Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. They belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX.
"blah" – talking
'blah' – thinking
blah – flashback
When Nick was only five years old, he'd tried following his older brother up one of the tallest trees in their yard. His foot had missed one of the branches about halfway up, and he'd fallen. He'd managed to hit a few other branches on his way down before brutally contacting with the hard ground. He hadn't had time to process the situation before he'd noticed the agonising pain in his right leg and shoulder. He'd started sobbing loudly, but he didn't dare to move. His brother had quickly and nimbly climbed down and immediately crouched beside him to inspect the damage. Nick couldn't understand a word that he said; his mind couldn't register anything besides the intense, unrelenting pain throbbing in his leg. His entire right arm had gone numb, it seemed, he couldn't feel anything there apart from the aching around his shoulder.
Nick had sobbed harder when his brother had run away, leaving him lying there, in too much pain to even contemplate getting up and trying to follow. It was to Nick's great relief, that not even five minutes later, his brother returned with their mother. She'd taken one look at Nick's leg – which Nick had yet to see – and spoke quick words to her oldest son. Nick's brother had run off again, but his mother had stayed, running comforting hands through his hair and gently brushing away his tears, murmuring comforting words that Nick couldn't understand, but he could imagine.
Not long after, an ambulance arrived and Nick was loaded onto a stretcher and put into the back of the van. His mother and brother were allowed to go with him, sitting close. The friendly man who sat on his other side carefully inserted a needle into his good arm. Nick flinched a bit, but his mother's warm hand's soothed him.
He couldn't keep his eyes open much longer after that. He tried, but the drowsy feeling overwhelmed him and he knew nothing after that.
When he'd fallen from that tree, he'd managed to break his leg in two places and also dislocate his shoulder. It had been a long and painful recovery. He'd needed crutches to walk, but he hadn't been able to use his right arm for almost two weeks, so he'd been bedridden for a fortnight. Then he'd had to wobble his way around the house and he'd tripped multiple times. Luckily, he hadn't managed to do any further damage.
Ever since then, Nick had been wary when it came to physical activities. He didn't join any of the school sports teams. He claimed illness every time he knew they had PE classes at school. He'd once been coerced into a soccer game with the other Warblers – as a bit of a break from all the rigorous practicing they'd been doing – and he'd spent the entire game avoiding the ball and flinching violently every time someone kicked it into the air or in his general direction. They'd tried to make him goalie, but he'd protested so vehemently that David had agreed to take the position from him.
Nick didn't even dance in Warblers practice; he left that to Jeff and David, though that didn't mean he didn't almost freak out every time Jeff did a particularly difficult twist or flip.
If anybody asked him, he would deny that there was something wrong with him. He didn't have a problem; he just preferred to avoid idiotically dangerous situations when possible. It made no sense to him to risk bruises and broken bones just for "a bit of fun".
Jeff had been friends with Nick ever since they'd met in first grade. He thought he knew all of Nick's quirks. He knew that Nick worried the most about the Warblers; he'd be the first to act all mother-hen if someone was hurt. He knew Nick didn't like food or drink that was out-of-date; unlike Jeff who would taste it first to be sure, Nick automatically threw the offending food item out. Some people thought Nick was just being snobbish, but over the years, Jeff had noticed other things about his friend that made him think differently.
He'd first noticed during that one soccer game between the Warblers back in junior year. Nick hadn't been very enthusiastic about the idea, and he hadn't participated much. Jeff wasn't sure if anyone else noticed how Nick would flinch and duck every time the ball left the ground. It was like he was afraid of the ball. Jeff had originally thought Nick didn't want to be goalie because he didn't like the position, but now when Jeff though back on it, he was positive it was because of something else.
