DISCLAIMER: UNFORTUNATELY, THE ONLY THING I OWN IS AN OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION. ALL CHARACTERS AND LIKENESSES BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.
Chapter Four: A Day Of Revelation And Rebellion
It began as a normal day. I woke up, took my shower and got dressed, and then had a quick breakfast with Charlie. I applied only a little bit of lip gloss, not much was needed. I pulled on my bag and my chucks, and I was out the door.
I got to school receiving a compliment on my Jimi Hendrix shirt, and then met Angela at the lockers. Nothing new. It was in Ceramics class that everything started.
Like usual, me and my best guy friend Emmett were talking.
"So you're coming to my baseball game today, right?"
"It's going to be about, 60 today right? It's going to be cold."
"So? Put on a jacket. You have to come." Emmett was the coolest guy I knew, and also the biggest guy I knew. Emmett was built like he played in the NFL, but he was the sweetest guy. You can already guess he played sports. And he got a lot of girls too.
"I don't know because he might have something planned for us to do today." I started smiling.
He rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's your turn today? I thought it was girlfriend number two's day, what she gets Thursdays too? When did you guys change the schedule up?" He laughed at his own joke as I hit his arm.
"He is not cheating on me, Emmett."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Believe what you want. I just know you can do better. You really should come to the game. If not for me, then come for the guys. I mean, it's a lot of cute guys on the team." I looked at him shocked.
He threw his hands up in mock surrender and quickly added, "Not in a gay sense!"
I laughed, for a second there I was scared.
"I don't know, Emmett." The bell rang and he walked out saying, "The game starts at 4:00 if you change your mind."
I went to lunch as usual, excited to see him. But he wasn't in there, I couldn't see him. I decided to go looking for him, and couldn't find him anywhere. Out of breath I slowed my pace, pulling out my Ipod and listening to it as I looked.
I went to check my very last resort, the gym, and right when I was about to give up I heard his laugh. I went to the little hallway that led to the boys locker room, and saw him fucking a girl. Right in the open. The only place in the gym that didn't have cameras in it.
"What the fuck?" They stopped immediately and she ran off adjusting herself. She was having a really hard time because her jeans were way too tight and her she was busting out of her red top. Her red lipstick was smeared badly. Her fiery red hair was messy, as if it hadn't been to start with, and her cheap star shaped earring was left on the floor. The nasty slut ran off looking a complete mess, but I didn't take my eyes off of him.
He stood there with his jaw clenched and his head held high, not even the least bit ashamed of what he'd done.
"You have nothing to say?"
"This was coming and you knew it."
I felt the tears tugging at me, but I fought them back. "How could you? I mean, I thought we were happy. I thought everything was going so good--"
"Stop lying to yourself, Izzy. You know that's not even close to the truth. We've been arguing everyday, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you and the way you've been acting lately. It's getting on my last nerve, and I can't take it anymore."
"What are you talking about?" I realized I hadn't stopped my Ipod, and loud rock music was blaring through the headphones. He snatched it and held it up like he was presenting evidence.
"THIS! THIS RIGHT HERE! THIS IS WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT. IT'S THE MUSIC YOU LISTEN TO NOW, THE STUFF YOU WATCH, THE WAY YOU DRESS NOW, IT'S ALL GETTING ON MY NERVES. QUIT DOING ALL THIS BULLSHIT! WHY DID YOU START ACTING ALL EMO AND PUNK ALL OF THE SUDDEN? HUH?"
"SO YOU'RE UPSET BECAUSE OF WHAT I LIKE? YOU'RE ANGRY BECAUSE OF WHO I AM? JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT PRETENDING TO LIKE LISTENING TO BRITNEY SPEARS ANYMORE, OR NOT MAKING MY FUCKING EARS BLEED BY FORCING MYSELF TO STOMACH TAYLOR SWIFT'S MUSIC? I WAS SICK OF PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING I'M NOT ANYMORE, I'M NOT PLASTIC. I DON'T LIKE WEARING PINK, I DON'T SPEND THE MAJORITY OF MY TIME WITH MY EAR GLUED TO A CELLPHONE OR PAINTING MY NAILS, AND I REALLY DON'T FUCKING LIKE ACTING LIKE I LOVE SHOPPING, GETTING MY HAIR DONE, AND GOSSIPING ABOUT BOYS AND MUSIC. GOD, YOU REALLY ARE PATHETIC. THAT'S A STUPID REASON, EVEN FOR YOU! THAT'S YOUR EXCUSE? YOU FUCK THAT TRASHY SLUT BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD ABOUT MY IPOD?"
He launched the Ipod at the wall with all his might, breaking it to pieces.
"FUCK THE IPOD! FUCK YOU! YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING GET IT ANYMORE IZZY! I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE, I CAN'T! IT'S LIKE YOU'VE CHANGED INTO A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON, AND I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE! YOU'RE NOT THE SAME IZZY! SO COME AND TALK TO ME WHEN YOU CHANGE BACK!"
He walked off, leaving me there completely astounded, confused, and hurt. I couldn't believe that just happened.
"OH YEAH? WELL I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING IZZY ANYMORE. IN FACT, I HATE THE NAME IZZY! MY NAME IS BELLA!"
I was sick of him, and I was fed up. Although he was my first time, my first love, my first everything—I decided at that moment that that was exactly what he was. My first. And he most definitely would not be my last.
That was when I made the decision that I could do whatever I wanted, and that he didn't control me. I was 18 years old, and I could do what I wanted. I was about to graduate, I had a job and a car, and I was very mature for my age. More mature than most of my friends, and most of the people I know. I was a senior, and I had a plan for my life. I knew exactly where I was going. I was basically an adult, because for the majority of the time Charlie was more of a roommate than a parent. The world was at my disposal. I used to feel so guilty about feeling attracted to other guys, like I was only supposed to be with him. Or that I was only meant to be with him. Well no, I could be with whoever I wanted now.
