03
YOUNG AND IMPRESSIONABLE
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
September 1975
Remus looked at the green and silver badge in his hand, maybe the tenth time in the last hour.
Prefect.
It made no sense to him. He knew Slughorn didn't pick him. Remus was basically invisible to the man, what with being a werewolf and terrible at Potions. It should have been James or even Snape. He was sure the Potions Master would pick one or the other, and if by any chance the man didn't pick them there was still Sirius. All of them were members of the Slug Club. Remus wasn't. Yes, he was an accomplished student by all means. He knew that. He knew if there was anyone but Slughorn as their Head of House he wouldn't suspect the damn badge as much as he did now.
But Slughorn was their Head of House and Remus knew that he was not his choice.
"Ogling your new shiny, Moony?" James said as he jumped onto his bed.
"I'm not ogling it."
"Glaring at it more likely," Sirius said from where he was sitting at the foot of his bed, his gaze on the Map they were so close to finishing. He raised his eyes and looked at Remus with a smirk. "Why so worried? Afraid that the girls will notice how much of a swot you are?"
"No," Remus said with a sigh. "I'm worried about what I owe Dumbledore for the privilege."
"It's Slughorn's decision," Peter piped up from his bed next to his.
"You think Dumbledore intervened," James declared though, and Remus simply nodded.
"Of course, he did," Sirius said, sounding distracted. "I'm pretty sure James was the first call, actually. It would make sense. He is the son of Fleamont Potter; the potioneer of the frigging century; and people listen to him." He looked over at his friends, his voice much more focused now. "I bet Dumbledore gave him being the Quidditch Captain this year as the reason to refuse, then without giving a chance for Sluggy to consider he pointed at Remus. And you know how Slughorn is. He wouldn't think a second before agreeing." He gave a noncommittal shrug and turned to Remus, his hand rising with a general gesture of indifference. "But so fucking what? You are a Prefect now. It's great."
"Yeah, fucking great," Remus said bitterly. "What happens when my rounds come around the full moon? Everyone will notice something is up."
"I'm sure Dumbledore will fix your rounds accordingly, Moony," Peter said.
Suddenly angry, Remus jumped up. "But that's just it!" he said starting to pace the room. "He will. He is controlling my life, can't you see? 'Come to Hogwarts little werewolf. I'll plant a rare and expensive tree for you to our premises and create a myth that the old house in Hogsmeade is haunted. I'll make you a Prefect, see, you can be normal too.' I am not, though, am I? I'm not fucking normal! I just want him to stop interfering with my life!"
Remus felt the wolf stirring by the end of his rant. He covered his face with one hand and sighed into it. He was tired of feeling out of control. He was tired of others pulling the strings and he was tired how his wolf side showed itself without his calling for it. When Sirius got up Remus stared at him; warning him with his gaze. Inside Moony was growling, and no matter how much Sirius was part of his pack, he shouldn't be moving closer. Thankfully, Sirius immediately stopped. Something he wouldn't do if he did not complete his animagus transformation, Remus was sure. But since he had become a canine Sirius seemed to understand Moony much better.
"Let him," he said and Remus looked at him, this time he actually growled. But Sirius was undeterred. "I mean it, Moony. Let him interfere. Let him think you owe him. I know you hate giving up control, but don't you see? You are not. He doesn't know that you know what he's doing. He wants you on his side, but he won't get you. You are in control."
Remus exhaled slowly.
I am.
The Slytherin Dungeon had rules and although none of them was ever written they were still the law. People who were sorted into Slytherin were, more often than not, groomed to be here. Which meant they knew the law. The rest, however, had to be smart enough to figure it out quickly or they'd become the bottom of the food chain, and climbing up from that was not easy.
Sirius was the only one in the dormitories of their year who really knew how the cogs of Slytherin turned. Instead of using it against them, though, he taught them. All but one: Severus Snape. "I never heard of that surname before. Snape... Are you continental?" he had asked him during the feast and Severus had sneered at him. Maybe today, Sirius would figure out that he was being an arrogant little shit. But back then to a Sirius Black who was raised sheltered by the most die-hard of the pureblood families, it was a grave insult. He hadn't taken it well.
The enmity between Snape and the Marauders only increased over the years. Remus even respected the greasy git. He was thrown into the same cage with four others who hated him when he was eleven and held his head high. That was the end of it, though. Respect or no respect, if the greasy git would sneer at him one more time he was going to break his neck.
