Hi everyone! Thanks for reading and reviewing! That gives me life, really, I'm so grateful to you for giving me some feedback :3

On with the story: life is getting in the way of my writing time and it sucks. Still, I'll keep trying to update at least once a week. I'm so bummed I can't update faster :( In exchange, I'll try to make the chapters longer.

Anyway, happy reading!^^

P.s. I don't own glee or Les chansons d'amour!


A sudden slam of the door woke up Sebastian. But that wasn't what made him startle. Underneath his skin, there was someone else's – warm and receiving, and Sebastian was suddenly very aware of what a great night of sleep he had just had thanks to that skin. That skin had felt like a true match to his own, but also nurturing and repairing, like a balsam to his body and soul.

And yeah, by now he was also very aware that skin was Kurt's. And it freaked him out a little, but he knew it would freak him out much more if he opened his eyes and acknowledged the situation.

Suddenly the skin was moving underneath him. Sebastian closed his eyes even more tightly and pretended to be asleep, because the fact that he had slept glued to a seventeen-year-old-boy was too much right now.

Unfortunately, his legs had trapped Kurt's somehow. Sebastian decided to take a peek with extreme caution: Kurt's eyes were closed and he looked very dozed. He was trying to get rid of Sebastian's trap on his sleep, and Sebastian felt completely frozen and uncertain as to how to proceed.

The slightest movement would wake up Kurt, and he didn't want to face the boy at all right now. Sebastian knew it wasn't nice, but he was kind of counting on sneaking out on him again if possible. But the lack of actions triggered the inevitable: on his struggle, Kurt woke up on his own and was greeted with Sebastian's stare – and Sebastian damned himself for having his eyes opened.

They stared silently at each other for what it felt like a while, but time was hard to measure when you hadn't been awake for more than a minute or two.

Sebastian wanted to die. His body was all over Kurt's. His legs, his arms, even his cheek! He lifted his head right away, as if burned. He couldn't believe himself. The worst part was… he was so damn comfortable.

Kurt looked really asleep, but his eyes didn't quite hide his emotions. They said he was surprised, but also cheery. Happy to have his mornings disturbed like this.

Sebastian looked away, feeling unsettled. He didn't remember feeling like that when looking at Kurt's eyes before. It was new, it was there and it was freaking him out not knowing why.

He moved aside a little and made place for Kurt. It kind of looked like the poor kid had been sleeping at the edge of bed all night. And Sebastian couldn't say he was surprised: he was known to be a space-robber in bed.

Kurt gave him a small smile and moved his legs freely now.

"Did you sleep well?" Kurt thankfully broke the awkward silence.

"Yeah" Sebastian replied sort of cryptically, then sat down and tried to spot his clothes.

"We were lucky – my parents just left again" the boy commented, relieved. "Fortunately they know better than to barge in my room, otherwise I'd be screwed" he joked.

Sebastian looked at him cautiously. Yeah, he knew what Kurt meant. No minor's parents would be exactly happy to see him lying in bed with a grown man. He wanted to kill himself. But he just nodded for now.

"You're okay?" Kurt asked, giving him some very concerned eyes.

Sebastian's coldness, which was probably derived from his nerves and his actions from last night, melted a little, just a little, when locking eyes with Kurt. It was hard to be mad at someone so nice.

Sebastian sighed, then bit his lip. "You're too permissive."

Kurt frowned, which made Sebastian chuckle, because it made him look much older.

"And now you're laughing at me. Great" Kurt said, kind of annoyed.

"I'm not" Sebastian defended, not very convincingly. "I just- I'd never known someone with so many facial expressions" he explained, still amused. "It's kind of fun to watch."

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him with suspicion now, but eventually gave in. "So if things go wrong with fashion, I can always make a career as a comic actor. Good to know" he said with sarcasm.

Sebastian chuckled again. "With fashion? Really?"

"Yes" Kurt stated rather seriously and amused at the same time, "with fashion. I want to become a fashion entrepreneur and designer. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, sir" Sebastian snorted. "But clear up something for me, please. Will you design men clothes? Or girls?"

Kurt shot him a pity look and Sebastian almost felt like taking back his words.

"You're lucky you're so handsome, 'cause you're a real tool sometimes" Kurt stated kind of bitchily, which suited him, somehow. "And should I care enough about your ridiculous question, I'd simply say that fashion has no gender."

"Wow" Sebastian made after regarding the boy for a few seconds, still amused but softened. Kurt frowned once more. "You kind of gain when you get all feisty and dignified."

Kurt blushed. "Oh" he lost all the attitude. "Thanks."

