I feel the need to apologize beforehand for this chapter. It's simply ridiculous, bordering on hilarious in large parts and disturbingly serious and grave in others. I don't know what devil possessed me to write two chapters in one day but I know for sure that either my dinner must have been spiked or I hit my head really hard today. Either way, this chapter kind of wrote itself and I couldn't do anything to stop the nonsense. And since everything I planned on putting into Chapter Four has actually found a way around the silly, I just went with the flow and posted this before tomorrow could sober me up. So, please forgive me for writing this, I hope you're still gonna like it.
WARNING: Part of this contains slightly disturbing images and talk of sexual activities. This part should be rated higher than the rest of the story for that. DO NOT READ IF EXPLICIT DESCRIPTIONS OF SEX BOTHER YOU.
So, this part kind of contains a new character I came up with myself. Well, it's not really a character, it's just in Snape's mind… or, well, it IS Snape's mind I'm talking about. Everything written in italics is what Snape's mind says. So Snape is really OOC here, please forgive me. It's his mind's fault.
Oh, and I suppose I should apologize for the crappy fictive name I gave to a potion. I don't know Latin and I just thought that not all spells and potions should have to be in that language. So I used a German word for the name of a potion. Sorry for that, it sounds weird, I know. But it's done.
And I think I've never written that large a note before, sorry you had to suffer through my insane ramblings. Now, finally, on to…
Will wonders never cease
Chapter Four
The castle was quiet this time of the night and neither Filch nor Mrs. Norris could be found wandering the dark halls at half past two in the morning. Not even the ghosts bothered to sweep through empty and drafty corridors when there were no students to scare away (or rather – in Peeves' case – to annoy).
Same time tomorrow it would be different, the first night after the Holidays always seemed to be the busiest one for the caretaker, his cat, the house ghosts and students alike.
But tonight was the last night before the storm, so to speak, and so tonight it was just one pair of heavy boots that paced along the stone floors, not at all concerned with being stealthy.
Only one billowing cloak swept along the dark halls, brushing over suits of armor and marble or granite statues that glittered faintly in the dim moonlight falling through the sparse windows.
Every now and then the dark clad figure let long-fingered hands slide along the damp rocks the castle walls were made of, ready to grasp… something, anything.
There was really no need for Severus Snape to be pacing the Hogwarts' corridors on the night before the students were due to come back to school. He knew that. But ever since returning to Hogwarts on New Year's Day (or rather fleeing from Grimmauld Place) Severus had been up at night wandering through empty halls and thinking instead of occupying his comfortable four-poster bed in his private quarters of the dungeons.
He didn't know what it was that kept him from his much needed sleep this time of the night but...
Oh, don't fool yourself, Severus. You know perfectly well what's on your mind these days... and at nights all the more.
"Shut up!"
The impatiently whispered words reverberated from the stone walls around him as Severus reached another corner.
Even talking to yourself, are you now? Well, well, Sev, that boy really got to you and you know it!
"No, he didn't!" Severus bellowed at his own treacherous mind. "He didn't get to me, he couldn't… it couldn't be, ever."
You know it! The voice in his head sing-songed.
Severus briefly thought about ignoring his mind's taunting, but then again… nobody was around to witness his first step towards insanity (for he was sure that audible conversations with his own mind were one of many signs that would eventually secure him a private padded cell in St. Mungo's). So… what the hell.
"Listen, Potter didn't get to me. And by the way… nothing happened apart from a few sloppy kisses which you can easily write off to drunken foolishness, right? Right, so… there you have it. Nothing really happened!" Severus ground out forcefully.
Oh, but you can't know for sure, can you, Sev? Who knows what dirty little things you convinced the naïve boy to do to you in your drunken foolishness? Are you so sure you didn't have a taste of his lovely, tight and gloriously fuckable ass? Who says you didn't push that utterly starved cock of yours into his lithe body over and over…
"Stop it!" Severus growled and closed his eyes from the onslaught of images his mind conjured out of thin air at the thoughts.
…pounding into his ass with the brutal force of a greedy old man who didn't get laid in decades, fucking the boy through the mattress and six ways to Sunday?
Hhm, Sev? Who knows what you did to him? Did you feed him your stiff prick? Did you stuff it between his hot red lips, made him swallow you whole and suck you dry, bring you off so hard with his supple pink tongue that your eyes crossed, your cock exploded and you came and came till the poor boy nearly choked on your spunk?
"Stop… stop it!" Severus whispered desperately. But the voice droned on and on in his ears.
Or did you suck him, Sev? Is that it? Did you let him fuck your mouth, did you suck that firm young piece of flesh into your greedy maw and lick it, tease the boy till he shook like a weak leaf and he cried and begged you to please let him come? That's it, Sev, isn't it? You loved to see him begging, you got off on that. You got off so hard that you came without touching your cock at all and you spilled your thick come into your pants like a teenager. And afterwards you were still so painfully hard that you slammed the boy onto his back, grabbed his trembling legs, pulled them roughly in the air and…
"No! Stop it, stop… shut up!" Severus begged now, desperate to end this torment.
