Kintsugi

(金継ぎ)

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(n.) lit. "to repair with gold"; the art of fixing broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer

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I should have thought all of this through.

Sixteen-year-old Tachikawa Mimi stares at me in horror, lips parted, honey eyes wide - the same expression she wore during that fated afternoon. Of course she's shocked, Yamato, I remind myself so as not to snap at the dumb look on her face. I am the last person she probably expected to be her company. If anything, this is the first time I'm actually - consciously - making a memory with Tachikawa. It was always her bidding the first greetings in mornings, the starter of small talks between us, the initiator of thoughtless banter. My very observant and nosy brother has pointed out this very one-sided dynamic between me and the girl. Always Mimi. Never was never me, until this. I can't help but wonder now what's going on inside her head - maybe she expected Taichi or Sora or Koushiro - but never me, never Yamato.

Never me.

Ahh.. That reminder is making me sour again.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," I tell her, once again a deja vu. I am pretty sure I've heard someone say it before. Mimi and I both look away as we try to brush off our embarrassment. Should really have expected this.

She blinks and blushes. I find it rather cute, it's rare to see Mimi so flustered. From mere observation, it's always the guy who gets all bothere - hold up, Ishida. What did you just..?

"Ehh, that's not it," she retorts, folds her arms and bobs her head to the side as she pouts at me. Cute."Yamato-san, were you about to go inside?"

Like an idiot I daze at the sight of her, hands sweaty and blood rushing to my face, my heartbeat.. faster. This is nothing new though. Mimi always has this effect on people she's with - even the girls. Still. it doesn't help my agenda..Get a grip, you're 26 years old!

I really should have thought of this more thoroughly, I tell myself all over again as I tug my tie. Here we are, facing each other, and the school bell rings once more just to fill in the silence between us. The hallway is eerily empty already.

"Do you need something?" Mimi attempts to break the tension, but it doesn't really help.. not when I'm trying to remember what I'm supposed to do here in the first place. The sudden heat is making me tenser too, the pink glow from the outside makes the whole thing like a dream.. just like the time-traveling from earlier.

"N..no," Yamato, you idiot. I'm beginning to realize that "no" has always been my default answer to her.. and that's something I really should change.

Mimi raises a brow, bites her lower lip in confusion. "Uhh.. I guess I'll be on my way. See you tomorrow, Yamato-san,"

And so, Mimi walks away, and I remain standing there, watching her slow afternoon silhouette get smaller and smaller, until she disappears to the right.

Crap. Don't think, just do, Ishida.

In hurried footsteps I chase after Mimi, catching up to her just at the entrance as she bends to put on her shoes.

"Mimi," She looks up again in surprise, and this really just confirms that I am the last person she expects. I take a few more steps near her, just far enough not to corner her. She blushes again. It's so weird, honestly - but that's not important.

"Yamato-san?" yes, Mimi, i'm as curious as you are as to what I'm about to do. From here I could already inhale the scent of sakura as I collect my breathe. Just say it, Yamato.

"Are you doing anything today?"

The question only made the confusion in her face more evident, as if I just said the most unbelievable thing.

"Ehhhh?!" she exclaims in a dragging manner as she resorts back to wearing her shoes. "I'm not sure i'm the right company you're seeking, Yamato-san," She chuckles lightly.

God, I really was that terrible to her. The way she said it was so candid and honest that I honestly feel a bit hurt she thought that way. Again, I can't blame her for this.

"I meant, do you want to hang out?" I take another step forward, hoping the message reaches her. She steps back, completely appalled by what I just said. From here on it became a staring game. Mimi obviously trying to penetrate inside my head as she intently stares at me, with me staring back, trying to find the sincerity of my words through my eyes.

I could understand why she's doing this. Truly.

"I meant what i said, Tachikawa."

She blinks a few times, soft lashes slowly fluttering. He pink light from the sakura makes everything look surreal. Even more as her face softens up and she turns away, hands clasped behind her back as she heads to the exit.