Jeff loved to dance, and he was prone to breaking out his moves at random times and in random places. As Jeff's best friend and roommate, Nick was usually present during these random moments. Sometimes, he laughed at Jeff and enviously watched his best friend perform. He never joined in, though. Other times, Nick would bite his lip, frown a little bit and turn away to focus on his schoolwork or something else rather than Jeff's dancing. Jeff had once tried to get Nick to join in, but Nick had viscously yanked his wrist from the blonde boy's grip and snarled in his direction before turning over to continue reading his book. Shocked, Jeff had simply stood where he was for a good minute before he quietly left the room and went to find somewhere else to practice. When he'd returned to their shared dorm, Nick acted like nothing out-of-the-ordinary had happened and so Jeff pretended the same.
But over the years of being friends, Jeff had noticed Nick didn't play any sports. He didn't really participate in ANY physical activity. He ate extremely healthy, but he didn't ever visit the extensive gym that Dalton Academy boasted. Jeff thought he knew all of Nick's quirks, but apparently not.
Nick was reclining on his bed, reading a book, when Jeff entered and flung himself down beside his best friend. Nick didn't react and Jeff just laid there for several minutes, enjoying the companionable silence. Eventually, the blonde dancer rolled over and faced his friend.
"Nick? Can I ask you something?".
"You just did".
"Haha, very funny. No, seriously…it's kinda a personal question, I think," Jeff mumbled the last bit into Nick's side.
Nick glanced down at his best friend. They'd never had a problem sharing things about themselves that only they knew.
"Jeff, you know you can ask me anything. Or tell me anything".
"Okay, it's just you've been acting weird…but I never really thought it was weird until recently, but you've been doing it for YEARS…" Jeff wasn't meeting his eyes, still talking into this side.
Nick didn't really like where he thought this conversation was going, but if he said anything now, it would look too suspicious. Jeff continued talking, like if he stopped he wouldn't have the courage to keep going.
"You don't play any sports and you never go to PE class…Nick, I was looking stuff up on the internet and I know what's happening…It's called Traumatophobia – it's where you're afraid of being injured…".
Inwardly on the verge of a panic attack, Nick could only scoff outwardly, trying to hide his anxiety.
"Jeff, that's ridiculous. I don't have a fear of getting hurt – ".
"Yes, you do! You' never go the gym, but I know you're a health freak. You never play sports with us because you're afraid of the ball! And you NEVER dance with me! Or any of the Warblers!" Jeff was panting healthily, sitting up now and glaring down at his stunned friend. You have a problem, Nicky, and I'm going to help you".
Jeff said the last sentence in a softer voice and with the hint of a smile. Jeff only laid there, stunned at his friends sudden passionate response. He couldn't even think of a reply so he simply nodded his head, not realising what he was getting himself into.
A week after Jeff's outburst, the two boys were holed up in their dorm. Jeff had turned up the volume on the small stereo they shared, and had pushed the furniture into the corners, and was currently twisting and jumping and spinning around the room. Nick watched as his friend's lithe body moved sinuously in time with the beat, half awed and half apprehensive. He almost felt sick with the knowledge that soon Jeff was going to drag him up there to dance with him. And then he was going to kick something and break his toe. Or trip over something and fall. Or –
"Nick! Earth to Nick".
Jeff's smiling face was thrust inches from his, his eyes filled with concern. Nick jolted out of his morbid thoughts and tried to smile at his friend. He was sure it looked like more of a grimace of pain.
"I'm okay. I was just…" he trailed off, not willing to admit how scared he was of attempting this.
Jeff quickly knelt down in front of him, placing his hands on the brunette's knees.
"Nicky, if you really don't want to do this, we'll just forget I brought it up".
Nick looked down at his friend sincere face, and took a few deep breaths, letting his eyelids fall closed.
"…no, I wanna try…I don't want to be scared, Jeffie…".
Jeff smiled, though Nick couldn't see it with his eyes closed, and jumped up, tugging Nick with him. Surprised at the sudden momentum, Nick fell onto his friend, his eyes flying open. Jeff easily caught him and held them both upright.
"See, I always be here to catch you. You'll be fine, Nick. We'll start off easy".
