Chapter Four
Hands Off
We finished for the day and I didn't see Bella again. So I decided I might drive back into Forks after dinner, since I didn't have patrol tonight and go ahead and get it over with, or at least try. When I had finished dinner, I told my dad I would be back later and left for Forks.
As luck would have it, Charlie wasn't there yet and I almost wished he was. I went up and knocked on the door and when Bella answered it, she lit up like a softly burning candle. It made the reason I was there even harder.
"Jake. What are you doing here?" she asked in surprise.
"I, um, hoped we could talk for a minute. You want to walk around back with me?"
"Sure, let me get my shoes on," she said, going toward the living room.
She came out and closed the door behind her. I felt better being outside so it wouldn't be so hard to run away when I told her we couldn't be anything more than friends. I had a feeling I would want to run all the way back to La Push.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Bella," I said, as we walked around to the back steps and sat down.
"Sorry? What for?"
"I...um, this isn't easy," I said, rubbing the back of my neck and trying not to look at her.
She reached over and began rubbing the back of my neck. Oh man the touch of her hand on my skin felt good. I was lost for a few minutes, until she moved closer and placed a soft kiss on my check then I jumped up and pulled away.
"I'm sorry I can't," I said. My breathing was ragged and I was tortured.
"I don't understand. What did I do wrong?" she asked looking confused.
"It's, not you it's me, or I should say my people. You're not...you're not Quileute," I finally said, feeling abashed that I had to even make such a statement.
She jumped to her feet and I saw hurt, anger, disbelief, and resentment pass through her expression, but it was the look in her eyes that tore me apart.
"Oh. Well I'm sorry my skin isn't the right color for you," she said, balling her fist up at her sides.
"It's not me Bella. It's the Quileute Council, my ancestors, and my family. It's not me. I think you're just fine. I think you're more than fine. I'd love nothing more than to have something with you but I'm supposed to fall in love with and marry a Quileute woman," I said, lowering my voice and letting it trail off with the last few words.
"Well that's fine. What makes you think I wanted anything to do with you anyway? I have to go inside now," she said, opening the back door and slamming it behind her throwing the latch as soon as she let go of the handle.
I felt like I had just been kicked in the gut and suddenly, the way I had been raised made no sense whatsoever. I too was full of resentment and wished with all my might that I knew some way around this cultural barrier.
The next day it was hard to go back to Bella's, knowing I had hurt her. I knew she was hurt because it hurt me too.
When lunch time rolled around, I was about to tell the guys we would have to go into town for something to eat, but as I walked around the side of the house I saw the small table set up with plenty of sandwiches, drinks, and chips, just no Bella.
This went on the rest of the week. She would be so gracious as to leave food out for us, but never came out herself. I knew it must be hard for her doing that, but it only showed how big her heart was and how much compassion she had for others. It made me want her even more.
On Friday evening, right before we were to leave for the day, I happened to be up on the eave painting the trim work when I looked through the window into the bedroom I assumed was Bella's. I almost fell off of the roof when I saw her standing there, her back to me in nothing but a towel.
Her shoulders and back were beautiful and I could only imagine how soft her skin was. I wanted to hold her and pull her onto my chest and tell her how much I liked her and how wonderful she was. That is until I saw the sad expression reflected in her mirror as she brushed her hair.
She turned around and started loosening the towel and I stumbled back, almost falling off the roof. I would give her the privacy she deserved, but I've never wanted to look at a woman so badly in all my life.
I went down the ladder and started gathering up our supplies, moving them around to the back porch. It took about twenty minutes to secure everything and I had just come back around front when I noticed a small car sitting in the driveway.
A guy with blonde hair, about average height got out of the car and nodded to us as he walked past. I put two and two together, and figured he was there to pick her up for a date. My heart sank down to my feet and I felt a wave of sickness run through me. I was eaten up with jealousy, for something I've never had, the chance to get to know her and be with her.
We left before the two of them came out of the house and I was glad. I didn't think I could stand seeing her actually standing beside him or watch him put his hands on her as he helped her into the car.
The weekend had finally arrived, but we worked anyway, wanting to finish the job before it started raining. So by Wednesday, we had everything done except the trim work on the front of the house.
Bella left that morning, dressed up in a dress and flats and I wondered if she was going into town for an interview, or just meeting the guy again. Either way, I was miserable without her tucked away safely in the house.
She left lunch for us in the kitchen and left a note for someone to find with the supplies that we were welcomed to it, just to make sure we brought everything back inside. I only ate one sandwich and actually went into the woods to phase for a while before the others had finished, so I could let off some steam.
