So many thanks to my beta TheUnrealInsomniac for his wonderful support and speedy work.
Pick
Lumos
The Temper Trap - Science of Fear
(acoustic or original, both fit the chapter's tone)
Recommended by Anon on tumblr
She may or may not be having a panic attack.
Her heart was pounding against her ribcage, she was hyperventilating and sweat was flooding out of her, running down her face and back.
Granted, she wasn't in that field of medicine so she couldn't be sure. For all Hermione knew these were the warning signs of a stroke or pulmonary embolism- severe constipation. Really, the jury was still out.
She'd been fine when Sirius grabbed her by the hand and fled down the street to where he'd parked his motorbike- because oF COURSE he had a motorbike. She'd been alright as he drove. Had been peachy when he stopped on the outskirts of town and settled into a quaint bed and breakfast. All that and still fine.
The problem came when she entered the room and he closed the door behind them. Suddenly the room was too hot and small and she was dizzy and- Boom!
Instant panic attack!
No assembly required and all for the low, low price of fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.
She'd run away from home.
Well not really, because she wasn't technically living there. Also she was an adult. But the point remained the same.
Hermione Granger had defied her parents.
For a bloke she didn't know.
She had literally flipped her life around... for a bloke.
Who the hell did that?
What sane person did that?
Apparently she did.
Realisation roared into her and she understood far too late.
She was a bloody idiot and this had been a mistake.
Hermione Granger did not do shit like this. She did not dictate her life based off her feelings and especially for the unknown. And most definitely not for a boy.
Except she had.
And this was a mistake.
A severe lapse in judgment.
Her breathing eased and she stood from the crouching position she'd taken on the bed. When had she got on the bed? Didn't matter. It creaked beneath her as she moved and she didn't so much as look in his direction as she made her way towards the door.
If he hadn't spoken she may have left.
Except he did and so she didn't.
'That it then?'
Her hand was around the doorknob. All she had to do was twist and pull.
That was all. A flick of her wrist and she'd be well rid of him.
Her traitorous eyes had different plans though.
He was sat on the window seat, arm propped up on his bent knee. Slate coloured eyes gone dark. His expression closed off, almost bored.
He looked the role of the bad boy rock star who broke hearts and didn't give a single fuck about it.
This, her gut clenched, had to be what and who he actually was. The whole relaxed and fun air had to have been the facade. And she'd fallen for it.
She was a sodding idiot.
Whatever his feelings, he was successfully shutting them down and she couldn't read him. But the sniff he gave spoke volumes.
It'd been mocking and demeaning. An insult without words.
She whirled around, staring him down.
'Who the fuck do you think you are?' she hissed.
He didn't even bloody blink. Her outburst hadn't caused any kind of action. If anything, he looked even more bored.
'I'm no one. Just a bloke asking a question.'
Her hands curled and clenched. Biting and unsaid words on the tip of her tongue. Waiting- just waiting- for the perfect opening. All the while he kept looking on, unimpressed by the inner turmoil of it all.
'Is this the bit where you bitch about how as a rich boy I wouldn't understand? How I can't possibly know what you're going through because our situations are completely different? And then you run back to Mummy and Daddy and live happily ever after with your gay husband?'
'Fuck you.'
'So eloquent.'
'Shut up Sirius!'
He did and a loud silence settled over the room.
The words she'd had in mind faded away. This wasn't how she'd imagined the argument going. Her words had been stolen from her by the damn idiot and turned around on her, making her feel stupid and melodramatic.
And still, he kept on keeping on with his staring.
She felt herself go on the defensive and, just as quickly, getting annoyed.
'Not everyone had the money to do what you did,' she said.
It was more or less what he'd accused her of wanting to say and though it made her feel idiotic, it was the truth.
Her parents supported her. She didn't have a rich uncle who'd be able to support her like he'd had.
He didn't look away as he shrugged in agreement. 'True.'
And that was all he'd said as he looked her over.
Okay. She was seriously starting to feel cheated out of a really good argument.
Hermione shook her head, sniffing. 'True? That's it? That's all you're going to say?'
He shrugged, a hand reaching up to take off his beanie. Tattooed fingers combing back his hair.
'What do you want me to say?' He eventually asked when it became clear she wasn't going to answer him.
Why she hadn't left as the silence lingered, she had no idea.
'I could argue back and then you'd yell some shit about me not knowing your problems and how I shouldn't judge cos I'm rich and you're not etc. etc. etc.,' he said. A bored expression on his face as a flippant hand waved through the air. 'Nah. I'm not doing that. If you want to leave, the door is right there. Go on. I'm not going to stop you.'
Oh, he could fuck right off.
Him and his blasé attitude. He could quite frankly shove it up his arse.
Hermione turned back around and reached for the door. A turn of the knob and it opened.
'Best of luck love.'
'Piss off.'
Rude bitch.
What'd you call me you buggering donkeyjohnny?!
She closed the door without realising it and turned back around. A traitorous laugh threatening to bubble over.
'The first words I ever said to you were... piss off?'
A flicker of something showed in his eyes, making them light up. He smirked, huffing a laugh. 'Yeah... I think they were...? Followed by buggering donkeyjohnny,' he finished with laugh.
She failed to stop her giggles and leant against the shut door.
The tension loosened in the atmosphere and her frayed nerves began to settle.
