A Different Kind of Hero

X.} -different journal entries

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Chapter 4

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1.}…The shadows are getting closer, the pain is getting worse, and I can't carry the charade much longer. I feel so broken. I need a hero to save me…

2.}…The side I never let them see, it's ugly. I feel its rage, and I don't know how much longer I can take this…

3.}…I talked with Mister Hatake today. I promised that I would speak to him if I had troubles, but I can't bring myself too, but he seems to understand that. He seems to get that I don't want to talk about it...but at the same time I do. He brings things up in small quantities and coaxes things from me. Then I break down and say things here and there to him.

He says it's not good to keep everything bottled up, but sometimes I don't want to be better and put back together. I'm still a bit skeptical that he understands where I'm coming from with this but then I think about the stories I've been told, that he hides his scars physical and metaphorical, and I just kind of know that he gets it…

4.}…I'm so messed up…The taunting is getting worse but I can't bring myself to say anything…what is wrong with me?


Kakashi tied his bandanna around his neck loosely, the tip hanging corner of it just resting above where his heart was supposed to be. He tugged at it lightly, pulling it away from his neck so as not to choke himself before slipping into his jacket, he adjusted it with a roll of his shoulders.

The October air was chilly and nipped with the wind as it blew over and around the village. Kakashi breathed in deeply before exhaling and watching the billowing cloud of steam that he produced fade away.

The weather man said it was going to snow any day, and Kakashi dreaded it. He absolutely loathed the winter months in Konoha, but he sucked it up and drove to school to start another day anew.

He knew Genma was going to complain when he got inside the school at his lack of appropriate clothing, meaning a jacket that had five feet of stuffing in it, but Kakashi didn't care. He preferred clothing that he could actually move in.

His brow rose when he found current secret fixation Sakura sitting in his classroom at his desk doing something on his computer. He'd gotten to know her over the last month, and considered her one of his most trusted confidents, regardless of the large age gap and the fact that she was his student.

"Uh-hum?" He cleared his throat.

She jumped when she heard him and blushed in fear that she'd been caught. "Hey?" She said awkwardly.

"You aren't doing what I think you're doing are you?"

"That depends on what you think I'm doing?"

"Are you trying to hack the grade systems? ... Again?" He sighed. She'd done this nearly a month ago. She'd tried to hack his grade system, to change her grades and while they'd gone up some, some wasn't good enough in Sakura's eyes. If anything he was disappointed in her.

She lowered her head in defeat, "Yeah. I can't get your damned thing down though."

He slowly stripped out of his jacket, placed it on the long desk next to his, and made his way to the rolling chair she sat in before he leaned forward from behind her, his hands braced on the desk before leaning in close to her, his lips at the shell of her ear, "I'll show you how then." His breath was warm as it tickled her ear with his whispered words laced thickly with innuendo.

She shuddered slightly almost completely oblivious to his fingers on the key board, typing a few simple commands with a quick; tac, tac, tac. She watched as the system opened and his classes' grades were shown alphabetically.

"I'm sorry." She murmured to him as he typed something into the computer from over her shoulders.

He shrugged with a hum.

"I really am."

"It's fine. I owed you anyway." He told her quietly closing out of the program. "Just don't get caught next time."

She laughed, "Sorry my ninja skills aren't up to par."

He smiled, "Not everyone can be as awesome as me."

"Pfft, way to be full of yourself." She sighed, "Are you going to the football game tomorrow night?"

"Homecoming, isn't it?" He asked moving back from the chair, putting some distance between them before she'd actually have to worry about getting his thing down.

"Yeah."

"I might," He told her, "I'm not really a sports fanatic."

She shook her head, "Me either but its homecoming, and Naruto is quarterback." She watched Kakashi pull his gloves from his hands only to adjust the wide bracelets on his wrists and roll up his sleeves.

He pulled a book from his back pocket and flipped it open to a random page as he sat up on the long desk. He glanced to the page but ignored the words he was looking at. "So who are they playing?"

"Sunagakure. Akatsuki Sports College is coming to see if any of our players are worth the draft."

"Interesting."


"Today, Class," Tsunade sneered with a sardonic smile, "Today we start book reports and posters. Pick your favorite book and write an essay on it and make a poster. The book mustn't be smutty or involve sex in any way."

Sakura snickered lightly to herself; she knew exactly why Mrs. Sannin was giving them the warning. Kakashi's smut addiction had nearly gotten him thrown out of her class in his junior and senior years.