That night, I reached a breaking point and I knew I had to at least talk with her again and make sure she didn't hate me, but by the time I reached her house, I knew that night I would give in to my feelings, consequences be damned, and if she still liked me and wanted to be with me, somehow I'd make it work.
I knocked on the door and Charlie opened it. I was disappointed when it wasn't her, but I wasn't turning back now.
"Hey Jake. What brings you around tonight?" he asked, opening the screen door.
"I, um...I wanted to see Bella if she's not busy."
"Well, she's actually out tonight with a friend, but she should be home any minute. She told me she needed to get home early. Something about being called back for a second job interview tomorrow and it's an early one. Why don't you come in and have a seat? You can catch me up on what your dad's been up to," he offered, holding the door open for me.
I went in and sat down and Charlie and I started talking about things in La Push, my dad, my plans for college and my new job I would be starting soon. We talked for almost an hour and I was getting more desperate as time went by.
"Well, Charlie. I guess I better be going. It doesn't look like she's coming in any time soon. Will you tell her I stopped by?"
"Sure, Jake. But it's only ten o'clock, I'm sure she'll be here any minute. She always keeps her word."
"No. I've taken up enough of your time. I'll see her maybe tomorrow when we finish things up. Thanks."
I let myself out and was just about to get into my car when I saw the blonde's car drive up and park across the street because I was in the drive. I leaned against my car, waiting in the shadows. They couldn't see me, but I could see him give her a kiss on the cheek.
I guess I'm too late, I thought, but I was stuck, not wanting them to see me and not wanting to look like an idiot peeling out in my car, so I stood there watching and waiting.
Bella got out and started walking toward the front yard, I could see her face clearly, but she didn't look happy. She looked lost and uncertain. She was eyeing my car when I broke the silence and finally spoke.
"I was just about to leave," I said, in a low husky tone and she jumped when she located me from the sound of my voice.
"Why are you here?" she asked indignantly.
"I actually came to see you and hoped we might make a truce, but it looks like I'm too late."
"Too late? What are you talking about? You told me in no uncertain terms that you wanted nothing to do with me because I'm not like you—not Quileute, or have you forgotten?"
I don't know what came over me. I suppose it was being upset at her choice of words, or knowing she was right about the circumstance, but not necessarily about how I felt, and knowing that she had just been on at least the second date with that guy, but I needed to let her know how I felt once and for all.
I stepped forward and took her by the hand walking quickly to the side of the house. I was surprised when she didn't protest and I could hear her heart pounding because I'm sure she had no idea what I was doing.
When we were out of sight, I moved her against the side of the house and stood over her, leaning in very close with my hand, palm side down on the wall, holding me up away from the house.
"I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with you. I happen to think you're the finest woman I've ever met and I want you to give me a chance. I don't want to think about any of that crap right now. I just want you to know how much I want to be with you," I said, leaning down close to her face and I could feel her warm breath caressing my lips.
"Jake, I can't change who I am for you or anyone else. I'm not Quileute and as much as it hurts, I would never force myself on you. I wouldn't want to be the cause of the consequences it might bring you, even if it's not right."
I fell a little harder for her at that moment and I bridged the distance between us, taking her into my arms, pressing my lips fully against hers, and lifting her off the ground. How could something that felt so right be wrong? How could they mandate who I could love, or should love? And when she kissed me back, I knew this was the right thing.
The kiss became more intimate and I brushed my tongue across her bottom lip. She moaned ever so slightly and parted her sweet, tender lips letting me taste her. The next thing I knew her arms were around my neck and I was lifting her up wrapping her legs around me, pressing her gently against the side of the house.
Her lips slid down my jaw, giving me an opportunity to whisper, "You are all I think about and you have no idea what you do to me. Please tell me there's a chance for us?" I asked, kissing down the side of her neck and back up again, feeling her body react to my touch as her breasts peaked against my chest and her legs tightened around my waist.
"How can we be wrong for each other when I feel such a strong connection?" she whispered.
"Tell me Bella. Tell me what you feel," I said, taking her velvety earlobe between my lips.
"It broke my heart to leave you when we were little and it almost killed me when you told me I wasn't good enough for you. But I can't help the fact that I want to be with you."
I pulled away with what she said and looked at her in the dim light, holding her chin up to look at me so she would see how I felt.
"Bella, I never thought that you weren't good enough for me. I've never met a woman like you. You care about others. You took me and the guys practically inviting us into your home and fed us and took care of us and you want to come teach on the reservation, or at least you did. You're special and I'm not going to let you get away from me," I said, slowly kissing her again.
"I better get inside before my dad sends out a search party," she said, quietly.
"Yeah, well. Where does this leave us? Where do we stand right now?" I asked, fearing the worst that she wouldn't want to have anything to do with me.
