Chapter 4: Questions, Answers and Harry's Emotions
The boys finished their breakfast before Hermione. Harry leaned over to her, "Ron and I are going to talk to Sirius about the weekend, you coming with us?"
"I'm not finished eating yet. Can you wait a few minutes?" She asked putting the last of her biscuit in her mouth.
Harry looked up at the staff table to make sure Sirius was still there. He was sipping his coffee and talking to Professor Vector, the Arithmancy instructor. "Sure but when he leaves we leave, with or without you. Okay?"
Hermione nodded her agreement finishing the last of her morning meal. She looked up at the head table just in time to see Sirius standing. He looked so gorgeous and sexy as he glanced in the direction of the Gryffindor table where he saw Harry pointing to some imaginary place beyond the wall of the Great Hall. He knew where he was supposed to meet the kids. He and Harry had preplanned signals. He winked, turned and exited. The young trio made their way down the isle and out the exit doors.
Ron, Hermione and Harry located the meeting place on the third floor, to find he was already there, standing behind his desk looking over that day's lesson plans for his 2nd year class. "Sirius" Harry began, but stopped. Instead of talking he walked up to his godfather, wrapped his arms around him and gave him a hug.
Sirius dropped the parchment and embraced the boy for a few seconds, then pulled back to look at him. Bending slightly so they were eye to eye, he asked, "Are you okay? Did something happen?" He had to make sure! Harry was as close to a son as he thought he'd ever get. He had to make sure he was all right; from now on Harry always had to come first. Dumbledore expected that, James and Lily would insist on nothing less from him. He felt he had let them all down so many times, but he would never let any of them down again.
Harry smiled and embraced him again. "No nothing's wrong. Everything's great. I just…I just had the urge to hug you. After the summer, I guess I'm just missing you. Sure I see you everyday, but it's just not the same. Not like it was over the holiday. In Greece no one was watching our every move, no one telling us what and when to do it. If we wanted to hug, wrestle, play ball, sit on the beach and watch girls or spend the whole day in our swim trunks running around the villa, we could and we did. I'm glad to be back here and be with my friends and all, but sometimes I really do miss the part where it's just you and me. It's so much harder to talk to you here. Not that you make it hard, but with classes and all, we have no time for Harry and Sirius." He looked into his Godfathers eyes and saw the same emotions he felt in the pit of his stomach. He knew Sirius was feeling the loneliness too. "You understand don't you?" Harry asked quietly.
"Sure, I understand. We had a wonderful vacation. We got to know each other, really know each other. It's bound to be hard on you, it's hard on me, but Harry, remember I'm here and you can always come to me. No matter what time it is day or night. If I'm in class, just come and interrupt or sit with me till it's over. If after classes or at night, find me! I always have time for you." He looked at the other, "I will always have time for all three of you, Ginny too." He then pulled Harry back into his arms. "Harry, I love you, nothing will ever change that. Not this job, nothing, you are the most important thing in my life."
Hermione and Ron watched without a sound the display of emotion being played out before them. Hermione smiled through tears. This was the man she loved and these were just a few of the reasons she had fallen for him. He was so compassionate, caring and supportive of Harry; unafraid to show emotions and the love he had for his godson.
Harry wiped his eyes and jumped up on the edge of Sirius' desk while the others gathered around. "Okay enough of the sentimental stuff. We came to see if you'd heard from Professor Dumbledore about Hogsmeade?"
"Actually, I talked to him for a while last night, he told me many interesting things." Sirius said glancing sideways at Hermione. "He said I could take you to Hogsmeade on Saturday, but Sunday we'll have to do something around the castle. That is if you want too. I'm sure there is going to come a time when you aren't going to want this old man around." He laughed as he picked up some papers.
"Exquisite!" Ron said. "Sirius I think I can speak for all three of us when I say we'll never get tired of you hanging with us, and you aren't old." The other two agreed with him, all three men looking over at Hermione, as she approved a little to loudly.
"Now, you three have lessons to learn and I have first years who will be waiting for me. I'll talk to you before I'm sure, but let's get together Friday after dinner and make plans for when we should take off Saturday. We can leave anytime after 9AM and we have to be back before 10PM. So we have the whole day." Sirius said as the left his office. The friends agreed and waved as they went in the opposite direction. Each member of the group was smiling, but each for different reasons.
