Chapter Notes – Be warned, this is a bit of a long one… but I didn't feel right about breaking it up so, get a snack and a cup of tea before settling in.
Time line notes – This takes place around the time of the phone call that is mentioned in Chapter 3, nearing the end of the band's tour. It should probably be mentioned here that in this 'universe' Eiri is older. He is going to be 28 shortly.
Reviews – Are very nice! Thank you. A lot of people are reading this, but only a few are commenting. I just wonder what the rest are thinking. Maybe it's a bit too serious, but I was trying to frame it in a more realistic manner so… take it for what it is PS I'd love it if you'd buy my novels, I've written far too many!
Back story – If enough people are interested (leave a comment) I might end up releasing it as a separate work, not to interrupt the timeline of this current segment.
Eiri had been sitting at the bar for a while, now into his second glass of too-expensive scotch and steadily making his way through a pack of Russian cigarettes. The new medication had settled in and the doctor had told him it wouldn't kill him to have a drink once things evened out… just to keep it to one or two. Tonight was the night to indulge. A reward to himself for his efforts over the past few weeks.
There was just one thing missing to complete his night… He looked across the room at some young women that had just come in, looking as though they had just come from the theater. Well dressed, makeup perfect, every hair in place and wearing the latest couture. That wasn't what was missing though… The chair next to him was empty.
He sighed, looking down at the bar where his lighter rested. On the bottom, there was an enormous warning about the dangers of cigarette smoking. On the top, facing him, was the sticker image of the two of them that Shuichi had insisted upon taking at the park. Both stickers had been applied by Shuichi. One to remind him that he was killing himself and the other to remind him that he was loved.
"Funny, isn't it?" He spoke to his lighter, took another drag, flicking the ashes into a cut glass ashtray.
He wished regrettably that Shuichi was there with him, although he knew that he would be hearing a rambling lecture or story or just whatever was in his head at the moment. It would just have been nice to hear him yapping away.
He sighed again. The kid was far away, occupied with his obligation to go on tour. Eiri hoped it was going well, that he was concentrating on the task at hand instead of worrying. He opened his cell phone, clicking until he found the last message from Shuichi.
"I will make us both proud. Super big love! :) :)"
It was the next day back in Tokyo. Afternoon. Shuichi had been unusually willing to just leave him alone as he had asked… but now he was feeling that gap in contact. He frowned, remembering Shuichi hugging him at the airport. The sound of his voice softly in his ear. "I love you so much… So much…"
"Mmh…" He wanted to press the send button, just to talk for a little.
"Hello, handsome…" One of the women had made her way over to him where he sat alone, "Would you like some company?"
He looked at her sidelong, irritated to have his reverie broken, "Yes. But not yours."
"Oww… Harsh."
"You asked, I replied honestly." He took another drag on his cigarette, turning his barstool toward her as he closed the cell phone.
"How can you be so gorgeous and so mean all at once? That's just not very nice of you."
"It wasn't intended to be nice or not nice. Just a fact."
"Maybe you just don't like blonds."
"I don't have a preference either way."
"Come on… Buy me a drink." She moved in closer and lay a hand on his thigh, smiling seductively.
"No. I won't."
"Why not?" She batted her eyelashes.
"I've never needed to pay for a woman's company. Tonight won't be the first time."
"We think very well of ourselves, don't we?" She laughed, flirtation thick in her voice.
"It is another fact. You mistake truth for other things." He removed her hand from his leg, placing it on the bar, but she was not dissuaded yet.
"So hard to get… What are you, a model? Is that it? I don't rate?"
"I am not a model. I am an author."
"And such an interesting accent… Where are you from, handsome?"
"Tokyo."
"Japan?"
"You've heard of it." He smirked.
"You don't look Japanese."
"I know. But I am."
"And you definitely don't look like the usual Japanese business man that we see." She smiled at a brunette who was coming into earshot, "Heather… Check this out. He's Japanese."
"No kidding? And blond?" She smiled.
"So it seems." He shook his head and picked up his glass for a drink.
