Disclaimer: I don't own Izzie, Addison or any of these characters. They all belong to Shonda & co.

A/N: This fourth chapter was written to the prompt "lipstick". I hope you'll enjoy :)


04. Are You Happy Now?

"I think we should talk."

And Izzie watches Addison's eyes flutter open and her lips curl up into a sleepy smile. "Good morning to you too, Izzie." And Addison yawns and looks at her again with that smile on her face, and Izzie really, really wants to kiss her right now. Just like every single one of the seven times she's seen Addison wake up in her bed. But she can't kiss her, because they need to talk. She's been waiting for a week, and enough is enough, and she needs to talk. "Good morning. I think we should talk." And she really wishes they didn't have to, because she has a feeling the talk is not going to go too well, but she can't go on like this.

She wants to, really. She wants things to stay the way they are. Except she doesn't. Because, as amazing as the past week has been, she wants more. And she knows she should count her blessings, really. Addison has been sleeping next to her for a week. They didn't talk about it, they didn't agree on it, but it happened, and Izzie is happy. Or she was, anyway. No, she is. She is happy. She's happy when Addison smiles at her with her eyes while they operate. She's happy when Addison lets her steal a kiss in the on-call room, and when she waits for her at the end of the day so they can leave together. She's happy when Addison falls asleep with her arms around her waist, and when Addison is the first thing she sees when she wakes up. She is happy.

But she isn't, really. Because Addison only smiles at her when her mask is on. And she rushes out of the on-call room after they kiss. And she waits for her in her car so people won't see them leave the hospital together. And she sets the alarm clock to an ungodly hour in the morning before she falls asleep, because she always leaves before breakfast. Izzie isn't happy. And she knows – she really, really does – that it's just normal. Responsible, even. That it's only been one week, and she's a professional, and she doesn't want everyone to gossip about them, but Izzie can't help it. She wants more.

And she shouldn't, really. She shouldn't want more. Because, wanting more? Was not the plan. Not that she had a plan to begin with. She certainly didn't plan on kissing her, or being kissed by her, or – oh, God – having sex with her. And, even if she had planned all those things – and she really, really didn't – she definitely didn't plan on liking them this much. But wanting more than this, wanting more than kisses and smiles and mind-blowing sex, is the opposite of planned. And it's wrong, too, because it's one thing to be physically attracted to Addison, but it's a whole different thing to have feelings for her. And she thinks she does. Have feelings for Addison.

She thinks so, because she doesn't mind if Addison kicks her in her sleep. She sort of likes it, actually, because it reminds her of the fact that she is next to her. And she sometimes watches her sleep, and the sight makes her smile like a fool. And she also smiles when Addison looks at her, and when Addison smiles or laughs, and whenever Addison is around. She thinks she has feelings for her because she feels like she does. With the butterflies in her stomach, and the goose bumps, and the content sighs. She feels like she has feelings for Addison, and she wants more, even though she knows it's insane. Not to mention, terribly wrong.

"Okay."

Addison's voice brings her back to reality, but Izzie was too far lost in her thoughts to know what she's talking about. "What?" And Addison sits up on the bed and uses her hands to brush her messy hair a little before looking at Izzie again. "Okay, we can talk." And Izzie wishes Addison hadn't sounded so calm and collected, because she's far from calm and collected herself, and she doesn't want to be the crazy one in this talk. Even though she clearly is. So she clears her throat and looks down at her hands, trying to calm down enough to form coherent thoughts. "This is… we…" Seriously? But she gives herself a second chance. "What is this?"

"Well, this is…" And Addison really isn't looking so calm and collected now that she's gesturing wildly at the space between them. "I don't know. I don't know what this is." And Izzie doesn't really know whether to be disappointed because she didn't say "us" or happy because she didn't say "fun", so she settles for being terrified that this whole conversation was a big mistake. Which wouldn't surprise her, considering this whole thing – whatever it is – is also a huge mistake. Even though it doesn't feel like one. "I think… I want more than this." And she can see surprise – and maybe even sheer horror – in Addison's eyes, and she really wants to take it back, because, seriously. What kind of girl starts a fling with her female boss and then asks for more? An insane girl, that's who. And the muffins were enough to prove to Addison she is insane, so she doesn't think she needs any more proof. But now she's said this, and she can only think positive and hope Addison doesn't fall down the stairs when she runs for her life.

