SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE CHAPTER 4- THRONE OF LUNACY
Author Communication Note Whatever Thing- I originally was reluctant to start writing this chapter because I wanted some intricate plot with all these different levels. Then I realized, no one is reading this for a story of politics. Now I'm aiming to continually do what no K-On! Fanfiction has done before; for better or worse. That means there will be metal, because I have write all this metal to make up for how none of my peers have it in theirs!
VIVA LA FANFICTION!
"They stole...everything..." Sawako blinked as we informed of her what happened.
"That's right, they even took Ton-chan!" Ritsu shouted in anger. We were in the room that the teachers used to do stuff other than teaching, like paper work and what not. On the way down, I had showed them my musical score for Classicalo, which Yui agreed was better than NO, Thank You since it had more than 10 notes in the guitar solo. This song had 12.
Sawako gave us a helpless look, "I'm not sure what I can do about that, you five aren't the only ones who have had this happen. It pains me to say this, but I really don't know anything about it, or who's behind it. In fact, now every class I advise has had everything stolen."
"This makes no sense. How could someone steal all this stuff without anyone noticing!" Azusa growled, obviously frustrated.
"No one knows, and even fewer are upset about it. It's just so strange." Sawako answered, looking completely defeated, "If Manabe was here to run the student council, we could figure this out. Today, after school, they vote for a new president and only a few clubs are left with eligible presidents to be voters."
"Is Ricchan eligible?" I asked.
Sawako slowly shook her head, "I'm afraid with nothing to do, The Light Music Club is currently not a club. So only one person will be there to vote for the only presidential candidate."
"Who are those two?" Mio, Azusa, and I asked in unison.
"I don't remember, let me see..." Sawako answered, then searched her desk for a sheet of paper, then read it out loud, "The only eligible voter is the Viking Metal Club's president, Kusakabe Satsuki...and... this can't be right..."
"What is it?" Ritsu asked from over her shoulder.
Sawako looked at us all, then spoke, "It says the presidential candidate is the president of the Demon Metal Club, Mugitsu Kotobuki. The Demon Metal Club was formed last week, just before the Black Metal Club, Death Metal Club, and Heavy Metal club disbanded, it already has 250 members... and wait... isn't Mugitsu Kotobuki the name of your sister, Mugi?"
"She...isn't-" I stopped when I realized that if I told them that I made Mugitsu up, they would realize that I lied about all those things that happened in my last tale, "I mean, yes...but she's in Espoo, Finland right now vacationing at Lake Bodom forever!"
"Tell her to avoid men catering lemonade." Ritsu told me.
"Well, it says here she's leading the school's biggest club." Sawako grimly replied, "What scares me the most is the prospect of a Demon Metal band forming locally."
"Demon Metal, is that even real?" Azusa raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, even deep fried southern stoner pirate death rock sounds more believable." I wasn't really believing this either. Sawako stood up, took off her glasses, and whispered in a low voice.
"Come with me..." She beckoned, and slowly began walking across the room. Not knowing what else to do, the five us followed her into what looked to be the janitor's closet. It was cramped, reeked of cleaning supplies, and was very dark.
"Why are we in here?" Mio whimpered, probably terrified of the dark.
"Mio, you're standing on my foot!" Ritsu shouted.
"No that's me." I corrected.
"Actually, those are my feet you're standing on, Mugi-senpai." Azusa said from below me.
"How could you tell?" I asked.
"Your princess feet are easy to identify." Azusa answered.
"Thank you, that made my day." I smiled.
Ritsu laughed, "Yeah I could tell if it was you, because Mio has fat feet that-"
I didn't hear what she said because someone thought it would a good idea to punch me in the face. That was right, someone's knuckles slammed into my lower jaw, shoving my lips into my teeth and sending me flying back. After falling backwards onto something soft and squishy, I looked up into the darkness and squeaked, "Ow!"
"Oh, God, I hit Mugi, didn't I!" Mio gasped in horror.
"'fraid so." I struggled to say. The taste of blood was strong in my mouth now.
"I meant to hit Ritsu, but your princess mouth happened to intercept my blow...I'm sorry." Mio sounded like she was about to cry.
"The taste of my own blood does not upset me." I boldly declared like the viking warrior I was.
"You're bleeding!" Mio gasped again.
"Yes. Want to kiss it to make it feel better?" I suggested, and crossed my fingers.