Tsunade smiled, "Miss Haruno, what book will you be doing your project on?"

"Frankenstein." Sakura said boldly.

"Good choice. Mr. Uchiha what will your book be?"

Sasuke shrugged, "Uh, Pride and Prejudice."

"Risky, but I like it." She droned as she continued on, marking down her class's choices of book. She was pretty pleased with them, save for Naruto and a few others who weren't really taking the project seriously.

Sasuke leaned over to Sakura, "Frankenstein, really? You do your project on that book every year."

"I could say the same with you and Pride and Prejudice." She chided as she doodled in her notebook, bored out of her mind.

"Ah, touché." He commented, twirling a finger in his longer bangs.

Naruto's brow stitched, "Why do you guys pick such big books to do your projects on? Pick something easy, like me."

Sakura laughed, "I don't really consider Green Eggs and Ham to be a good book."

"Dr. Seuss was a genius. I'd like to see you rhyme like that." The blonde crossed his arms over his chest, his chin in the air.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "We can rhyme in time, and you think those thoughts, we say yay but you say not, we rhyme the words you say we can't so here I am I take the chance, my names Sasuke, and she's Haruno, you say we can't but what do you know?"

Sakura rolled with laughter as Naruto's jaw dropped. "You just got served."

"Shut up. You guys are assholes." He hissed as the bell rang and he picked his books up. "So I'll see you guys next period?"

"Yup."-"Yeah"

Kakashi looked up from his computer screen as the bell rang and herds of children ranging in age rushed past his door. It made him smile as he listened to the fowl language they used thinking no one was listening. In all honesty it made him think of Sakura and the dirty mouth he'd learned she had.

She said things that put even Tsunade to shame and from his experience that was saying something. The English teacher down the hall had a vocabulary a mile long, but Sakura's easily breezed past hers.

He looked at his computer screen and shook his head with a frown. A mouth that dirty on someone that young shouldn't make him smile. Hell she shouldn't make him smile, but she did.

He should've turned her in for nearly hacking his computer -twice- but he knew she was desperate to keep her grades above passing. They'd developed a system and got along fairly well with it. She'd do him a favor and he'd do her one. They were even now; he'd made up his owing

He thought about her earlier question. Was he going to go to the game? He'd definitely thought about it. He'd thought about going for the thousandth time that day, and only because she'd asked him to.

He felt pathetic. He felt helpless around her, he felt breathless and he didn't care. He liked feeling like that, even if that feeling wasn't shared with her.


Sakura couldn't focus during History, and she was having trouble through Chemistry as well.

She felt bad for breaking her promise to Kakashi. The thing that was really distracting her was those damned jeans hugging that ass. She was completely lost to his masculine-feminine charm.

That and the promise of something explosive.

"This is a low energy mixture right? It doesn't seem to be doing too much in this beaker now does it?" Kakashi said with excitement as he placed the beaker in the hood next to Sakura's seat. "I'm going to add a couple drops of water and we'll see an explosive chemical reaction. Any one know what that special cabinet it called?"

Sasuke raised his hand, "A Hood?"

"No. It's the Scientific Box of Wonder." Kakashi smiled.

"No. I'm pretty sure it's called a hood. It's got special vents and stuff so that the chemicals don't seep into the air and kill us."

"Scientific Box of Wonder."

"Hood."

"Box of Wonder."

"Hood."

"Who has the degree in chemistry? I do. It's the scientific box of wonder." Kakashi's eyes met Naruto's, "What is it, Naruto?"

"A hood?"

"No. Sakura?"

"Scientific Box of Wonder?"

"Yes. Thank you. Gaara?"

The ginger shook his head, "I'm not getting involved."

Kakashi laughed and slid the glass doors open, squeezed the dropped twice and darted away from the cabinet as he closed the doors again. The class watched intently as the mixture in the beaker started steaming, a loud pop and a couple of girly squeals later, the class watched as the beaker flared with a green and purple fire.

"Whoa!"-"Amazing!"-"It made fire?"

Kakashi nodded, "It's a chemical change from low energy to high energy."

Sasuke smiled, "That was awesome."

"Yeah, it was huh?" Naruto grinned from ear to ear, looking at the forgotten notes on the board.

"So that's pretty much it. Monday we start notes on Gases." Kakashi said as he turned the smart board at the front of the room off. His dark eyes met Sakura's lighter ones and she blushed deeply, embarrassed that she'd been caught staring at him yet again. Her ninja skills were lacking terribly.

