4

DIE YOU FILTHY BEAST! I bolted upright, eyes wide, a scream caught in my throat. I fought back the tears as the memories danced behind my eyes. Dark figures looming over me, screams of outrage, Uncle Boris' sneering face. The pain was still there. It would always be there. But it was made worse by a familiar pair of blue eyes piercing me with hatred. Steele was in the dream, but he wasn't yelling or cursing my existence. He just stood there silently watching it all. He looked right through me as if I was nothing. That's all you'll ever be. Nothing… I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to ease the cold that had somehow settled in the pit of my stomach. Curling up on the floor I had apparently slept on I took comfort in the carpet that was just as soft as it looked…wait…I don't have a carpet.

"Hey…are you okay, Balto?" I turned sharply towards the unexpected voice. Steele, clad in sweats and a long sleeved tee, was sitting against a short stack of crates that happened to be placed adjacent to where I was sitting. What the…oh, right, I'm at Steele's place. He had heated up some cider for us. "Because it's fucking cold, and this stuff is fucking delicious!" he'd said. Steele was right, though. Having never had it before I was bit skeptical at first, but the sweet and sort of spicy warmth of the beverage proved to be an absolute delight. Instead of joining me at the table, Steele sat his mug down and went over to the fireplace. I didn't see any logs, so I was rightfully surprised when a fire suddenly sprang up in the small alcove. "Cool right? It's a gas fireplace, so using logs isn't entirely necessary." I grinned at the explanation, and chuckled when he went on about not having to break a sweat over stocking up on firewood and thank God the gas and water were already working!

A few minutes later found us sitting on the carpet in front of the fire, drinking cider and just enjoying the silent company. I guess the warmth and cider made me a bit too comfortable, because I don't really remember dozing off. Or grabbing the blanket that was currently pooled around my waist…

"Um…y-yeah, yeah" I mentally cursed at how weak that sounded. "Yes, I'm okay. Just not used to waking up in unfamiliar places I guess." I tried for nonchalance. Hopefully it was working. Steele raised a single dubious brow at that statement. Damn.

"You were mumbling in your sleep." he said slowly, "You started to thrash and scream, too. That doesn't sound very 'okay' to me." Damn. I looked down at my lap, tracing the patterns on the edge of the blanket with my fingers. "Talk to me." There was the faintest hint of command in his voice, but it was laced with concern. What does he have to be concerned about? It's not like he can do anything. We're not even that close! Those bitter thoughts, though partially false, were enough to make my eyes start to mist over. Oh Spirits, please don't let me cry in front of him!

"Balto," I looked up and nearly fell backwards. The sudden closeness of his voice should have tipped me off, but I really didn't expect him to be right there. He was crouched in front of me, one knee on the floor with his body leaning forward. Our noses were practically touching he was so close. "Talk to me." There was a definite command to his tone this time. I wanted to shout right in his face. What right had he to order me around?! He should just mind his own damn business! But those eyes- those blue, blue eyes- brought that train of thought to a screeching halt. The light from the fire danced in the azure pools, trapping me in the hypnotizing glow. They were not the hard indifferent eyes I had seen in my nightmare. These were his eyes, Steele's bright warm genuine eyes. My vision blurred as the tears finally fell. Damn it all!

SxB

How did we end up here?!

We were hanging in front of the fire, drinking cider, getting relaxed, normal calm peaceful shit. I'm not exactly sure when Balto started to go under, but I do know that at some point after I emptied my mug I felt a weight on my shoulder. Looking down, I found a droopy eyed little wolf-boy looking up at me with a somewhat confused expression. And no, I will never admit aloud how adorable he looked at that moment. I was about to ask him what was up when he pressed his fingers firmly against my lips. "Why are you so nice?" I would've laughed at his inebriated speech (honestly it sounded more like 'bwhyeee arr you so nyiice?') if the question itself didn't sound so sad. "No one else is nice," he continued, "No one…but you" here he moved his fingers from my lips and pressed them into my cheek, "You do- you…you k-know and, but…why are you so nice, Steele?"

I really didn't know whether to smile or acknowledge the clenching pain in my chest. To be honest I didn't really have an answer to that. Hell, I didn't even see what the big deal was. Balto was probably the most likeable guy I had ever met, and this is coming from someone who doesn't 'like' anyone in general. What can I say, people bug me. Anyway, how is it possible for someone like Balto to not know kindness?