…And then you breached his cute little ass and pounded into it over and over until he couldn't take it anymore and he cried out desperately and begged you to stop and came at the same time and then you came hard at seeing him cry, you collapsed onto the trembling body you'd just raped and…
"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"
Severus' sudden cry echoed through the empty corridors and made the nearby windows rattle dangerously in their frames. But it also shut the voice up effectively.
"Shut up, you son of a bitch!" Severus repeated forcefully. "That didn't happen, nothing like that ever happened."
Severus wasn't aware of the tears streaming down his pale face nor did he register the painful arousal in his too tight trousers.
All he knew was that his tormenting mind hadn't conjured these brutal and distressing images out of thin air. He'd thought about the possibility of something like this having happened ever since he'd woken up alone in bed on New Year's Day. A bed he'd hours before shared with a student, a minor, a bloody-fifteen-year-old-Harry-Potter.
And, worst of all… his mind knew as surely as did his body that he, Severus Snape, was truly capable of doing these things.
Things like that and worse.
He'd done it all.
"But I never did that to Ha- Potter. I wouldn't… I couldn't… never! Never to anyone I…" he stopped mid-sentence.
Care about? Is that what you wanted to say?
"Shut up!"
Oh, so you care for the boy then?
"I…", Severus stopped bewildered.
He had no answer to that.
After his break-down in the halls –
"It wasn't a break-down!"
Sure it was! You just had a break-down, Sev.
"I did not!"
Sure you did!
"Shut up!"
Okay then, after his 'not-a-break-down' in the halls Severus returned to his quarters and fell exhausted onto the bed. He didn't bother with removing his clothes but pulled his robe over his head, kicked off his boots and crawled under the covers in trousers and shirt.
There he lay then, at three in the morning, wary and angry and not sure what to make of the newest revelation his mind had come up with.
So you care for the boy then?
It couldn't be, could it? Not Harry Potter!
But then Severus remembered New Year's Morning and the look Potter had given him when he'd pled: 'Don't hide from me, Severus!'
And Severus hadn't.
For once in his miserable life, ruled by spying, lies and deception, Severus had stopped pretending and dropped the mask of indifference and scorn he was constantly forced to wear.
He'd looked at Potter – at Harry – and had found only compassion and understanding where once the well-known, and welcomed, hatred had been.
The onslaught of feelings that had captured his heart that moment had driven Severus to abandon reason for once in his life and he'd simply acted on pure instinct and want.
He'd kissed Pot… Harry then.
It had been a good kiss, not sloppy at all, no matter what he'd tried to tell his mind earlier this night.
It had been good. Passionate and tender and powerful and brutal and, did he dare to name it, loving even.
Then, without the need to speak, for everything had been said in that kiss, Harry had snuggled up to his side and they'd both gone back to sleep.
And then…
… Severus had woken up alone.
Harry had been gone.
That had been the moment when Severus had started to worry about what else had happened that night between his student and he.
Well, no matter what little they'd done, it was wrong and inappropriate and… wrong.
You said that already, Sev.
"So? It's still true, you know. It was wrong!"
Right
"What?"
You're right, it's wrong.
"Is not!"
Is, too!
"Is not!"
Is, too!
"Is… What are we arguing about again?"
Kissing the boy is wrong.
"Right."
For fuck's sake, whatever! What's done is done, now just get the hell on with the story!
"Oh sure, far be it from me to ignore the wishes of my own mind."
That's the right point of view. Finally!
"Yes, well, if you say so. Now shut up and let me tell my story!"
Severus was still trying to come to terms with what had happened that night with Ha… Potter. And, well… that was the crux.
He didn't know.
He didn't know for sure if there'd been more to it than a few really good kisses.
And as long as he didn't know wether he'd had sex with Potter, wether it had been consentual or, God forbit, by raping the boy, Severus couldn't think of how to react to seeing the boy every day from tomorrow on. He couldn't think straight, period.
And for once his treacherous mind was in complete sync with him. So lying there huddled in his blanket Severus and his mind came to the decision that they, no, he had to find out what had happened that night, how he'd ended up naked in bed with an equally naked Potter and most of all, how much pain he'd inflicted in his drunken foolishness.
Thank God Severus' mind was a potions master as well for it knew just the right solution to the problem.
First thing tomorrow, Severus would start brewing the highly dangerous 'Vergiss-mein-nicht' Potion to retrieve his lost memories of New Year's Night's events.
With that plan formed in his mind, Severus finally fell into deep slumber.
TBC
So, what do you think? I really need to know wether Snape's mind is just annoying you or not. Would you like me to continue writing Snape like that? Please, let me know!
