Chapter 4: A Heartache To Remember

Title reference: From the 1957 film "An Affair To Remember"

Nate and Serena stood there in the room starring at each other anxiously waiting for the other to say something. Nate walked into the room a little more and closed the door behind him. Serena put out her hand and lead him to the bed to sit.

"Serena" Nate said. "I never wanted to ruin your day, but I couldn't sit there and watch you marry a man that wasn't me. I know we had our issues in the past, but I don't think they where enough to outshine what was great about us. You know I've waited for you Serena; I've waited when you left to Connecticut, I've waited after you ended it with us, and I can't wait anymore. I can't go another day without knowing that you're by my side. We belong together Serena everyone can see it why cant you"

In the mist of Nate putting his heart out on the line for what seemed like the hundredth time Serena starred at Nate drowning into the deep blue lakes of his eyes, dark almost navy blue eyes. Serena thought of how much she missed his eyes. Waking up in the morning looking right into those eyes. Serena remember the truth behind those eyes, how she never once had to question anything he ever said to her because those eyes always told her everything. She also thought about all their special moments together that she kept close to her heart. About the first time they meet when they where young at their first day at preschool. When Lily would alternate weekends between the Waldorf's and the Archibald's for Serena and Eric to stay while she'd jet off with Klaus and how she would sneak into Nate's room and they would fall asleep holding hands. How even though he was dating Blair, the first time they had sex at the Sheppard's wedding was the first time she fully felt safe in a guys arms and even though she didn't tell him back then she loved him as much as he loved her.

"From the first time I saw you" Nate continued, "I knew that you were the one for me Serena and- "

Serena cut him off mid sentence and answered all his questions with a kiss. She kissed him like it was that last kiss she would ever receive; with passion and love because she knew the decision she was about to make could possibly change everything.

"Serena -" Nate yearned

"Nate, I love you. Up until a few hours ago I didn't know how much you really meant to me." She took a deep breath to prepare herself for what she was about to say. "But I can't do this Nate. Moving on with you like this. I just realized that Dan wasn't good for me. I just can't end a relationship and jump right into another one; it wouldn't be fair to us. You said I deserved better, but what about you? Nate I hurt you so many times when we were together and I don't want t do it again…"

"Then don't" Nate interjected

"But" Serena finished, "If I don't find myself and be happy with me then I wont be able to promise that. My whole life I have literally just jumped from one relationship to the next; and I don't want to do that anymore. If we have a fighting chance at happiness then I want to make sure I can be all in with you."

"Serena, you're putting to much into this" Nate felt as though he was just thrown a football and caught it with his stomach. Like his last chance with Serena was slipping from his fingers and it was nothing he could do about it. "Who cares about the past Serena, all I care about is the future. My future with you" his tone became sturdier.

Serena grabbed Nate's hand and looked him in the eyes.

"I love you, just- please understand"

"How can I understand Serena?" He pulled away "I've put myself out there for you once again and what do I get? You know I don't get you, everybody in this city knows how I feel about you – you know what" he retracted "how we feel about each other and we still cant be together. Where Dan has done nothing but put you down, make you feel less about your life and where you come from and yet we stand here on your wedding day! Like I said in that hospital "don't expect me to wait for you" " Nate regretted every word of that last sentence as it came out of his mouth, but he knew it had to be said. She was never going to understand his devotion to their correlation.

"Can you believe that just happened? Blair said as she sat down on Chucks lap. She gave him a light kiss as a reminder of how happy she was with her life. "You know despite everything that just happened I'm actually really happy. Now everything can go back to how it was. You and me Nate and Serena, its like it was written in the stars the NJBC the way it should be. No outsides allowed, especially ones from Brooklyn" Blair said with a smile. "I just hope Serena is ready to fully love Nate the way he loves her."

"You and I both know how Serena feels about Nate. With everything out in the open and both with their hearts on their sleeves I'm sure everything will work out. They deserve each other" Chuck responded.

"I'm sure your right. Well at least this means I get to plan another wedding and this time I can actually be completely happy about it."

Back upstairs it still seemed like a turn for the worst.

"Serena I don't know what else to say"

"Just say you can understand what I'm saying Nate. You don't know how confusing this is for me. I love you too much to have to put you through this mess. This is not an easy decision for me to make but its one I have to. When we first started dating everything was so easy and fun, but do you remember how tense it got to the end? All the drama was because of me Nate and I don't want that to happen again. Nate please-" Serena stopped.

Nate couldn't take hearing anything else Serena had to say. He just looked at Serena and shook his head turned and walked out the door with his heart breaking for what seemed like the millionth time from the same girl.

A single tear fell from Serena's eyes as she watched the guy she loved walked out the door. Serena knew she loved Nate but she also knew she owed it to herself to make sure she was ready before she could fully give herself to Nate, because the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him more than the way she did 7 years ago.

Blair and Chuck looked up at the banister as they heard footsteps approaching, waiting to she what they thought would be Serena and Nate in absolute bliss. Just a single pair of black dress shoes hit the steps and walked down.

"Nate where's Serena?" Blair asked as she read the despaired look on his face, she then felt a little worried herself. "What happened she asked?"

"I don't know, you know I just don't understand her sometimes, but I need to leave I can't be here right now." Nate proceeded to walk to the door as Blair mouthed, "Go with him" to Chuck. Blair didn't know what to make of everything. From what she thought Serena felt the same way about Nate, I mean isn't that what she told her in the dining room. Blair rushed upstairs to get answers and to see if her best friend was ok for the second time that day.

Hey everyone I just wanted to say sorry for the delay with this chapter. Like I've said before I'm not a writer and it got really hard after Nate stopped the wedding. I guess I had adrenaline pumping from the finale so it came so easy with the first 3 chapters. I had this one done last week and after I had a friend read it we kind of decided the chapter ended to Disney-esque it was really bad and unrealistic. I felt that we kind of all wished Serena were a little stronger and independent. I didn't want it to seem to easy and fantasy if that makes any sense. I personally don't think this chapter was the best. I felt as though everything was being drawn out and I just wanted to wrap up the ends as much as possible. Other than that I hope you still enjoyed it and I'm going to try to get inspired and work harder with the next chapter

Happy New Year!