Being so independent and confident in myself, I was very comfortable with my sexuality and had no qualms about discussing it. I love sex, it's amazing. I had to thank him for introducing me to the wonderful world that is sex. Safe sex, always, but sex nonetheless. It was indescribable. It was one thing to have never had it and just lust after someone, but now after experiencing it…it took things to a whole new level. It made lusting after someone an entirely different ballgame.
Not only did I feel aroused when this happened, after I lost my virginity and actually experienced sex for the first time the fantasies would follow and I'd fall victim to these strong, powerful emotions. Something that was not occurring before I did the deed. I was beginning to think it was an addiction, but an addiction that I could control very easily. I was by no means promiscuous. It's just that these fantasies were vivid and real, which made battling the emotions worse. Terms like sex addict began to come to mind, and I realized that if I was I wasn't ashamed. I have never been ashamed of who I am. But I stand by the fact that while I was with him, I never ever thought about doing anything with anyone else, because in my mind that was completely forbidden.
Well...I'm not with him now.
Like always, we'd fight and he'd throw one of his little fits—a temper tantrum, because he acted like a five-year-old almost all of the time—and we would be back together in a few days. We never really ever break up. So I wasn't worried about it. But today was different from the other times, because I actually caught him in the act. I caught him cheating. And it brought on a complete change in me, a different edge to my perspective and maturity.
So needless to say, I drove to the ballpark at 3:50 that day, catching Emmett by surprise when I pulled up.
"Bella! I didn't think you'd show." He was smiling.
I leaned against my ancient red truck, and folded my arms. My music was still blaring through the speakers. It still amazed me that I was able to install a CD player in this old thing.
"Yeah well, let's just say I had a change of heart."
What happened that day had given me a new outlook, and I figured that I was ready to have fun too. I was about to leave high school, and I really hadn't done anything to extreme yet. I hadn't gone to many wild parties, I never really ever got high or drunk, or had a one night stand. And those were things I wanted to remember about the high school experience. I wanted to have fun. And I deserved to. So I would. I developed a new way of thinking, and what I want, I got. If I set my mind on it, I achieved. It was nothing for me now.
"I'm glad you did."
"Alright, so show me the meat."
He started to reach for his pants and I laughed, then he pulled away.
"I meant the guys on the team, who's available."
"Oh." His eyes scanned the team, he started rattling them off.
"There's Tyler, Mike, Ben, Riley, Max, Bobby—"
"Wait, wait." I cut him off, something caught my eye. Or should I say, someone.
He was much taller than me, and he was swinging a bat by the dug out. His arms looked so strong, and his body looked amazing in uniform. I could only fantasize what he looked like without it. My eyes were stuck to him like glue as they traveled his form, he was enticing. He made something click in my mind, like turning on a switch.
"Who's that?"
"Who?"
"Number 7." I said slightly dazed, I couldn't look away from him.
His eyes searched for who I was looking at, then he found him. "Oh, that's Edward. Edward Cullen. He's got a girlfriend."
"Really…" The way I said this sounded really evil, but it came out how I intended. It really caught Emmett off guard, though.
"Yeah. He's a…a junior I think. Yeah, he graduates next year."
The fact that he was a junior meant nothing to me. That made him about…16 years old. And he was delicious looking.
"He's a good guy. Really funny. He's been with his girlfriend for a while, I think."
"I really like him…" I couldn't stop smiling when I stared at him. But it wasn't a sweet innocent smile...it was one of those smiles that a predator wore before it pounced on its prey. It was very devious, much like my new attitude. I felt like…a maneater or something. And I liked it.
Emmett laughed. "Wow, you are something else Bella. Out of all the single guys on the team, you choose somebody with a girlfriend."
"You know what, I don't even care. It doesn't matter to me."
"Where did this new attitude come from?"
"It arrived when I caught him fucking Victoria Saunders, the school slut, so now I feel like I'm free to do whatever I want. Meaning I can do whoever I want. And I want him. I don't even want anything serious with him, I just want to hang out."
"Wow, you're thinking like a guy now. I like it though. More females should think like you. But um…I don't think Edward is that kind of guy."
"What, he isn't a virgin is he?" I said sarcastically.
"No, I don't think so. But I'll see if he goes for it."
"That's all I ask. Good luck, I'll be cheering for you."
"No you won't, you'll be looking at Edward."
"That too." I said with a smirk.
And that was how it all began. I watched the game, well, him mostly, just considering how to approach my attack. I had to plan this perfectly, because I definitely didn't want to get caught. My reputation wasn't horrible, but I was in a long term relationship with one of the hottest, most athletic, and secretly violent guys in the school. So some jealous girls spread a lot of bad rumors about me. But that was something I could handle—becoming the school slut for fucking another girl's boyfriend and everybody finding out wasn't. And that was if he even agreed. First off, he had to like me too. He could not even like me in that way (although I really don't see why he wouldn't). Or worse, he could really love his so-called girlfriend.
I looked around at the faces in the stands watching the game, and looked for a possible girlfriend aspect that could be his. There wasn't a single face, absolutely no one. It was like I was really the only girl here. Well she isn't very supportive, is she? That works out great for me! I glanced over at the dugout and saw Emmett talking to him, so the plan was already in motion.
I cheered when we won the game, 27-0. I didn't want to sound cocky, but I thought I saw a little extra heat behind Edward's pitches after he had his little talk with Emmett. But maybe I was just imagining things.
Or maybe not.
