Darkening Dreams
Post-Episode 50
By Jinxie
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters; I just made up the stories. The beginning and ends of episodes are quoted from the actual TV series.
Content Warning: This is a series that takes place between episodes. The stories build upon the TV series and it is advised that you watch the episodes then read the post-episode (this story) in between. Many references by the characters are very specific to the episodes, so you may not get everything unless you watch at the same time or have the episodes memorized. The series does lead to a romantic relationship between two women, so if you don't like it don't read it.
Goal: To fill in the rest of the story of Xena and Gabrielle that I felt the series left out. This is more how I would have wished the show to go. I strive to make it a realistic love story of how the two get together and share their lives together. Please feel free to email me with constructive feedback Jinxie2013
End of Episode 50 (S3,E4):
After the temple of Dahok has blown up, Xena and Gabrielle sit together amongst the rubble. Xena is holding Gabrielle in her arms. The bard is crying, devastated about what happened to her. She lost her blood innocence and was raped by Dahok.
"Xena?" Gabrielle whispers.
"I'm here Gabrielle." Xena holds her tighter.
"It hurts inside." Gabrielle whispers.
Xena gets a pained look on her face. "What?"
"Everything's changed. Everything." Gabrielle's face reflects her inner turmoil and devastation.
Xena eyes grow wide. She is in shock. After a moment she hears Gabrielle begin to sob. She pulls her in tighter, "hey… it's going to be ok. I promise."
The next day…
Xena is staring into the flames of a fire. They are in the woods in the country of Britannia. Gabrielle has not spoken to me since we left the temple remains. What am I going to do? I've got to get us to the next boat to home. That's the only thing I can do. I'm worried about her so much. How is she going to overcome this? I knew this would happen to her; her blood innocence is lost and the light has gone out inside her. I've got to encourage her to get it back. I have to be her light now, as she has been mine.
"Xena!" Gabrielle screams from her bed. She sits up and looks around everywhere, "Xena!"
Xena runs over to her and kneels down, "I'm right here." She puts her arms out to pull the bard into a hug but is pushed over by Gabrielle lunging for her. Gabrielle clings to her as if in a panic for her life. "Hey, it's ok. I've got you." Gabrielle begins to sob. "I've got you, sweetheart."
After ten minutes has passed, Gabrielle finally settles down. She leans back out of Xena's arms and lies back down. Xena just stays in the same position, not sure why Gabrielle moved away. She opens her mouth to speak, but the words aren't there. She grabs a set of furs and lays them on top of the bard. She leans down and kisses her on the cheek. "I love you Gabrielle."
The next morning Gabrielle wakes up from another nightmare. This time she doesn't call for Xena. She sits up and doesn't see her warrior anywhere. She wipes sweat off her brow then stands up and moves to the fire ring. She puts some wood on it and just stares into the flames. I've never felt so empty…and angry. I'm a murderer. How could I have done such a thing? I had no right. I'm evil, I deserve to die. Where is Xena? Did she leave me again? She left me to go after Caesar. If she hadn't have left me, this wouldn't have happened. She is supposed to protect me. What kind of love is that? It's not love. If you love someone and swear to protect them then you don't leave them when they need you most! Dammit Xena why!
Xena walks into camp and sits down next to Gabrielle. She brushes Gabrielle's sweaty hair out of her face. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you ok?"
Gabrielle pulls away from Xena. "As if you care."
Xena's face expresses shock. "Of course I care. Why would you say that?" Gabrielle doesn't respond. "Gabrielle, please don't shut me out. I want to know how you are feeling. I'm here for you."
Gabrielle whips her head around toward Xena, her expression is that of anger and hurt. "Here for me now, sure. Where were you when I really needed you Xena!? Where were you when he took me! Why weren't you there to stop me from murdering?" She stands up and points an angry finger at Xena. "I'll tell you why! You left me for Caesar! You are so caught up in your own revenge that you didn't even know what was going on with me. It's all your fault!" She ran off into the woods.
Xena was too shocked to say anything. Her head was getting fuzzy and she realized she had been holding her breath. She let it out and took a deep breath. "Gabrielle!" She got up and ran after her. After a few moments she caught up to the bard, who was on the ground on all fours. She was throwing up. "Oh Gabrielle." She knelt down next to her lover as she finished retching. Gabrielle didn't push her away this time. Xena pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry Gabrielle. You're right, it's my fault. I should have been there for you."
Gabrielle began to sob in her arms. "Why did this have to happen Xena? It's so dark in my soul. I don't know what to do. What do I do?"
"You have to fight the darkness. You cannot let it win, do you hear me? Fight Gabrielle. Remember when you died in Thessaly and you fought and came back to me?" the bard nodded. "It's the same here. You have to fight to bring back that light of life. If you let it win, it will devour you whole. I can't promise that you will ever be the exact same again, but you can get through this and come out the other side whole."
"I don't know if I have any fight in me Xena. I just want to give up. I'm evil, I don't deserve to live."
"Don't you say that Gabrielle!" Xena yelled this time to snap some sense into her. "You do not deserve to die."
"Yes, I do! I'm a murderer Xena!"
"So am I! But you always told me that I deserve to live because I'm a good person. So are you! You are the best person I know. If you think you deserve to die, then I must deserve it too! Don't be a hypocrite, Gabrielle. You will get through this and you will live life. You will be happy again, love."
Xena's words seem to sink into Gabrielle. She lays her head against Xena's shoulder. After a few moments, Gabrielle speaks up. "Xena? I don't think we can be together anymore."
"What?" Xena says in a half whisper.
"I…I can't be with you. I can't…I can't forgive you yet.." Gabrielle stands up to leave.
"But Gabrielle…I told you I'm sorry. You were right, I shouldn't have left you. I made a huge mistake, one that I'll never forgive myself for. Please, forgive me." Xena stands up and tilts Gabrielle's chin up so that they make eye contact.
Gabrielle closes her eyes and pulls her chin out of Xena's hand. "No. I just can't right now. I'm too angry at you. I feel so… betrayed Xena." Anger flares up in her voice. "You betrayed me!" Gabrielle walks away back toward their camp.
Xena watches the love of her life walk away. No. This can't be happening. What am I going to do? What can I do? I can't make her forgive me. She's got to work through this first I guess. No matter what, I'm going to be here for her, by her side as always. I'll help her through it whenever she will let me.
A couple days later…
Beginning of Episode 51:
Gabrielle is sitting in a field, smelling a flower. She smiles as she sees something; she stands up and walks over to it. It's the girl that she had killed. They begin to hug each other. Suddenly, the knife is floating into Gabrielle's hand. She takes it and pulls away from the girl. Her face goes from serene, to angry. She stabs the girl in the stomach repeatedly while screaming. She holds the knife up, it's red with blood. The girl is dead.
Gabrielle is dreaming. She is crying in her sleep, but is woken by Xena. She hugs Xena and clings to her. "I had that dream again."
"Yeah, I know."
Gabrielle turns around the throws up.