Hermione thought about the first week back as she sat in the library, trying to finish her homework. It had been a chaotic week, but it had gone by quickly. She didn't have a lot of extra time to think about much more than getting used to the new classes, all the homework and then there were the Head Girl/Boy duties and meetings. She tried to hide her feelings for her Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, but failed, she got butterflies every time she saw him and a couple times she got tongue tied when he called on her in class. Then there were the times he would catch her staring at him. Even with the failed attempts at hiding she didn't think she was the normal raging hormonal teenage girl, she thought that telling someone, even if it was just Ginny, helped her put and keep those feeling in order. She felt she would know when the time was right to tell him.
Sirius on the other hand made a conscious effort to keep his eyes and hears open when she was around. He was determined to prove Dumbledore wrong. There was no way Hermione Granger was in love with him; he was an old man to her. She could have any young stud she wanted, why would she want me? He thought. There also was no way, he, Sirius Black was going to fall in love with a child. Beautiful, sexy and mature as she might be she was still young enough to be his daughter. He did notice she got flustered a couple times in class, he wasn't sure what that was all about, but he chalked it up to new year jitters, a lot of the students seemed to have them.
Friday night the teenagers headed to meet Sirius in the back conference area of the library, close to the restricted area. They knew no one went back there at night, and especially not on a Friday night. The entire library was deserted most Fridays, but tonight for some reason it was full of students. "First years." Ron said as he weaved in and out of bookcases. They approached the area, expecting to find Sirius waiting, but he hadn't arrived yet. Hermione pulled a book from one of shelves and began reading, while Ron and Harry talked quietly about Quidditch and their upcoming match.
Several minutes later, Ron looked at his watch. From the shadows he heard a voice, "What's the matter, getting late, Mr. Weasley?" All three looked up to see Professor Snape step out of the darkness of the restricted area. "Just what do you three think you are doing here? This is the restricted area?"
"Actually Professor, if I'm not mistaken the restricted area doesn't start until you go through those doors." Hermione said pointing to the closed doors a few feet behind him. "We have every right to be here."
Snape sneered at the young women and her friends. He could see that Potter and Weasley were just as irritated as she was, so he decided to continue tormenting them. "Miss Grainger, how many times do you have to be told not to argue with a teacher at this school? That will be 50 points from Gryffindor." He looked at Harry and Ron, "and if either of you say anything I'll take another 25 from each of you." He was about to say something more when he saw Sirius standing between two shelves.
Moving closer to the trio, "Now, Snape you don't really want to do that do you, 25 points from Harry and Ron for defending their friend and what was it I heard you say? 50 from Miss Granger here for stating a fact?" Sirius had a grin on his face, not a happy smile, but one that told the kids he was daring Snape to aggravate him any farther. "Why don't you just go rub someone else the wrong way?"
"Next time Black. We'll see who comes out on top next time." Snape spat at him.
Sirius shook his head and moved to stand behind Harry. He was trying so hard to set a good example for Harry, but Snape wasn't making it easy for him at all. "Snape I have no problem with you. I've done my best to stay out of your way. Why can't you just leave the kids alone, leave me alone? Why don't you just live your life and let us all live ours?"
Snape moved away heading for the exit, but turned around and growled at Sirius, "I'll never leave you alone Black. You belong back in Azkaban, not teaching here. I'll do whatever I can to make sure you get put back there. I'll never let you have peace, any of you." He looked pointedly at everyone at the table. " Frankly, I don't like you Black, nor do I like Potter, Weasley and that love sick know it all Granger." Snape then turned and quickly made his way out of the library, robes blowing in the breeze he made.
"What a git." Ron said as he looked at the expression on Sirius' face. It was one of utter disgust. Ron didn't know if it was because he hated Snape that much or if it was because he felt he'd let the other man get the best of him or maybe a little of both.
Sirius shook his head when he heard what Ron muttered. "Your right Ron, he is." He turned to look at the others. He didn't like what he saw. Harry's expression was one of horror and Hermione was pale and shaking. He walked up squatted down between the two, placing a protective hand on each if their shoulders. "Listen to me, don't let that dragon breath bother you. He'll say anything to upset you. He knows the best way to get to me is to hurt one of you."