Remus knew Snape wanted to be a Prefect. The title meant a great deal, after all. It gave a certain amount of power, and to Slytherins power was everything. Not that it bothered Remus to get something Snape wanted. Quite the contrary... Snape had made it his duty to figure out 'what was wrong with' Remus. They were sharing the same dormitories for the last four years and he watched the Marauders like a hawk watching its prey. And in return, Remus enjoyed every little victory against him as a general rule.
He raised his head to glare back at him. The boy's face was contorted in disgust and his eyes travelled from Remus' face to the badge on his chest. Remus was glad that Snape broke eye contact when he did since he was not sure for how long he would be able to stay calm in face of that challenge.
Regulus watched as Severus Snape glared at Remus Lupin. It was stupid. Sure, Snape deserved the title himself. But all the fifth year students of every house had exceeded all the expectations. Even the mudbloods of the year were exceptionally strong and academically advanced. Did he really hope to be a Prefect? No one liked the boy except Mulciber and Avery, and the latter was only interested in him because the Dark Lord was.
Regulus knew it. He knew many things. It came with being the spare. No one paid him much attention. Sirius was perfection in every way. He was smarter than Regulus, more handsome than Regulus and most importantly, older than Regulus. All of which could make Regulus hate his big brother, but Sirius was perfect, even in Regulus' eyes. Why bother hating him? There were much more important things. After all, he had realised the advantage of being the spare early on. He had perfected the art of being the spare. He watched. He learned.
Regulus knew that his brother was an animagus, for example. Although he wasn't positive if he actually finished the transformation, he had noticed the mandrake leaf Sirius carried in his mouth, and since he hadn't repeated to process the only conclusion that remained was he indeed managed to turn himself into an animal. Accepting failure was not like Sirius. The knowledge was useful. Not to use against his brother, and if he wanted to Regulus could. Since it was obvious that Remus Lupin was a werewolf (and it was a mystery to him that how people still didn't know) it would be logical to assume that Sirius had decided to study the art of animagi to help him. If their mother heard a whisper to indicate as such, Sirius would be, well, in serious trouble. But Regulus was not a snitch, neither did he want to replace Sirius. It was against everything the Black Dogma stood for anyway. Loyalty was honour. It was deeper than what Gryffindors thought of loyalty, or even different than Hufflepuffs. It was indubitable and it did not rely on point of view. A Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff could be convinced to change loyalties. They could be shown the right way, whatever that meant. But a Black's loyalty superseded any and every vow that they may take upon themselves. A Black would go far and beyond to remain loyal to whatever they chose to follow. And Regulus knew that Sirius' loyalty to the Marauders was almost, maybe completely, on par with his loyalty to his family. It was done, and there'd be nothing that could be done about it other than accepting it as such. Regulus idly wondered if the family Magic would accept his loyalty towards the Marauders once Sirius started to carry the Ring of the Black Heir. He remembered his father mentioning the Black Magic being susceptible to the Ring Wearers' wishes; that the Magic would listen to them, as much as the Wearers listened to the Magic. "It's a partnership," his father had said. "One that you would need to honour to the highest degree."
His father's words resonated in Regulus' head. He felt the urgent need to abide by it. As if he was in a trance he lifted his head and saw Lupin finally returning Snape's gaze as if he was about to jump out of his chair and strangle the odd fifth year. Not strangle, his mind not so helpfully supplied. Tore his throat out, more likely. He sighed and gave into the intuition that was tugging at his mind. He put the book he was pretending to read on the table that was reserved for fourth years, knowing no one would dare to touch or steal it, and he moved towards Athelstan Avery: Snape's friend. Which was lucky for him, since the sixth year was one of the few people that would listen to Regulus' advice in the upper years.
He stopped by his side and Athelstan raised a single eyebrow, turning from Isobel Broadmoor. The girl was the other fifth-year Prefect, Sirius' old fling and Avery's current. She was a beauty with large blue eyes and brown hair, and admittedly, very distracting boobs. Bosom, Regulus corrected himself and controlled his breathing and preventing a rush of blood to reach his face to make him blush. He bowed his head towards her in a show of respect. Not that he actually respected the girl; he was rather indifferent towards her if one ignored the occasional inappropriate thought about a girl he never talked to; but because that's how a proper wizard acted when they interrupted a private conversation. Broadmoor wasn't a Prefect for nothing, Regulus assumed she was smart and was pleased when it was confirmed when the girl kissed Avery's cheek and mumbled something about a book she needed to check.
"What can I help you with?" Avery asked as Regulus sat next to him. It was fine, people would assume he was asking Avery something about a class he was taking since Regulus was known to be inquisitive. It made interacting with people who are not his regular social circle inside the school much easier.