"No...that's okay." She muttered, and I heard her take a few steps backwards. Wiggly Wombats! I was so close too!
From under me, I heard someone's muffled voice, it appeared to be Sawako, "M-Mugi...you're head is on my boobs."
"Huh, it is, isn't?" I realized as well. So that was what I was laying my head on. They were quite comfortable and I felt no desire to change my current position.
"Yes, please move." Sawako replied.
"Do I have to?" I pouted.
"Yes." She repeated, and pretty much shoved me off. Now that my head was firmly removed for her chest, she brought up the previous topic, "As I mentioned before, I am deeply worried about the advent of a Demon Metal club."
"Is Demon Metal like death metal?" Yui was the one to ask.
"No, death metal is nothing compared to this." Sawako replied, making us all gasp in horror, "Demon Metal is a genre that very few people have ever tried to dabble into, and even fewer have lived to tell the tale. It was rumored that the first Demon Metal band had a line up including Lucifer on vocals, Yog-Sothoth on drums, Charon on bass, and Tarasque on guitar; but Tarasque quit the band to finish college and was replaced by Hel. Their band name was supposedly so brutal, that if spoken aloud, it would destroy the sanity of mortal men...so we gave them the mortal name Scribbles And The Unfriendly Werewolves."
"Why are we in the closet for this?" Azusa interrupted.
"Because people who tell this story have a nasty habit of winding up dead." Sawako said in a low, scary voice, "Back to the history lesson. Other musicians have tried playing Demon Metal, but all have failed because it requires you to have open bleeding wounds to play. The only one who have successfully been a Demon Metal musician was the old singer for Mayhem, and we all know what happened with him. Everywhere Demon Metal bands go, death and destruction follows. We've already seen what has happened recently with the clubs falling apart and Nodoka getting dethroned. All signs point to Demon Metal."
"What happened to the guy from Mayhem?" Yui was the one to ask again.
Sawako paused a moment before answering, "Oh, he starved himself, would wear buried clothes, kept dead animals around, and then shot himself in the face. I can't say his name, because you're apparently not allowed to use the names of non-fictional characters in fanfiction here."
The subtle sound of swishing hair marked Ritsu shaking her head in the dark, "No, no, you're just not allowed to use them in situations. Names are fine."
I heard Azusa sigh in relief, "That's good, because I didn't want our cataloged adventures to be untold. Although a certain someone made a certain one liner in a certain story."
"Up-tup-tup, that's enough of that." Mio quickly ended their foray into an unfunny realm of a wrecking ball destroying least vital walls.
"Up-tup-tup, is that what you said?" Ritsu asked her.
"Let's discuss this out of the closet." Azusa suggested.
"D'aww, I was having fun cuddling with Azu-nyan over here." Yui sighed in disappointment, but didn't understand it was me she was really cuddling with.
"No, Yui-chan, that's me you're lovingly latched a hold to." I had to tell her. Much to my cuddly dismay, she instantly released me from her well-trained huggle grip, and took a step backwards. Azusa yelped in what much have been mild pain and shock, hinting that her little footsie had been trampled upon by a retreating Yui.
"Maker's Breath! I could have sworn you were Azu-nyan." Yui remarked in awe.
"No, I am most certainly Mugi." I assured her.
"I can't see how I got that wrong."
"It happens from time to time. I am a very malleable person, one can understand how I would be mistook for someone else in the throes of a hug." This was not the first time this had happened either. Even in the light, Yui had hugged me from behind more than once. How someone could possibly mistake my flowing long, blonde, chainmail hair for loose, bouncy Komodo Dragon Tails was beyond me. Still, I would not look a gift hug in the mouth...Do hugs have mouths? I think they did.
Putting this nonsense aside, we vacated this realm of closeness in the dark, and vowed never to speak of what had transpired inside that small room. As we traversed across the Teacher's offices, Ritsu gave a Mio a smirk and smugly said, "It looks like you're finally coming out of the closet."
SMACK!
Once again, Mio had mistook me for the hairbandee and delivered a swift fist of vengeance to the oppressed space that was my face. Being that this was now the second time that Mio had saw fit to punch me in Mugi-face (which is different from normal, mundane faces), I was beginning to suspect that she was actually enjoying hitting me just as much I liked being hit. This was all taking place in my head in a sort of slow motion, and my thoughts carried into a weird sort of poetic verse as her fist pushed me backwards in this weird slower version of time, Feel your fist... on my face... you hate this, I feel great.