Their laughter died away and she sighed. The sound made him look up at her. His smiling face at ease and back to what she'd come to know. A jolt shot through her and she licked her lips looking away.
That smile and that gaze aimed at her like that. Damn.
Damn, damn, damn.
He was fucking gorgeous and he did things to her without even moving.
Things she liked but ultimately they weren't a prelude nor a promise for future happiness. It was biological and hormonal and a false reality. Love stories, real love stories took time and patience. They didn't happen on a whim.
In the real world and in the grand scheme of things, what she'd done was illogical and dumb.
'I shouldn't be here,' she murmured to the floor because it was fucking easier and she was a coward.
'Probably not.'
'Logically,' she said. 'This isn't the best choice for me.'
He didn't say anything for a long time and neither did she. The window seat squeaked from under his weight and the wooden floor creaked beneath his feet.
'Probably not,' he said again, his voice low.
Hermione licked her lips. 'I should leave.'
His Converses came into view. Her breathing was shallow. She was breathless and fucking hell, so was he. She could hear it.
'Yeah. Maybe.'
His voice was doing that low and husky thing again. The one she liked.
Her eyes moved up and up, slowly but surely until she was looking up at him.
Sirius didn't speak, he didn't even move. He simply stared. Beautiful silver eyes roaming over her face, taking her in.
'I'm scared,' she said.
The words unbidden and painfully honest but there they were. Spoken and out there for him to judge as he saw fit.
'I know,' he replied and all her mind could come up with was, how could he?
He seemed to know what she was thinking though. 'No matter who you are or your situation, it's always hard going against your parents' wishes.'
'You had an uncle who supported you. I have no one.'
'Is it just the money that's an issue for you?'
Yes.
That's what she almost said but caught herself.
It wasn't just the money, though it was a huge contributing factor.
It was mostly her parents and the years of conditioning she knew she'd been exposed to. It was the act of rebellion. It was the act of independence that worried her.
The last time she'd done something as reckless as this, she'd met him.
Then she'd married and divorced him within the space of a day and that single day had brought her days, weeks, hell a year of passive aggressive misery. Probably years more of it too.
What if this- whatever this undefined thing was between them- didn't work out and she had to go back?
She'd suffer for the rest of her life because of it.
She needed answers. She needed an explanation. She needed facts and concrete information to ground her.
'What are we doing here Sirius? What is this?'
The Marauder blinked and shook his head, a smile pulling at his lips. 'Fuck knows,' he laughed. 'I hadn't really planned on this. I'd just wanted to talk but then you ran and yeah... fuck it!'
He rubbed the back of his head, a perplexed expression on his bloody gorgeous face, making the sodding prick look adorable while doing it.
She wanted to kick him cos of it.
'That's not good enough an answer. What's going on here Sirius?'
It took him a minute to answer. It'd felt like forever.
'I need a new assistant? That's not- I mean - it's a job? Could help tide you over for the time being. Until we figure shit out?'
Hermione blinked. This conversation was all over the fucking place.
'You don't have an assistant?'
He frowned at her. 'Huh? Oh! Yeah of course I do.'
'Then why do you need a new one?
'Right. Fair point, yeah,' he said pulling out his mobile and tapping away at the screen with his thumbs. He looked up after several seconds. 'I just fired her. I need a new assistant. Interested?'
'You what?!'
'I just fir-'
'What the hell is wrong with you?! Hire her back!'
He actually looked incredulous. Like she was being the irrational one!
'Alright, alright. Keep your knickers on. No need for all that screeching this early in the morning,' he said tapping away. 'There. Luna is rehired. No problem.'
Hermione rubbed her face, groaning.
Everything about this was a mess.
It made her feel like the metaphorical, plastic bag floating in the wind. The one that art freaks got a hard on over.
Speaking of … hello.
He saw her looking at it and he didn't look embarrassed in the slightest.
'Sorry,' he said smiling.
She looked away and it most certainly did not take all the strength in her to do it. Hermione cleared her throat, cheeks burning. Trying her damn hardest not to look again- stare?
She opened her mouth to say something but yeah, no. Nothing was coming up.
Well something was definitely up but she-
'Can't you put it away?! I can't bloody think knowing it's pointing at me!'
'He's made his decision, sorry.'
'Sirius!'
He laughed and from the corner of her eye, she saw him reach into his pants and tuck himself away.
And she so did not miss the proud and joyful sensation than ran through her at the thought of it.
Fucking hell. Her bloody vagina was wildly out of control and her hormones were helping it along.
Her vagina needed a firm hand... or a firm dic- stop.
'Hm?'
She'd said that out loud. Lovely.
Hermione looked out the window because she was suddenly very acutely aware of the fact that she was in a bedroom with Sirius Black and he was hard and she was wet and there was a sodding bed behind him.
A year of pent up dreams and fantasies were threatening to boil over and she could feel his heated gaze on her.
This was wrong.
She needed answers.
Concrete information about where this was headed.
So she looked up at him, a firm resolve in her mind that melted away the second she met his eyes.
Her lips parted. She breathed in heavily as her heart pounded against his chest.
He moved into her space and the tightness she'd felt, coiled down lower. A delicious ache building.
'Sirius,' she whispered and he moved.
Soft pressure meeting her lips.