"Oh, come on. Be fun. We're both free." The blond told him.
"Free. I doubt that very much."
"He's a comedian too…"
"What's your name, honey?"
"Eiri."
"Oooh, how cute!"
"If you think so… Are we done with this conversation?"
"Wow, it's so chilly in here." Heather giggled.
"I know. Isn't he just fascinating? A real challenge."
"I'm not interested in paying for company, ladies. I am interested in peace and quiet and having a drink."
"Everyone needs company." The blond now sidled closer, once more her hand on his leg, "What's the matter? You don't like American women?"
"I've liked American women plenty. Please remove your hand."
"Awww… Why?"
"Because I am taken… If you please… Hands off."
"Ohhh..." She sighed and removed her hand, "Where is she then?"
"In Japan."
"Then she'd never know, would she?"
"I'm not that way. I don't consider physical separation an invitation to seek other company." He smirked.
"My my… A faithful guy. It's a minor miracle." Heather laughed.
"Perhaps."
"Come on… Maybe we can work out a freebie for you."
"Enough. I am not interested."
"I think we're losing our touch."
"I am sure there are many men that would be happy to buy you a drink. Just not this one."
He took a long drag on his cigarette, very interested in what he was feeling. He wasn't interested in them at all. Not even a twinge. There was one person that he wanted to be with. He smiled.
"What is that wistful look for?" The blond asked.
"Being happy with what I have. Not wanting anything more. I wish you luck in finding the same."
Then another one of them arrived and gaped at him, an Asian woman this time, "Oh my GOD! Yuki Eiri! It really is you!"
"You know this guy?" Heather was surprised.
"Of course I do! He's huge at home! It's amazing to meet you, Yuki-sama. I just loved your last book!"
"Thank you."
"He's totally not interested, Kana. Don't even try." The blond told her.
"Of course he's not! Are you nuts? This guy doesn't pay to spend time with women. They chase him around! Plus… where is Shindou-san? Is he with you??" Her gaze darted around the room to see if she could locate him.
"No. He's on tour with his band at home."
"Aa, that's too bad. I would have loved to meet him too!" She beamed her smile at him.
"Sorry." He shrugged, "I would have preferred him to be here as well… but we both have obligations."
"Who's that?" Heather asked.
"His boyfriend… Jeeze…" The new girl rolled her eyes as though they should all know.
"Boyfriend…" The blond looked at him indignantly, "You're kidding…"
"No. She's not." He raised his glass, "Here's to Shuichi."
"You could have just told us you're gay."
"I'm not. I just happen to have a lover who is male."
"So you're bisexual…"
"I suppose." His phone chimed then and he smiled upon seeing the caller's name, "Saved by the young man himself… Go go go." He shooed them away and answered, "Perfect timing, Shu…"
"Yuki! You answered so fast!" His voice was surprised and happy.
"I was just about to call you actually but I was interrupted… How are you?"
"Good! You were really going to call?"
"Yes. How are things going?"
He was glad to just listen to him for a while, the details of their concerts so far. Shuichi stopped talking suddenly.
"… Are… are you still there?" His voice had grown small with concern.
"Yes. I'm here."
"You were so quiet I wasn't sure if you'd hung up!" He laughed nervously.
"I'm just glad to hear your voice."
"Really?"
"You have no idea how glad."
"I was worried I'd be bothering you… but I really just wanted to… you know…"
"You're not bothering me. It's good to know things are going so well for you."
"Yeah. It's a relief to be selling out venues… The critics are harsh though."
"Don't listen to them."
"Hm?"
"Don't listen to critics. Listen to your audience. Do they seem to enjoy your performances?"
"Oh yeah. A lot."
"Then that is all that matters, isn't it? You're not performing for critics."
"You're right. Thanks!"
"Welcome." He smiled.
"Umm… So… What are you doing?"
"Well… I am sitting in a bar in the city near Central Park, having a drink… Some old scotch… and having a smoke. It's about 11pm here."