"Mugi I'm so sorry, I can't see how I missed that!" Mio gasped in horror as I did a rather impressive flip onto the hardwood floor. Other people were gasping, and asking me if I were okay, scolding Mio as well. I was fine, physical pain brought me no discomfort.
"It's cool..." I woozily assured her, and was helped to me feet. It was time or class, or at least to attempt learning in this environment of anarchy and banditry with the way the clubs were. The structured aspect of the classes proved to be an easing balm after the suddenness of the student council collapse and grand theft club items. When the lessons were ceased, and breaks administered, the class gossip quickly turned to this subject. People from all clubs were equally distraught over the loss of all their things, given that most of them were of personal, sentimental, and high monetary value. I still had my keyboard, named after that enemy in the Monster Manual that had probably never been used in any campaign ever. I played with groups who seemed to believe that the drow and their mooks were the only things that existed in fantasy games. I played a paladin who fell in love with a drow named Carmina (made me become a black guard), and we ran away together to live romantically in the Underdark. However, her evil sister used two iron golems to rip Duchess Mugi-Chan The Pervy Elf Fancier in three pieces. This is why I refuse to play any games that Ritsu GM's, they all end in horrible death for me. I was pressing my friends to try out a Dark Heresy game I had thought up, but they were thoroughly intent on playing World of Darkness, which I utterly loathed. Woo! Tangent!
To pry me from my thoughts, that one girl who sat near me, right next to Yui, and had the dirty blonde hair and a name I had never bothered to learn was shouting about something, "Someone needs to do something, my Tama Starclassic cost me half my college tuition and now it's gone!"
"Just for the kit, or does that include all the heads, and cymbals?" That dark haired girl she was friends with, whose named I also didn't know, asked.
"Just for the kit!" She shouted, then lowered her voice to a grumble, "Why hasn't anyone called the police, we know who did this."
"We do!" I piped up a just a little too loudly, head turned towards me in all directions.
Mystery Name Angry Girl changed her tone to an obnoxiously fake laugh, "That's right Mugi-chan, we know exactly where all the...cake...is..."
"What?" I just blinked. The bell for lunch rang, and people quickly forgot about that spasm as they went to go stuff their faces with over priced mediocre food. I would have gladly made my friends a Mugi meal, but they stole our table. I was walking out just behind Mio when Mystery Name Angry Girl pulled me back.
"Are you trying to get us killed!" She hissed in a low voice.
"No, I just want my table back." I whimpered. She groaned in disgust and released me.
"So you don't know about the Demon Metal Club then?"
I shook my head, "Oh no, I know all about that."
"But you...Never mind, of course you would know all about it, your sister is their lead guitarist." Mystery Name Angry Girl was now on a tangent, "But surely the keyboardist of The Light Music Club would be too much of a wuss to play Demon Metal..." Heyyy! "...Nonetheless align herself with them...but you're still sisters. Tell me Lady Tsumugi, where do you allegiances lie?"
"Allegiances?" I blinked again, "Oh, I know what you mean. I'm aligned with the forces of cake, cuteness, and bass guitars tuned so low in the mix you can't even hear them. If you don't mind me asking, what is your name?"
"Tachibana Himeko." She answered, and gave me a strange look, "Wait, you didn't know my name?"
"No."
"We've been in the same class since sixth grade though."
"Sorry, I never really knew you."
"You voted for me to play Romeo in the school play!"
"I had thought we were raising our hands to not vote for you."
"I'm the only one you ever told about what you and Mio did in the club room in Fuwa Fuwa Lessons, how do you not know my name!"
My face turned red and I felt rather guilty about not ever learning it, "I'm sorry, to me you were always just the girl who would stare at Yui in class while licking her lips."
"Oh boy, I get that a lot. Look, my affection towards Yui is in a completely non-consensual manner and-" Himeko was about to go off on a tangent, so I had to stop her.
"So yeah, you know about the Demon Metal club. I thought that was supposed to be a secret." I talked over her before she could disclose to me what her fantasies with Yui were. This was karma for telling this potentially random person about the Fuwa Fuwa Lessons Mio had given me; she seemed trust worthy at the time though.