Cute, Sebastian found himself thinking, but immediately shook it off.

"So what is it with your parents never being home?" He asked instead, trying to clear the air.

"Oh, well, it's not like they're never home. My dad is running for congressman, so they've got a lot of appointments and compromises lately" Kurt explained.

"Even on a Sunday?" Sebastian inquired, confused.

Kurt chuckled. "Specially on a Sunday. Weekends are the worst. They've got one casual brunch over here, another casual lunch over there… Which are never that casual, of course."

"Doesn't it get boring for your mom?"

Kurt regarded him for a moment, then smiled to himself, as if he was enjoying a private joke. "All right. So this is the awkward part where I tell you that Carol is not my mom, but Brittany's, and mine died when I was eight. There" he pretended to sigh with relief. "It's better to get that off the way quickly. Like a band-aid" he joked.

Sebastian didn't find it very funny, though, not when it came to loss. But he smiled politely, mostly not to make Kurt feel uncomfortable. "You were very little" he thought out loud. "That sucks, petit. I'm sorry." And he meant it. To have experienced grief at such a young age...

Kurt half shrugged, but shot him a fond smile. "Don't. It's okay. I've made my peaces with that."

Sebastian regarded him somewhat impressed, but said nothing. How did anybody make peaces with something like that?

"You're lucky" Sebastian guessed.

Kurt smiled bitterly and, after a few seconds, added: "That wasn't out of luck. It took some time, you know."

"Of course" Sebastian agreed right away, searching for Kurt's arm. "I didn't mean it was-" he squeezed the arm comfortingly. "I meant it's great, you know- that I'm glad for you."

"Oh- I know, don't worry" Kurt smiled and stroked back Sebastian's hand reassuringly. He looked almost surprised to see Sebastian struggling with words like that. And Sebastian felt slightly unsettled to have Kurt's hand on his own. "I was just saying, that it takes some work and time to get over something like that. But I guess you know what I'm talking about, sadly."

Sebastian let go of Kurt's hand and felt the urge to stand up, taken aback for some reason. He gathered his clothes.

"You're leaving?" Kurt asked, unable to hide his disappointment.

Sebastian zipped up his jeans and looked at him. "Yeah. I've got a couple of deadlines and some chores to do."

"I'd ask if I can come with you, but why bother, right?" Kurt joked, discreetly.

Sebastian regarded the boy and for a brief moment there, he considered it. Then rolled his eyes and put on his sweater.

Kurt just nodded and looked down, defeated.

Sebastian sighed. The lines were blurred enough as it was. And he wasn't willing to see 'em too blurred. He approached the bed and stared at Kurt until the boy returned the look.

"Thank you for everything." For what it was worth, he hoped at least Kurt knew he was very grateful. "I mean it."

"Did you also mean it when you said you'd be out of my life in the morning?" Kurt asked, slightly worried.

Sebastian smirked, somewhat self-conscious. "Didn't you ask me not to promise that and I said 'okay'?"

Kurt smiled coyly. "Yeah."

Sebastian cupped Kurt's cheek with one hand and caressed it. "Give me some credit, okay?" He asked, returning the smile.

Kurt's cheek warmed up on his hand and turned reddish, like an apple, so Sebastian came forwards and kissed it. He wanted to bite it, actually, but there would be no reasonable explanation for that, so he just kissed it and went for the door.

He grabbed the handle and looked back briefly.

"See you?" Kurt asked, hope obviously dancing in his eyes.

"See you" Sebastian agreed.

Sebastian left Kurt's building feeling somewhat disquieted. He knew there were a thousand reasons he should feel like crap for doing what he was doing to Kurt: abusing his good nature and encouraging his feelings. But, somehow, that wasn't what had Sebastian all uneasy.

It was the awakening he had found himself feeling just by looking at Kurt's eyes. He was familiar with that emotion, and it was not even a bad one. It was concerning though when you caught yourself feeling it towards a seventeen-year-old-boy. And it wasn't even the age what disturbed Sebastian anymore, not even the gender… It was that Sebastian was not ready to feel allured to anyone right now.

Sebastian shook it off, though. There was no need to make things any more complicated than they already were. He had enjoyed a repairing night of rest and human warmth. Of course he would feel different towards Kurt after snuggling up to him like that. It was only natural.

Don't take things out of proportion, Sebastian fought himself.

But when later that night Sebastian closed his eyes and saw Kurt's and felt weirdly calmed and comforted for some reason, he didn't fight it.