He smiled at her and she returned a weak grin nervously. Even his smile was amazing, she mused. Had he not confided in her some of his darkest secrets she'd assume he was one of the most perfect people she'd ever known. Aside from the porn addiction that everyone seemed to know of.

"I'll see you all Monday!" Kakashi called as his class left the room with the fourth period bell.

Sakura waved her good-bye and headed for health class.

She thrummed her fingers on her desk as she listened to Ino's incessant ranting and Asuma awkward conversation on the male reproductive system in detail. She needed to go to lunch, or punch something or anything. She felt like a ticking time bomb getting ready to go off. She could punch Kiba out again, or one of his goonies – Shino Aburame or Choji Akamichi – but then Ino would be angry with her. She was friends with every one, she was the popular girl.

Sakura didn't envy her one bit either.

When the bell rang, Sakura was the first one out the door and in the lunch line. She only had four periods left in the day and then she could go home for the week and write her heart out in her tech-journal.

When the final bell of the day rang, Sakura didn't even bother to stay and say good-bye to her friends. Her emotions were raging and she didn't know what to do with them. She felt so guilty she might confess a crime she didn't do, she was so angry she was willing to go out and commit said crime, and she was so confused that she felt like she was going in circles.

"Fuck!" Sakura hissed as she stormed into her house, tripping over the newspaper as she skipped up the stairs. "Genma needs to pick his shit up off of my fucking stair case."

Shizune looked up from the couch, "Someone is in a bad mood."

"Well he shouldn't leave his shit lying around."

"Watch your mouth."

She rolled her eyes and stomped upstairs into her room. She slammed her door and let out a howl of frustration and confusion before eyeing her computer and giving in. She needed to talk to someone and Kakashi had been so kind as to give her his personal email address. She didn't know what to do.

She opened the computer and logged into her email before send Kakashi a short message.

- Mr. Hatake,

I really need to talk to you.

~Sakura

She sat back against her headboard and rubbed her hands up and down the top of her thighs, needing something to do to keep her from tossing the things around her room. She jumped when her computer beeped telling her someone had messaged her.

Okay. What's up?

She let out a soft huff of air as she typed her reply to him.

I feel like I'm falling apart. I don't like feeling this way. The bullying is getting worse and I just want it all to stop. I'm so messed up.

Sakura sighed and wrung her hands together when she hit send, tears rolling down her cheeks in silence as she confessed to her teacher what was eating at her.

You aren't messed up, Sakura-chan. The people teasing and taunting you are, don't you ever feel like it's your fault! I know you want it to stop, and it never will completely but please know that it does get better. No one ever likes to feel that way about themselves. What is it they say about you, or say to you?

She hung her head and wiped at the tears on her cheeks, pulling herself together slowly but surely. She needed to get a grip, she told herself. She needed to pull together and fight through it again.

They tell me I'm a freak, that I just shouldn't talk and they throw things at me. Then there are the people that make fun of me because I'm friends with Sasuke and they say rude things about it and I act tough, I put on the charade but I'm just going down hill with this. I hate it.

She shook her head and started downstairs when Shizune called her name. She left her computer open and herself logged-in as she left the house with her sister.

You aren't a freak Sakura, and believe me you aren't acting tough you really are. You're trying so hard to pull through for him and yourself and it takes a strong person to do so. So you're friends with Sasuke? It takes a truly great person to except others for who they are instead of taking the easy route and putting them in the ground with mean words and gestures. You are such a strong person, you have no idea. You don't see the side of you that I do, or that Genma, Shizune, Naruto or any of your other friends do. That's the side of you we, I, like so much.

If that doesn't help, remember that you are stronger and prettier than every person that makes fun of you or anyone else.


Sasuke elbowed Sakura as the football game started and the Konoha Leaf Shinobi ran out onto the home field cheering. Sakura spotted Naruto's number, nine, and she cheered with the friend sitting next to her.

"Yeah, Naruto!" She called out. It was cold enough out that she could see her breath and that of everyone around her and she didn't really care as the opposing team, the Suna Sand Devils entered out onto the field.

She smiled when the national anthems of both villages were sung, and the game began.

"Leaf will kick ass." Sasuke told Sakura as Naruto kicked the ball to start. "They're six-and-oh right now and if they keep it up they may go to nationals."