"But I thought you couldn't smoke in places…"
"This is one that is dedicated to such things. High end. They sell cigars and foreign smokes to be enjoyed on premises. I've been smoking cigarettes from Russia."
"At least you can gum up your lungs more exotically." He sighed.
"Don't worry so much."
"Sorry… Wait… No I'm not! Be healthy, Yuki!"
"Yes yes. Let me enjoy a few vices while I sort through my brain here."
"Just a few I guess… What other vices are you enjoying?"
"Talking to you. That's all."
"Mmhh… Thank you… I miss you."
"I miss you too. I will be home soon."
"I hope so."
"Keep your mind on your work."
"I'm doing my best… I better go. Hiro is already making fun of me for wanting to call you."
"Aa, tell him to go to hell. I'm glad you did." He smiled at the lighter with their picture plastered on it.
"Me too. Love you…"
Eiri could hear the worry in his voice, afraid that he would not receive the same in response.
"Love you too, Shu. Good morning to you."
He immediately cheered up again, "And good night to you! Don't stay up too late... Okay?"
"I won't… Good bye."
"Bye…"
He smiled slightly and placed the cell phone back on the bar. Thousands of miles away, he was fairly sure that the conversation had left Shu feeling confused for one reason or another… but then again, perhaps feeling a little relieved. Either way, his cigarette had gone out in the process of talking and he looked longingly at the black packet that lay beside his phone.
"Time for a game of chance…" He picked up the lighter and tossed it in the air, watching it flip over, catch… look, "Damn… If this weren't my own lighter I would swear it was rigged…" Picture side up, "Time now to do something other than smoke."
He looked down the bar toward the area where the escorts he had shooed away were gathered. They were still chatting away. He watched for a while until he caught one of their eyes, fingers beckoning to her to come back. She didn't waste time in returning to him.
"Hi hi… Bored so soon after hanging up?" She cheered.
"Not bored so much… Kana, yes?"
"That's me! Decided to be less than faithful?"
"No. I haven't changed my mind. How long have you been living in the states?"
"Since I was 14. I've been back to Japan every year. Army brat." She smiled proudly.
"And living in New York City for how long?"
"Oh… Going on 5 years. Why?"
"Then you probably know some good spots."
"Sure." She shrugged.
"Any way I could convince you to go off-clock and be a nighttime tour guide?"
"Oooh… Tour guide to the famous. I think I could manage to swing some time off to do that!"
"Good. It'll save me from having a smoke. Own anything a little less… exotic to wear?"
"As a matter of fact, these heels are killing me. I never thought I would get the chance to say this… Why don't you come back to my place, Yuki-sama? I'll slip into something more comfortable." She winked.
"Now… Don't even joke." He smirked at her sense of humor.
"Sorry. I just had to." She giggled, "Let's go!"
He pocketed the smokes, the lighter, the phone and tossed a few dollars onto the bar, following her out. The other women gave him a look.
"Oh, I see.. You'll be morally flexible for one of your own."
"I'm just gonna show him around the town, girls. Settle down."
"Ta…" He raised a hand to them and winked as they went out the door.
"I'll probably never hear the end of this." Kana sighed but smiled anyway, "Oh well!"
In a short while he was sitting on the sofa in her apartment, waiting while she changed, looking around the place. He noticed an ashtray on the coffee table and fought the impulse to light up, instead distracting himself with the high-end trappings in the place.
"Must be a good living…"
Kana came joined him at last, pulling her hair back into a tie, now dressed in jeans and a sweater.
"Acceptable, Yuki-sama?"
"Much better." He agreed as she dropped down onto the sofa with him.
"So, how was Shu-chan? Happy to talk to you?"
"Doing well. The tour seems to be going well too."
"Cool… Where is the band now?"
"Osaka."
"Neat! What a fun life. To travel around and play music."
"It's Shu's dream… but it is also hard work."
"I bet… So… What do you want to do?"
"Things relating to music, actually."
He compared notes with her regarding locations that he usually hunted in for used CDs, glad to find out that she did some of the same herself and knew a few places he hadn't looked before.
