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Chapter 4: You're so Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday

Arriving at the Trophy Room that night, at 8pm sharp, Lily and James met Professor McGonagall who greeted them curtly.

"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter," she started. "You are to clean the trophies located in this room. You are not to use magic and you are to return to your dorms at 10," she paused momentarily.

"Can I trust that my Head Students will not break any of these rules?" she raised an eyebrow at them.

"Yes, professor," Lily replied quietly.

"Not my first detention professor," James replied at the same time, giving her a wink. "I didn't even bring my wand," he added with a smile.

She eyed him carefully, sighing deeply, while extending an open hand in Lily's direction.

"You may pass by my office to pick it up when you are done," she informed her as Lily handed her her wand.

They looked at her in surprise.

"That is correct," she answered the unspoken question. "I am placing my trust in you. There will be no teacher coming to inspect you. I do not believe that our Head Students need the supervision, and frankly I have much more important things to do than watch the two of you clean trophies."

She paused, letting it all sink in.

"I will remind you, that I now have Miss Evans's wand in my possession. Your behaviour and your work, will determine when it will be returned. Any questions?" She paused one more time, to give them the opportunity to ask them.

Lily was apprehensive, worried about when she would be seeing her wand again.

James nodded, smiling at the professor charmingly.

"Very well then," she flicked her wand as she spoke, making two buckets appear in front of them.

"You may use these, keeping in mind that they will disappear at 10pm sharp."

She looked at them, sullenly.

"Don't disappoint me and don't make me regret putting my trust in you."

With that, she strode out the door.

Picking up a bucket each, they moved as far away from each other as possible, quietly aware that this had been a situation they had found themselves in often last year.

They proceeded in silence, trying in vain to focus on the task at hand, each unable to keep the thought of the other from entering their mind.

Lily watched James slyly, from the corner of her eyes. He looked truly focused on shining what looked like, a trophy that was more rust than metal.

She tried to think of a way to make the situation less awkward.

Just let it be, she thought to herself as she picked up another trophy.

But she couldn't.

Something inside her wanted to make everything right .

She thought back to the night she had ended their.. relationship?

She was unsure of what to call it.

It had become something much more than what she intended; a distraction. It had become something much, much, more than that.

His words had scared her.

She froze, shattering the illusion she had built inside her mind; that he was only there for one reason.

The agreement they had had been simple.

It was only going to be physical.

She had desperately needed a distraction. From her mother's illness. From her sister's hate. From her loneliness. From the voices telling her she had deserved it all. That is was all because of her.

It was never supposed to be any more than that.

Why did he have to change the rules?

She sighed, picking up another trophy.

Why did she have to push him away?

She had truly believed, deep inside her, that finding a new distraction, would make everything better.

Everything would go back to normal.

That she would be able to continue distracting herself, until the voices couldn't get to her any more.

She had been wrong.

She hadn't seen him after that. Exams had begun and although they had most classes together, he hadn't been there.

Summer severed any connection she had to him.

The distance helped.

She heard Sirius had ran away from home and that he had moved in with him. She wondered at the reasons briefly, but pushed it out of her thoughts.

Sirius had had a rough time at home, she knew this from Emma.

Maybe the topic of Sirius, was a safe one to discuss?

She looked over at him across the room, only to see him glaring at the trophy he was scrubbing vigorously.

She smiled at him.

As if sensing her eyes on him, he looked up at her.

His glare deepened, sparking a shot of ice in the pit of her stomach.

She looked away quickly, picking up another trophy to clean.

OoOoOoOoO

He watched her, resentment spreading within.

Why was she watching him again?

Had she not done enough to him?

His talk with Sirius earlier, had brought back all that happened between them.

Not that he had forgotten really; he had just sugar coated his memories to dull the ache.

He had forgotten how his heart fluttered in the morning beside her. He had forgotten her secret smile and the way she had traced her fingers down his chest absentmindedly. He had forgotten the furtive glances they shot each other, away from everyone's gazes and the hidden world they had created, where no one else existed and she was his.

Only his.

He had forgotten, the way his heart seemed to have stopped, before everything came crashing down around him into nothing, when she rejected him.

He'd shown her his his true self and everything that he was.

And she just walked away from him, rejecting it all.

Not only, he thought miserably.

She had consumed him, broken him, left him, replaced him and she still wouldn't let him go.

He was starting to shake.

He stopped cleaning to take in a controlled breath.

The scars still felt wide open, every time he glanced at her. Her eyes, looking back at him felt like she was pouring salt all over them.

Tonight it all felt so raw.

It felt exactly like it did when she first broke him.

Darkness was creeping into the corners of his mind, quickening his pulse.

No, he thought unconvincing, his defences compromised.

You know Jamsie, the darkness whispered to him softly, you're not looking so great.

His hands felt clammy and cold as he struggled to breath.

How about your favourite distraction to relieve some of the pressure? It helps. You know it helps.

James couldn't explain it but he felt the darkness smiling a twisted smile, as it slithered over his scars.

Flashes of red on white filled his mind once more.

Something crashed at his feet.

His eyes tried to focus on the trophy on the floor, making him swear.

"James?" her voice rang through him.

"I'm fine!" he snapped at her.

He wasn't.

He needed to leave.

He needed to go...anywhere.

Anywhere but here.

The darkness within him, was starting to take over and all he wanted to do in that moment, was surrender to it.

Just one last time.

What harm would it do?

Fuck! I need to get to Sirius, he thought urgently.

He thought of picking up the trophy, but someone else had already done it.

Lily was watching him closely.

Was that worry?

Resentment flared.

"James-," she started to question.

"I said I was fine," he growled at her.