"It was...until they made it become personal." She replied in a slow dramatic voice, walking across the class room to look all emotional while staring out the window, "About a month ago, I got an invitation into a club, a 'Demon Metal Club' through a letter taped to my drum kit's snare drum. Only two people know I play drums, and one of them was an exchange student that left long ago, and the other couldn't be a messenger for the Demon Metal Club; she hasn't even heard of Severe Torture."
"Oh come on, even I know them." I put in.
"Of course, because they're like Cannibal Corpse if Cannibal Corpse decided to be better." There was a hint of smuggy arrogance in her voice, "At the time, I was a member of the Softball Club, but it's always been my dream to play drums for a death metal band. Sadly, my parents smashed all my Autopsy albums because they had a guy ripping a girls intestines out with her teeth, and other had a man engaging in corpophilia."
"That's horrible!" I gasped.
"That's the point!" Himeko shouted, and slammed her fists down on a desk, "I wanted to be brutal, to live a life of dark debauchery. I tried joining the Viking Metal Club, but they turned me away for not being Scandinavian enough. Stuck with only Softball, and a crappy part time job, I gave the Demon Metal Club a chance, before they decided to start a quest of conquest. Lady Tsumugi, it's a good thing I got out while I could, that Mugitsu changes people. She looks at things from a different way, talks of bringing back The Great Old Ones of metal, names I haven't even heard. Bands so brutal, so dark, that just a fifteen second sample of one of their songs made my ears bleed. These kids she's recruited, they follow her because she doesn't let them out, and they tricked themselves into believing she is some kind of goddess. Heck, she probably thinks she is herself. I think you're the only thing she's afraid of though."
"Me?" I gasped.
"Yes, she mentioned your name more than once. Something about you stealing her power I dunno."
Then I asked the most important question, "Why didn't anyone tell anybody about this? This seems almost dangerous, why is it that I just now heard about it all?"
"Secrecy is one of their biggest values, and General Satsuki Kusakabe enforces it with an iron fist." She answered me, but I still didn't feel any better. "None of this matters though, soon she will have her place on the Student Council, and will annex all the clubs to her cause. This is the end of days my dear friend."
"No!" I cried out in anger, inverting my eyebrows for emphasis, "We have to do something about this! Too many things got wronged, and I need to find a way to fix it. Help me Himeko!"
Himeko gave a sorrowful sigh, "I wish I could Lady Tsumugi, but the vote for the president is after school, and Mugitsu will be too powerful after that. There would be no way to stop the club."
She was wrong, there had to be a way. Mugitsu wasn't even a real person, just something I had fabricated in a haste. Someone was trying to slander my good name, and that meant it was up to me to stop them, "Let's get as many people to vote as we can, tell all the club presidents to show up."
"Lady Tsumugi, you don't seem to understand, they took everything. Nothing is left for anyone, no clubs are functioning. If they were, it would only take one to upset the vote and dethrone her." And those were the magic words.
I stared her in the eyes, and smiled, "Then Himeko, let's go start ourselves a club."
She smiled back at me, "It's so obvious that it would maybe work. We would just need two more people..."
At that moment, Azusa stepped past the doorway with Jun behind her, "Hey Mugi-senpai, are you going to come eat with us?"
"Food can wait, we need you two!" I cried out, and rushed up to them.
"M-Mugi-senpai, I thought I made it clear that I'm not okay with that sort of thing." Azusa stuttered and took a step backwards.
"What are you talking about? Himeko and I just need you two so we can go and stop whoever is posing as my sister from taking over the school clubs, and possibly be trying to summon Cthulu." I clarified for her.
"How do we do that?" Jun-butt asked me.
"Simple, we make another club." I answered.
"But I like the Jazz Club..." She pouted, obviously not hooked.
"Look, there won't be a Jazz Club if you don't help us!" I had to use my 'Mugi Growl' to intimidate her, "Azusa-chan, listen too, because I won't repeat myself. The last few days have been plagued with completely nonsensical unrelated events that I have had nothing to do with, and even less power to stop. Some relic seeking cult wants me dead, I'm now part of a government agency, Mother is going through menopause or something, and this club nonsense is making it worse. Now, all I want is to give everyone the best darn Christmas of their lives, except you Jun, and this is going to ruin it. So let me make it clear, we're not saving the school, we're saving Christmas!"
