Sorry guys, but this chapter will leave you hanging a bit. Don't worry though, I will update very soon, maybe even tomorrow if I get some morereviews. Wow, that's kind of blackmail, isn't it? It's just that they really inspire me and keep me moving!

And I promise the ending is happy! (-:


CHAPTER FOUR

As soon as Kate stepped into her apartment, she dropped her clutch to the floor and practically tore the dress off her body. She trudged into the bathroom and roughly washed all of the makeup off her face. She pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and went into her room. Grabbing her favorite grey sweats and a NYPD t-shirt, she put them on quickly. She walked back into the living room and for a moment just stared around blindly. Then she collapsed onto the couch and burst into tears.

After a few minutes, she pulled herself together and decided to take a bath, if only to continue her bawling in a hot bathtub. Sniffling, she stood up and was halfway to her bedroom when she heard a tentative knock on the door.

Again she heard Dr. Burke's voice telling her to answer the door, not to run from things, not to be afraid that if Castle saw all of her, he would leave. She remembered Dr. Burke asking her—how much more does Castle have to see before you believe that he loves all of you?

She rubbed her eyes on the sleeves of her shirt. She could do this. He must have come after her almost immediately to be here this fast. She had to try. They would work through it. He loved her. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

"Kate."

She almost laughed, but then stumbled backward slightly in disbelief. Was the universe serious about this? She swallowed hard and mentally switched gears.

"Hi, Josh," she said weakly.

"May I come in?" he asked politely.

In shock, she turned away from him and simply walked into the room, sitting down on the couch and trying to figure out how Josh's reappearance was fitting into the horrifying nightmare she was having tonight. He shut the door behind him and sat in the swivel chair beside the coffee table.

"Are you all right?" he asked hesitantly, looking back at the red dress lying in a heap on the floor. "You look like you've been crying."

"Allergies," she said quickly, not even caring if he believed her. What was he doing here?

"Oh, that sucks, sorry," he answered. Good ol' Josh, always the perceptive one.

He looked around a bit and then took a deep breath. Her heart felt like it had stopped beating.

"Katie, I've been sitting across the street from your apartment all night, waiting for you to come home. I need to talk to you. And I need you to listen and let me finish before you say anything. Can you do that for me?" he asked softly.

She was so lost in her world of hurt, she didn't even care. She shrugged, which he took as a sign to continue.

"I got home a month ago, from Uganda. While I was there, I contracted malaria. It was really bad," he sighed, steepling his fingers before him. "I almost died. I l spent nearly a month in a filthy cot in the scorching heat, out of my freaking mind with hallucinations. One minute I was shivering with cold, the next roasting with fever. I have never thrown up so much in my life. It was miserable."

"Sounds miserable …" she mumbled.

"It was," he nodded. "But the craziest thing was, I had the most amazing epiphany."

She groaned inside. She was pretty sure she did not want to hear this.

"It just hit me one day. One day, I was puking my guts out and it just came to me and suddenly I understood everything.

"The thing I realized is that I'm in love with you, Kate. Yes, I wanted to help people and I enjoyed the travel, but since I met you, it had felt emptier. I finally figured out that the reason I was going away so much is so you wouldn't get close to me.

"I've never had a serious relationship like the one we had, Kate. I never had faith in forever or marriage. I never wanted to need anyone. I kept leaving because I was scared of getting close. It was easier to run from my fears than to face them.

"So when I got home, I signed a new contract with the hospital and began withdrawing from my overseas commitments. I bought an apartment—I even got a plant," he laughed.

"Kate, I want to start over. I want to try us again. I'm here—I'm not going anywhere, ever again, unless you are with me."

After a long pause, she spoke.

"Josh, I think you're forgetting that I broke up with you. And it wasn't just because you were away all the time."

"I know, Katie, but I want you to consider something. You had been shot. You were hurting and on meds—you weren't in your right mind. You were pushing everyone away … me, your dad, your friends."

He sighed deeply then. "After all this time, I thought maybe you might have changed your mind, that you might want to give it another go."

"Josh, it's been over a year," she replied.

"I'm not too late, am I? Please tell me I'm not too late," he pleaded, tears in his eyes.