He started drifting off immediately after and this time there was no fuss. He didn't even realize it was taking no effort at all. He just fell sleep, and it felt nice. Maybe not as nice as sleeping at Kurt's, but nice anyway.

/

Santana didn't enjoy the easiest weekend. Having your dead ex's mom calling to meet up with you for the first time wasn't exactly something easy-digesting, truth to be told.

She wasn't even sure how the woman had gotten her number, but one thing was for certain: if Santana found out Sebastian had just given it to her, then the boy would be in serious trouble for the rest of his life.

It went without saying, but Santana had been very reluctant about the meeting at first. But this was Julie's mother, Julie's, so how could she even say no? What right did she have to deprive the woman of the little comfort she delusionally thought she could find in meeting Santana?

On Sunday evening, with the phone call still recent and warm, Santana was so nervous she couldn't even concentrate on sex with Brittany. She kept trying to picture different faces for Julie's mom, but all of them looked like a mix between Julie and Mary, and it was really creepy.

One of those faces was just so creepy that it made her wince while Brittany nibbled at her ear.

"Oh, God, Julie, no" Santana mumbled, disgusted.

Brittany took back her tongue and observed Santana with a hurt expression. "What?"

Santana winced again, the image of Julie and Mary clouding her thoughts and making her stomach twirl.

Brittany's jaw fell opened. "Are you serious?!" The blonde shouted, finally catching Santana's attention, who regarded her quite confused. "You're evil" she stood up, annoyed.

Santana felt suddenly cold. Wait, what had just happened?

"Brit?" She asked, tentatively.

But Brittany looked mad. The girl was putting on her clothes and her expression got more childish every minute.

"You're evil" she repeated, getting all red.

"What?!" Santana snapped. "What the hell are you talking about? Brit, don't be ridiculous and come back to bed."

"What for?" Brittany asked. "Doesn't your ex-girlfriend keep you busy enough?"

Santana winced again. "Oh, and I'm evil? Who the hell says something like that?"

"Please, Santana. I know my boobs are not as great as hers, but you could at least pretend that you like 'em" the blonde argued, hurt.

"But I love your boobs, Brit" Santana softened her tone, reaching for Brittany's arm. "Please, come back here."

"You were not even touching them!" The blonde protested. "You just kept mumbling 'Julie'! How do you think that makes me feel? I can't compete with a ghost, Santana. And you know I love ghosts, and I know you love sharing, but I'm not willing to share you with her!" Brittany's lip trembled uncontrollably and the girl teared up. "You're evil. You told me you were over her and you're not. You're evil" she repeated.

Santana couldn't believe her eyes. The only reason she had even started seeing Brittany was because the girl's good nature was too eclipsing not to fall under her spell. And now, this?

"Well, you're evil too" Santana accused her, hurt. "You're just thinking about yourself and you're judging me for no reason, and I want you to get out of here" she said harshly, her throat getting all nodded up.

Brittany regarded her with the most pup-kicked expression Santana had ever seen, and the Latina girl was starting to regret her words already, but Brittany went for the door before she could say anything.

"Fffffffffuck" Santana tumbled down. She hid her head under the pillow. "Ffffffffuck."

She kicked the mattress and punched the cushions. How the hell did that happen? She asked herself, incredulous. Everything with Brittany had been going unusually smooth right from the first moment she saw the blonde, and now this? In less than two minutes?

Part of Santana felt incredibly bitter as well. There was this voice in her head that kept murmuring annoying stuff like 'this was meant to happen', 'you never moved on from Julie', 'you started seeing Brittany the very night Julie died!'… and so on.

But she didn't think Brittany was right. She had moved on from Julie. The whole reason Santana had been looking to hook up with someone that fateful night was because she was starting to get tired of the whole Sebastian-Julie dynamic. She had never felt too comfortable with those two, even though she loved them. After a while, she had started to feel like the added bonus, like the third-wheel or supplement they rented when things got boring.

And she wanted to be with someone who didn't make her feel like that. Someone who could make her feel like she was more than enough. And God forbid her luck for finding that person that same night. Really, was that supposed to be Santana's fault? No! The way she figured it, the odds were to blame. The odds, God, or whatever force there was out there.

Monday came and went without any calmed or happy moment whatsoever, because Santana was a human bunch of nerves.

She had never met with any girlfriend's parents before. Much less after the girlfriend in question was deceased. And Santana was convinced it would not be any good, so why the hell had she agreed to meeting Violet then?