"Sirius?" Harry questioned. "Is there any way he could get you sent back to Azkaban? He can't really do that can he? I don't know if I could deal with it if you went away again. You're the only adult I have."
"No, there no way he can do that. The Ministry has cleared me, and I haven't done anything wrong to get put back there. Nor do I plan on it. I don't plan on being separated from you again." He took Harry's face in his hands. "Harry, ignore Snape. Ron's right he is a git. Besides we have more important things to talk about than Snape." He stood and pulled a chair in between Harry and Hermione. Ron sat across from him. " We need to plan our trip to Hogsmeade tomorrow, unless you've changed your minds and don't…"
In unison all three cried, "NO, We want to go." For the next hour they talked about what they were going to do. Sirius promised Hermione he would spend as much time with her as it took to answer all her questions. He also asked them if they'd like to see Remus. Unless Sirius let him know not to come, Lupin would meet them at 11AM for lunch and maybe spend rest of the day. All agreed it would be great to have their former professor along. After much talking and excitement, Sirius walked them to the portrait of the Fat Lady, said good night. On this night as she had on other nights, Hermione watched him walk away until he went down the staircase and she couldn't see him any longer. She sighed to herself as she made her way up to her dorm. Tomorrow would be a great day. She was going to get to spend the entire day with him. Beaming contently she slipped into bed and dreamt pleasant dreams.
At 10:20AM Hermione walked down the steps to the entrance hall of Hogwarts, expecting to see all three men waiting on her, but what she actually saw took her breath away. Standing leaning against the stone railing was Sirius. He was dressed in muggle style blue jeans, a blue and white pullover and black boots, he had a black robe thrown over his shoulder. His hair was neatly styled, his mustache and Van Dyke style goatee trimmed to perfection. His skin still very tan glowed in the morning light that filtered in through the window. He seemed to be a million miles away in thought, but he never looked more handsome to her as he did right then. He didn't see her there, so she just watched. Observed the way he stood, the way he ran his hands through his short hair and she examined the expressions and emotions that flashed across this beautiful face. For several minutes she watched and memorized his every move, but then as if sensing someone was there, but not someone he should be concerned about, he slowly turned just his head to look, giving her a devilish smile. She couldn't do anything but smile back at him, the look he gave her made he knees go weak. She could see the mischief coming out in him; it was displayed clearly in his dancing eyes. They stood watching each other for a few seconds, but were interrupted by a noise coming down the stairs. When they turned to see what the commotion was, they say Harry and Ron running as fast as they could.
"Sorry we're late" Harry said out of breath stopping next to Hermione. "We went to the Quidditch field early and lost track of time. Have you been waiting long?"
"Nope, not long at all." Sirius said putting his robe around himself and opening the door. "Are you all ready to go? Remus will beat us there at this rate." All three eagerly stepped through the door followed closely by Sirius.
Unbeknownst to any of them the whole scene had been watched by two spectators from an upper floor. As the eavesdroppers turned to leave, one said to the other, "He's a fine man, really cares about those children."
"Yes he's, just like his…" She started to say, but was cut off.
"Don't say it, you never know who might be hanging about." He took her arm gently and led her to the entrance of his office. Once up the winding staircase and the door was closed he went on. "Minerva, so you still think he should be told?"
She took his hands in hers and looked into his questioning eyes, "Albus, for someone so wise, you can be as dense as Sirius sometimes." Then changing her tone from teasing to intense, "Yes, I think he should be told. I've always thought he should know, I never wanted to keep this from him, but I went along with you and the others and look where it got him." Pain and anger were becoming evident in her voice. "It got him a life that brought him nothing but pain and hardship even as a child. If he had known maybe he wouldn't have felt so alone, maybe he wouldn't have run from home when he was 16, maybe someone other than Remus, James and Lily would have been important to him. Maybe he would have felt that there was someone out there that really loved him and that he could count on, even when he was away. It got him locked up in Azkaban for years. Years of his life thrown away for something he didn't do. It got him years on the run, he missed out on so much he should have been involved in, like taking care of his godson. So yes, I think he needs to be told. I want someone to tell him." She looked away to keep him from seeing the tears, because the rigid Professor McGonagall didn't cry, she spoke softly, "but if you think he still shouldn't know then I'll abide by that. I gave you my word years ago and I won't go back now."