Suddenly the drunken lupine flopped over, landing awkwardly on his side. Balto was out before his head even touched the carpet. Seriously, who passes out after only one mug? Talk about a light weight… Then again the cider was laced with my favorite bottle of hard ale. And Balto had clearly never had the stuff before…

I took our mugs to the kitchen (no use leaving them around) and came back to find Balto curled up in a half-fetal position in front of the fire. I frowned. It was pretty dark out and although I can be a cold bastard at times I wasn't the type of guy to kick someone who's clearly wasted out into the cold… Okay, check that, I'm not the type of guy to kick someone who's wasted and happens to be someone I like out into the cold. I ran upstairs to change clothes for the night and got a couple of blankets and pillows on the way back down. I figured that my guest would probably freak out if he woke up in an unfamiliar bed (like 95% sure), and camping out in the living room didn't seem so bad. Shortly after setting the bedding down, a signal went off in the back of my head. Something wasn't right.

Balto was still curled up by the fire, but his position seemed way to tense, almost defensive. His ears had flattened to his head and his tail was tucked tightly against himself. His breathing was starting to become more labored and he seemed to be shivering. I draped one of the blankets over his tiny body, which worked to ease the shivering and rigid posture. However, he was still curled in a ball. Huh, guess he just sleeps that way… I wasn't really sleepy yet; wide awake actually. I didn't really know what to do with myself. So, I stared at the fire and sifted through my thoughts…which were mostly about Balto. He was extremely cute for a guy, that's for sure. And yeah, we're still getting to know each other but… Alright, I refuse to have this be chick flick moment and say "I might have a crush". Because I don't. I feel affection for him. That's right, manly composure. I was violently jerked out of my thoughts when a sharp noise pierced my eardrums.

Balto was screaming. He was shaking, thrashing, trying to escape an enemy I couldn't see. He choked out the same words, "No" "I'm sorry" "It's not my fault!" over and over, each time louder more piercing. His cries made my blood run cold. I wanted to wake him from his nightmare, but something held me back. I would sooner put my fist through someone's skull than admit I was scared, but I was. I was terrified! I damn near flinched when he suddenly sat up. His hand was clutched to his chest, the light from the fire glinting off the beads of sweat that had accumulated on his face. His eyes were wild, still misted over from sleep and fear. I asked him if he was alright (which now that I think about it was a really stupid question) and immediately worried that his neck would snap with how fast he turned to face me. I had no idea how glassy and cold those eyes could look. Their gaze left me feeling hallow. His breathing seemed to calm a bit as he processed my question, but that stony expression never left his eyes.

"Um…y-yeah, yeah" Balto stuttered, "Yes, I'm okay. Just not used to waking up in unfamiliar places I guess." Bullshit. His attempt at a smile was painful at best, and after what I just witnessed…Yeah, I ain't buyin' it.

"You were mumbling in your sleep. You started to thrash and scream, too. That doesn't sound very 'okay' to me." His face deflated with each word out of my mouth, but I couldn't bring myself to be all that sorry. He was clearly hurting about…something, and I don't much like being lied to. "Talk to me."

Silence.

Balto's head was hanging low between his shoulders, those small slender fingers worrying the edge of the blanket. I knew I should have minded my own business, but how could I just walk away when he was looking so goddamn pitiful? Still, his refusal to acknowledge me was starting to grate. I rolled to my knees and slowly crawled over to the wolf, keeping my eyes trained on his slightly scrunched up face. When I stopped I was crouched right in front of him, and I just sat there for a full minute watching the shadows dancing across his features before I spoke again.

"Balto," He looked up, allowing a sharp intake of air when he realized my sudden proximity. I leaned in just that much closer and firmly repeated my earlier request, "Talk to me." Gold eyes flashed and I had to seriously suppress the urge to backtrack. Anger, bitterness, grief, confusion and defiance all swirled violently on Balto's face, twisting it into a vicious scowl. Then, something just clicked. All at once his features softened and his eyes began to well up with tears. When the first fat salty drop made its descent past his lashes, I started to panic.

How in the blue hell did we end up here?!