Mimi always looked good in pink.

"What's the plan, Yamato-san?"

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Let this moment be a lesson to you, Yamato.

I really should have planned this thoroughly. Beside me Mimi walks in silence, her eyes looking everywhere but my direction. It's weird.. that I'm leading Mimi. To see this pliant, modest side of her is unnerving, and once again a painful reminder as to how estranged I am with her.

It was always her on the driver's seat, whether with me or anyone else.

"How's New York?" Almost a decade since.. and my attempt at small talk is very mediocre.

"Never the same," she answers candidly, shrugging her shoulders. "Everything almost changes in the blink of an eye. Nothing stays the same and everything moves forward and backward, like some of my favorite ice cream shops disappearing and reappearing in different corners of the city. Or like old art deco buildings being replaced by new ones.. Or my wonderful friends who come and go."

Silence again. Sixteen-year-old Mimi does have depth in her after all.

"It's fascinating, Yamato-san." She smiles.

"Mhmm. What made you come back to Tokyo?" I ask her, trying to prolong our conversation despite knowing much of her return. I remembered Sora once mentioned it to me, too, and I often found it very sad.

She wrinkles her face. "This is my home.. duh."

And another silence, our footsteps filling in between us as I take her to Naka-dori. Mimi is still obviously flushed and amazed that I walk by her. Her head darted away, preoccupying herself with the mundane sights offered by Tsukishima as she clasps on her suitcase.

Mimi looks good in uniform.

On our way I reckon it was best to welcome her return to Tokyo for some monjayaki, for some reason remembering her weird taste with egg batter from our childhood summer camp.

"Do you like spicy food?" I ask her as we walk along Monjya Street.

"Do you like spicy food, Yamato-san?"

I grunt in annoyance since I asked first, but being the adult that I am, at least cognitively, I let it go. "Yeah."

"Do you plan to pay for my food, Yamato-san?"

...cheeky girl. Of course Tachikawa never pays. "Yeah, sure."

Her grin widens with delight, as if rediscovering her newfound confidence. I, Ishida Yamato, had officially become one of her male pawns for her to leech off. No, she isn't the Succubus — she's just a girl who still believes she's a princess.

"Then we should eat that."

We opted for an indoor-type of joint, one where we could sit down and talk. It's perfect. I wouldn't have to worry about Sora, Taichi, the others or my classmates knowing about this date.

Wait a minute. Did I just assume this was a date? I gulp the lump in my throat, reassessing the criteria of how this one outing with Mimi classifies as a 'date'. First, this isn't some classy restaurant. Far from it even. Also we're sitting at the counter. The atmosphere isn't that much of a mood maker either.. of course it's not a date, Yamato.. and you're dating Sora during this time of your life, for kami's sake!

"Yo oni-san!" Saved by the cook. My panicking washes off as I look up and glance on my left. Mimi was still skimming through the menu.

"What are you ordering?" The cook over the counter asked as he was frying egg batter.

"Spicy mentai," I answer curtly, anticipating for Mimi to break the ice between us.

"And your girlfriend's?"

"Ehh?" I honestly feel ashamed for being so flustered at the thought.. ugh. "Ya oji-san, no, she's not my—"

"I'll be having mochi cheese mentaiko, ji-san!"

"Nice choice, neesan!"

Dumbly I look away from her, part of me regretting of having to do thi —no, I don't regret it, I can't. Mimi needs to trust me. I need to be her friend. Then I can save her, I keep telling myself. Get your head out of your ass, Ishida.

"I thought you wanted something spicy?" I ask her, another attempt of small talk. She looks pretty happy and excited.

"Ehh, it won't be fun if we both order the same thing," she says it as if it's the wisest advice in the world. She leans forward the counter to look into me, and instinctively, I pull myself back, finding her.. very.. very intrusive.

Tachikawa still stares, the awkwardness between us being filled by the frying pan and the chatter of customers. Kami.. I wonder how Koushiro gets to put up with this.