"I'm not committing to anything, one way or the other, until I know more of the facts about this barrier between us."
"Okay. Okay, I can understand that. Can I come over tomorrow night and I'll explain everything?"
"Sure. I'd like that. We can just sit down and get it all out on the table," she said, still a little out of breath, as I slid her carefully to the ground.
"I guess its goodnight then. Will I see you tomorrow? Are you going to be around?" I asked.
"Yeah. I'll be here around lunch. I've got the interview early in the morning," she replied.
"Bella."
"Yes, Jake."
"I'll be thinking about you tonight."
"Goodnight Jake," she said, walking back toward the front of the house.
"Goodnight, Bella."
I didn't want to let her go. I wanted to hold her and kiss her the rest of the night, but this was a start. At least she was willing to give me another chance, or I thought she was. So I drove home remembering how her body felt pressed to mine and how her lips tasted, perfect and sweet.
I tried to think of how I would explain the way my people felt and hoped she would understand that those views weren't my views and that I wanted to make a change, if not in my people, then a change for myself.
The next day, I was particularly ready to get to Forks, but I couldn't let on like anything was different. I even thought about driving my own car, but I knew that would make the others suspicious, so I just rode with the others in Paul's truck.
When we got there, she was already gone, so I got out supplies and we all went to work. We would be finishing up the front of the house and the trim work then we would have to clean up our mess, put out supplies away, and get things ready for Charlie's final inspection.
By noon, I was starting to think maybe Bella had gotten tied up or worse, maybe that blonde guy had talked her into having lunch with him or something, but my worries were over and I caught myself smiling a bit too noticeably, when she pulled into the drive.
She looked absolutely breathtaking in the light-blue dress she was wearing and I would have given anything for some time alone with her. She smiled as she got out of her truck and walked up to where we were working.
"Things really look good from this angle," she said. I looked at her quickly, and she just winked at me then continued, "Guy's you've done a great job. I think this calls for a celebration lunch. Let me get changed and I'll have something out for you in a few minutes." Then she disappeared into the house.
Hearing the back door slam, I went around back to see if I could help. Bella was trying to start the grill again, so I went over to offer my help. I didn't even think about what I was doing when I wrapped my arms around her from behind, took her hand in mine, and began pushing the button on the lighter.
She leaned against me and I heard her let out a little gasp. It felt good having her in my arms again and I was even more anxious to be with her later.
"There, is that better?" I asked, letting go of the lighter and letting my hand move down her arm to brush across her mid-section before pulling away, just in the nick of time because Embry rounded the corner, just as I moved.
"Um, am I interrupting something here?" he asked, giving me a cocky smile.
"No, I was just helping Bella get her fire started...in the grill," I said, stumbling over my words and giving him a "leave" look.
"Bella, I'm glad you're back. I have to admit, I'm really going to miss your famous lunches," Embry said offering her a fake pout.
"I'm glad you've enjoyed them Embry. Maybe we could all get together again some day for a picnic or something," she said, taking the burgers off the plate and placing them on the grill.
"Yeah, that would be nice...but...I'll go tell the others the burgers are on," Embry said, turning to walk away with a frustrated look on his face. I knew what he felt. I had been living it for the past week, only a hundred times more than he was.
When the burgers were ready, we all sat down outside to eat. I had to admit, I was going to miss these lunches too, but it was more than the great food I would be missing.
The guys seemed happy and pleased with the work we had completed. I saw a few of the neighbors stopping to admire our handy work and we all just waved, portraying the exact image that was expected of us from those on the rez. I'm not saying any of us were bad, not be any means, but we all just had a burden to carry and that part sucked.
After finishing lunch, Bella and I carried things back inside the house. She was bending down putting the ketchup and mustard into the fridge and I couldn't help myself as I watched her and thought of all the things I'd like to do with her.
She caught me staring and the look on my face must have given away some of my thoughts because she was blushing by the time she closed the door.
"I'm going home and get cleaned up then I'll be back. Is that okay? Maybe we could go for a drive or something?" I whispered.
"Why are you being so quiet? They can't hear you," she said, putting her hands on her hips.
Man she looked adorable in that "scolding Jake sort of stance," and I couldn't help myself as I moved closer and gave her a peck on the lips.
"They hear more than you think, my dear."
"Okay, you can whisper then. I'll see you later and yes the drive would be nice," she said, smiling at me and blushing again.
I went back outside, the guys and I surveyed our work, and I told them that I would come back into town later and see Charlie about getting our pay. They all punched me and gave me a hard time and I could have sworn a couple of them gave me the eye, almost as if they knew I was up to more than just collecting our pay.
