Standard disclaimers apply.
A new chapter already! I am hitting myself with a stick for posting again so soon, but I really couldn't resist. And you may hate me for this chapter as well--it has revelations, but most of them are implied. There is a major one, however, which has a great deal to do with the plot. The next chapter will deal more with what is revealed here...and gracious, this story is going to be long...maybe.
Warning: this chapter contains a great deal of stream of consciousness. If you absolutely hate stream of consciousness, don't read this. I refuse to edit it and/or act on any constructive criticism advice concerning S of C, because I like it the way it is. Of course, everyone doesn't like S of C. It's very confusing because of the lack of punctuation. If you do try to read it, try to remove yourself from the traditional structure and immerse yourself in the mind of the character.
Love all you reviewers and readers, and thanks for the reviews! Please, I'm begging you on my knees to review more! I refuse to post the next chapter (out of self-discipline) until I get at least seven more reviews. I have to restrain myself from posting too often. It's a bad habit. So--you will help discipline me this way.
There was a subtle darkness pushing through the vision of one eye, while the other was completely blinded. It was not a black darkness, but tinged with green and red and a dozen other colors, nearly black but not quite reaching true blackness. They combined to form a sickening color that nauseated him almost to the point of vomiting. The colorful darkness would not remain still, but swayed and twisted, meshing and merging into newly old colors that again separated into singularities and specifics.
At the edge of the darkness was something scarlet streaked with bright fire. It slithered along the velvety uneven edge of the darkness, trying to permeate it. The darkness resisted, curling and crushing its edges into amorphousness so that there would be no definite area of penetration. The crimson wave shoved itself against the vague darkness, trying to find something solid to force without success.
He watched it, dimly aware that the red was his brain's interpretation of pain. He knew it was pain, yet he didn't particularly care. He couldn't feel it, anyway, having taken refuge in the darkness, vile as it was. Even if it made him sick, it was better than pain. It was better than awareness of what was going on. He vaguely knew what was going on, but was so out of it that he didn't really care. They were poking and prodding him now, pricking him with needles, taking samples with scalpels.
He laughed to himself, a small, cracked sound. This was just the beginning. Soon they would start the rehabilitation. The thought made him moan faintly and shift on the steel table, claws skittering on the cold metal. He managed to shift nearly to the edge of the straps pinning him down when he felt his leg go numb. He began to whine as he felt the numbness spread throughout his body until every part of him was completely without feeling. He was paralyzed.
"23?" A voice whispered next to him. Unable to move, he began to shudder internally. He hated that voice. That voice was evil. It was pure evil. Nothing good could come from it; nothing ever had, and nothing ever would. He felt like screaming, but was unable to make a sound. He tried to dive deeper within himself, past consciousness or any form of self-awareness at all. The voice spoke again, the sound resurrecting too many memories that wouldn't allow him to sleep. "23, I know you're lonely."
He began to scream inside, screaming so loud that his soul was shattering with the volume of it. Outside, there was no sound save his rapid breathing and the slower breathing of the voice. The voice smiled; he heard the smile even though he couldn't see it. "Good little dog. We're going to do something now, so that you'll remember it later." There was a brief hiss and a popping sound. He became aware of something entering his body through his leg, but was unable to do anything other than sense it. What he was more aware of was the chemical slowly spreading through his blood, swimming down his veins and into his brain. The voice laughed.
"It's nothing personal, 23, only that, for the experiment to work and for us to meet our goal, we need you to remember what you have suppressed for so long. I understand that it's going to be painful, but beauty takes pain, as they say, and this is most definitely going to be beautiful."