Albus Dumbledore gathered her into his arms, "I don't know if it's for the best or not, but let me talk to him again and feel him out. I don't want to ruin the happiness he's found. If I think telling him won't destroy his happiness then we'll talk about this again. Is that agreeable to you?"
"Yes, I'll agree to that." She moved away from him and sat in the chair opposite his desk. She could see his mind working. It was always moving, he was always thinking. "What are you thinking about?"
Dumbledore walked around to take his seat behind his desk. "I was just thinking about the display in the entrance hall a few minutes ago. I don't know what that boy is up too, but he sure had roguish grin in his face. I would like to know what he would have done had Harry and Ron not shown up." He laughed small laugh.
Professor McGonagall rose from her chair and made for the door. "You're as bad as he is. I don't think I want to know what lurks in the playful mind of his. I do hope though for Hermione's sake he's careful. You know how easily young ladies can get their feelings hurt and if she has the feeling for him that you say she does she is going to be very vulnerable."
"Minerva, he'll be careful. He's not that reckless boy you remember from his Hogwarts days. He's grown up. He's a gentleman and he loves her. He just doesn't want to admit it. He can't let himself think that someone 36 could fall in love with someone 18 and vice versa. He won't let her get hurt." He smiled the same smile he'd been giving her for years and sat back down in his chair. She shook her head and exited his office.
Ron looked at his watch as they made their way into Hogsmeade it was 10:52. "Where are we meeting Remus? It's almost 11:00."
"He's supposed to be at Three Broomsticks." Sirius answered. He could see Harry and Ron were eager to get there and it was at the other end of town. "Why don't you go ahead if you like? I'll catch up." He looked over at Hermione, "You go too if you want."
She smiled, and turned to Ron and Harry who waited for her answer. "It's okay. Go on, I'll keep Sirius company." Once they were gone Hermione and Sirius walked in silence for several minutes. Finally she broke the quiet, "We are going to have time to talk today some aren't we? There are so many things I would like to know, questions I have."
Without even realizing he was doing it, Sirius laid his arm protectively around her shoulders. "I promised you I would answer all your questions and I plan on doing that. We will have time today to spend doing just that and if it's not enough time to pacify you we'll spend tomorrow finishing. I'll give you whatever time it takes. That's part of the reason Remus came along. To help keep Ron and Harry busy so we can talk. They've both heard it all before." He smiled down at her; he could see something in her eyes. He began to wonder if Dumbledore was right about her feelings for him. Shaking it off he went on. "I don't think anyone could have more questions than Harry though. I bet he asked me a million then asked them all again." Sirius laughed at that and again Hermione saw the love he had for Harry.
Hermione and Sirius entered the Pub and found Remus, Harry and Ron already seated at a table in the far corner where they wouldn't be bothered. They had ordered butterbeers for everyone. "It's bout time you got here," Remus said standing to hug both of them. He then held the chair for Hermione. "See boys and I'm including you in that Sirius, a true gentleman holds the chair for a lady as she is seated."
The next hour was used to catch up with Remus. He was working for the Defense Department at the Ministry of Magic. He was head of the creature division. He told them all about the different animals he had dealt with. He seemed extremely happy with the position. He explained that the ministry knew he was a werewolf and gave him the proper elements to make the transition easier for him. He told them about a lady he was seeing her name was Ashton Waldrum and maybe if things went well he would introduce them at Christmas. A little after 12:00 they ordered their lunch and happily made small talk, until Harry started telling funny stories about the trip to Greece. He told them about how the daily workouts became lesson in staying alive. The first day they had decided to work out and buff up, as an American lady called it, they over did and the next day neither could move. Sirius and Harry had all of them laughing as they explained the pain and how at one point, Harry had crawled to the kitchen to get a drink but couldn't reach a glass.
Stories went back and forth for another hour. Finally Remus, spoke up. "Ron, Harry, I know Sirius and Hermione need to have a talk. He needs to answer all her questions, just as he did for both of you. Why don't I take you two over to the Quidditch shop and then to Honeydukes?" He looked at Sirius, "If you get done before you can meet us, we'll be at one of those places. If not we'll meet you back here about 5:00."
Sirius nodded and stood to hug Remus whispering in his ear, "Thanks for taking the boys." He then looked at Ron and Harry, "Don't give Remus any problems."