"Okay, so I'll take you to these places but you have to promise to take me dancing after. The girls will think I've been naughty with you if I don't show up later."
"What, are they like your family?"
"Pretty much these days! They're really very nice people. Don't judge." She waved a finger at him.
"I'm sure they are, when they're not trying to ply their trade on me." He smirked again.
"It's a nice thing to get a handsome guy. Most business men are so boring…"
"That's why they're business men. Let's go."
-- On the other side of the phone call --
Shu closed his phone, thousands of miles away, and pulled his knees up to his chest where he was sitting against the wall outside the theater where they would be playing that night. He was off to the side, out of the way, hiding while sneaking in his call to Yuki. He could still see the goings-on of unpacking equipment for the show. Other bands would be playing with them tonight. This stop was more to participate in a music festival for new talent. The pressure was off somewhat, but then again it was greater than others in some ways. He was determined that they should outshine the other bands that were playing, make a definite impression.
"He said he was glad to hear from me… Was going to call when I called him… He's probably just saying that so I'll get off his back… But he sounded sincere… and he didn't try and get off the phone with me in a hurry or anything… Hurry up and come home! It's easier to tell what you're thinking when I can see your face."
His forehead found his knees as he whined. He wanted to feel very good about the easy conversation they had, but his past experiences had made him leery.
"There you are…"
He looked up at the silhouetted figure, "Hi…" He sighed.
"Woah…" Hiro sat beside him, "What's the matter?" He noticed the cell phone still clutched in his best friend's hand, "Oh… You made that call after all, huh? How much of an ass was he?"
"Not even a bit, actually."
"That's unusual… So why so down then?"
"Because it was unusual and I don't know how to feel about it. He was so nice! I want to be happy! But I guess I just miss him."
"Well, that's better than you being upset because he was a dick again."
"True." He smiled at Hiro, "I guess I'll just be happy about it."
"Good. Then we can put on a great show tonight because everything is perfect in your life!"
"Not quite perfect!" He wagged a finger at Hiro, "It will be when he comes home."
"Yeah, when's that going to be?"
"I dunno. I didn't ask, he didn't say anything other than soon… That's why everything is not perfect in my life! I'm sorry… I'm just worried."
"Jeeze, he doesn't even give you a reason to worry and you do anyway. I guess that's just what happens when you've been used to his usual crap treatment. You don't know what to think when it's good!"
"Yeah… He really was very nice. Encouraging even."
"How so?"
"I told him about the critics. He just told me to ignore them. That what was most important was the reaction of the crowds to our music. That if they were having a good time, that was all that mattered."
"He's right. You freak out more than our producer about the reviews. You shouldn't even read them."
"It's important that people like what we're doing."
"Sure it is. But they seem to like it regardless of what's in the papers. We wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the fact that people like what we're doing."
"True…"
"Maybe we should make a daily reminder tape for you to listen to. So you don't keep worrying about the same stuff over and over again." He patted his friend's brightly colored head of hair.
"Good idea… Wow, look at all the stuff they're unpacking. This is going to be a huge event."
"Bigger than any crowd we've played for yet." He agreed, "Better make a good showing."
"Yeah. Totally." He grinned, "We're going to be the best thing they've ever heard on this stage!"
"That's the spirit!"
"Woo!" But inside he was still wondering what was going on back in NY City, "He said not to worry and just concentrate on the tour… I will. You'll see..."
-- Back in New York --
As they took the stage that afternoon, in New York Eiri was making his way back toward his hotel. The sun was just starting to come up.
"Well, that was fun!" Kana was still lively as she bounced along beside him on the nearly quiet sidewalk.
"Mmh…"
"Oh, come on, old man. Perk up!"
"It's dawn… It's not time to be 'perky'."
"Let's get breakfast. I'm starved." She grabbed his wrist and tugged, Eiri continuing to walk slowly, resisting her pull, "Come on, slow poke. How do you ever have the energy to keep up with Shu-chan??"
"I don't. He runs circles around me. That's just the way that it is."
"Huh… You two really are such different people. An odd couple!"