He screamed again, this time so loudly that a rasping cry came from his throat. It was ruining him, he could feel it and now everything was going to hell all over again…she was going to die again and it would be all over, all over even the child would die the child was too young to die just like the others and why did it have to be this way it didn't have to why were they doing this to him why hadn't they listened why couldn't he just die already why hadn't they paid attention when he had told them that it was better to die then be where they were but they hadn't listened they never did and it was killing him slowly giving birth to something that was not himself but someone else their tool he didn't want to be used again not again he had been used too many times too many times to count and why did it have to be this way again was the circle never ending this endless cycle of pain and everlasting sorrow…
Sorrow…sorrow…sorrow was her name wasn't it sorrow blue isn't that what blue means just like the other one but she didn't have a name really they didn't give her one only the number and then the name she had given herself that wasn't at all like her he didn't understand why she called herself that and why did they do it this way again why couldn't they ever end the cycle it had too long ago and too soon it had never ended and never begun but now it was beginning and ending again and aishou aishou you were gone again and going and that wasn't your name shouldn't be your name…
Why call yourself that he deserved that title though helpless weak and stupid would be a better name for him baka he was such a baka he had always been a baka ever since he was a kid even before then ever since he had known himself he had been a baka he had been born a baka and now it was going to be all over all over again and he was completely dead and gone soon but why should that be why should he be dead again it wasn't fair why couldn't he realize something what they couldn't realize he was a person he was why didn't anyone see that he was the only one who saw himself as a person but that wasn't true he was a person anymore he had died a long time ago it wasn't fair that he was still here on earth but he couldn't die couldn't kill himself for one thing it was wrong bad shouldn't be done ever because it was despair and he didn't want to despair it was just what they wanted but oh god he was going down fast just what they wanted hold downward spiral he didn't want to remember but they were all rushing back he had forced forgetfulness amnesia was a good thing…
Even a lie if it was a good lie was better than living this existence that he couldn't fathom he wanted to die oh he wanted to die but he wasn't going to give them the satisfaction somehow he had to live, had to keep his ghost moving through this world until someday he would be released to join them but why couldn't he understand that somehow it would never turn out all right they were all so optimistic paradise didn't exist just a myth made to torture them more for some to make life livable but it didn't exist it couldn't exist there couldn't be that much unspoiled happiness anywhere it was impossible for one thing that would mean she was alive and even then it wouldn't be happy because that would never happen the one happy time ever known even though they had…had…it was horrible what had been done but he wouldn't let himself think of it couldn't allow it torture rather torture rather than think of what had been done don't think of them he had to protect her somehow had to protect her it was so important she had to be protected to important so she didn't end up like them
Quit thinking of them it's wrong to think of them it won't do anyone any good you'll just screw yourself over again not that it hasn't happened already but if you do it again they will have gone in vain and whatever happened to them whatever happened they told him they were dead he had seen them die but were they really he hadn't smelled death on all of them just assumed didn't want to see anymore so died instead inside amnesia was their tool they used him like an instrument he didn't want to be played again didn't want to be played again please save me someone save me I don't know how you'll do it but please just please save me
Kiba and the rest of the pack sat inside their cage staring at each other. They had no idea of what they were supposed to be doing next. Kiba knew that they should rescue Hige, wanted to rescue Hige with all of his being, but they couldn't do anything at the moment because of those damn bars. Stupid humans. They always hurt them, every time. He glanced towards Blue. And now Blue was crying. Kiba growled. People who hurt his pack should die.
Toboe sidled up to Blue, rubbing his head against her. She laid down and put her head on her paws, staring at the cage where Hige had been and utterly ignoring Toboe. Toboe whined and began to nudge Blue with his nose.
"Come on, Blue. It'll be okay."
Blue growled. "Go away."
Toboe nudged her again. "Please, Blue, please." He didn't like to see his friends this way, torturing themselves like this. No one should be sad like that. Everyone should be happy. Why did people do this to themselves? Why did humans do it to wolves?
"Go away, Toboe!"
Toboe crept away, tail between his legs. Why did no one ever listen to him? He went and sat in the corner, depressed. Kiba sighed.
Tsume looked at Blue. According to his suggestion, the wolves had returned to their human illusions in order to hopefully elicit some feeling of sympathy or pity from the guards. So far, it hadn't worked. Blue, as a human, was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees, staring straight ahead. It was strangely disconcerting, and made Tsume feel an odd prick of sympathy for her. If only the guards felt the same way. But the sympathy had to be ignored. Doing what he had to do was going to be difficult, but it had to be done. He took a breath and stared at Blue.
"Something you want to tell us, Blue?"
At his tone, Kiba looked up sharply, looking from Tsume to Blue and back again. Toboe lifted his head to stare at Blue. Blue pulled more tightly into herself.
"No."
"I think you do." Tsume got up and began to walk over to her. Blue got to her feet and faced him, hands at her sides.
"Leave me alone."
"No." Tsume got closer to Blue. She growled, hair lifting on the back of her neck. He ignored it. She bared her teeth.
"Stay away from me, Tsume."
Tsume stepped forward. "What does the man know, Blue? Why did he tell you "I know"? I think it's time you told everyone exactly what is going on here."
"There's nothing going on."
"That's bull."
She snarled. "There's nothing going on!"
"Blue?" Kiba asked, moving in on her. "We need to know."
"You're treating me just like Hige!" Blue snapped, backing into a wall. Kiba glared.
"If it concerns you, it concerns the pack, Blue. Tell us."
"No!"
Tsume looked at her. "If you don't tell them, then I will."
Blue's eyes got wide and frightened. "You don't know anything."
"I know enough."
"You don't know anything, Tsume, so you just stay out of this."
Tsume turned towards Kiba. "Blue has been concealing something from the rest of the pack for a while now."
Kiba stared. "What?" He looked at Blue, who was pressed back against the wall, her eyes narrowed and fur all on end. She was breathing hard.
Tsume took a deep breath. "Blue's pregnant."
So, are you completely infuriated with me now? Tell me by pushing that little button at the bottom. Did you see this coming? I've been throwing subtle hints towards this throughout. And, as you might expect, the Hige/Blue relationship is going to have a bigger part in the story now that the cat's out of the bag.
