Title: Back to Me

Warnings: Slash, angst, violence, language.


Chapter Four: Never Felt Love

Delko wasn't the least bit bothered about spending the night in Horatio's bed. They had mutually decided that it would be best for Nick to sleep in the guest room. Eventually Danny would be joining him. That only left the couch or Horatio's room. And Horatio wouldn't hear of Delko sleeping on the sofa. He had to admit that it was a little odd to be sleeping in a bed next to his boss when they had only just kissed for the first time earlier in the night. However, deep down, it felt somewhat right to him. As though this was where he truly belonged. Now if only they could talk about what was happening between them. What if Nick or Danny asked about their relationship? What was he supposed to say? Though he figured they would understand better than anyone. It was the people he worked with, his friends, that he wasn't too sure of. Delko had noticed that all through dinner Nick had this gleam in his eye that basically said he knew what was going on.

When morning rolled around he found that he was the last one to get up. Usually he awoke bright and early. But H's bed was more comfortable than the one at his own apartment or even the bed in the spare room. He found Nick and Horatio talking over coffee at the dining table. They were going to have to leave for work in a half hour. Nick said that he would stay at Horatio's place so that someone would be around in case Danny showed. Perhaps they could all do lunch and start working on a plan to bring Speed 'round to the person he used to be. Before life dealt him one bad hand after another.

Back at the lab Calleigh was happy to chat with Delko about the plans she had made with Alexx for the weekend. He loved listening to her talk. He wasn't really sure if it was just him but he thought they had grown closer since Speed started shutting them out. Maybe he could ask her about Horatio and the way their friendship had moved to something beyond that. Instead he chose to keep it to himself. He still needed a better understanding of everything first before he started asking others for advice. Ryan and Calleigh were sent out to interview a new suspect and process the victim's apartment as soon as they could. That left Delko in the Trace Lab with Speed, who was listening to his headphones.

An hour of silence went by before Delko began to feel ignored. He looked at Speed. By now the other man was running tests with one of the machines. Delko hadn't even noticed that he'd stood up. He was happy to note that the headphones were gone. "I'm sorry," he blurted out. "I didn't mean the things that I said yesterday. I'm always going to be your friend, Speed. That is, if you want me to be."

There wasn't a reply from Speed who just continued to do his job.

Delko was feeling frustrated. How was he going to get through the shell that Speed had built around himself? "I wish you would talk to me. Hell, I wish you would talk to someone. I miss hanging out with you. There's something I need to talk about and I feel you're the only who'll understand. Why don't we grab lunch together? What do you say?" He knew that he was supposed to do lunch with Nick and Danny and Horatio but if Speed took him up on the offer than surely they would all understand.

Speed turned to him, a piece of paper in his hands. "I have to go talk to H."

That was all he said before he left Delko sitting there on the stool in the room by himself. Delko wasn't one to cry and lash out in his frustration but right now, all he wanted to do was cry. His best friend was slipping away from him right before his eyes. What did he do when he went home at night? Did he read all those science books that he had or did he sit in the dark drinking away his sorrows? Delko recalled that Danny had found him attempting to cut himself. Was that what he did when he went home at night? Did he take a knife from the kitchen and carve into his own flesh? Delko tried to remember if he seen Speed in short sleeves recently. He couldn't recall though.

He rubbed his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a sigh. Instead of thinking about something he couldn't solve he decided to just concentrate on the task at hand. They had to find the one solid piece of evidence to tie this guy to his latest victim. Horatio swore that killer wouldn't get away again. At the moment though, it looked like he was going to do just that. He worked right up until lunch time rolled around. Speed didn't return and he hadn't seen nor heard anything of Calleigh and Ryan. There was a knock on the door. He looked up to see Horatio waiting for him. They had a lunch date to keep.

Delko kept his concerns to himself as they drove to the restaurant where they planned to meet up with Danny and Nick. The two out of town investigators were sitting at a table outside when they arrived. Nick was leaning toward Danny and talking about something. From the look on the New Yorker's face he wasn't doing too well. Even Nick had looked better the night before. Horatio and Delko greeted them as they took their seats at the table.

"How are things in New York?" Horatio asked to be polite.

"Peachy," Danny replied dryly. "The new girl keeps hitting on me. Mac and Stella send their regards, by the way."

Delko ran a hand through his hair. "So I'm guessing that Nick filled you in on everything?" Danny nodded in reply. "Okay, good. I tried to get him to go to lunch with me this afternoon. He clearly wasn't interested though. We have got to do something for him. I'm afraid that he's going to hurt himself. He goes home every night to that empty apartment. There's no telling what thoughts are going through his mind."

"You know," Danny said softly as he looked down at the table, "everything seems somewhat off without him. I miss our monthly get togethers. I miss the basketball games, the card games, sitting there watching movies. The love that we have for each is something I've never experienced before. For the longest time I tried to understand how he could just throw it away and I still don't understand."

Horatio offered him a sympathetic smile. "If it makes you feel any better I honestly believe that he still loves you. He's just having a tough time understanding everything."

"So how are we going to get back the old Speed?" Nick asked.