After a moment of pensive silence at my words, Azusa slowly spoke, "S-She's right, if we don't stop all the clubs from being abolished for good, then no one will. Everyone loves their clubs, and will probably become drug users and NEETs quickly if they aren't back soon."
Himeko nodded, "Well spoken little guitar playing girl who makes me jealous when she's around Yui."
"But what kind of club will we make, and won't our stuff just get stolen?" Jun asked.
"Good question." I lied, "Don't worry guys, I have a plan for a club that doesn't require anything..."
SKIP AHEAD TEN MINUTES...
"Remember, everyone, stay in character." I whispered as we passed through the doors into the teacher's offices. I gave Sawako a big wave and called out, "Greetings Lady Yamanaka! A pleasant afternoon to you my dear. Formalities aside, my company and I have come to thee with a humble request."
Sawako looked horribly embarrassed as her coworkers glared at her, then us, then back to her. We walked to her desk, and she immediately began scolding us in a low voice, "What are you doing! You can't just walk in here and start saying weird things like that."
"Apologies noble lady." I replied with a bow, "Himeko 'Loose Socks' Tachibana here has drafted a scroll that she wishes you to read. It took her all of three dungeons to gain the experience needed to gain the 'scribe scroll' feat, being that she is a rogue."
"Rogue/shadow dancer." Loose Socks corrected me.
"Apologies." I nodded as she handed Sawako a folded piece of paper.
"Do I even want to know?" Sawako muttered, still embarrassed, and read the paper out loud, "Wait, this is a club request form...The Live Action Roleplaying Club with you four as the members? Is this some kind of joke?"
"Nay, we do not jest." Azu-nyan, Heirophant Of The High Forest and leader of the NyanNyan Tribe answered.
"Tis true ma'laday." The Good Dwarf Jun assured her. Sadly, we hadn't the time to find her a proper fake beard.
"We are on a quest to stop my dread half-sibling Mugitsu from using the power of our father's blood to rule Baldur's Gate and instigate a brutal war with Amn. We need this scroll signed by your Grace so that I may represent our noble group in the council of clubs to stop her from claiming regency." I explained, all in character.
Sawako gave me a knowing smile, and signed herself as the adviser of the club, "Well, I can't put a stop to such imagination. Just behave alright? Oh, and would your president 'Duchess Mugi-chan The Pervy Elf Fancier' please visit the Student Council room after school. All the presidents have to be there for a vote."
"I shall accommodate your wishes my Grace." I nodded, then turned to lead my adventuring party out of the room.
"We handled that well." Azusa remarked as we stepped into the hall.
"Why did I have to be the dwarf?" Jun pouted.
"For your stone sense, how would we tell if walls were rigged with traps without a dwarf?" I answered with a question.
"My search skill is like +15, I can find traps easily." Himeko put in.
"Couldn't I had least gotten to be a bard? I mean I play bass, not swing great axes around." Jun-butt continued to complain.
"Then we would have two arcane casters, and your spells would completely fall short compared to mine. Just when you learn how to Mass Suggest, I'm tossing around Horrid Wiltings." I had to explain to her, because she just wasn't getting it.
"Think we can find another side quest to wrack up enough XP for another level?" Azusa asked.
"Doubt it, besides, why do you want a level so bad?" I asked, further contributing to this endless cycles of asking.
"My animal companion gets another two hit dice and an armor class bonus." She answered, and patted her animal companion, Yui, on the head.
"Am I good riding dog?" Yui asked her, then stuck her tongue out to mimic a dog panting.
"Eh, you'll do until I can summon fire elementals."
AFTER SCHOOL VOTING TIME
We made our club's purpose known, and quickly ceased the role-playing, because Jun was being a rules lawyer and ruining all the fun. Not to mention, it didn't quite play out the way I expected it to. Normally role-playing is shunned, but got 35 club applications to join in about two hours. I didn't really have the heart to tell them that we were just making up this club to save the school, and that you can't live action role-play 3.5 edition Dungeons and Dragons, because there are too many rules. Walking around in costumes arguing the stacking effects of meta-magic feats isn't exactly exciting to be honest. In fact, none of this was exciting.