On a first look, Violet was a fit, small and captivating woman. Santana observed her from the window before joining her at the coffee shop. The woman had red, bright hair like Mary, and almond eyes like Julie, but she dressed quite different from both girls. She wore sport clothes, like she had just finished a jog, and her hair was perfectly tied in a pony tail.

Santana took a deep breath and told herself to suck it up. This was a person. A mother. What was she so afraid of?

The moment she came in, Violet's eyes lifted up and met hers. Santana felt intimidated by her stare, but she was not one to look away.

"Hi" she greeted the woman and offered her hand politely, a little rigid maybe, but whatever. "I'm Santana."

The woman observed her with amused eyes and stood up, going for a brief hug instead.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Santana." Violet's voice was warm and husky, and her hug felt sincere.

Santana returned it awkwardly though. She was not the kind of person that hugged strangers. Or anyone, really.

"It's nice to meet you too" Santana replied a little forced, but sat down and shot her a small smile.

"Well" the woman observed Santana's features a little too closely, as if examining an object she had long waited to get. It was uncomfortable, but familiar. "Aren't you a beauty. I had heard you were pretty, of course, but you're just something else."

Santana blushed and looked down. Please, Earth, swallow me down. "Thank you. I guess."

"Oh, please, don't feel uncomfortable around me" the woman shook her head, amicably. "We're like family now, after all."

Santana couldn't help but widen her eyes. What?

"I won't keep you for too long" Violet continued, "I guess I just wanted to meet one of the last persons my daughter loved" she smiled, somewhat embarrassed. "And I'm aware how that sounds. And I'm probably meddling with your life, so that's why I'll make this short: I hear that you're close friends with Sebastian, aren't you?"

Santana tried to process all that quickly, but it was kind of hard. Also, she didn't want to admit that the woman was right: that she was certainly meddling with her life and causing a big deal of distress already on her relationships. So she just nodded.

"Well, I don't know if 'close' is a word any of us would use, but we're friends, yeah" Santana admitted. She was positive she wasn't Sebastian's best friend or anything like that.

"Oh, that's good enough" Violent smiled. "He's actually the reason I wanted to meet you, Santana. See, we hadn't seen him for a month or so, but a few days ago he surprised us all with his visit and it was really lovely at first. I mean, we love him like a son, 'cause we've seen him become the remarkable young man that he is."

Santana contained a snort. Remarkable, of course. He wasn't a jack-ass, but he wasn't Saint-bastian either.

"Well, of course you know how he is!" Violet realized, and Santana simply nodded, politely. "But the other day, for some reason… we didn't see him in his best spirits. I mean, none of us are. But he just looked so sad, Santana" the woman emphasized, and there was something about the way she gestured with her hands that felt awkwardly familiar for Santana. "I wish I could quite explain" the woman sighed, running a hand over her hair with concern.

"You mean he didn't look that bad after the funeral" Santana suggested, or more like stated, because she wasn't blind either. And also, she wasn't exactly innocent. After all, she had been the one to incite Sebastian to break down already.

"Exactly" Violent agreed. "He didn't. His strength was just… commendable, wasn't it? He lightened up our house every time he visited us. And seeing him like that was such a source of comfort for us. To know that he was doing well brought peace to our minds, Santana."

Santana felt strangely guilty. But no, she shook her head. That wasn't healthy.

"That was a mask" Santana forced herself to admit. It wasn't easy telling things like this to a woman who loved Sebastian like a son, but it was the truth. "He's been trying to be a rock for everybody except for himself. And now he's… coming down. He needs to."

Violent suddenly grabbed Santana's hand, taking her completely aback. Santana fought the urge to jump in her chair when she saw the intensity on the woman's eyes.

"That's what I feared. Santana, I need to ask you something. Please, please, promise me you're gonna be there for him. He needs someone to support him now, and I'm afraid my family's presence will only difficult his healing process right now."

Santana regarded Violet mutely, shocked even. She hadn't seen anyone so vulnerable before, so genuinely and selflessly concerned.

"Take care of him, will you?" Violet asked and let go of her hand. She looked afflicted, but more calmed now. "Can I count on you with that?"

"Of course" Santana agreed when it became obvious that the woman actually needed her to promise. "That's what I'm already doing, anyway."

Violet sighed then, relieved. "That's good to know" she gave a generous smile, then grabbed her purse and put a couple of dollars on the table. "I'm leaving now, but thank you for your kindness, Santana. It was really lovely to meet you."

Santana stood up and the woman stroked her arm. They locked eyes for a moment with understanding and a few seconds later Violet left.

Santana stood still for a couple of minutes, overwhelmed.

/

"No, you're not paying attention!" Kurt screamed impatiently. "He cupped my cheek and asked me to believe in him!"

