Author's Note: Here we go, chapter 4. This one's short and sweet but I should have the next chapter up in a couple of days. I tried to work some of the developments of 7x15 in this chapter, but with a few changes to fit my story. Thanks again for reading, reviewing and following this story. Please let me know what you guys think!


She needs wine. Really any form of alcohol will do but wine is preferred. She's had some time to think since dropping Alison off at home and she still hasn't been able to process everything Alison had said in the locker room. Alison had admitted she had feelings—well, a certain feeling in her stomach—for her and confessed that she still wanted Emily to kiss her, and Emily's brain had basically short-circuited because what the hell does that even mean? And what did Alison expect her to do with that information? Especially now, right as she's trying to start something up with Paige again.

Paige. Emily pulls her cell phone from her pocket to make the call.

"Paige…hey. I'm sorry I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight. I just have a lot of work to catch up on tonight," Emily says into the phone as she unscrews the cork on a bottle of wine Hanna had brought home last week. She pauses to listen to Paige's response. "I know we haven't gotten to see each other much….. I've just been really swamped with work… yeah, of course. You too. Okay, bye."

"Who was that?" Hanna asks as she exits the bedroom to hear the tail end of Emily's conversation.

"Paige," Emily mumbles as she turns her back to the other girl. She slips her cell into her back pocket and reaches up to take a glass from the cabinet. After a moment of thought, Emily grabs a second glass for Hanna and sets both on the counter. "We were supposed to have dinner later but I decided to stay in."

"Paige? Are you two back together?" Hanna asks as she makes her way over to the counter where Emily stands.

"Yeah, I guess so," Emily answers with a shrug, yanking the cork from the bottle of wine and pouring herself a generous glass full. She's not really sure of where she and Paige currently stand but she supposes they're at least trying. That's what she had wanted, wasn't it? But as always, Alison had blown a hole in her plans.

She rubs a hand over face and shakes her head. She feels bad for blowing Paige off again but how is she supposed to face Paige when she had wanted to grab Alison's face in that locker room and kiss her till they were both breathless and dizzy. How is that fair to Paige?

"Hmm," Hanna hums as she takes the bottle of wine from Emily's hand and pours herself a glass. "So why are you canceling on her?"

Emily takes a long sip of wine, trying to avoid Hanna's scrutinizing gaze. "I'm not canceling, I'm just rescheduling. I had a long day at work and I have a lot to do and I need to get up early tomorrow so I'd rather stay in tonight and get to bed early."

"Hmm," Hanna repeats with a knowing smirk.

"Hmm? Why do you keep doing that? What's that supposed to mean?" Emily demands, annoyed.

Hanna shrugs and places her glass down on the counter. "Nothing. I'm just surprised is all. I had no idea you were interested in getting back together with Paige. I thought that chapter was closed."

"Why would you be surprised by that? We've all fallen back on old habits since we've been back in Rosewood. You're back with Caleb, Aria's with Ezra again," Emily says defensively.

"Caleb isn't an old habit, Emily. He's my soulmate. Is Paige yours?" Hanna asks pointedly.

Emily bristles, guilt burning her head. "Why do you care?"

"I just thought you'd end up with someone else, that's all," Hanna explains with an easy shrug. "But if Paige makes you happy, then I'm happy for you, Em."

"Who did you think I'd end up with?" Emily asks curiously.

"You know who," Hanna says as she rests her elbows on the countertop and leans forward till her head is resting in her hands. When Emily just continues to stare back at her blankly, Hanna elaborates, "Rosewood High's hottest English teacher? She's blonde? Has a tendency to rush into sham marriages? She also happens to be pregnant with your child."

Emily rolls her eyes at Hanna's sarcastic tone. "Yeah, well she's not interested. Paige actually loves me."

"Alison loves you," Hanna states matter-of-factly.

"Alison loves me as a friend, the same way she loves you and Aria and Spencer," Emily says bitterly. She knows what she heard Alison say in that locker room only an hour ago but it still doesn't feel real. And she's still weary from years of push and pull with the temperamental blonde. As much as she wants Alison, has always wanted Alison, she doesn't want to take this leap and fall on her face again.

"If you can't see that Alison's love for you is different from her love for the rest of us, then you're blinded than Jenna. She doesn't get jealous of Caleb or Ezra," Hanna points out smugly.

Emily shakes her head, bringing her glass to her lips yet again. "Alison only wants what she can't have," she mutters into her wine.

The ride to Alison's house after school had been tense and silent. Alison had barely looked in her direction and Emily had been too nervous to ask all the questions swirling around in her mind. It was like every time she and Alison took a step forward, something pulled them back, halting their progress like they were running a race in quicksand.

Hanna arches an eyebrow, "If you say so."

"I do," Emily snaps. "Besides, I tried," she insists, an edge to her voice. Hanna has no idea how hard she's tried to make something happen with Alison, how many times she's had the rug pulled out from under her. Hanna has no idea how her heart cracks just a little bit more every time she and Alison do this dance only to remain unmoving.

"Did you?" Hanna challenges. "Because it looks like you ran right back to Paige when things got hard."

Emily places her glass down angrily, the wine sloshing up the sides of glass but not spilling over. "Hey, don't blame me for trying to have a relationship with someone who's actually capable of loving me!" she snaps. "This isn't on me! I couldn't wait around forever! In case you forgot, a couple of months ago, Alison was married!"

"And then we killed her husband, so what's your excuse now?" Hanna shoots back with an exaggerated eye roll.

