"You think I'm gay, don't you?"
She lounged across Brian's bed, resting her head in the palm of her hand. Her dark hair fell lightly around her face. Her brown eyes were wide with mixed emotions and severe confusion. Jeans and a t-shirt, casual.
Brian rolled his eyes.
He was also strewn across his bed, barely three inches from her, one hand playing with her hair, the other resting on her hip. Rain clattered against the window and laughter from the television below made silence impossible.
"Why would you think I think your gay?"
She shrugged, sitting up. "You never said him."
"What?"
"On our date you asked who 'they' were. Not who 'he' was."
He rolled his eyes again. "I didn't mean it like that. Its just… you know."
"No, I don't." She glared at him, standing.
"Carly, please! Just sit back down. I really didn't mean anything by it. If it's a him that just… If it's a him its just worse for me. It would be easier to think I'm competing with a girl rather than another dude." Brian stood too, walking towards her.
She froze, holding his eyes for a minute before whispering, "I have to go to the bathroom."
She was out the door and down the hall before she looked back.
He made her edgy. She didn't know why, she couldn't explain it. But he made her feel translucent, and she wasn't comfortable with him knowing about her feelings for Sam.
Sam. Where was she? Probably with Tyler. They'd hardly talked after her date. In fact, she'd sort of been avoiding her. Had Sam noticed? No. She told her first period she was spending the day with Tyler. So Carly hadn't hesitated accepting Brian's invite to his house.
Only now she was.
He was attractive, charming, sweet, funny, considerate. And she hated him for being those things. If only he was an asshole, then she could justify treating him badly and avoiding him. Instead it just made her feel guilty.
And hanging out with him didn't bring her any closer to answering the gay question. What if she really was? Carly had spent all that day at school looking at her fellow female classmates, trying to come up with possibilities. But no one had seemed like a sure thing. At least, no one had seemed like a sure thing that would keep their kiss entirely secret.
Carly banged her forehead against the wall, cursing the situation under her breath. This would be so much easier if she was into Brian. This would be so much easier if Sam didn't make her feel so much… So much passion. So much lust. So much heartache. So much everything that it was driving her insane. And avoiding her wasn't helping. Instead of taking her out of her mind, it was shoving her more in. What was Sam thinking? What was she doing? Did she realize she was being avoided?
"You look like you got issues."
She jumped. She couldn't help it.
Carly turned her head towards the couch to face the speaker. Curly dark hair, thick eyelashes, full lips. Smooth olive skin, deep emerald eyes. Long-sleeve navy shirt. Baggy black cargo pants.
Carly's heart fluttered.
"Hi."
The girl smiled. "Hello."
She stared at the girl for a few minutes. "Hi."
She laughed. "You must be Carly."
Carly felt herself nod, but spoke anyway. "Carly, yeah. That's me." Probably shouldn't have spoken.
"I'm Cameron."
Her head bobbed again and she willed her body back into her control. "Nice to meet you."
Cameron patted the seat next to her. "Come, tell me of your problems. Since you're dating my brother, you should probably get to know me anyway."
Carly sat down, uneasy from the top of her head to… well, China. "What makes you think I have problems?"
"You were banging your head against the wall. That's a clear sign of issues. Actually, it kinda yells it at you." Cameron giggled but quickly stopped. "Sorry."
Carly shook her head. "Its fine."
"So what's up?"
"Nothing."
"Lying isn't a great way to start a relationship."
"Neither is therapy."
Cameron smiled. "You know, I think I'm really gonna like you."
A smile was on her face before she could stop it. Jumping to her feet, Carly stuttered, "I should get back. Brian is probably worried about me by now."
Brian grinned ear to ear as soon as she entered his bedroom. "You came back."
She nodded. "I met your sister."
His eyes widened and he bowed his head. "So you're leaving?"
She frowned at him. "What?"
"No one stays with me after they meet her. She's… picky about the girls I date."
"She's
picky?"
"Well… forget it. Let's not talk about her. I'd
rather hear about you." He licked his lips. "Or maybe find some
things out for myself."
She hugged him. Not for any reason in particular, just a sudden impulse.
"That's a start." He whispered in her ear.
She pulled back, laughing. "I gotta go. I'll see you."
She was running down the street when everything set in. Tears were streaming down her face, hiccupping sobs mixing with laughter in her throat. She was sure she looked insane to passersby but she couldn't stop any of the emotions flowing through her. She needed Sam.
And then she was home. And Sam was sitting on her couch, watching some show.