They ate breakfast, Eiri yearning for a coffee-related cigarette. It had been a long night. He had said he wouldn't stay up late… but then again, wasn't this early?
"So, what are you going to do today? Souvenir shopping?" Kana continued to chat at him between bites of omelet.
"Sleep, do some business with boring businessmen and visit a dead old friend."
"Dead old friend?" She blinked at him in surprise.
"Yes… Visit the cemetery."
"Jeeze… I'm sorry."
"I'm not. He deserved to rot. Besides… it has been more than 10 years now. Time to forget and move on."
"You're a funny guy. Not funny 'ha ha'. I guess I would have imagined with what you write that you might be very emotional and gushy. You're a pretty hard-core kinda dude, Yuki-san." She smiled and slurped her soda.
"Life doesn't always imitate art. Thank you for your time. It has been truly interesting."
"It would only have been better if Shu-chan was here to liven you up!" She giggled and tapped the lighter that he had left on the table, "So kawaaiiii… I bet you didn't paste that picture there."
"Nor the warning label on the back." He flipped it over, "Which reminds me, I still need to kick his ass for wrecking a perfectly good sterling lighter."
"Don't do that! It's totally cute… I'm really glad I got to meet you. Now go get some rest. I'll get the check."
"How kind of you. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" He chuckled.
"Not this time. Shoo!" She waved him away.
"Have a good day, Kana." He got up and went on his way.
"You too!"
At the hotel he showered to wash away the cigarette-liquor-nightclub smells and flopped into bed to pass out for a few hours. When the alarm woke him he was still groggy, staring up at the ceiling.
"I'm not sure how people live like this…"
He rubbed his temples for a while, had another shower to wake up, then dressed and went to the New York office of his publishing house. Even the all-nighters he had pulled to meet deadlines didn't compare to this unique feeling. He made his way slowly up to the reception desk.
"Good morning!" One of the women there cheered and he winced.
"I have a meeting this morning…"
"Name?" She looked into her schedule.
"Eiri Yuki."
"Oh yes…There you are… Just a moment. Please have a seat."
"I think I'll just stand…"
She made a quick call and then looked at him again, smiling at his condition, "Long night? Coffee's over that way."
"Yes… Thank you."
Fortunately it was a decent coffee but it didn't help much. Soon one of the admins came out to guide him to the conference room where the meeting would be held.
"Can I get you another cup? You look like you may be a little jet-lagged, Mr. Yuki."
"That would be most welcome."
Shortly he was met by a pair of management staff. Formalities over, they did the American thing and became direct.
"The Tokyo office is excited by your deciding to pursue English speaking audiences… But with all due respect, Yuki-san… We're a little concerned about your work being accepted here given your… recent media exposure."
"Yes… Well… Things may be different here. However, at home, my latest is now into it's third printing regardless of the news surrounding my personal life. I am not concerned. I believe the Tokyo office is willing to back me in this venture. If you are not, I will find another way."
The senior manager nodded, "We will do what we can, but I can't promise anything. We're not going to refuse the offer. You are by far the highest grossing author in your market. It's quite impressive. We'd like to see that happen here as well, but the competition is rather intense."
"I realize this."
"Your subject matter… It may not be what the American public is used to either. You may only attract a specific group of readers who are interested in thinking their ways through cultural differences."
"I think you'll find the subject matter very appropriate for this release. I cannot discuss it with you further until a decision is reached between yourselves and the Tokyo office. They may choose to release the information, but I am contractually bound to keep it confidential."
"Understood. We'll take it up with them from here. In the mean time, we've arranged four interviews for you today as you requested. We'll just keep moving ahead in anticipation of the joint venture."
"Very good." He nodded, "If you would be so kind, I would like to get some lunch. Perhaps you could send the candidates downstairs to meet me."
"We could have lunch brought in for you, Yuki-san."
"I would prefer to meet them in a less corporate environment. I won't be working with anyone in this manner. I work from my home. Informally."
"Understood." He smiled and got up, offering a hand which Eiri rose and accepted, "Here's to new things."