"You are aware, that Remus Lupin is my brother's friend," he said and Avery seemed amused at the question. Everyone knew the Marauders. "And I know you are cultivating Snape for some reason." To that Avery's face went completely blank. "I don't want to know why, but if you want him to remain alive for whatever purpose you have for him, I suggest you make him stop challenging Lupin. The end of it is a duel, and that won't end in Snape's favour."
The blond smirked. "What makes you think he will lose?" he asked. Regulus shrugged.
"He may or may not. But then, if he won Sirius would come for him and if he won again..." He looked at Avery, silently asking him what would happen to a halfâblood if he were to harm the scion of his House. Avery sighed and nodded.
"'I'll talk to him."
Regulus watched Avery as he rose from his chair and walked towards Snape. Athelstan was smart to cultivate the Prince descendant. He was the only remaining of the Prince bloodline, and as an Avery who was probably as knowledgeable on having that much power in one's blood as Regulus, Athelstan befriended him by taking him under his wing. Blacks had lost that chance when Snape and his big brother became fast enemies. It was such a shame. Of course, it didn't help that Severus was still talking to that mudblood that James Potter pined after, either.
At first, it had been a mystery to Regulus why Severus Snape wasn't one of them. He would be easy to cultivate. Half-blood or not, since it was obvious purity was not what his brother sought after, and if Lupins were worthy of cultivating so were the Princes. Regulus had tried his luck during his first year, knowing who Snape was from the beginning unlike Sirius. The boy had sneered at him and called him Baby Black, and Regulus decided it wasn't worth it. Not that he was truly offended. He knew Snape treated him as such because of his brother. Still, an insult was an insult, even though his disgusting Muggle father was surely to blame for his lack of manners, it was still an undeniable fact that Regulus was a member of a Sacred Twenty-Eight, and as much as the blood traitors thought that list was rubbish there was a reason it was titled sacred.
Still, as tactless as Snape was, he had managed to have allies, even though one of those allies were Mulciber. Yes, Mulciber was a pureblood, at least mostly pureblood and his father was a known figure in some important circles, but the boy himself was an absolute idiot with a cruelty that even his cousin Bellatrix would not approve of. Well, maybe not Bella, Regulus corrected himself as he walked back to the fourth year table to get his book. Mulciber disgusted Regulus, but when you were Severus Snape you did not have the luxury to nit pick your allies. Regulus was sure he hated Mulciber too but was smart enough to hide it.
Regulus smirked when he noticed that even though all of his classmates were trying to fit around the smaller of the tables in the common room his seat was untouched. He sat back on it and opened his charms textbook as if he needed to learn the spells in it: it helped when your peers thought you were on their level.
"Have you finished the Transfiguration essay, Reggie?"
He smiled at the girl who called for him, even though he hated the overly familiar nickname. "Yes, Esther," he said keeping up with familiarity. "I can give you the list of my resources if you want?"
The girl blushed and thanked him. That was new, and Regulus briefly considered flirting with her but quickly decided against it. She wouldn't do, not even if he kept it a secret. If only she wasn't a half-blood...
Sirius walked into the common room barely before the curfew and looked around the place to see who was where. Regulus was studying at the fourth year table and Remus was sulking sitting on the couch in front of the fire. Sirius frowned wondering what brought it on and checked if Snape was anywhere to be seen. He really would like him to be the one that bothered Remus into an another episode of brooding but unfortunately Snivellus was nowhere to be seen. He walked and let his body fall down next to Remus and gave him a muffin he nicked from the kitchens.
Remus looked at it and frowned. He still took it though and started to eat.
"Don't you have rounds tonight?" Sirius reminded him.
"Oh, hell, what time is it?" Remus groaned.
"Little bit before the curfew," Sirius shrugged. "Do you want me to come with you? I can ask James for the cloak."
Remus shook his head and got up. "You can't. Dumbledore is one of the professors that will be on the patrols today and you never know where he will be." He was obviously disturbed by it and he didn't even try to hide it. "I swear he always sees under that cloak," Remus hissed leaning towards Sirius and making him take a whiff of his scent. Musk was the only word that came into Sirius' mind when he tried to name it. It was very strong, stronger now he completed his animagus training, which was something he hadn't expected. He was also more in tune with Remus now. It was as if something drove him to listen to him, and it became so much harder to not seeing him for long periods. During the summer they didn't have much chance to come together and it had been much harder after his first animal transformation with him to stand his absence. Sirius tried to look into Remus' eyes like he used to and the brown orbs with gold spots were staring back at him. He lowered his eyes towards Remus' lips, which did nothing to calm Sirius down, but at least he didn't feel like he was disrespecting Remus anymore. The werewolf didn't seem to notice. "He probably uses a wandless homenum revelio or something like that. We really need to find a way to mask the cloak from him."