"That's even more disturbing, Kurt" Quinn argued, which gained her a scoff from the boy. "Not to mention he actually begged you to sleep with him and then snuggled up to you shamelessly."

"And kissed me" Kurt added, cheerily. "In the cheek, and then in the neck" he stroked his own neck, getting all warm just by remembering it.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "You're seriously concerning. This is a grown man we're talking about" the girl stated with the usual coldness she displayed when arguing. "He's clearly going through some serious stuff, and he doesn't give a damn about dragging you along in the whole mess."

Kurt stood up, annoyed. He didn't like Quinn's reasoning, but she was the only person he had told about Sebastian for some reason. And she wasn't even one of his best friends, or a close one either. Kurt liked to think she had simply been at the right place at the right time, but the truth was she was one of the more mature kids, if not the most, at McKinley, and her insight, however cold and objective, was usually thought-out.

"What mess?" Kurt barked. "God, you make it sound like he's a drug-addict or something."

"No, but he's grieving" Quinn said. "And it's making him selfish, Kurt. Irrational. You're just not being careful at all."

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, cold-hearted Quinn!" Kurt pointed a finger at her, tired of her attacks. "He's a person, he's going through a great deal of pain and I'm just helping him! For Gaga's sake. Will it kill you to be a little more understanding?"

"You're head over heels with him" Quinn rolled her eyes. "You're not just doing this to help him. You're also trying to help yourself."

Kurt glared at her, annoyed. "I must have been out of my mind to tell you all of this. Because clearly you're the least empathetic person to ever walk this planet."

Quinn snorted and stood up, calmly smoothing down her skirt. She gathered her books and shot Kurt a cold smile. "See you in glee, Kurt. Have fun entertaining your thoughts."

Kurt couldn't even be bothered to watch her go, he was furious. After a while, though, he was less furious and more worried every second.

It was Tuesday already, and he hadn't heard from Sebastian since Sunday. He worried Sebastian might not be getting any rest at all, depressed or drunk somewhere. He also knew it was none of his business, but Sebastian had made it his business with so many visits at night. And his kisses. Yeah. His kisses most definitely had made it his concern.

Kurt knew he shouldn't feed his fantasies by dwelling on the events of Saturday night, but he couldn't help it. He had never slept with someone like that before. Not even with Blaine. Sebastian had turn him into his own personal rock that night, his very source of balance and comfort, and Kurt couldn't help but feel encouraged by that.

Nothing had felt forced between them. Sebastian had just thrown his arms at him and hold on to Kurt like there was no other thing he needed most.

And Kurt wanted to give him what he needed. What was wrong with that? It was consented, mutual and harmless. Quinn was overreacting big time.

After school, Kurt decided to go straight to Sebastian's office. He would surprise Sebastian and it would be the good kind of surprise. Besides, Kurt had the suspicion that Sebastian wanted exactly that from him: to surprise and chase him. He just needed Kurt, period.

Kurt looked at every window in the basement trying to spot Sebastian. Brittany had told him that both Santana and he worked at the basement floor, which often made her feel claustrophobic and uncomfortable.

There was no sign of him, though. Kurt spotted Santana and quickly ran to the corner of the street. That girl scared him for some reason.

Suddenly his phone started buzzing and Don't cry for me Argentina started playing. It was Sebastian. Wow. What an interesting timing.

"Hey!" Kurt greeted enthusiastically. "Fancy hearing from you."

"Kurt" Sebastian stated shortly. "What are you doing here?"

Kurt startled. "What-" he looked around. "I came to see you. Where are you?"

"Behind you. Hidden."

Kurt searched everywhere in the street with his eyes, but still didn't see Sebastian. He was probably behind some corner, and it was exciting.

"But where?" Kurt asked, getting uncontrollably nervous.

"Doesn't matter, Kurt" Sebastian said rather coldly. "Don't you have classes? Tests? Papers?"

Kurt swallowed down. Sebastian didn't seem happy at all with his presence. But Kurt wouldn't let that discourage him. "I prefer waiting for you here."

Sebastian sighed. "That's very sweet. You are very sweet. But you need to stop picturing me like this huge mystery you need to solve."

Kurt trembled. "What does that even mean?"

"It means you don't know me, and shouldn't wait for me."

Kurt suddenly spotted him. Sebastian stood under a tunnel at the end of the street, all dressed in black, like an apparition.

"The mystery of your weary gazes…" Kurt thought out loud. "But you cultivate it, you know. It's like you don't really want me to know you..."