They both smiled, and told Hermione to have fun. They left with Remus, leaving Sirius and Hermione sitting at the table. Before they began Sirius ordered them each another butterbeer. "I'm not sure where you want to begin so why don't you ask questions and I'll do my best to answer them."
"I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. We all saw you fall through the veil. We were told you were dead," she began. She could see the memories, the not so good ones, flood his face, but she needed to understand. "We mourned you, we cried, I cried. How did the Ministry know you weren't dead and how did they rescue you?" She had tears forming again as she talked, she laid her hand across her heart that was aching as it had the day they thought they lost him forever. She thought she'd cried all her tears that summer.
"I'm not sure I understand all of it myself but…" He took a long swallow of his drink, "I was fighting with Bellatrix, and I remember her hitting me with a spell and falling. When I woke up, I was in complete darkness, but I could hear voices. I couldn't make out what the voices were saying but I could hear them. I tried to stand but couldn't move. I don't know how long I lay on that cold floor, before some unknown people moved me. I'm not sure but I think they were Death Eaters. They took me to another cold dark room where I remained for weeks. This room was worse than the first one. It was wet, infested with bugs and rodents and I'm not sure what else. Someone would come in now and then and ask me about the Order, I'd tell them to fuck off. They would slap me around then leave. Abandon me there with no food, water or anything for days at a time. It was like being in Azkaban all over again. Only this time I didn't have the strength to transform. At least when I could transform I could escape the pain and the suffering; I could feel a little warmth. In there I was sick, dehydrated, freezing and ready to give up, I wanted to die, wished I had died when I fell. All I could think about in there was Harry and how I'd let him down again, how I'd let everyone down. Letting people down seemed to be the pattern of my life." He hadn't been watching her as he told his story; he had been lost in his memories. As he looked at her now, he saw she had tears spilling down her cheeks. Without thinking he reached over, cupped her beautiful face and gently with his thumbs wiped them away. He went on. "Then one-day out of nowhere the Ministry Defense and Rescue team showed up. They said someone gave them a tip where I was. They took me from there to a safe house where a doctor and nurse came. I stayed until part of my strength had returned. The Ministry was as bad as the Death Eaters. All the questions I didn't have answers too and the ones I did know they wouldn't believe me. So I sat in this place as the bruises and broken bones healed under ministry guard. I heard someone say that if it had been left up to Fudge I'd have been back in Azkaban, but if Dumbledore knew I was alive he wouldn't allow it. I heard them say that an official told Fudge if he tried to put me back there they would make sure Dumbledore found out. Fudge was and is afraid of him. So they kept me there and didn't tell your Headmaster I was alive. Finally Fudge came to me and said they had information to where Peter might be and if I would be willing to help them find him he would do what they could to clear my name." He stopped talking, gave her time to comprehend what she'd just heard.
Hermione sat on her stool, in shock. How could all of this have happened to him and he still be sane. She looked at him and she could tell he needed a break, even if it was just a short one. Standing, "I'm going to the ladies room, I'll be right back."
A few minutes later she returned. Sirius stood and held her chair just as Remus had earlier. "Would you like another butterbeer?" he asked.
"I think I'd rather have some tea, if you don't mind." Sirius ordered her tea and rum for himself. They sat in silence until it came. When the waitress left, Hermione was the first to speak. "So in order to get the ministry to even think about clearing your name you had to do their work?"
"Something like that." He smiled. Sirius shifted in his seat and leaned a little closer to Hermione. "It was either help Fudge or get shipped off to Azkaban. I couldn't go back there. I had to help them. I had to clear my name so I could take proper care of Harry. He was…he is my responsibility, James and Lily trusted me with their most prized possession, their only child and so far I had failed them, I failed him. I decided that day to do whatever it took to be able to take care of Harry. I set out with the Defense Officers to find Peter and we did. After much persuasion by the defense officers, he confessed to Fudge, but before he could stand trial and be sent to Azkaban someone killed him. I was then asked to help round up some of the Death Eaters. I told Fudge I would help with one condition, that I get to see and talk to Harry. He wouldn't permit that because he didn't want everyone to know I was alive yet. He did allow me to talk to Headmaster Dumbledore. I met with him for a couple hours. He told me all about Harry, Ron and yourself. How hard it had been on all of you. I wanted you to be told I was alive and cleared. Dumbledore talked Fudge into letting him tell Remus, the three of you and the Weasley's, but no one else. I also made him agree that I could write to Harry and that all of this would be over by the time school was out. I wouldn't let my godson go back to the Dursley's. This summer was my time with him. I told the minister these were my conditions or I'd have Professor Dumbledore tell everyone the truth about my being alive. He had no choice but to agree." Sirius stretched, and then went on, "For the next few months, I worked with the Ministry to find as many Death Eaters as we could. I wanted to make the magical world safer. We did pretty well, but the end of the school term was near, I reminded Fudge of our agreement, that's when they made the formal announcement that I was indeed alive, my name had been cleared and I was working for the Ministry."