"Okay…"

And it's that kind of okay. The kind that comes before a call to a mental facility or a quick escape. But Addison doesn't move, and Izzie really wishes she would. The sooner Addison leaves, the sooner she can start baking some muffins. Without frosting, because frosting is now Addison's thing in her head. And she can't believe frosting is now off-limits, because baking is her coping mechanism, and baked goods don't taste half as good without the frosting. Maybe she'll have to try denial now. Or tequila. Or marrying a crazy woman. And she really doesn't think those coping mechanisms will work for her as well as they work for her friends, but it serves her right for allowing Addison to take frosting away from her. And for saying she wants more than this.

But Addison's still there, seemingly deep in thought, and Izzie doesn't want to freak out just yet. On the outside, anyway. She's been freaking out inside for a while now. "You mean you want this to be a relationship?" And Izzie realizes that's exactly what she wants, but she's not crazy enough to say it out loud, because Addison hasn't run away yet, and she doesn't want her to. She really, really doesn't. "No!" And she knows she probably shouldn't have said it so loudly, because Addison sort of cocked her eyebrow and smirked at her, and Izzie has a feeling she's this close to getting her locked up.

"I mean, no. I… maybe you could stay for breakfast today." And she decides she's really doing a great job, because it's one step towards a relationship, just one teeny tiny step, and she doesn't think that's scary at all. But Addison's smile fades slightly, and maybe she's not doing so great after all. "Your friends would know, then." And Izzie wants to tell her that's exactly what she wants, but decides that may not be such a good idea. "And they'd tell people, and people would know." And Izzie nods, because it's true, but she doesn't think it'd be so bad, really. Except for the fact that it would be awful and terrifying. And yet, that's exactly what she wants. Because if people know, then it becomes real. Not just some figment of her imagination that only happens when they're completely alone. "So people… everyone… would know we're together."

And Izzie knows this is bad. She knows she should be ashamed of this – because it's wrong – and she shouldn't want to let people know. But she does. And now Addison has said they're together, and the knowledge of it being wrong doesn't make her smile any smaller. And she decides that maybe letting everyone know wasn't the point to begin with. Maybe she wanted to know, herself. Maybe she just wanted Addison to let her know. And Addison is smiling too, but not as brightly. It's a knowing smile. Another almost shy smile. But a smile nonetheless. "You do want this to be a relationship."

And Izzie nods and bites her lower lip and looks down, and she's not smiling anymore. Because she does. She really, really does. She wants this to be a relationship. But she wants Addison even more – and maybe she does have feelings for her, after all – and she knows this is exactly the point when relationships go wrong. Or just never happen. The point when one person wants more and the other doesn't, and they bring it up in conversation. Especially when making it be more also implies letting people know you aren't as straight as you thought you were. And she knows it's a lot to ask, but she can't say she doesn't want a relationship, crazy as it is. "I'm sorry, Addison. I'm really sorry I'm being insane, and I'm sorry I'm freaking you out. Look, I just… forget I said it, okay? I like things the way they are, they are great, and I love them. I don't need…" And Addison is smiling again, a real smile this time, and Izzie stops mid-sentence because her rambling wasn't making any sense after all, and she's sure she'll only make things worse if she keeps talking.

"I can stay for breakfast today."

And Izzie doesn't really know where that came from, because she's trying to have an important conversation here. An adult conversation about their potential relationship, and Addison is somehow thinking about food, and it really doesn't make any sense, and… oh. And it clicks. And – at risk of sounding sickeningly corny – Izzie feels like her chest will explode from all the relief, and happiness, and unnamed feelings. So she kisses Addison, because she doesn't trust herself to say anything right now, and she smiles against her lips when Addison tangles her fingers in her hair, and this is really not something she planned but – as it apparently happens whenever Addison is involved – she really, really likes it.

"I'm baking you muffins for breakfast." And Izzie gets up from the bed and starts getting dressed, and Addison smiles at her, and she's glad to see the awkwardness is gone. It's comfortable again, and this is exactly what she wanted. "Can I help with the frosting?" And Izzie fakes a serious face which wouldn't fool anyone because her smile won't really leave her face. "Oh, I'm sorry; I thought we wanted them to be edible." And Addison laughs – and Izzie thinks she'll never get used to the feeling of Addison laughing at her jokes – and makes a serious face that's almost as blatantly fake as the one Izzie managed seconds ago. "We'll see if you're this cocky when it's time for rounds, Stevens." And Izzie knows she won't be, because she's always ridiculously nervous at rounds now. Because it's one thing to look like an idiot in front of Dr. Montgomery, but it's a whole different thing to look like one in front of Addison.