Kurt took a few steps closer to him.

"There's no mystery, Kurt" Sebastian insisted, tiredly. "I'm just not in a good place right now. That's all."

"You just say that to keep your distance. To keep this barrier between us" Kurt protested, somewhat scared. "But you need to advance" Kurt took another step in his direction, summoning all his strength to be brave now. "To cover the distance between you and me..."

He took two steps more, and now he could almost see Sebastian's eyes. Sebastian stared right at him, defiantly, and didn't say a word for half a minute or so. The silence was making Kurt too self-conscious of his previous words.

"You'll have to be bold for that" Sebastian finally said, thankfully. "I won't make it easy for you."

Kurt's insides twirled and his heart almost stopped. "Then you'll have to be less cold" Kurt said, tentatively. Even though he had dared to come here and chase Sebastian, not in Kurt's wildest dreams he would have hoped Sebastian would actually want him to do it. "Less defensive. You're always standing your ground as if I could even think of hurting you. You don't need to do that around me" Kurt promised, almost in a whisper. "You just need to trust me."

Sebastian sighed. "You're so determined to tell me what I need. Things don't work like that" he defended, his tone turning harsher within seconds.

Kurt's throat got tighter, and he made the impossible to keep his tone unaltered. "That's not- that's not what I meant, I-" he babbled, nervously.

"You think that I need you, Kurt. It's not that hard to guess. You're not that big of a mystery yourself. And you should know, this mystery doesn't need your arms these days. I- I don't really need anything at all. From you or anybody."

Kurt trembled again, confused. He didn't understand anything. For every step forward Sebastian took, he also took two steps backwards. "What? Sebastian, why- why are you being so cold again? I don't understand you." It was so frustrating to witness Sebastian's shifts. So unfair.

"Exactly" Sebastian said, exasperated. "You don't, Kurt. Give it a rest, please" he almost beg.

Kurt hung up right away, feeling absolutely hurt, and ran until he left Sebastian behind, not even looking him in the eye. He turned around then, at the middle of the tunnel, and shouted: "Asshole!"

/

Sebastian remained still at the tunnel for almost ten, fifteen minutes. He didn't have the courage to turn around and watch Kurt go. Not even after that loud 'asshole'. Because he was for sure feeling like an asshole, but he was also pissed. At himself, at Julie, at Kurt. At the world.

But mostly at himself. Kurt made Sebastian feel so conflicted. Maybe Sebastian needed some of Kurt's healing heat, because he had certainly been cold lately. But sometimes too much heat could be overwhelming, and sometimes Kurt was just too much, with the chasing and all.

He was, after all, a teenager. Too impressionable, too crazy, too alive. And, while it was nice to watch and be reminded of those feelings, it also made Sebastian feel inadequate. He was getting better, more alive and less numb, but he wasn't quite there yet.

And he might be regretting being so harsh on Kurt now, but life was too much to handle for him some days.

Sebastian leaned on the wall and let out a big sigh. He needed life to get easier and it wasn't happening fast enough. He could feel himself slightly closer to break down every day, and the waiting was killing him. He just wanted to get on with that already so he could move on for once and for all.

Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned around almost hopeful that it would be Kurt. But it wasn't. It was Santana.

"Sebastian, what are you doing here?" The girl asked. She had her arms folded and a strangely concerned expression.

Sebastian regarded her silently for a second or two, conflicted.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I uh-" he looked around, confused. "No" he admitted, tiredly. His back slipped along the wall and he sat down on the pavement. "Oh, you don't have to-" he started to mumble as Santana sat down right next to him, but the girl shrugged.

"It's okay. I'm not having the best day either" she sighed. "Can't we not talk about it, though?"

"Absolutely." Sebastian leaned his head on her shoulder, and Santana leaned hers over Sebastian's. They stayed like that for a while, in comforting silence.

Fall was getting colder, and the air brushed Sebastian's face and made him shiver. Soon it would be winter, and another season would be spent in trying to forget Julie. In blood and tears. It was exhausting.

"Does it ever end?" Sebastian found himself asking. "The pain? The block?"

"Yeah" Santana lifted her heard, and regarded him with struggling eyes. "Of course it does. You know, sometimes I think it's so freaking unfair" she mumbled.

"Me too" Sebastian agreed, but Santana frowned.

"No, you don't. You actually think you deserve the hell you're going through. That it's only natural to feel this miserable because you loved her."

"Hey" Sebastian protested, "don't put words in my mouth. Besides, weren't you the one who said I needed to break down? Well, watch me, Santana. I finally am" he chuckled under his breath, bitterly.