"It would be good if they did, huh? The football team hasn't been in years." She wrung her hands together, trying to keep them warm as she watched the game on the field. The home team side let out a howl as the Suna QB moved the ball down the field nearly forty yards.

"Damn they're good." A deeper baritone voice said in Sakura's ear as the second quarter started, nearly thirty minutes later.

Sakura picked her head up and smiled as her eyes roved over Mr. Hatake. He knew how to work the leather jacket, rock band tee, and those loose fitting darkwash skinny-jeans like it was his job. A teacher shouldn't look that good in skinny jeans period. He was her exception, not even Sasuke worked the denim the way her chem. instructor did.

He sat next to her on the bleachers.

"Yeah they are; that or our defense is terrible this year." She elbowed him as they watched the teams arrange themselves on the line of scrimmage.

"Maybe a bit of both." He laughed as he looked out over the field, "They've got bigger players too. I think, though, that if they switched the play instead of going for the Leaf Hurricane over and over they could one up Suna."

Sakura rolled her eyes, "I thought you weren't a sports fanatic."

"Knowing the game and being a fanatic are two different things. Hello, Sasuke."

"Hey, Mr. Hatake. Come to watch the game?" Sasuke asked absently, barely paying attention to his chemistry teacher as Naruto moved down the field to the two yard line. "YEAH, NARUTO!" He screamed with the rest of the crowd.

"Something like that." He glanced at Sakura and back to the field.

They watched the game slowly progress, the ball moving to opposite ends of the field by both teams. Sakura sighed and watched the billow-cloud of steam the she released with a smirk and a cocked brow. It was freezing outside.

Kakashi watched as Sakura shivered every so often, her thin coat doing a poor job at keeping her warm in the forty degree weather.

He leaned close to her, "I'm going to get a coffee, why don't you come with me and get something to warm you up?"

She turned her head to him, "I don't like coffee."

"You could get hot-chocolate; I don't know a football game that doesn't offer that." He whispered.

She thought about it momentarily, "Alright." She tugged on Sasuke's sleeve, "I'm going to get a hot-chocolate, okay?"

"Kay." He waved her off.

Sakura stood and followed Kakashi to the concession stand behind the bleachers and he bought both their drinks, despite her protests that she could get her own. He handed her Styrofoam cup and they slowly walked from the stand in silence.

"Leaf doesn't pick up the slack until after half-time; it'd be pointless to go back and watch right now." She told him matter-of-factly. They walked to the parking lot and just kept strolling.

"So I've heard." He sipped at his warm drink, "So what's your favorite subject so far?"

She looked at him skeptically, "What, are we playing twenty questions or something?"

"We are now."

She nodded slowly, "Okay. I like English because I like reading. What's your favorite book?"

"Make-Out Paradise. What's yours?"

She smiled at him, "Frankenstein. I've read it over and over. What's your favorite color?"

"Hmm…I don't really have a favorite, but since I have to answer I'm going to say green." He scratched at his chin, "What's yours?"

She shook her head and sipped at her hot chocolate, "Um, I like lime-green and dark red." She bit the inside of her cheek thinking of a good question, "Do you have a favorite sport?"

It wasn't that great a question, she thought. She didn't really want to ask anything crazy personal though. She didn't want to offend him.

He shrugged, "I like football and hockey." He sighed, "So um, awkward question, have you ever had sex?"

She spat her drink out and looked up at him unbelievingly with a sputter and cough. "Excuse me?"

He did not just ask that question, did he? He did, she mused, and he didn't seem the least bit ashamed. What the hell.

He smiled and scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "Just curious." He lied. His interest had actually been peeked earlier that week when the entire senior class had taken a survey, he'd helped the business math class tally everything and he'd 'stumbled' across her paper and her answers.

"Bullshit, no one is ever just curious Mr. Hatake." She scolded playfully. "Lets say I answer the question what do I get?"

"I don't know. Ask me a personal question?"

"Fair enough." She nodded, "Yes. A couple times actually." She tapped her chin in mock thought, "When was the last time you got laid?"

"Pfft, I wish I could tell you but I don't remember. When I got out of college maybe? Who did you have sex with?"

"That's really personal." She wasn't embarrassed at the fact she'd had sex, she didn't want to answer to protect the other people.

"If you answer I'll owe you another favor."