Low shuddering sobs escaped Balto's lips while tears continued to stream down his face. His entire body shook with the force of his cries. The sight broke something inside of me. I scooped the little lupine into my arms, holding him tightly, and let him cry. Whatever the hell this is, he needs to get it out, manly composure be damned. I started gently rocking him, whispering soothing nonsense into his hair, rubbing circles into his back, trying to ease him in some way. The heartbreaking cries quieted to hiccupping whines, then eventually died down all together. We sat there in silence, my hand continuing its ministrations on his back.

"Steele" I looked down at the raspy whisper of a voice and suddenly felt lips on my own.


Waking up was not a pleasant experience. First, I nearly had a panic attack when I didn't immediately recognize where I was. Then a headache slammed into me with the mild force of a sledgehammer. The gray morning light streaming through the windows seared my retinas and only served to make the pounding worse. Ugh. Slowly, so as not to exacerbate the roiling sensation in my stomach, I sat up from the half curled position I had apparently slept in. On Steele's carpet, my brain belatedly supplied. Because you're in Steele's house. Thank you brain.

I locked eyes on a dust mote, following its lazy progress through the air as valiantly tried to keep my head from splitting open. Urgh! Son of a sandwich, what the hell did I do last night? Grainy scenes flashed behind his eyelids. A roaring fire, fuzzy warmth. Oh right, cider with Steele…did I get drunk last night? An ear twitched in annoyance at my stupidity. Sighing I focused on another scene. Screaming people, the icy tang of fear. Must've had a nightmare. Waking up, panic, anger…blue eyes. Oh Spirits, no. Pain, bitterness, a soothing voice, the smell of salt water. I squeezed my eyes shut as the scene came into sharp focus.

My tears wouldn't stop. I was sobbing and wailing like a child, but I just didn't care. All the pain I endured, all the walls I built against the bitterness, they crumbled in the face of this one guy. This one guy who actually seemed to care. I buried my head in my hands and cried harder. I felt strong arms wrap around me and found myself against a firm chest. Steele is…holding me? One large hand tucked my head underneath his chin while the other rubbed soothing patterns onto my back. Why? Why is he doing this? Why does he care so much?! I clenched my fists into the fabric of his shirt and continued sobbing into his chest. He didn't berate me, didn't jeer or try to push me away. He held me tighter, whispering soothing words near my ear and gently rocking me. This feeling was so foreign to me. No one had ever comforted me before. They either ignored me or just told me to suck it up and be a man. But this…this was new…this was nice.

My crying slowed to a stop, but I still didn't move. Steele didn't push me away either. We just stayed there, me curled against him and his hand still rubbing my back. The warmth from those strong arms chased away the last of the fear induced chill, and I gave a little sigh of contentment. I wasn't going to lie to myself and say I hadn't developed a few feelings for Steele. Because I had…quite a bit actually. And I just cried all over him. Poop. But he's still holding me…

"Steele?" My voice came out in a hoarse whisper barely loud enough to be heard even at this distance. I pulled back enough to be able to look at his downturned face, and I saw it. I spark of…something in his eyes. I felt the sudden urge to kiss him and it didn't even register that I had moved until after my lips were pressed against his.

A burst of electricity went off in my chest and I pressed closer to the unresisting larger male. I felt the arms around me tense before a hum rumbled against my lips and I was pulled even closer. Steele's lips were thin and firm against mine, his hands holding me in place as the pressure increased. My hands released their death grip on his shirt and slid up around those powerful shoulders to meet behind his neck. The hand on my back slid lower, fingertips pressing just so against the base of my tail. I moaned against his lips as a shudder ran up my spine. It felt so good to be held like this, to be kissed like this. Steele's tongue darted past my lips and I savored the sharp taste (a heady mix of sweet and spicy). And then it was gone.

Steele pulled away until there was about an inch between our faces. His warm breath puffed against my lips while his darkened eyes searched mine. The hand that was fastened in my hair tilted my head forward so he could plant a soft kiss on my forehead. I stared at his chin while I got my breathing under control. That was…wow. My eyes started to droop and I suddenly realized how tired I actually was. I low chuckle brought my attention back to Steele. He was smiling that same genuine smile from before, the one that made his eyes crinkle and his left brow twitch upward.

Our positions were awkwardly shifted as he laid down and took me with him, both of us laying on our sides, facing each other. I heard him whisper a soft "Goodnight, Balto" before drifting into a dreamless sleep.

My eyes widened in shock and my entire face lit itself on fire. "Spirits…"