"Okay, I'm gonna start baking. You can grab something to wear from the closet. Some sweatpants or something." And Addison face tells her she probably hasn't worn sweatpants since high school, and she knows she should be empathizing with her, but she can't help but think it just adds to the fun. "Sweatpants, huh? I can… give that a try, I guess." And Izzie smiles brighter than before, because this is impossibly perfect. "Good. I'll see you downstairs." And Addison gets up and walks towards the closet with a smile. "See you downstairs." But Izzie doesn't have time to walk out of the room before Addison speaks again. "Izzie? Who exactly am I having breakfast with?" And Izzie stops and thinks, and shrugs slightly when she answers. "Just me and Alex, I think. Maybe Meredith." But she doesn't think Meredith will be there, because she's pretty much living in McDreamy's trailer these days. "Okay. Okay, I can deal with Grey and Karev." And Izzie replies with a smile and goes downstairs, ready to bake muffins so delicious Addison won't want to leave before breakfast ever again.

"Well, someone had fun last night."

And Izzie blushes slightly at Meredith's words, but the smile doesn't leave her face. "Where's Alex?" And Meredith nods in the general direction of the front door as she drinks her coffee. "Hospital. Wanted to make sure he gets a plastics case today." Izzie nods and starts taking out the ingredients for the best muffins ever, thinking that just Meredith will be fine for now. Maybe she should tell her not to tell McDreamy. Maybe Addison doesn't want him to find out from her. She's not sure what the divorced couples' etiquette is in these situations. "Muffins? Is everything all right?" And Izzie smiles and nods, and she finds it funny that people associate muffins with something going wrong. Except it's normal, considering they are her coping mechanism. But now they are also Addison's thing, because now that it's a relationship she's decided frosting wasn't nearly enough to give her, and Izzie likes them better this way.

"I'm fine, just wanted to make something special for breakfast. Want some?" And Meredith leaves her mug in the sink and shakes her head as she grabs her coat. "Thanks, but we're leaving now, we have an early surgery." And Izzie smiles and shrugs slightly because today won't be the day when Addison has breakfast with her roommates, but she suddenly realizes something and looks at Meredith again. "Wait, we? Is Cristina here?" And that's when McDreamy walks into the kitchen, looking freshly showered, and Izzie really wasn't expecting this. "Not Cristina. Muffins? Is everything all right?" And Izzie nods and leaves the bowl on the counter so she can go tell Addison that her ex-husband is downstairs. Just so she knows this may not be the best moment to tell people they are together. "Everything's all right, just… I'll be right back." But she doesn't have the time to walk out of the kitchen before she sees Addison getting there, and she knows there isn't really much she can do right now. Except hope for the best, which in this case would be finding a time machine to go back in time and make sure the conversation never happens. Or the muffin batter swallowing her whole. Either option works for her.

"Addison?"

And Izzie sees her freeze when McDreamy says her name, and she really, really wishes she hadn't asked her to stay for breakfast today. "What are you doing here? What… what are you wearing?" And she's wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of Izzie's sweatpants, and Izzie stops freaking out for just a second to focus on how adorably sexy she looks. And out of her element. And utterly uncomfortable. But all she wants is to grab her and kiss her and maybe even crack a joke to hear her laugh again. She loves Addison's laugh. But she notices Meredith looking pointedly at her, and she knows she's recognized the clothes, and this really isn't the breakfast she was hoping for.

"I… uh…" And Izzie feels terrible for putting Addison in this situations, and she really wants to help out, but she really doesn't know how, and this isn't as good as she thought it'd be. "Addison was… she…" And Meredith's face shows utter shock, because she's figured it out, and Izzie really hopes she's not going to hate her for this. But she hopes even more that Addison isn't gonna hate her for this either, even though she has every right to do so. But right now she's just standing there, with an almost daring look on her face and looking like she won't take any nonsense Meredith and Derek will throw her way. "I slept here." And Meredith looks at Izzie as McDreamy tries to make sense of the situation, and Izzie can't help but admire Addison's ability to look confident, even when she's wearing an old Hello Kitty t-shirt.

"So… you? And Izzie? You…?" And Izzie watches as Meredith's words make something click inside Derek's head, and he looks horrified right now. But Addison is apparently determined not to let this get to her, and Izzie isn't sure how exactly she ended up being the one with the freak-out once again. Addison's cool is starting to get on her nerves. "Me and Izzie. Yes." And Izzie gives Meredith a look that asks her to please make this a little bit easier for her, and Meredith snaps out of it and gives them one of her forced smiles. "Oh! That's… good." And they are all waiting for McDreamy's reaction now, and Izzie really hopes he's not going to bring up the flannel sheets again, because that would make this even more uncomfortable than it already is.