School ended, and I managed to get through the day without thinking too hard about stuff. My clubmate buddy friend pals decided that since they didn't have any instruments to play, they would go down to the mall and play the Rockband 3 demo while drinking tea. While that sounded pretty flippin' awesome, I had a job as the president of my new club to focus on. We once rented Rockband 2 back when it was the cool, hip game to play on Eckbawks. That summer we decided we would go and try to learn how to play every single song in that game in alphabetical order by band name. Yui had come up with the idea, and the first song on the list for us to learn on our instruments was one called Visions by Abnormality. The song was so awful that it literally made my ears bleed. We proceeded to then break the game disc, burn it, then never speak of it again.
"Mugi-chan joined a different club!" Yui gasped in terror, apparently forgetting she had taken part in our activities for part of the day, "What about the Light Music Club!"
"I'm working with this club to save our club." I told her with my hands at my hips, and my chest puffed out.
"How does that work?" Ritsu was the one to ask. By the way, we were all standing outside by that one statue that's supposed to be of our headmaster, but doesn't actually look like him. Right now it was sporting a United States Marine helmet, with camouflage face paint. I was impressed.
"I can't tell you." I couldn't tell her, "But me, Himeko-san, Azusa-chan, and Jun are going to fix everything."
"I thought you hated Jun." The drummer, our drummer, cocked an eyebrow.
I put an arm around Ritsu and replied, "No, no, no...I don't hate Jun...I just hate everything she does, her being around Azusa-chan, and when she says words."
"I'm right here you know." Jun-butt frowned.
"Wow." Yui blinked, "I didn't expect Mugi-chan to be so hateful."
I let go of Ricchan and just shook my head while smiling, "No, no, no, Yui-chan. I don't hate anything, just except all those things I mentioned. But I make up for it by loving everything else in the world, get it?"
"I do!" Yui smiled, probably not getting it.
Himeko broke off our exchange with her dead serious demeanor, "This is cool and all, but Kotobuki-sama, you need to go and stop your evil sister from taking over the school and fulfilling like half the prophecies in the Book of Revelations, bringing about the End Of Days!"
"You're right." I slammed my fist in to my palm, "But first there is something I must do."
"Make it quick."
"What was that about the apocalypse?" Ritsu asked, but was mostly ignored.
I grabbed Mio, hand looked into her eyes and spoke, "Mio, there is something I need to tell you..."
"Y-Yes?" Mio stuttered, looking quite nervous.
Taking a deep breath, I told her something I had been meaning to tell her for a long time. "Mio-chan, did you know that if a dog swallows something bad for its stomach, like a battery, it will projectile vomit up to a full liter of liquid!" I added to my description by added a "bleh!" sound effect, that came off as more adorable than anything else. Often was I cursed with being more cute and lovable instead of brutal and cruel like my old friend Miyuki.
"Mugi-senpai, that's disgusting!" Azusa scolded.
Mio put her hands over her ears, crouched down, and began reciting, "I didn't hear anything, I didn't hear anything, I didn't hear anything."
Now, over the course of my time in this fine learning establishment, I head learned one important piece of information. For whatever reason, Akiyama Mio wore very, very short skirts. Ritsu did the same thing, but she drummed and drumming in pants was a pain in the rear apparently. Mio had no excuse, and even Yui wore tights to counteract the shortness of her skirt. What this meant was that while Mio was crouched, I had a perfect view of her panties. Blue and white, cotton striped; this made my day.
I realized that if someone was somehow reading my thoughts, or was reading about them in some sort of strange fan written fiction written by an author who no doubt was a social degenerate, most on lookers would be put off by my recurring incidents of "gay". To put it bluntly, no, I wasn't gay. I enjoyed watching concert videos of all male bands where the keyboardist and guitarist would kiss on stage. I thought Gackt was sexy and- okay, that wasn't true. But men had appeared in my erotic fiction written about my friends! Albeit, they didn't take place in any of the "erotic" parts, that was mostly Ritsu and Mio. In fact, Ritsu's brother even got a line dialogue in one of my stories, that proved I wasn't gay!
And writing homo-erotic stories between your friends was something a perfectly normal person would do.
I said goodbye to my friends as they left for the train or bus station, I forgot which. Jun, Azusa, and the other one whose name I already forgot came with me as I went to save the school with my presidential powers. They would wait outside and help if anything went wrong. I was dealing with Mugitsu, who somehow ended up becoming real. During my charade, I came up with a deep back story for Mugitsu, and she was not someone I would want to mess with.