"Hey you know your…" Sam jumped to her feet. "What the hell? What's wrong?"
All emotion fled except shock. "I thought you were gonna be with Tyler today."
"I was. And then I realized you were kind of avoiding me all day so I figured this is where I needed to be. Only you weren't home when I got here and there is no ham in your fridge."
Her brow furrowed as Carly tried to organize her thoughts. "I'm sorry?"
"Yeah… So where were you?" Sam asked, bobbing her hand for Carly to pop a squat next to her.
"At Brian's." She felt out of breath and a little faint. And, to be completely honest, she wasn't sure what was causing all of this emotion.
"Ooooo. So that was a success?" Sam's eyes lit with interest.
"Uhm… Sure."
"Not sure, give me details."
"There aren't any."
"Of course there are. So spill."
"There really aren't."
"Carly, come on. Don't hold out on me."
"I'm not."
"Just tell me."
"I can't."
"Sure you can."
"No, Sam, I can't! So just leave me alone! Go find someone else's fridge to steal ham from!"
She was crying again. Running up the stairs, bawling her eyes out. She felt ridiculous and immature. Why did she keep crying? She'd thought she'd had more self-control than this. Guess not.
She threw herself on her bed, punching her pillow over and over again, digging her teeth into her lip.
"This is stupid. Come on, Carly… So stupid." She muttered to herself. "This isn't you."
Her door creaked open and soft footsteps padded across the floor. "Carly?"
"Go away."
"Carly talk to me."
"And say what?"
"I don't know. Something that makes things seem normal. You haven't been acting like yourself." She felt Sam sit down next to her on the bed.
"I wonder why!" Carly sobbed.
"So do I."
And her tears dried up. Her head pounded, her throat was dry, her tongue hurt. But the tears were gone and so was the confusion. Sam had no idea what was going on. Here she was, going loco over being in love with her best friend while dating some guy and being very attracted to that guy's sister and for what? For nothing. Sam wasn't in the loop.
She rolled over, finally making eye contact with her best friend. Sam brushed her hair out of her face, wiping at the drying tears. "I hate it when you cry."
"Me too. My head is throbbing."
Sam smiled. Carly returned it.
"I'm sorry about this. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Sam shrugged. "Its cool. Just weird for you to be so emotional. I usually have no idea what you are feeling."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. And I hate guessing. It involves thinking and we're not at school so that seems pointless."
"Since when do you think at school?"
"Since my best friend spent the day avoiding me."
She opened and closed her mouth.
"I wasn't avoiding you." Carly said in a small voice.
"Oh yeah?"
"Fine, so what if I was?"
"Why?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Of course it does."
"Because… because you have me so confused. I feel like I don't know you anymore and I was only gone for one summer."
"What do you want to know?"
Why do you keep kissing me? That's what she wanted to know. But she would never, could never, ask. So, instead, she shrugged.
Sam laid down next to her, pressing their heads together. "You are getting stranger by the day."
"Sorry?"
"Nah. Don't be. You put up with most anything when you love somebody."
Her heart stopped. "You love me?"
"Duh. You're only my best friend, idiot."
"I love you too."
Sam rolled onto her side and smiled widely. "Good."
Then her lips were there, pressing gently. They were warm and sweet and tasted faintly of cherry Chapstick. But this time she wasn't pulling away. Her hand was on her jaw, urging her lips to part. And that was her tongue. She couldn't pull away, couldn't stop. Her tongue reached for hers and her senses went haywire. Their bodies were suddenly pressed together and her hand was tangling itself in Sam's hair.
And Sam still wasn't pulling back. Instead, her fingertips were scratching across her hip and up under her shirt, rubbing little circles, going higher. And Carly was almost numb with all the sensations flooding her system. Her shirt was steadily being edged up and she was all for it, pressing Sam's mouth tighter against her own, her taste filling her mouth and setting her body on fire.
"Carly? You home? I bought ham!"
Spencer was home. Downstairs. With the ham.
And Sam yanked herself back, breaking the kiss and jumping off the bed. Her face was red and she bounced on the balls of her feet. "Uhm, well, yeah. I gotta go. I'll just grab some ham on my way out and see you tomorrow okay? We'll walk to school tomorrow, okay? Yes. Uhm… bye."
Carly rolled back over, staring at the ceiling. Her lips tingled; her body ached in neglected places. Her heart pounded. Sam's flavor still lingered in her mouth. Ham smells were drifting up the stairs and she could here Spencer's laugh and yells of 'bye' before the front door slammed shut.
"I hate Mondays." She told her now silent room.