But McDreamy bursts out laughing after a few moments, and both Meredith and Izzie stare at him in confusion, because that's really not a reaction they were expecting. And Izzie doesn't think she's ever seen him laugh in Addison's presence, and she's not really sure whether the laughter that's filling the room is a good or a bad sign. "My God, Addison…" And he starts laughing again, and this time Addison joins in on his laughter, and Izzie – even though she still doesn't think this makes any sense – figures it was a good sign, after all. Maybe it's some kind of divorced people code. And Derek finally catches his breath long enough to talk, and dries his eyes with the back of his hand. "Well… congratulations. To both of you."

And Izzie nods, still confused, because she figures it's the right thing to do after you've been congratulated by your boss for being with his ex-wife. "We'll leave you two to your muffins… we have to get going." And he starts walking towards the door, with a very confused Meredith close behind, when Addison calls after them. "Derek! Wait, I'd… appreciate it if you didn't talk about this at the hospital." And Derek nods and smiles at her, looking like he's really trying hard not to laugh again. And Izzie really doesn't get what's so funny about this, but she figures laughter is better than hateful remarks, so she lets it be. "Don't worry, we won't tell anyone." And she can hear Derek's laughter again as soon as the front door closes behind them.

"Well, that went well."

And Addison smiles and kisses her cheek before dipping her finger in the muffin batter and licking it clean, as if nothing had happened. As if it was just normal to have your ex-husband burst out laughing after you tell him you're sleeping with another woman. "What was all that about? With the laughing?" And Addison looks slightly confused at first, but then she smiles one of those warm smiles of hers and pours herself a cup of coffee. "Izzie, I'm me. And I was wearing sweatpants and slippers, and telling him a female intern and I are together. The weird thing would have been not to laugh." And Izzie smiles, partly because it makes sense but mostly because Addison looks happy and completely relaxed as he drinks coffee next to her, and this ended up being the breakfast she was hoping for, even if they're alone. "So you really think it went well?" And Addison smiles and brushes a strand of hair off Izzie's face, and Izzie feels all those feelings once again. "I think it went great."

Two hours, six muffins, three discarded bowls of terrible frosting and one long – and incredibly fun – shower later, Izzie sits on her bed as she waits for Addison to finish getting ready. And she really could get used to this. To Addison telling her they're going to go to work between kisses in the shower, and then begging her not to stop and promising she'll talk to Bailey and make sure she doesn't get into trouble for being late for rounds. To brushing her teeth between laughs as Addison blow-dries her hair. She could even get used to waiting for Addison while she makes sure she looks absolutely perfect, even though Izzie thinks she can't possibly look better than she did when her skin was flushed right after their shower, and she was wearing only Izzie's towel around herself. She could definitely get used to this.

"Shit!"

And Izzie looks at her, slightly startled, because she didn't even think Addison knew how to swear. "I didn't bring my lipstick with me; I must have left it in my other purse. Can I borrow one of yours?" And Izzie nods and hands her her make-up bag, even though she's not sure she has anything that qualifies as lipstick and not just lip gloss. She watches Addison rummage through the stuff in the bag, increasing frustration showing on her face, and smiles with her when she finally finds a lipstick and pulls it out of the bag, a look of triumph on her face. But Addison's smile fades when she opens it and sees it's a very soft shade of pastel pink – Izzie's favorite – and shows it to her as if it was part of a cruel joke.

"Pink? This is all you have?" And Izzie nods and tries not to laugh, because – even though the situation is pretty funny – she figures Addison wouldn't appreciate it one bit. "Pink. Pink and lip gloss. What are you, twelve?" And Izzie, still trying not to laugh, answers after a small shrug. "I'm not big on dark lipstick. And I'm twenty…" But Addison cots her off before she can finish the last word. "Don't say it. You're young and I'm old, I don't need the actual number." And Izzie smiles as she looks at Addison carefully put on her lipstick and frown at her reflection on the mirror, and she decides this is one of those moments when she really should say something, because Addison? Is not old. You just have to look at her to know that. "Come on, you're not old! How old are you, thirty-five?" And Addison turns around to look at her, a bright smile on her face, and Izzie guesses she did the right thing. "No. But I like you a lot right now." And Izzie laughs and hands Addison her coat before leading her outside, ready for her first drive to work together.