"Okay." She smiled weakly, "Naruto three times. It was back with my first depression-thing, it kind of just happened and we were both at our wits end with my rollercoaster of emotions." She tossed her cup in a trash bin as they passed one, still walking, Kakashi followed suit and nodded slowly as she answered his question. "Why are you asking these questions?"

"My curious nature?"

"Uh-huh. It was the survey wasn't it?"

"What gave it away?"

"Naruto is in business math. He told me you helped tally the results."

Kakashi held his hands up guiltily, "Alright, you caught me."

She smiled and they continued on, rounding about the large parking lot as they walked down a small footpath used by the track and cross-country teams for their runs. Sakura admired the beauty of the small patch of trees, and the red orange leaves as they flittered with the wind.

She rubbed her hands together, "About that favor?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I borrow your gloves? My hands are freezing."

He smiled and laughed as he tugged on the fingertip of one of his gloves with his teeth before pulling the other off and handing the pair to the small woman next to him. He watched as she slipped the gloves onto her hands and rubbed them together to warm them with friction.

"Thank you." She told him quietly as they walked deeper into the small patch of trees, and into the colder shadows they cast. "It's freezing out today, like forty degrees or something?"

He glanced to her, "It was thirty-nine when I left my apartment. A bit ironic that homecoming would be so cold in leaf, huh?"

"Yeah." She replied coolly. "You aren't going to tell anyone are you?"

"A secret is a secret, no matter how big or small. My mouth is shut." He smiled and they continued on silently. Both enjoying the company and serenity of the small forest. He watched as the leaves twirled to the ground with the wind and out Sakura would stretch her hands out every so often in an attempt to keep them warm.

Sakura looked down when his hand bumped against the underside of hers, and his fingers fit in-between hers twining their hands to keep them both warm. Her gaze shot back up to his face, only to find him staring out still at the trees like he wasn't holding her hand. Not that she minded much, his hands were warm, and she really liked him.

It took a moment to get used to but she flexed her hand against his and twined their fingers a bit more properly. She was sure that if anyone ran by they could both get into some serious trouble but he seemed not to mind very much that they were infact holding hands just outside the school.

She let a small smile play on her lips as they walked onward.

Kakashi turned his head towards her the slightest bit and grinned the crooked movie star smile of his at her, "You have cold hands."

"That's why I'm borrowing your gloves." She retorted with amusement, feeling giddy.

"Hmm, I guess the rumor is true then."

She looked back up at him, "What rumor?"

"If you have cold hands, you have a warm heart." He told her quietly looking back out over the forest floor painted orange and red and purple with the leaves of autumn.

Sakura felt her heart flutter at his words, her face most definitely turning a shade of pink. She didn't comment on what he'd said, she just held his hand a little tighter and let her smirk play on her lips again.

If it was any consolation to her, his hands were freezing.


Sasuke looked up from his nachos as Sakura and Kakashi started towards his seat on the bleachers, "Where the hell have you been? Its fourth quarter, you've been gone for two hours!"

Sakura shrugged and smiled, "Well, Mr. Hatake locked his keys out of his car, so he couldn't get his hat, so he had me shimmy in through the trunk only to find out he left his hat at home." She told her friend as she took her seat next to him.

Kakashi nodded as she quickly lied through her teeth, covering both their asses. "Who's winning?"

"Suna, by seven. If Naruto can get the team to pick it up here in the last five minutes, we'll win."

Sakura looked to the score board across the field surprised by the twenty-eight point pick up they'd gotten. They were kicking some serious ass now it seemed, she hadn't minded missing it though.

She'd been perfectly at ease holding Kakashi's hand on their little stroll through the trees. She'd been the one to pull her hand away when they'd come into the clearing, much to his disappointment.

Her eyes met his quickly, and she sighed at the warmth she saw in the lusty grey depths of his eyes and the half-lidded gaze that made her heart pound. Even from underneath his screen of long, dark lashes she saw the spark of heat in the cold surrounding them and she felt warm for the first time in a long time.

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Thank you all for the favorites I've been receiving, it means a lot to know that so many people like this story that much. On that note, I wanted to thank all the people the reviewed, you guys made my week.

Okay, so it was realllllly minor fluff, but fluff is fluff right? I want to take their relationship slowly instead of rushing it like I usually do, so I hope you guys hold out with me.

I was kind of fretting over the hand holding scene, I didn't want it to seem too corny but at the same time I wanted a bit of sweetness with it. So, it's not necessary, but I'd like to know how it was read as.