"This is the first time you and I are alone together, Yamato-san," she speaks suddenly, cheek on her palm as a smile between mirth and tease forms across her lips.

"Well I figured it's about time," I answer coolly — or attemptingly 'cool' as I hold my glass of water.

"Felt bad when you didn't get to befriend dear Mimi-chan when you had the chance, eh?" Her grin widens, making her look like the Maneki-neko as she takes delight in this torturous conversation. Ah, it's time to confront the truth, Ishida.

"Yeah, I do," I tell her, smirking. "Though I reckoned when it came to us, I'll be the last person you'll consider talking to."

Huh.. that was smoothly honest of me. Mimi was just as surprised herself, mouth parted.

"Well, you were very difficult to approach to, Yamato-san," she says this in a very defensive manner, and it surprises me. For a while I couldn't retort anything to her as our food were served. Mimi breaks up her chopsticks and begins to eat her cheese monjya without a care in the world.

So it's still my fault?

Begrudgingly I eat my meal in silence, the spicy taste of my own flaming only my annoyance towards the girl beside me. How was I difficult to approach to?

Okay, granted I was generally a very disagreeable person in my youth, even people like Taichi can put up with me. Takeru has no — wait, no, terrible comparison, he's your brother for kami's sake — heck even Miyako can withstand me!

Ugh, no, don't let this get you, Yamato. You're here to save her, remember?

I focused on my meal instead of fusing off, the wise decision I've yet done. After several bites, just until I reach half of my meal, I face her.

"I don't hate you, you know," I tell her.

Mimi look up at me as she chews, smiles and sighs. "But you don't like me either, right?"

Like? To say that I do would be premature and insincere..

"To be honest, I don't know how I feel about you." Fuck, that came out wrong. She looks just as shocked, chokes her food that I end up patting her back and aid her with water.

Why the heck did I just say that? Ugggh.. what the hell Ishida..

"So here you are, hanging out with me and bribing me with food," she chuckles, readying her utensils again to chow down the remains of her meal. "You must really feel bad for me to take me out here,"

"It's not like that.."

"You feel bad that you never gave me a chance to be friends with you when we were young.. now that I'm back here again, you thought of making amends of what you didn't do then.." she tells me this with such a weird expression on her face, as if it was such a bad thing. "that's what you feel, Yamato-san."

I don't deny any of it, they're all true. For a while I just stare at her, completely forgetting my own monjya. Mimi died in my real timeline. Not only I couldn't save her when I had the chance; I didn't have that many memories with her, too. I want to tell her that I want to be here for her this time, to have my own relationship with her, to be her friend. These were all the things I've been thinking since she died, and this was my chance.. my chance..

Mustering all my courage, I was about to say all of this, when she spoke first.

"I bet Sora-san was behind this too," she says. "You taking me out after school on the day I come back here,"

"No, she's not," I reply, suddenly being reminded again that I have also revisited my past relationship with her. Sora. What do I do with Sora? She wanted this anyway, right? "This was my idea. She doesn't know I'm here with you."

But Mimi scoffs it off with a chuckle, still ever focused with her meal. "That's comforting, I guess. Choosing dear Mimi for once, eh?"

We carry on as we both resume eating our monjya, the rest of the time spent in the restaurant trying to finish the rest of the batter.

"Do you want to taste some of mine, Yamato-san?" Mimi points at her leftover batter, offering some of it.

I slowly nod and reach out to get some of the cheesy monjya.

"Do you want some of mine, too?" I ask her.

She smiles and I instantly cut some of my own portion for her.

"I feel lucky," she says, giggling to herself. "how many girls in the school can actually say, 'ahh, I just shared a meal with the band leader of Knife of Day'?"

I laugh alongside her, appreciating her thoughtfulness. "And he gets to treat you, too," I added.

"Ahh, lucky girl I am," she jests. "But Sora is the luckiest."

I only smile and say no more, relishing once again that this overdue friendship has finally made progress.

No, Mimi. I'm the lucky one.