Emily shakes her head, her anger fading as she remembers how scared and vulnerable Alison had sounded in the locker room a couple of hours ago, how honest she had been. "Things with Alison are really complicated right now. She's pregnant with my child for god's sake. What I have with Paige is just easier."

Emily can't help but think about the baby—her baby—as she tries to justify her realtionship with Paige to Hanna. When Alison said she still wants Emily to kiss her, implied she has feelings for her—Emily's mind had drifted to a place in the future where she and Alison, exhausted and covered in strained peas, sing lullabies and play peak-a-poo while tiredly exchanging smiles over their tiny infant's head and stealing the occasional kiss during early morning feedings. And the thought had made her so dizzily happy that she had immediately pushed it down deep inside and forced herself to snap out of her daydream, because happy endings like that didn't exist, couldn't exist in cases like this, and Alison could never want the same thing.

"Is that what you want? Whatever's easiest?" Hanna questions seriously. "Because you deserve more than that, Em."

Emily shakes her head thoughtfully. "It can never work with Alison."

"Why not?"

"Because it's Alison," Emily breathes out, her voice rising to a high-pitched, strained wail. "She's…we have too much history. We've let too much go unsaid."

"So sort your shit out and say what you need to say," Hanna instructs. "Preferably before this baby is born so that poor kid won't have to deal with his or her moms playing dumb and acting like they don't love each other."

Emily's heart clenches at the mention of the baby whose future she's foolishly already started planning. "Ali hasn't made a decision about the baby yet."

"But you have," Hanna says knowingly.

Emily straightens up, startled by her friend's claim. "What? No I haven't."

Hanna gestures in Emily's direction, wine glass in hand. "I can see it in your eyes, Em. You want that baby."

"I want whatever Alison wants," Emily insists, trying to keep her voice from betraying her. She can't ask Alison to have this baby, no matter how badly she wants to.

"You want to raise that baby with Alison."

"Even if I did, I can't ask her to do that. Not when this baby was conceived in such a vile way," Emily says, shaking her head sadly. What kind of person would she be if she asked Alison to do this?

"Have you tried actually telling Alison how you feel about it? She might feel the same way," Hanna suggest gently.

"How could she?!" Emily cries. "After what A.D. did to her—there's no way she's going to want to have this baby. It'll just be a reminder of one of the most horrifically painful things to ever happen to her, and I'll be the monster who asked her to have it." Angry tears prick at Emily's eyes as she's reminded of how powerless she is in this situation.

Alison told her it was her decision too and in her mind, Emily knows exacly what she wants, but is it really her decision to make?

"Or it'll remind her of you. That baby isn't A.D.'s, Emily. It's yours and Alison loves you, so she probably already loves this baby."

Emily swallows and wipes her eyes. Maybe that's what scares her the most—not that Alison won't want to have this baby, but that she will. That Alison will want this too. And what would that mean for them?


Emily's talk with Hanna ends abruptly when Hanna gets a call from Caleb and retreats to her bedroom to talk to him in private. Emily tosses her head back with an exhausted sigh, her eyes scanning the room till she spots her car keys on the table by the door. Taking a deep breath and exhaling harshly, Emily makes a quick decisions and grabs her keys and bolts from the loft. She needs to talk to Alison.

Emily's mind functions on autopilot as she drives to Alison, knocks on the door and follows the blonde into the living room. It's not till she's sitting opposite Alison, staring into anxious blue eyes that she's forced to face the reality of what she's doing here.

"Em," Alison says softly, breaking Emily out of her daze. "Are you okay?"

Emily nods and buries her shaky hands between her legs, her throat going dry. "Yeah. I'm okay. Are you okay?" she rasps out.

Alison shrugs, "I don't know what I am anymore." She tilts her head to the side like she's studying the woman opposite her. As she takes in Emily's grim expression, a nervous feeling twists in her stomach. "Em, what's going on? Why did you come here?"

"I want you to have the baby." The words spill out of Emily's mouth in a desperate rush and when she glances up, she sees Alison take a sharp breath and blink back at her with wide frightened eyes.

"You want me to have the baby?" Alison croaks out, her face twisting in unmistakable shock.

Sure she had entertained the idea of having the baby once she found out it was Emily's, but hearing Emily speak it into reality is painfully sobering. Would she really be able to carry this pregnancy to term when every bout of morning sickness, every doctor's appointment, every kick to her stomach is likely to remind her of the way this baby was made, of the feeling of being strapped down to a bed and having someone force something unwanted inside her. She's sick just thinking about it. And maybe she's crazy for considering doing this when she has no idea what it'll mean for the future, or where she stands with Emily, or even what role she'll have in this baby's life, but how can she possibly deny Emily and terminate this pregnancy when the brunette's eyes are so desperate and full of hope. But it's Emily's baby—Emily's perfect little baby—and there's something pure and hopeful in the thought of having Emily's baby. And maybe if she has this baby, she'll finally be able to put something good back into this world.

Instantly Emily feels a wave of guilt hit her because Alison looks absolutely horrified and Emily just wants to take it back and hold her till that scared broken look in her eyes goes away, but she needs to be honest with Alison and herself. "I want a chance to raise this baby," she says.

Alison is unable to speak so Emily continues, tries to make Ali understand. "You don't have to decide right now and I know I'm asking a lot of you, and I'd totally understand if you can't do it, but Ali, all I'm asking is that you consider having this baby. Will you consider it, please?"

Alison swallows thickly, the thoughts racing through her mind overwhelming her till all she can hear is an indistinguishable piercing noise in her head. She takes a deep breath and exhales. "Yeah. I'll consider it."