Disclaimer: I OWN CARDCAPTOR SAKURA!

cue for secret agents to barge into my secret hideout and take me into a maximum security 24-hour lock-down facility in the middle of nowhere

Okay, okay, I don't own it! Happy now?

Author's note: Hello everyone! After like an eternity of silence from yours truly I have finally gotten into my senses and made an ending for this fic. It might seem quite rushed and the story really undeveloped, and I'm sorry for that, but by the time that I told myself that I'd update I have totally lost track of what I wanted to happen next. Sowwy…

P.S.

Thank you, Aimee, for your review after like forever of my fic gathering dust in the archives of you don't know how much better the email notification in my account made me feel at such a dark point in my life. It was heaven to realize that something I made was remembered. You inspired me to finish this story.

Ai-Kusabana, thank you for reviewing, too! I'm glad you did because it just pushed me to finish this all, I was so happy to be remembered by two people nonetheless, two! Imagine that! TWO! Thank you! Although what's happening in this chapter would seem quite unusual for you.

Dark Qiviut, no need for apologies on your tardiness, and I guess I should be the one who should apologize for MY extreme tardiness. As always, thank you for your wise words and kind reviews.

And last but not the least, Icey, I don't know if you'll still even read this or not, but…I've updated again. I hope you'll still tell me what you think.

Chapter 4

He looked back at the clear pool of water which had just been witness to one of the most beautiful moments in his life, yet his mind was not in the present, he was wondering again.

No, this is not love. This is loneliness.

Love was what I felt for Sakura. This feels nowhere near that. Maybe that wasn't love as well. I don't know what love is. I have might never loved. I probably never will love. This is what my life is. This is what my life will always probably be, this crippling loneliness that has torn me apart silently, little-by-little, making me this silent, unfeeling, brooding assassin. But who do I kill? I kill no one but myself. These deep waters will never drown me, and I will never drown myself in them. Ropes will not stop the breath of life that radiates from my lips, and I will never hang myself with them. Knives will never drain the blood that rushes through my pulse, and I will never sever the beat in my wrists that says I'm alive. I am dry and out of the waters, I am breathing, and the beat that is in my hands is strong and vibrant. No blood flows out of me, yet I'm drowning, I'm choking, I'm bleeding. I am slowly dying this silent death that does not leave me lifeless, it leaves me empty… empty and wanting. What is there to life when I'm not feeling? What worth is it to live everyday when I just retire to the full, and soft, and comfortable respite that I call my bed, and gaze up at the ceiling and feel nothing but the emptiness that is numbing me, knowing that tomorrow will just be the same? What makes life so hard to live all you need to do is live by the usual monotony or everyday and wait for the lulling reprieve of death? Life is not worth living anymore, is it? I feel like this and I know fully well that it is not my fault. I have let myself sink into the pits of this emotionless void, and I never tried to pull myself up back when I still could, now there's nowhere to go but deeper. Yet I'm starting to feel something, but it is not pleasant. I'm starting to feel pain.

flashback

"Who do you love Li-kun?"

"I love no one."

"Promise me you'll marry me, Li-kun. Promise me that until you find someone you love, you'll be with me."

"Whatever."

"Say you promise it!"

"I promise…Now go play somewhere else."

end of flashback

Meilin-san…You have grown so much, yet I know that you're still you, and I know that you still love me, you have told me so, and it pains me to hurt you, although I will try my best never to. It kills me enough to ask why can't I love you? Why can I never feel the same way you do towards me? It pains me so to think that I might never love you, but keep this in mind Meilin, I will keep my promise. I can never love anyone. I will be with you forever…or even just the empty shell that I am.

This might be the end, or it might not be, I still don't know, yet. What do you think?