A/N: So Blue Peanut gave me these lyrics and the imagery just came together pretty quickly. I had the lines picked out before season 5's premiere, so bear with me. This is a song fic, fitting in nicely with the rest of Madness Behind the Words. Song is by Nik Kershaw. I know some of the dialog is not verbatim, it's called artistic license. Enjoy and please review. Don't own the boys, what they say, or the song, but it is on my play list! Thanks Gill. Oh, and this is set before the s5 premiere.

Wouldn't It Be Good

"Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Now Dean, go!" I grabbed him and ran, holdin' him tight. Knew then I was responsible for him for the rest of my life. The night my life changed forever. Seems so dam long ago. 'Nother lifetime. Hell, 'nother person. I changed then. No more time as a four year old, leanin' my head against my mommy's shoulder as she read about three bears. I grew up with my brother's head against my shoulder. I did the reading.

I got it bad

You don't know how bad I got it.

You got it easy

You don't know when you've got it good.

I watch him sittin' on the table, tears makin' his eyes shine. I hold the pistols in my hands, knowing his and mine from the weight. Don't even have to look at them. Have to think though, which one would I put in my mouth if I lose him. So instead of biting a bullet, I bite my tongue to keep from screaming and I decide to speak.

"I'm tired Sam. I'm tired of this job. This life. This weight on my shoulders, man, I'm tired of it."

It's getting harder

Just keeping life and soul together

The pistol cracked and the thing dived out the window and into the night. I watched dad rush to the bed and pull Sammy close. His chin rested on Sammy's curly hair and his eyes bored into mine.

"What happened?" He demanded.

"I-I'm sorry. I just went out. Just for a minute."

"I told ya not to leave this room. I told ya to watch after Sammy."

"I'm sorry." Not good enough if he had died.

I'm sick of fighting even though I know I should.

The cold is biting through each and every nerve and fiber.

I learned to shoot before I learned to write. Learned that keepin' Sammy safe was more important than me pullin' in my next breath. Learned that my baby brother meant everything to me.

"Hey, uh…Dean, you, um, you saved my life back there."

"Killin' that guy, killin' Meg- I didn't hesitate, I didn't even flinch. For you or dad, the things I'm willin' to do or kill, it just…it scares me sometimes."

He looks at me, and he's got the same look on his face that he did when he was a kid. It's Sammy. Those break my heart puppy dog eyes that he's so damn good at pulling off.

"You're my big brother. I've looked up to you since I was five years old. Wanted to be just like you."

My broken spirit is frozen to the core

I don't want to be here no more

The crackle of the flames, the roar of the fire, the heat that scorches us, fuels tempers and adrenaline, and I keep him back.

"He's still in there!"

"Sam, It's suicide!"

"I don't care!"

"I DO!"

"I gotta find that kid. If somethin' bad happens to him…"

I watch him cry out, sink to his knees. I hit mine just as he falls forward, catch him, prop him up. I messed up. Sorry. God I'm fuckin' sorry.

"Hey, It's not even that bad. It's not even that bad, alright? Gonna patch you up, make ya good as new." I pulled him outta the South Dakota mud.

Dad looks at me, saying the words I heard every day of my life, the words so ingrained in me I hear them before he says them, every time I look at my brother.

"Look after Sammy, Dean."

"Yeah, Dad, you know I will."

I couldn't. I'm sorry.

I picked him up and carried him out, shoulders back and straight even though I knew I failed. One job and I messed it up. Couldn't do it. One job and I failed. I knew I was done fighting if I lost him. I took him outta there as fast as I could, got him safe. Kept him in my arms till I laid him flat on that bed. I looked down. I ran away. When I got back, I saw him standing there, footprints in the dust.

"He's m'baby brother. I couldn't let him die."

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes even if it was for just one day?

And wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?

"You were right, you gotta have your own life."

"Are you serious?"

"You've always known what you want and you go after it. You stand up to Dad and you always have. Hell I wish I- anyway, I admire that about you. I'm proud of you Sammy."

The grass is always greener over there

Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care?

"He said that he…he wanted me to watch out for you. Take care of you."

"He told you that a million times."

"No, this time was different. He said that I had to…save you. And if I couldn't I'd…I'd have to kill you. He said that I might have to kill you Sammy."

The clock ticks away and I look at him, I see him, tears in his eyes. "Remember what Dad taught ya. Remember what I taught ya." The clock strikes midnight and we run. Side by side. Doesn't work. I hear him screamin' even over mine, until pain blocks it out, before I finally tell my dad "I looked out for Sammy. Did everything I could.

I wake up, not knowing what happened. Have to remember how to breathe when there's no air. Claw my way out and walk back to someone I know. I see my brother again.

Y'know, it's funny. You can act like you don't care. Don't give a rat's ass 'bout anything, and yet, when you look three feet to your right…

"Or your left."

…your whole world looks back atcha. And ya still have the weight on your shoulders. But you don't mind it.

You must be joking

You don't know a thing about it.

You've got no problems

I'd stay right there if I was you.

I got it harder

You couldn't dream how hard I got it.

I look at him, the fire at his back making my watering eyes sting more.

"I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about."

He puts his hand on my knee and squeezes.

Stay out of my shoes if you know what's good for you

The heat is stifling

Burning me up from the inside.

"I hate to say it, she's a sweet girl, but part of her is-"

"Evil?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, that's what they say about me, Dean."

The sweat is coming though each and every pore.

I don't want to be here no more. I don't' want to be here no more.

He stares at me, his eyes glinting. I return the look, blue green and cold. I feel the rage when he speaks.

"Well, I dunno when it happened. Maybe when I was in Hell, maybe when I was starin' right at you. But the Sam I knew, he's gone."

"That so?"

"And it's not the demon blood, or the psychic crap…it's the little things. The secrets and lies."

I don't want to be here no more.

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes even if it was for just one day?

"You were always Dad's perfect little soldier. I wanted to play soccer instead of practicing archery!"

I got it bad. You don't know how bad I got it…

I look at my brother, seeing fear, and forgiveness even before I speak. "I'm sorry." He grips my jacket, pulling me close. Part of me knows he'll never forget though.

"We gotta go. Now!"

"Lucifer. He's coming."