"Indeed. Thank you for your attention."
"Most welcome. I'll be interested to see how this all shakes out."
He was glad to be out of there and sit down with a proper cup of coffee to start his lunch. So, it wasn't going to be easy. That was nothing new. It was a challenge he was willing to face… and the Tokyo office would back him one way or another. Where there was money, there was support, and there was plenty of money coming in.
Three interviews later he was sitting across from Keiko Nakamura who was turning out to be the best of the bunch. She had been the translator and editor on a number of manga projects and news articles. Her English was better than his from having lived in the states for many years.
"… Do you have any questions for me, now that I've interrogated you thoroughly?" He smirked.
"Actually… I do have a bit of an embarrassing question…" She shifted uncomfortably.
"What will this be? Questions about my personal life again?" He wondered, "Go right ahead."
"My younger sister… She's a bit of a fan-girl… Of both your work and Bad Luck…"
"An autograph request?" He chuckled, "Yes…?"
"She called me up hysterical this morning… She said… that she spent the night shopping for CDs and clubbing with you?" She winced, "I called her crazy…"
"Your sister's name is Kana." He laughed now.
"Oh my God… She really did meet you!"
"Yes. She was a very good tour guide. However, the dark circles under my eyes and all the yawning are her fault."
"I will have to apologize then." She sighed.
"She is an energetic girl. I'm surprised she's in the line of work that she is…"
"Yeah, well… She's the one living in Manhattan and I live way out on Long Island. Shows who gets paid better, doesn't it?" She laughed now too.
"Certainly does. I did not contribute to her bottom line however. I would like to be clear on that point."
"Oh, she said that you were just hanging out. I know. She said it was so cute how in love you were and all… She did ask a favor… That if I was getting interviewed by you today… because I told her I had another interview… This is so embarrassing…"
"So far, I'm not offended." He offered.
"She asked for an autograph because she forgot to get one before you left."
"Tell Kana-chan that I will send her a copy of my latest with just that… and I will get Shuichi to do the same for his CD. He will be benefiting from her guiding me last night, so it's only fair."
"She would be completely thankful. So am I, Yuki-sama."
"Good good… I can't tell you much more about this new project. The people in Tokyo are going to have to work with the people in New York to decide what happens next… If they agree, I'd like you to take the position as English editor."
"I am honored. Thank you!"
"I will notify your managers of my choice later today... It's been fun… I have another appointment to keep though so I hope you will excuse me." He laid his card on the table for her to take before getting up.
"Of course, Yuki-sama… and thank you again."
Bowing done, he went off to the cemetery, satisfied that things were coming along even further. Just a few more things to do and he could go home at last.
Home… A place he had never really thought he might feel he had. He had detested Japan for as long as he could remember… but that was where he wanted to be now. Home was in Tokyo, not here in New York—which had always been his saving grace, regardless of the horrors he had experienced in his youth. This was supposed to have been his new home, where his pale complexion and blond hair made him look like one of the locals. It was the first place he had experienced a feeling of normalcy. It was a place haunted by memories that were not its fault. He could never hold it against the place itself, and always returned regardless of the feelings it brought up. New York had made him feel safe and normal… Yuki had made him a killer at 16.
At home in Tokyo, the counselor he had been going to hadn't been effective. She was far too polite with him given his fame and he was far too resistant to do anything other than play games with the poor woman. Here in New York, the doctor wasn't going to have that. It had been a rude but much needed awakening. He summed it all up pretty quickly after Eiri had reluctantly ground out the reason for his being there.
"I'm not a magician, but there's nothing wrong with you that can't be fixed with work… You've got limited time here so you're going to have to do the majority of that work back home. You need to find a reason to do it. I think you must have one, otherwise you'd be dead by now. Right?"
He had been taken aback by the guy's bluntness, "… Right."
"I did some reading up on you when I heard you were coming, just to get some background… The musician you live with…"
"What about him?" He started feeling defensive again, scowling at the man.