"Josh, what can I say? I've moved on. I'm …"

"You're with Castle, aren't you?" he cut in.

She exhaled heavily and turned away from him for a moment, trying to get herself together.

"Yes," she said, turning back to him. "I'm with Castle."

"How long?" he said, his tone changing abruptly.

She shook her head. "Not that it's any of your business, but a couple of months now."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, Josh. I am."

"Is it getting serious?" he asked.

"I'm not playing twenty questions with you, Josh. I'm with Castle now and that's not going to change. I'm sorry you had malaria, but I am happy you came out of it with something positive. It sounds like you are ready to love for real, which makes me happy for you. It's just not going to be with me."

Josh jumped up then and started to pace.

"I think you should leave now," she told him.

"Kate, if you would just …"

The sound of a knock on the door interrupted him.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath.

But before she could do anything, he was headed to the door.

"Josh, don't you dare open that door! I mean it! Don't!" she cried, jumping up and running across the room.

But Josh did open the door and Kate's heart just about broke in two when she saw the expression on Castle's face. He already looked flustered and upset, like he had just run the thirty blocks over here, and she instantly regretted leaving the party.

But the way he looked now, seeing Josh, it was terrible. He was crushed. He looked like he did the whole time she was dating Josh—miserable and in a kind of permanent haze of gloom. Oh God, she thought, looking at her dress by the door and her ex-boyfriend in her apartment. He wouldn't think—

"Hello, Castle. How's it going?" Josh said, sounding weirdly friendly. He was purposely filling up the whole doorway with his body.

"Kate?" Castle called out, trying to look around him.

"Come on in, we were just having a chat actually. You're welcome to join us," Josh welcomed him.

Josh took a step back then and the first thing Castle saw was Kate's dress in a pile on the floor. It had been taken off quickly, haphazardly. He looked at Josh's face—he had been crying, that was obvious, but at least he was clothed.

And then he saw her, where she had frozen mid-step halfway between the living room and the door. Her face was puffy, her lips swollen. Her hair was a mess. Had she been crying? Or … or …

"What's going on here?" he demanded loudly, though it came out very weakly.

"We're just having a little reunion, Rick. Just catching up on old times," Josh said, almost merrily. "Want a beer?" he called out as he stepped into the kitchen.

Castle looked at her again. She still hadn't moved or said anything.

"Kate, please, tell me what's going on here," he implored.

She took a step toward him and he did toward her, but then Josh walked into the room with three beers and sat back down in the chair.

Castle looked at Kate, his eyes tearing up.

"Get the hell out of here, Josh," she stated harshly, never breaking eye contact with Castle.

"Relax, guys. We're all adults here."

"Josh, if you don't leave, I will make you leave," she threatened.

"Come on, Katie, don't be like that," he said, still smiling.

"Josh, she's asking you to leave," Castle interjected.

"Don't get in the middle of this, loverboy. She was mine first," Josh told him, raising his voice.

"Do not speak to him like that. And I mean it. Leave. I'm not going to tell you again," she said in this calm, scary voice that Castle had never even heard before.

Josh looked up at her defiantly and took a big gulp of beer.

Without another word or a glance back, Kate stomped into her room. Castle heard her lock box open and didn't know whether to stop her or cheer her on.

When she returned to the living room, her gun was pointed at Josh.

"What the hell?" he yelled, nearly dropping his beer, barely managing to set it on the coffee table.

"I asked you to leave. Now. Leave now!" she growled.

Josh was on his feet in a split second, his hands raised high in the air.

"Are you serious? You're fucking crazy!"

"No, I'm tired and upset and have had a really long night and I asked you very politely numerous times to leave my apartment. I'm not crazy—I just want you gone and I don't want you to come back. So if you aren't going to listen to me, this is how it goes."

Castle moved aside as Josh backed up toward the door, his hands still in the air.

"Will you at least think about what I said?" he tried.

"No, I won't. I suggest you move on, Josh. I have," she said, still steadily pointing the gun at him.

"Fuck this!" Josh snapped. He opened the door and stepped outside the apartment.

He turned and looked at Castle one last time. "Good luck, bro. That girl is damaged goods … and batshit crazy," he added before slamming the door shut.