"I'm not sure if it can be done," Sirius said trying to break the daze he was in. "The other enchantments we tried to add never held. There is something about that cloak and I can't be sure what."
Remus shrugged and straightened, making Sirius watch his movements even closer. What was it that made Sirius want to always watch Remus? There was that particular angle of his arm when he put his hand in the pocket of his trousers. Or how his hips were placed due to his slightly forward left foot. What was it so aesthetically pleasing about all that?
"Well, I think we should still try," Remus said. "I'd feel much more comfortable if there was no chance of the cloak getting discovered by Dumbledore. I just get really nervous when he's around when we are under it. You know... Like all of my instincts are telling me to hide hide hide and..." He stopped and sighed. "You know what? We need to talk later. I really must be off."
"Right. Yeah." Sirius got up as Remus started to move. It felt so wrong to be sitting down when he was leaving somewhere alone. He immediately felt stupid when Remus looked at him wondering what was he doing up. "Since I can't go with you, I should go upstairs and see what progress James and Pete have done on the Map," he said, creating a cover that would turn not to be a lie since he would do exactly that. "They were supposed to work out a way to layer Wormy's disillusionment charms with Prongs' tracking spells and... They probably could use my help."
Remus nodded and shrugged. "Good luck on that." And he walked out of the common room, leaving Sirius to fidget anxiously. Every bone in his body was screaming him to follow Remus, be right behind him. Just on his heels... He took a deep breath and broke out of his stupor. He didn't like these feelings. He didn't like them because they felt natural, and he enjoyed them when he was actually able to follow Remus' lead. He found himself listening to his words like they were orders and when Remus smiled at him he felt proud and since when Sirius Black felt proud of doing the bidding of others? It was disturbing especially considering it became his second nature to do so. It was disturbing because it entailed more than just following his lead.
Don't be stupid, Black, he chastised himself as he turned towards the dorms. Of course you don't fancy Remus.
Remus walked the corridors slowly. He generally hated being a Prefect, except it made it possible for him to get away with doing certain things. It was a waste of his time, plain and simple. People didn't want to be Prefects to have more responsibility. They wanted it because it looked great on job applications but that was a moot point in Remus' case. Nothing would make his job application great, or even make it applicable. He had given up hope to find a respectable enough job, but since then he had also made bigger plans than to have a good career. So to Remus being a Prefect just meant a big chunk of his time that he could use to work out how to stabilise the floor plans on the Map or maybe work on finally turning that drying charm into a curse that can be used on living organisms to be wasted on patrolling the halls, watching over Slytherins and taking house points.
He sighed. He just hated this whole thing with vengeance. They didn't even ask him, just sent him the badge like he should be honoured and even if he had a chance to decline, he hadn't really look for it and now that he was here in the empty corridor, walking without the aim to achieve something profound. He would much rather he'd remain in the common room with Sirius and chat him up. He was acting different since summer and he really wanted to figure out why.
Remus was worried about Sirius. Maybe it was because their bond was so much stronger since his friends had gained their animal forms, and they weren't used to it yet. Remus was much more relaxed when with them, and that was unexpected since he didn't realise there was any room to feel any more comfortable. Since their first year they've become his family, but now they were more than that. They were... pack, the wolf completed his sentence with a flash of a vision: Forest blurring around him as they ran and a faint memory of a smell that gave his human mind the idea of wholeness. He enjoyed that smell. It gave him comfort and something akin to joy, although human words were not sufficient to express the feeling. It seemed to Remus that Sirius was the most affected by the change in their friendship. Remus rationalised that it was because Padfoot was another canine, and wolf reacted differently to him. But it wasn't all there was. Wolf really liked Sirius. Before being an animagus they were all the same in Remus and his wolf's eyes, but now it was as if his scent was the strongest and his presence a bit more profound than the rest. Sirius acted differently, yes, but Remus looked at him differently too.
He liked it. It was an exciting thing, he felt giddy and he often found himself much more relaxed when with Sirius. He had hated leaving him alone in the common room, and declining his offer to join him during his patrols. Remembering that made Remus walk faster, to finish his rounds swiftly so he could go back to their dorm and be with Sirius. Be with his pack.