Nick straightened up, red infusing his cheeks, and nodded. Jeff took a few steps back and started to move his feet slowly in time with the beat, encouraging his friend to copy his movements. Nick tried to mimic the blonde teen, but his legs felt like lead. Jeff smiled at him, despite his pitiful attempts. Nick felt a little elation at the smile, and even more he wanted to succeed; he wanted to make Jeff proud, to show him that he could beat his phobia if he only put his mind to it.
Once Nick had mastered those first few steps, Jeff added a bit of a body twist to his moves. Nick tried to copy it, and he thought he might be getting it, but then suddenly he rolled too much to one side and his balance was lost. His brain panicked, and his feet tripped uselessly on the rug underneath them. He felt himself falling and the last thing he saw before he scrunched his eyes shut was Jeff's startled and worried expression.
He felt his back and shoulder connect with the ground, which wasn't that hard, but hard enough to shock him. He flashbacked to the last time he fell – from the tree when he was only five – and his limbs thrummed with phantom pain. He didn't dare to move, except for his chest which rose and fell rapidly with his frantic breathing. Despite his closed eyes, he could feel tears leaking out from underneath his lids. He was so close to a panic attack, trying not to remember the last time he'd fallen. He wanted to curl up, but he knew if he moved, it would only hurt more, so he just scrunched his eyes shut tighter and cried harder.
Suddenly, he felt hands on him, turning him over. He cried out, waiting for the onslaught of pain, but nothing happened. He cracked his eyes open, and Jeff's warm brown eyes came into his blurry vision. His best friend leaned over him, concern etched onto his facial features. His hands were running gently over Nick's body, checking for injuries. Nick could see his mouth moving, but he couldn't hear anything. He tried to listen to what he was saying.
"…ick… alright. Nothing's broken. It's okay Nick…".
Noticing the lack of pain, Nick was quick to roll himself up into a sitting position, pushing Jeff's hands away. He couldn't look Jeff in the eyes; instead his gaze fixed onto the floor. Tears dripped freely from his cheeks, leaving tiny droplet stains on the carpet.
"NO IT'S NOT!...It's not okay…I…" Nick stammered, fighting to get the proper words out through his tears.
His tears only fell harder; he couldn't stop them.
'Why am I so useless? I'm pathetic…I ca…can't even…dance with Jeff… …and I really want to'.
"You're not pathetic, Nicky, " Jeff was suddenly crouched down to his level, gently gripping his chin to look him in the eyes. "Please don't ever think that".
Nick hadn't realised he'd said that out loud. He tried to lower his head again, shame reddening his cheeks, but Jeff's grip on his chin tightened ever so slightly, preventing the movement.
"I'm so sorry, Jeff. I want..wanted to dance with you – I really, really did… …but I'm so scared…and I know it's st…stupid…but I don't know w…what to do…".
Jeff noticed Nick was starting to hyperventilate, choking as he battled for air and against his seemingly never-ending tears. He couldn't stand to see his best friend like this. He used both hands to gently hold Nick's head and guided it to his shoulder. He used one hand to rub soothingly up and down Nick's back, and he waited patiently for Nick's near-panic attack to subside.
Later, Nick would tell Jeff about his traumatising childhood experience that led to his phobia. Jeff would hug him and reassure him as many times as was necessary. A few days after that, Jeff would drag Nick up and gently lead him around the room in slow twirling movements. He would catch the brunette when he tripped. Eventually, Nick would gain the surety to dance on his own, without Jeff's constant guidance. He would try out for that solo and he would win it, and impress everyone with his new dancing ability. He was still scared, almost constantly worrying about tripping over his own feet and mentally pinpointing all of the sharp and potentially dangerous objects in a room; he still had brief moments of panic when he tried a move he was sure would be too complicated and he forgot to breathe for a moment, but knowing that Jeff was there, right beside, waiting to catch him if – when – he fell, Nick knew he could get better.