And Izzie really likes driving to work with Addison. Because she lets her choose the music, and she smiles when Izzie looks at her, and this is really nice. Even though she knows it's too soon to ask for it not to be put on hold while they are at the hospital, and she's not sure how she's going to do it without going insane. But Addison doesn't smile the next time Izzie looks at her, because she's too busy looking at herself in the rearview mirror. "This is all wrong. Everyone will see it's your lipstick. Everyone will know!" And Izzie can't help but laugh, because Addison is the one freaking out, for once, and this is too absurd to take it seriously. But Addison shoots her a glare, and Izzie tries to stop laughing long enough to talk.

"Come on, people won't notice it's mine. Nobody notices that stuff." But Addison doesn't look nearly as amused when she replies, and Izzie really can't believe she's seriously freaking out about lipstick and conspiracy theories, "People do notice, Izzie. I'll just… I'll ask Callie to let me borrow hers, or something." And Izzie nods as Addison pulls over at the hospital's parking lot, but she notices something as she opens the door and she sits back down, looking at Addison. "Callie doesn't wear red lipstick either, though." And Addison sighs and looks at her with a half smug, half exasperated look on her face. "See? People do notice!" And Izzie smiles and shakes her head as she gets out of the car, because this new Addison, with her illogical thoughts and even more illogical worries, is nothing short of adorable. "Addison? I'm glad you stayed for breakfast. Lipstick and all." And Addison smiles at her in that way that makes her feel the butterflies and the goose bumps before she speaks again.

"I'm glad I stayed for breakfast too. Go. I'll talk to Bailey."

Izzie doesn't see her again until a few hours later, when she receives a page to meet her in an on-call room. And Izzie really has to make a serious effort not to run there, because she's dying to see her, but she knows it wouldn't be appropriate to run down the corridor now that everyone can see her. And she's seen Addison's name on the board next to a kickass surgery that she's almost sure she'll get to see, so she can hardly control her excitement when she reaches that door. A chance to see Addison alone and then a kickass surgery with her? Of course she's smiling like a fool. And she's still smiling when she walks inside, but Addison doesn't kiss her as soon as she sees her, like she usually does after one of these pages, and Izzie wonders if everything is still all right. She hopes so. She really, really does.

"Everyone knows." And Izzie really doesn't know what she's talking about, because she didn't tell anyone – not even George – and Meredith swore she didn't, either. She swore four times, actually, because that's exactly how many times Izzie asked her if she had. Plus, she hasn't noticed any weird looks, not even from Alex or McSteamy, and she's sure she'd have seen some of those if they'd known. "What?" And Addison stands up and walks over to her, pointing at her own face. "This! Your lipstick! Everyone noticed!" And Izzie really wants to ask her if she's going insane, but Addison keeps talking, and Izzie is a little too scared to interrupt. "Four people asked me if I knew where you were. Four, Izzie! They know!" And Izzie can't help but smile, because this is really very cute, and she suddenly understands Addison when she smiles in the middle of Izzie's freak-outs. "I work in your service, Addison. Of course people would ask you. They don't know."

"They know! I'm wearing your lipstick and now everyone knows you're my girlfriend, are you happy now?"

And Izzie knows she shouldn't be. Because Addison obviously isn't. But Izzie knows Addison will be as soon as she understands she's being crazy and paranoid, so she smiles brightly, because Addison called her her girlfriend. And she's the only person she needs to know, really. "Yes, I am." But Addison isn't smiling. At all. "Well, I'm not! Because I'm still wearing this pink lipstick that's yours, and everyone knows, and if they don't? They will when they notice it's yours!" So Izzie does the only thing she can think of. She kisses her. Hungrily, deeply and possessively, because she really wants Addison's brain to stop working now. And she presses Addison against the wall, and mentally congratulates herself when Addison moans quietly in her mouth, and calls herself a rock star when she pulls away and sees Addison supporting herself on the wall to be able to stand.

And she reaches for her and gently wipes the last bit of lipstick off Addison's lower lip with her thumb. "I'm happy. And nobody knows, but I'd also be happy if they did. And you're not wearing my lipstick anymore. Are you happy now?" And Addison breathes heavily for a few moments until her breath returns to normal, and then stands up straight and fixes her clothes. And she looks at Izzie in a way that makes her think what she did was more stupid than rockstar-ish, but she doesn't have the time to apologize before a smile appears on Addison's face, and maybe it wasn't so stupid, after all. And Izzie waits for her to answer her question as Addison opens the door and starts heading out, that mysterious smile still on her face. "You're scrubbing in with me in an hour. You better start studying."

And Izzie decides to take it as a yes.