And the idea was good as long as it lasted.
It was the last turn before Remus reached to the last corridor that lead to the Slytherin Dungeons that he came face to face with the last person he wanted to see.
"Mr Lupin, what a pleasant surprise."
Remus knew his stance had changed, like a startled wolf he wanted to growl and warn the invader to stay away or he would tear him limb from limb. But that would be a horrible thing to do towards their illustrious headmaster. He took a deep breath and tried to rein the wolf deep inside. I got this, he repeated his long practised mantra in his mind over and over again at great speed. Words have power, James had told him once, maybe if you teach your wolf to react in certain ways to certain sentences your control will strengthen in time.
So Remus chanted his mantra: I got this. Let me protect us. Let me protect us. And miraculously, most of the time, the wolf listened.
"Headmaster," he said, hoping that he sounded more surprised than angry. He was the worst liar in all of Slytherin. He hated acting. "Good evening, sir."
"Yes, it is a good evening, indeed," Dumbledore said and wolf silently growled inside Remus' head, with a flash of an image of a fox that stole meat from the hunt which Remus learned to translate as insolence, and all he could think was that he agreed. "I believe you are finishing your rounds?" the Headmaster asked and Remus gave him a nod and a hum, hesitant to talk in case Dumbledore caught on his distress. "I'll join you then, much better to walk with company, don't you think?"
The old man in pastel blue seemed docile enough but he was staring at Remus' eyes and he did not like that. He wanted to lower his eyes, not because he wanted to give up but rather to remind Dumbledore that he was a wolf and wolves did not like being stared at. But the wolf didn't allow him to do so. He wanted to bare his teeth. He wanted to jump. He wanted to sink his teeth into his throat and rip it and taste his blood, coppery and thick flowing down from his neck, and enjoy as he...
Remus shook his head to get rid of the image and nodded to the Headmaster. The man looked sad for a second, but Remus knew that it was a trick. All these sentimental expressions Dumbledore made was a way for him to pretend as if he cared about Remus. Maybe he did, the human thought. Wolf sent him an image of a wolf, standing high on a hill with the full moon behind it shining bright and under his feet were bugs crawling, some dead. Remus understood what it meant. He didn't need Dumbledore's care.
"How are you, Remus?" Dumbledore asked.
"I'm fine, Professor. Only a bit tired," he said looking towards the corridor in front of him.
"And how are your friends? I must say I found the tripping jinx you put on the corridor on the third floor. It's quite advanced: turning jinxes into charms."
Remus flushed with anger to what the man was saying, I know everything in this school. He coughed, hoping it would make him seem embarrassed. He was glad when Dumbledore continued without awaiting a response from him. "You remind me of myself, you know."
How, Remus thought, how could I be anything like you? "Sir?" he asked, truly curious to see where the man was going with this.
"I, too, was a young man: impressionable and ready to learn. I had a friend much like young Sirius Black. We were ambitious and our minds were eager to discover new things." Dumbledore almost seemed wistful, but Remus was not ready to trust him to be genuine.
"Like Sirius?" he asked. Why did the man mention Sirius and not Peter or James? Why Sirius, he had wanted to ask but could not.
Dumbledore hummed and clasped his hands on his back, walking in silence for a several seconds. He seemed like he was contemplating what to say. "Yes, young Mr Black often reminds me of him. Sharp as a potion master's knife, and proud. Still, one should never lose one's self for anyone, don't you agree?" The Headmaster stopped and turned to Remus, once again locking his eyes with his. Just like that the wolf in him was more awake than Remus could remember him being. He realised with surprise that the wolf was looking at the man, and clearing Remus' mind of any human thought, claiming his mind with such assertiveness he didn't even think of fighting it. Remus' conscious mind watching the exchange behind the curtains realised the picture was similar to the visions the wolf sent to him time to time, ideas too vague for a man to understand. Even the colours that he saw with had changed, closer to the colour of the wolf visions. He felt a little push in the back of his mind, a door for him to speak.
"I would not lose myself, Sir," he spoke softly. "But I thank you for your concern."
Dumbledore stared at him for few more seconds and Remus continued looking at him.
"Goodnight, my dear boy."
Thanks to Calebski for alpha-reading this story. She is the best.
This is the first time we see the Marauders in their Hogwarts Years. There will be a few of them, so get ready for random Throwback Chapters.
Next chapter we'll be back in the original timeline.
I hope you enjoyed reading this! As always, let me know you've been here by leaving a review. You can also reach me at Tumblr at synoir - tumblr - com.
Synoir