Kotobuki Mugitsu had been born in Finland, right on the murder site of those three teenagers who were killed at Lake Bodom, right at the edges of its icy shores. I didn't really come up with a reason as to why my twin sister was born in a different country than me, but that wasn't important. Anyway, the only thing Mugitsu cared about was death metal, blood, pain, and roguelikes, which were a horrible mix of the first three things. Mugitsu would sit around spending her preteen days playing Iter Vehemens ad Necem while listening to just about every death metal album she could. People like George Fisher, Trevor Strnad, James Malone, Dennis Schreurs, Eric Cutler, Tomas Lindberg, and Anders Fridén were her idols, and she thoroughly believed the things in their songs were based off of real things they had done. I had four hours to compile those names, and remember them too. Raising herself in a tenement in Helsinki, she grew up on death metal and black coffee, which turned her into the person she was today. The reason Mother disowned her is because she would kill little baby animals and do all kinds of scary things that made me wet myself if I thought about them too much.
As I walked to the Student Council room, I was coming to realize that I must have been some sort of wizard. Normally when I thought things, they didn't come true. If they came true, our band would be called Tsumugi's Harem. But no, the one time I get to use wizard powers to create something, I spawn a horrible demon woman who wants to ruin life. COOL, just COOL.
"Kotobuki-san, I'm glad to see you could make it." It was Sawako who greeted me in the council room.
"Sawa-chan, what are you doing here?" I asked, and took a seat at one of the many empty chairs. No one else was there yet.
"I'm hosting this voting session." She answered, "I looked through the school rules, and apparently there is nothing saying you can't vote for yourself. Mugitsu is no doubt taking advantage of this."
"But I want Nodoka to be the president!" I instantly objected.
"That's up to you." Sawako told me, looking kind of nervous about all of this. I quickly pointed that out.
"Is something wrong Sawa-chan?"
She gave an over exaggerated sigh, "Yes, this could be the end of all clubs, and there's a scary band rising from their ashes."
"Oh, that again." I thought it was going to be something different. There was a strange noise in the air, a slow picked sad sounding electric guitar. The double doors into the classroom burst open, and that guitar exploded into fast, scary, pinched notes. I couldn't see the source, which was rather frightening. Marching through the door was a black haired woman with big bushy black brows, equally black hair, and the kanji for Mugitsu written on her forehead over her white painted face. My fictional twin sister was dressed in black robes that looked like something you'd see on a level 80 forsaken necromancer. I had seen something like that at the store Hot Topic, but that was a silly store that sold silly things for silly people. However, that fit because Mugitsu was a silly person.
"Good afternoon." Mugitsu said in her strange not-Japanese accent that was really hard for me to explain. She was flanked by two members of the Viking Metal Club, one of which had been my old general, Satsuki.
"H-Hello, Mugitsu." Sawako said in a love voice, clearly fearing the physically inept teenage girl. Mugitsu was not a big person, and she probably couldn't have beaten me in an arm wrestling contest; or fencing match for that matter.
"I am here to place my vote as supreme ruler of all the pathetic things your kind hold dear." My fictional twin sister who somehow existed spoke in a low, almost hissing voice, "With no one to stop my rise to glorious power, I shall crush your pathetic race of man between my vitamin D deprived fingers. My army shall control all the resources, and with that we shall forge the most brutal band of all time. The sound of our epic demonic metal from hell will quite literally destroy the sun, plunging all life into eternal darkness! BEHOLD THE EXTINCTION OF MAN, AHAHAHAHAHHA!"
"Okay...so one vote for Mugitsu Kotobuki." Sawako muttered, and wrote something on a piece of paper. During that long bit of rather cliché monologue, I realized a few things. First off, the sun was some 93 million miles from the earth (that's right, I used the imperialist system!), and space was a vacuum. While I couldn't be sure, I believed that sound couldn't travel through vacuums like that, nonetheless over a course of 93 million miles; even with a really good Marshall half-stack. Also...
"That's not Mugitsu, that's Kataktitis-san, the woman that I framed after blaming all those lies on Mugitsu!" I pointed out.
"How can you be sure?" Sawako asked me, then talked again before I could answer, "Kataktitis went back to Greece earlier this year, and that sounds like a Finnish-Japanese accent."
"No!" I shouted and shook my head, "Mugitsu had a Finnish-Japanese accent, and look, she has a Rotting Christ patch on her purse!" Which wasn't a Mugi-purse of course, Mugitsu would have one.