The girl stood up. "Urgh. Yeah, maybe. Hell if I know. Maybe you've had enough already, haven't we all?" She asked to herself. "It's not even fair" she screamed, annoyed. "I mean, it's not like we killed her or something. She was here, next minute she wasn't. It was a freaking mistake of human nature! There's not a reason for what happened and there's nothing we can do about it. So why should we be sad forever?"

Sebastian observed her mutely. She looked so mad. Probably even madder than him.

"Did anything happen?" He asked, cautiously. "I mean- you're the one who's handling this right, we can't both be done all of a sudden" he joked.

Santana stared at him for a moment, very intensely, then grabbed his arm without a warning and dragged him out of the tunnel. "We're not. We're absolutely not."

/

Apparently Santana's way of showing life that she wasn't done was to get heavily wasted. She dragged Sebastian to a bar close to her apartment and, as soon as they got there, she screamed:

"The Golden Mile!"

Sebastian frowned and she ordered two pints.

"Okay, Slut-stian. Let it not be said that Santana Lopez's done before she's accomplished the Golden Mile. Cheers."

Sebastian raised his pint and drank, mimicking her, then had to ask.

"Care to tell me what's the Golden Mile?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "God, why are we even friends? You haven't watched "The World's End", have you?" She asked with disdain, then sighed. "Damn, no wonder I'm so done lately. I've been hanging out with you way too long."

"Ha freaking ha" Sebastian scoffed. "Is this how you're gonna be the rest of the night? 'Cause let me tell you, there's really no need at all for us to hang out. Unless… wait" he empathized, pretending to get all thoughtful. "Whatever happened to Brittany? Did she also get tired of dealing with you?"

Santana glared at him harshly, then emptied down the rest of her pint. "Finish your pint. Bar number one: checked."

"So" the Latina girl finally explained once they were on their way to the second bar. "There's such thing as a 'golden mile' that entails a total amount of twelve bars in one night. You think you're up for the challenge, stud? Or have you lost your cool? 'Cause the Sebastian I remember fought me for the last glass of Tequila every night. Any luck there's a slight remaining ounce of that Sebastian somewhere in there?" She asked, jokingly.

Sebastian observed her half surprised, half intimidated. "Twelve bars? One pint per bar?"

Santana smirked, maliciously. "That was just foreplay. How about we raise the bar to twelve pints and six shots?"

Sebastian chuckled, shocked. "Are you really that desperate to get wasted?"

Santana punched him in the chest. "Aren't you?"

Sebastian sighed. "All right. Let's get this mile started."

Santana laughed. "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about."

"So, you've never tried this before?" He asked, curious.

"Yeah, several times" she lamented. "Never completed it, though."

Sebastian chuckled. "Never? Well, well. You're gonna lose the title, San-bad-ass."

"Right. We'll talk when we're on the eighth bar. If you can still talk by then" she smirked.

Indeed, by the time they reached the fifth bar of the torturing mile, Sebastian couldn't even stand. They had spent almost one hour at the fourth one, kicking some amateurs asses at foosball and having the time of their lives together. God, Sebastian couldn't remember the last time he had so much fun with Santana, and it felt incredibly nice.

She was right. They were not even close to done. They've still got a hell lot to offer. Just you wait.

"But my boyfriend Kurt thinks I shouldn't do it. What do you think? Should I get the tattoo anyway?" A brunette that Sebastian had (apparently) been talking to for half an hour asked him.

He startled. Kurt.

"Sorry?" He asked, dumbly.

"The tattoo" the girl insisted. "I wanna get a spider, but he's such a scary cat, my boyfriend. He thinks it would be creepy, but I think it would be awesome. Don't you?" She asked excitedly.

"I'm sorry, dear" Sebastian waved a hand trying to dismiss her. "I wish I gave a damn about your tattoos, but I kinda don't."

Santana burst out laughing and the brunette girl looked seriously pissed off.

"You're a major asshole, you know" she told him off, offended. "You're lucky my boyfriend Kurt isn't here, or-"

"Yeah, yeah, Mary Jane – we don't care" Santana turned her back at her and faced Sebastian. "Want a shot?"

"Which one is this?" He asked, conflicted. His stomach was starting to feel weak.

"Fifth, I think" she tried to recall, then shrugged. "Whatever. I'm going to the ladies. Order two and I'll have both if you're too much of a wussy" she shot him a pity look.

Sebastian gave her an ironic smile, then groaned.

