The Chronicles of Vincent Missiles

This is the story of what really occurred in the game Final Fantasy VII Dirge Of Cerberus that they didn't show us. Featuring Vincent Valentine as our main hero.

Beware of Yuffie bashing

Disclaimer: Square Enix owns Vincent and all FFVII characters. And sadly I don't. I also don't own all of the stores mentioned in this story. I guess I don't really own anything!


Vincent awoke to a loud knock on his motel door. (this seems to happen often)

"I can't ever be left alone, can I?" he mumbled.

He opened the door to reveal a slightly annoyed looking Cloud and a very cheerful Tifa.

"And what did I do to deserve a visit from the lovely Tifa?" asked Vincent sarcastically

"Well Vincent I haven't seen you in awhile because of the fact you live in Spain now, and so I thought me and Cloud should come visit and take you shopping since your back in town for a few days."

"SHOPPING!!!" Screamed a now very excited Vincent.

"OMG Tifa you're my new best friend" He jumped up and gave Tifa a hug while knocking aside Cloud who almost fell over. Tifa looks quite shocked that Vincent had gotten this happy because usually guys hate shopping, like Cloud for example who was now leaning against the side of the motel looking very unhappy.

Once Vincent let go of Tifa, she strolled over to Cloud and started whispering in that loud voice mothers use when their children are misbehaving in a store and they don't want to make a scene.

"Cloud you better be positive about this. Vincent is one of your best friends and you should respect the fact that he likes shopping! This day is for him not you!' scolded Tifa.

"But Tifa! I hate shopping, are you honestly telling me I have to be positive about this? On top of all of that I'm starving."

"You can eat when we get to the mall Cloud, now stop whining"

Tifa hadn't noticed that Vincent was now standing behind her and was quite startled when she heard him say

"Yha Cloud we can get some pizza with extra tomahtoés on it"

Cloud reluctantly followed Tifa into the car and sat in the back seat alone, while Vincent got his space in the front while catching up a bit with Tifa. When they finally reached the mall Vincent just stared up at the huge place with his mouth open like he had just seen an angel.

"It's even prettier than I remember!" squealed Vincent as he rushed over to Cloud who had barely stepped out of the car yet and he grabbed him by the arm. He pulled Cloud up and ran to the doors of the mall with Tifa trailing not far behind. They stepped into the mall and Vincent ran up to the closest directory after stopping to smell the air and muttering something about how much he missed the scent of his beloved mall or something strange like that.

"So Vincent what stores do you want to go to?" asked Tifa

"All the hottest fashion stores of course! Ok so we will go to Pradda, and Oh of course Luis Vuitton, Holt Renfrew…"

When Vincent was finished listing his huge list of stores they wanted to hit before they left they began making their way to Holt Renfrew

"OH MY GODS! Tifa look at how cute this top is! You have to try it on!"

Vincent rushed over to Tifa from the women's department of the store and shoved a small black top into Tifa's hands. After insisting she try it on and shoving her to the change room Tifa finally emerged in the black shirt that was a little to skimpy for her taste. Clouds mouth dropped over in the corner of the store at the sight and he thought maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad after all.

"It's a little different from what I would usually wear Vincent. It's a little small too."

"Oh okay Tifa that's fine" Vincent replied with a smile on his face. "Just wanted to see it on someone, okay now you have to find something for meeeeee" he squealed in excitement.

Cloud couldn't believe that Vincent would EVER act like this, and he began questioning all ways of life. Caught up in thought he didn't notice Vincent running up to him until he found himself on the ground with Vincent standing just above him.

"Oh sorry there Cloud I didn't mean to knock you over. The floors in here are far too slippery; it couldn't possibly be safe, anyways! I found this sweater and it would look adorable on you Cloud"

"Adorable…."Cloud thinks.

"You must try it on!"

Tifa looks over at him and shoots him daggers with her eyes as to say you better try that on Cloud or else! And Cloud remembers not to be selfish because this day was about Vincent. He rolls his eyes and reluctantly and rather violently grabs the top and tries it on. Cloud has to admit it's one of the ugliest things he's ever seen. But he manages to fake a smile as he emerges. Vincent looks disappointed and says Cloud that doesn't look good on you at all. I'll see if I can find something in another store that better compliments your curves. my curves... Thinks Cloud but he feels relieved that he will be left out of these shopping antics until they reach another store and goes to sit down on a bench.

After about another half an hour in the store and frantic running towards and from the dressing room made by Vincent and Tifa, they finally stride over to him and say there going to the next store.

On their way to Pradda, Vincent spies a store that sells designer bags.

"PIT STOP" he yells rather loud to get Tifa's attention while he runs into the store.

When Tifa grabs a hold of Cloud and drags him into the store to catch up with Vincent she sees him eyeing a satchel on the wall of bags. (A satchel is a type of bag incase you didn't catch that) She steps up behind him.

"Tifa…isn't that the more GEORGEOUS bag you've ever seen in your life!" he says

"Yha Vincent it's pretty nice."

"I MUST have it, oh shop keep!" he yells

Someone working at the stores comes up to him and says, "May I help you sir?"

"Yes I would like to have that fine satchel please"

"Okay sir let me ring that up for you"

As Vincent emerges from the shop with his new Satchel strung around his shoulder Cloud can't help but snicker. Tifa elbows him in the side.

"So Vincent is this the first time you've purchased a purse or do you have more at home?" Cloud can't help but poke a bit of fun at Vincent, after all he's never seen him act like the before. And he wishes he never had.

"It's not a purse Cloud! It's a finely crafted Satchel bag. And I don't own a purse those are for girls. I do however own many man bags. Vincent says confidently as he keeps walking.

Cloud was just about to make another joke at the fact that Vincent owns a "man bag", but is interrupted by a large squeal by Tifa from behind them and a familiar voice following it.


To be continued! Read next chapter for continuation. I didn't wanna make this chapter unbearably long! So i broke it into 2 peices. Please comment I wanna know what you think. And I'm finally getting the hang of this site. YAY ME XD