"So?" Kataktitis raised an eyebrow that had been stylized after my own.
"Mugitsu hates black metal, and Rotting Christ is a Greek black metal band. Kataktitis was the president of the Black Metal Club, and was from Greece. This isn't just a coincidence!" I explained to Sawako.
"So, do I put you down as voting for Nodoka or yourself?" Sawako answered after a few seconds.
"Were you listening to any of that!" I shouted.
My teacher just shrugged, "You said a lot of big fancy foreign words that I didn't understand. Sorry, but I don't really care about your Cat Attack Tea Tits."
"Kataktitis! It's not that hard to pronounce!" My voice squeaked as I got angrier, my face turning a bright red.
"So is that a yes for voting for Nodoka?" Sawako didn't look up from her paper.
It was a third person who interrupted me this time, "Wait! I am now president of a different club!" It was Himeko again, and I was glad that I finally remembered her name. I was also glad because I realized the source of that music, one Kataktitis' varyags was playing the album We Are The Nightmare by Arsis through her iPlad, which was different than a certain product sold by a company named after a fruit. This device had a checkered plad decal, which made it a different product apparently, even if Apple's logo was clearly visible.
"Himeko, you came to my rescue!" I smiled, because no matter who I voted for, it would have been a tie between me and Kataktitis.
"No." My ally shook her head, "I am placing my vote for Mugitsu as school president."
"Who came up with these school rules for politics anyway!" I screamed in frustration.
Sawako checked something off on that piece of paper, looking completely defeated, "It's true Tsumugi, Himeko formed a club after you did. It's the Drummer's Enthusiast Club, and it doesn't require anything that could be stolen to be part of."
"Where did she find three members?" I asked. Bitter betrayal didn't really feel good, felt bad man. It felt like every time I tried to get something done, I either had it stolen, got drafted into the military, or was betrayed. To answer my questions, the three other members of that club made themselves know. One of which I was familiar with, "Ricchan, you're bringing about the apocalypse!"
Ritsu waved her arms defensively, "How was I supposed to know that joining this club would sponsor the very same person who stole my drums!"
I pointed at the flier on the wall next to her that I had just noticed myself.
"Like drums? Had your kit recently stolen? Come join the Drummer Enthusiast Club, and help sponsor Mugitsu Kotobuki so she can become the tenth ruler of Hell! You might even get your drums back!"
All in all, that was terrible advertising. The colored pencil drawn pictures of Mugitsu standing over a mountain of corpses wearing the same uniforms as us certainly didn't leave me wanting to join. After reading it, Ritsu acted even more defensive, "It's not my fault! They bribed me with a book that would teach me how to paradidles right!"
I slammed my palm into my face, "Ricchan, the pattern for those is just right, left, right, right, left, right, left, left. You could have figured that out using Google, you didn't need to sabotage all the clubs for it!"
"I didn't know any better!" Ritsu cried, "And while I'm at it, you're really adorable when you're angry, Mugi-chan, so I'm very tempted to provoke you further!"
"While I am flattered, your compliment does not lighten the situation." I said with my arms crossed, "AHEM, Kataktitis, is there some way I could reconcile with you so that you do not go through with your shallow, petty, and overall stupid plan?"
The Greek metal lover smiled, "Why my dear sister, why do you insist on using that name? But if you really wish to end without conflict, I know of a way we could barter. Well, not exactly barter, but complete for school's clubs. If you win, I cease all my monopolies and hand them over to you..."
"...And if you win at whatever it is we're competing with?" I asked her, dreading the answer.
"I want Hirasawa Yui." Kataktitis/Mugitsu grinned wider.
Himeko shouted from behind me, "No! Yui is mine, do not agree to that Mugi!"
I gave Himeko a grave look, "I cannot oblige your wishes. You betrayed me, and your stalking of one my friends frightens me. It frightens me so much that I would feel safer with Yui in her hands."
"Is this even legal?" Sawako asked.
I simply shrugged, "I do not know fair teacher of mine, but I must do this. Katak- err, Mugitsu! What are the terms of the contest."
Kataktitis/Mugitsu crossed her arms and kept up her evil smile of death and decay (as in she didn't brush her teeth), "I challenge you to a rock off, just give me one chance to rock your socks off."
I agreed.
But the joke was on her.
I wasn't wearing socks.