Hermione had listened intently to his every word. He could tell she was processing the information she had just been given. Once everything had penetrated her brain, she looked up at him, as she began to speak she reached across and laid her hand over his. "I don't know how you did it. How did you manage to keep your sanity? Most people would have gone completely mental."
For a moment what she said didn't register, all he could think about was her tiny hand resting perfectly on top of his own. He marveled at how they fit together so flawlessly. Realization hit him, this was Hermione, and she was only a child. So not to upset her he gently pulled his hand away, running it through his hair. "I had Harry to think about, I had to keep my thoughts strong. I had to stay in my right mind to get back here to take care of him. Once Fudge let me start writing it was easier, but there where times in the beginning that the thoughts, I was not going to ever leave Harry all alone again, were the only thing that kept me going."
Sirius really was ready to lighten the mood. They had been talking for hours and if he continued with the dark parts he would get depressed. He didn't want that, this was supposed to be a day of fun. He smiled at his tablemate and said, "Let's move this to something a little more pleasant. Do you have more questions?"
Hermione looked into his eyes, they were watching her every move. She was sure for a brief instant she saw longing, lust, love in them, but as quickly as it appeared it was gone. "Yes, I do have another question. When we saw you at King's Cross station last spring, you looked awful. You were skeletal, your hair was long and matted, you were pale, and actually you were a mess. In the 3 months of summer all that changed. How did you do it? How did you transform yourself so to speak?"
He smiled a genuine smile, one that light up his fathomless eyes. He'd heard all the stories; he saw the stares. He didn't think he looked much different but everyone else seemed to think he did. "I really don't know. We went to Greece two days after school was out. Harry and I started eating everything in sight. We were always on the go, to the beach, out running or working out in the weight room. I saw changes in him, I guess there were changes in me too. I remember we both had to go buy new clothes. I just thought I was gaining weight because we ate all the time. I never thought I was developing muscle and body mass until we got back here. Then everyone kept telling us both how we had changed and Buffed UP? Is that the muggle term?"
She had to laugh at the expression on his face when he said "Buffed Up". "Yes, Sirius that is the term for it. You both look great. I think it shows more on you because you were so thin." Hermione stated. The pair talked for a few more minutes. Looking at her watch she saw they had about an hour before they would meet Remus, Harry and Ron. "Do you want to go find the others or what would you like to do?"
"It doesn't matter. They are going to meet us here in an hour, so we don't have to go look for them, but I could use a stretch. Would you like to go for a walk?" He asked, standing and holding her chair. As they exited the pub Sirius placed his hand protectively at the small of her back, as she stepped in front of him. Once outside they decided walk the gravel road to the outskirts and back. They talked about several things. Hermione told him about her summer, about visiting the Burrow, and she told him stories of a cousin that made him laugh. She loved his laugh; it lit up his whole face. When they ran out of road to walk down, Sirius sat down on a large boulder, patting the spot next to him. Hermione sat next to him. He reached for her hand and tucked in gingerly into the crook of his arm placing his other hand on top of hers. "Your hands are cold, are you cold?" He asked looking down at her. He hadn't realized the temperature was dropping.
"No I'm not cold at all." She answered. "But if I do I'll let you know. It's such a beautiful afternoon." They both looked out at the sun that was beginning to set. She felt happy and peaceful sitting there with him. He always had a way of making her feel like she was the only one around when he spoke to her. They sat a few minutes more than she suggested they should return. The others would be arriving back at the Three Broomsticks soon.