Why was she so fucking close?

He stepped away from her, trying to think of how he could get to Sirius, before he came utterly undone.

"James, I -," she started again, trying to reach him.

"Leave me alone, Evans," he told her, turning his back to her.

He could always just leave right?

There wouldn't be an inspection anyway.

They barely cared, leaving them here alone with no supervision.

"What are you doing?" she demanded quickly, as she watched him walk toward the door.

"I'm getting the fuck away from you, what does it look like I'm doing?" he threw at her without looking back.

"You can't do that!," she yelled after him. "We have to clean the trophies or I won't get my wand back."

"So?" he sneered, "that's not my problem."

"James," she begged him, "don't be a pri-,"

In an instant he was there, standing in front of her, anger seeping from every pore of his body.

"Don't be a what, exactly, Evans?" the fury in his low voice made her blood run cold. "Say it," he dared her.

They stood there, facing each other, for what felt like an eternity.

Sirius. Now! His mind screamed at him.

"Fuck this shit," he didn't have time for this.

Without a word, he pulled out his want from inside his back pocket, where he had hidden it under his shirt.

Never taking his eyes off hers, he waved it.

There! The trophies had been cleaned.

Glaring at her one last time, he walked out the room.

Lily stared at the spot he had been standing in, frozen.

There had been so much pain in his eyes. So much hate.

Had she done that to him?

If not her, then what?

She needed to know.

To apologise.

To make it...better?

She went after him.

She rounded the corridor, cursing her short legs.

To her surprise, he hadn't gotten very far.

She saw him leaning his arm against the wall breathing hard.

He turned at the sound of her approach.

He seemed pale. In his eyes she saw anger quickly replace fear.

"Fuck off and stalk someone else Evans," he spat at her, trying to convince himself to move away from her.

"You can't do that!" she snapped at him as she caught up with him.

He shot her a look.

"We both know that's not true," he said, referring to their intimate detentions from last year.

He almost smiled when he caught her blush.

"Nice to know you haven't forgotten everything," he muttered darkly, taking her by surprise.

"James-," she tried to tell him that she hadn't forgotten anything.

That she couldn't.

He stopped walking and rounded on her.

"What! What could you possibly want Evans?" he was losing it, she needed to get the hell away from him.

"Just leave me the fuck alone. Have you not done enough? You're fucking poison and I'm fucking done! I don't want to play this game with you anymore. I can't."

He was breathing hard.

He was losing his grip; on the verge of breaking, all over again.

He needed to get away from her.

He needed to escape everything.

He needed to fall into the darkness.

She studied him. His hair was a mess, his cheeks were pale, his bottom lip was trembling and his eyes…

His hazel eyes seemed to contain a storm of emotions that bore into her.

Words failing her, she did the one thing she had been trying not to do all night.

She pushed him against the corridor wall, grabbed his collar and drove her lips to hers.

Her mind was no longer in control.

She kissed his mouth with intensity, as she pressed herself up against him, wanting him; wanting him to want her.

The darkness inside him cracked and his mind splintered.

Any hesitation was lost the moment their tongues met.

He pulled away from her, searching, before switching her place with his, meeting her lips with fervour.

He drove her to the wall, pressing up against her. He breathed her in deeply, losing every part of him.

He couldn't hold it back anymore.

The want.

The need.

Being so close to her was so stupid and so dangerous.

He knew that.

He should…

She sighed against his lips.

His thoughts disappeared.

His instincts focused on her.

Only her.

Without a thought, he leaned down, picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist.

He pressed her harder against the wall, wanting her to know what she did to him. Wanting her to know how he felt.

She drove her hands to his hair, grabbing him in her hands to bring him closer.

This was like their first time together.

Pure need.

A need to feel something. A need to be wanted. A need to think about anything that wasn't pain.

Except it was different.

They were searching each other for something.

His hands moved up, gripping tighter, not wanting to let go. She moaned, arching her back to him.

Her hand moved down his back, carving him as she went. It reached the small of his back where she pressed her nails into him, pulling at his clothes.

He thrust into her, making her feel him between her legs.

Merlin, she wanted him.

She moaned against him, thrusting her chest to him in response.

He released one of his hands from her thighs bringing it up to her hair. He grasped her hair tugging it enough, to make her expose her neck to him.

He broke their kiss and brought his lips to it, breathing, sucking, biting along it, marking a trail down her.

Her hand found skin.

She wanted to leave her markings on him. She wanted him to know. She wanted to tell him what was in her soul.

He groaned against her, making her shiver in pleasure. She wrapped her legs tighter, driving him further to her, enjoying the reaction she was having on him.

He felt like he could taste her essence.

He never wanted anything or anyone like this before.

He could feel her need for him.

His hand moved higher, feeling her trembling in his grasp.

"James," she breathed into his ear, her voice not hers. It was a voice that had been obscured by desire and need.

He came crashing back to reality.

He took his lips off her neck to look at her, pouring all his emotions into her.

She looked beautiful, with her hair a mess, her pupils dilated, filled with burning hunger, her lips bruised, deep red, from his.

He placed her softly back on the floor, his hands finding her face.

He kissed her deeply on the lips once more, before pulling away from her.

He traced a thumb over them, as if taking a picture of her image in this moment.

"Please, Lily," his voice begged her, broken.

"Please," he repeated, closing his eyes, "Just leave me alone."

He stepped back, wanting to go straight back to her. Pain and anguish painting his features, she watched his eyes flutter open, something new behind them.

He watched her breathing hard, eyes questioning him.

He couldn't give her the answers she wanted.

He could feel himself shake, his defences failing him once again.

He turned around.

Embracing the darkness, he walked away from her.