

"I-I was suspecting it I think. But I didn't want to know it. I didn't want to imagine it being true."

"Do you want me to tell you about-"

But for the first time Sam didn't want to hear his explanations. "No." His voice broke. "I don't want to know."

He turned away and the rest of the ride was spent in silence.

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Sam was downtrodden for the rest of the week. He rarely smiled anymore and his eyes were constantly red-rimmed. Dean knew that he had trouble sleeping.

Sam was hurting and due to that invisible connection that they miraculously still had, as if they had never been apart, Dean hurt, too. The passive act of seeing his brother in pain made him suffer.

In the back of his mind, he was aware. He knew that the protectiveness he felt over Sam was far from normal, even for their standards.

After his brother's death he's put the memory of Sam onto a pedestal. His brother became a symbol of everything good and pure. When he died he took just that away with him. Now that he was back, the world was in color again.

Sam's return has given him hope and that hope frightened him. Because now that there was something to live for, there was also something to lose. He was afraid that the simple cruelty on this planet could taint Sam.

But the knowledge of Bobby's death had affected him so much already and it was not even the tip of the iceberg.

That's why he had spent the past week trying to lift Sammy's mood by allowing him to choose the music, letting him drive and going out of his way to get his favorite food. Actually talking about what had happened was still hard but luckily his brother stopped asking questions. Mostly he was just apathetic which was somehow worse.

Finally though, Sam had had enough of Dean's constant presence. "Go and pick up some takeout so I can shower in peace without your constant hovering," he had said.

Dean hadn't liked it but he had obliged. On his way back to the motel though, his eyes caught a few stands in front of a big book shop on a main street. Many boxes were filled with hundreds of books for 'half the price!' the shields said.

He decided to take a quick look and skim through the titles. Maybe he could find something that'd distract the little nerd's mind. As he was searching through the piles he realized that most of the books were at least minimally damaged which was probably the reason why they were so cheap. It was a pretty wild mix, too. Cookbooks, children books, thrillers, classics, everything was there.

He rolled his eyes and went to the comic book section. Sam used to like those when he was a kid.

"Can I help you?" A young girl appeared next to him. She wore a name tag – Keri – and seemed to be full of excitement. Probably new at the job and that's why she had so much motivation to spare.

"Uh, not really searching for something specific, you know? Just looking through the titles."

"Well, if you could tell me what genres you like to read I'd be able to help you narrow the search down." The genuine smile on her face brightened.

He shrugged and grinned back charmingly. "I'm looking for something for my kid brother. Something that he used to read when he was little, wallowing a little in nostalgia I guess."

She lead him to a box further at the back where pretty old comics were stored in. There weren't many of them there so he could comfortably look at each title. One of them stood out.

On the cover there were two men in knight's armor, both with their swords stretched out, one on a white horse, the other on his feet.

"I think I know this one."

"Most people do. I mean, it's the Classics Illustrated of Knights of the Round Table," she answered cheekily.

"No, I mean this specific one." He scrolled through the pages and took the pictures in. "Not just the story. This comic. I think I used to read that to him." His last remark had slipped without him meaning it to. "I'm buying this one."

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When he arrived back at their room Sam was lying on his bed and watching some kind of animal documentary on the TV.

"What took you so long?"

His voice wasn't accusing but his eyes were filled with curiosity. Dean knew that Sam must've been confused since he had barely left his brother alone since he had found him that one day in the forest.

"Got you something." He put boxes of Chinese takeout onto the little table and chucked the book towards his brother. "Ringing a bell?"

"Uh, Knights of the Round Table? Yeah, I know the story."

Dean moved to sit at the side of his brother's bed and swatted the back of his head that was propped against the headboard. "Obviously you brat. I mean this comic specifically."

Offended but curious Sam scrolled through the pages, taking the pictures in. "It does seem kinda familiar but I can't really place it."

"Pretty sure I used to read that to you when you were little."

"Really?" He was glad to see Sam smile after all his moping and brooding during the last week. "Thank you."

Dean didn't know whether his brother was referring to the reading or the buying of the book; nevertheless, his smile was so genuine that Dean had to embarrassedly turn around, shrug his shoulders and mumble something about getting into the shower.

When he was finished with his business and stepped out of the bathroom he saw Sammy putting their Chinese takeout on actual plates that had been in the cupboards of the motel room before. He sat on one chair and dug in.

"You know," Sam held the comic up with the hand that wasn't occupied with a fork, "It's actually still pretty good. There's a reason this is a classic. It can be read by all age groups, even by old geezers like you."

In response Dean chucked him at the back of his head, but Sam only laughed and placed the comic between them.

Begrudgingly he began to read alongside Sam while eating his noodles. He had to admit that his brother had been right. The story was still entertaining even though decades had passed since he last heard it.

They kept on reading long after they were finished eating. Dean loved the fast story process of a good old comic and he enjoyed it even more because it had been a while since he last read one. After going through countless articles and old lore texts it was just simply fun.

"Wait," Sam stopped him from turning the page. "Does that picture seem familiar to you?"

Dean examined it closer. There was Sir Gallahad kneeling, nothing special. "Not more than the others. Why?"

His brother squinted his eyes and watched the picture for a little while longer. "I don't know, it just really struck out to me."

Concernedly, Dean took the sight of Sam in. "You alright, Sammy?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "Everything's fine. It just feels like I should be seeing something. It's probably nothing."

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That night, Sam woke up from a nightmare and he remembered.

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A/N: In usual fashion, it's almost 4am, a time at which I generally don't have a lot to say besides hoping to get some of that feedback from you guys! Also, I finally have a plan where I'm about to go with this story, so I won't be just randomly writing and seeing how the chapter develops. I hope you enjoyed it!