"Hey, calm down… I just want to know… He's a good guy? He'll put up with you during all this? You're still young, but he's way younger… Wouldn't want you putting all your eggs in an immature basket. You've got a long road ahead of you."
"He's put up with far more and shows no signs of leaving my life… He's an honest person. I can't say that about anyone else that I know."
He nodded, "All right. First thing, you have to stop the meds you've been on. They're just going to mask the situation at best at low doses and it sounds like they're making things worse at higher doses."
"I've been off them already."
"What I'll get you on should take a couple weeks to really settle in. Don't be disappointed or discouraged if at first you just feel a little off. Give it time. No booze until things settle out."
"As long as I can smoke I'll be fine." He smirked.
"That'll kill you too, so give it up when you can." He smirked back, "We've got a lot of work to do. Try not to put up too much of a fight so we can make use of the time. Every day for the next week. Two hours. We'll adjust it as necessary the following week. Can you do that?"
Eiri hesitated then, gritting his teeth, "Fine."
"Good man. I'm not going to go easy on you. Try not to take it personally."
"I won't. Try not to take my reactions that way."
"Deal… Let's go for it then… So… Seems like you've spent your life running away from things, huh? Doesn't seem to be working out for you so well…"
Now, a few weeks later, here he was, alone in a cold, snowy cemetery after an all-nighter with a rather cheerful escort.
He scowled, looking down on the grave marker. It had taken a lot of exhausting work to get his blocked memories back. Now they were his again and he wouldn't let them go. All of the things that had dug at him from his subconscious for so many years… The things that his family was warned should not be brought up. He had buried the reality so deeply within that the doctors feared he would have a psychotic break were he to remember what had actually happened… The reason that he was loath to interact with other people, why he would become enraged when someone might touch him without permission.
He had even turned his sharp fury on Shuichi for this very reason. He was constantly trying to sneak up and grab at him playfully. He didn't understand… How could he? He was trying to get a smile, a positive reaction to his foolery. Instead he got a torrent of unexpected anger and he had learned since then that he shouldn't mess around with Eiri that way, but some times he still got carried away. Remembering the look of hurt on Shuichi's face sickened Eiri.
"I… I'm sorry, Yuki… I was just horsing around. You just looked so serious I could hardly stand it anymore!"
"Don't do it again. Ever. Get away from me, you annoying little shit!"
"I'm so sorry! Please don't be mad! Yuki!"
Another door slammed in his distressed face, Eiri feeling relieved not to be near him any more. Relieved not to be near anyone.
Having Shuichi around had been the strangest experience since that day in his 16th year. From the start he had tried to push the kid away, but he kept on coming back no matter how shitty the treatment he received in thanks for his unending enthusiasm. Some strange, unstoppable energy kept him going. It was the same energy that seemed to be propelling his music career along. What Shuichi felt was fact in his world. No one would change his mind once it was set. He may not have been a rocket scientist, but he had other qualities… Determination being the one that had frustrated Eiri the most. Even when he told him flat out that he had killed three people, Shuichi was not deterred… Somehow he had become the only other source of a feeling of normalcy that Eiri could remember.
"Well, Yuki … It has been what now? 11 long years? Your hold on me is done. Almost dragged me into the grave with you… but you lose. I know you now for what you were. I hope your soul rots in hell… and I will never use your name again. I am not you, not like you. I am not sorry you are dead. I am not sorry that I was the one that killed you. Now I have a long road ahead to undo the damage you've done… but I am going to walk it, you bastard. I'm not going to run away from my life any more, even if it kills me. Good bye. I won't be back."
He turned to leave only to spy a familiar figure nearby. He frowned again and wandered over, "What are you doing here?"
Touma's angelic smile washed across his face, "I thought you might come here today. I just wanted to make sure everything is all right with you."
"Everything is as good as it can be with me." He turned and started to walk away from him.
"Where are you going now?" He gave chase.
Eiri stopped in his tracks for a moment and then carried right on, "Home…" He said.
"Home?"
"Yes. Home. I'm going home. Leave me alone, Touma." He didn't bother to look back.