Kurt. Yeah, he had been a major asshole, hadn't he? But it was nothing a text message wouldn't fix, wasn't it? Besides, there was something about being drunk and texting that seemed just oh so tempting.

To Kurt: Are you mad at me?

Sebastian pressed 'send' and sighed. Well, he would certainly feel better if Kurt wasn't hating him right now. But whatever. It wasn't that big of a deal. He would survive.

Except that a few minutes went by and he got no response from Kurt.

It must be the signal, he thought, and clumsily stood up and went for the door, not even thinking about Santana, the beers, the shots or anything, really.

Also, time was behaving kind of funnily. He felt like he had been outside for almost fifteen minutes, but it couldn't have been more than three. And still he had no answer from Kurt.

To Kurt: I sent you a text but I think I have no signal. Reply if you can't read me.

The sight of a really disgusting rat triggered Sebastian's gag reflex, and he had to sit down on the pavement.

"Fffffuh" Sebastian lamented, "I'm so drunk."

Suddenly his phone buzzed, and he reached for it frenetically.

From Kurt: That makes no sense. How would I know to reply if I don't get your text in the first place? And yes, I am mad at you. Goodnight.

Sebastian smiled, cheekily. Oh, well. The boy had a temper. That was cute.

To Kurt: Don't smarty-pants me, young man. Cool yo.

From Kurt: I seriously want to punch you right now.

To Kurt: You wanna do me more than that.

Sebastian giggled, childishly, then a body almost fell over him.

"You cheap bastard!" Santana shouted. "I'm not paying for any more rounds. You either buy the next seven, or you take me home, 'cause I could also do with some fries. Couldn't you?"

"Oh yes" Sebastian nodded, understandingly. "Let's get a cab, go!"

From Kurt: Go to hell. Talk to me when you're sober.

Sebastian frowned. Well, that was not the answer he was expecting, to be honest. He sat at the back of the cab while Santana interrogated the driver about where to get the best fries in town.

To Kurt: HEY. I was kidding. C'mon, don't be like that.

"Seb, who are you texting?" Santana raised an eyebrow at him, all nosy.

"None of your business" Sebastian stuck out his tongue and hid his phone, protectively. He did not have the slightest desire to share any of the goodness that Kurt was with the girl. None of it.

"Whatever, jeez" Santana rolled her eyes and looked forward. "You're so insufferable when you're drunk."

"You're so insufferable when you're drunk" Sebastian mimicked her and pinched her sides, gaining a slap in both hands.

To Kurt: HEY. Rude.

From Kurt: What the hell do you want from me?

Sebastian read the last text a couple of times until it sank in. Wow. He was screwing up big time, wasn't he? He needed to fix this.

To Kurt: Okay, you were right to call me asshole. I just need you not to hate me. Please. Could you do that for me?

He got off the cab and followed Santana to a tacky diner. He had lost his appetite, though.

"San, I think 'm gonna call it a night."

Santana widened her eyes at him. "Are you seriously so selfish you can't even wait until I've got my fries to go home?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "God, FINE. Only because tonight was fun. Although we didn't talk much about it."

"About what?" Santana asked distractedly while checking the menu.

"Brittany. Julie. Whatever" he shrugged.

"Sometimes, Seb, there's really no need to talk" she ignored him.

Sebastian sighed. His phone buzzed.

From Kurt: Okay, but I don't wanna talk to you right now.

To Kurt: That's good enough. Sometimes there's really no need to talk.

From Kurt: Could you do something for me now? Get yourself a cab and go home. Try to stay away from alcohol for a while.

Sebastian smiled. A heavy weight whose existence he was not aware of left his chest.

To Kurt: Good to know that you still care :) Sweet dreams, petit.

"God, you're so obvious with your silly flirty eyes" Santana rolled her eyes. "That's why you wanted to ditch me, isn't it? You got yourself a booty call?"

Sebastian observed her somewhat shocked. "I did not" he said, outraged. "But don't worry, San" he threw an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her until she made a disgusted face, "I'm crashing at your place tonight."

From Kurt: :) good night

That night, Sebastian slept at Santana's. They didn't talk much on their way home, but they ate like animals and fought for the sheets like in the good old days.

"Let's make a deal not to sleep together anymore" Santana said with a yawn after a couple of minutes of struggle.

"Deal" Sebastian agreed, then kissed her cheek.

"I mean it, though" Santana gave him a tired expression. "A part of me is actually done with the whole Julie thing, you know. It's no good for me right now. And I need good. You know what I mean?"

"Strangely, I do" Sebastian regarded her for a moment, but decided not to add anything else. Again, some things were better left unsaid. Unshared.