Ianto felt his world fall apart, turning his back on Jack he held onto the kitchen counter so he didn't fall to the floor, or try and hit him.
Jack stared at Ianto's back, his jaw dropped at what he'd just said.
'I think you should go.'
He shook his head. 'I don't want to.'
'I need you to leave.'
Jack was stunned, he knew how he'd felt about Ianto when he'd gotten back. What he hadn't planned or thought about was what that was going to look like. If he was honest, he'd just expected to slip back into Ianto's bed as if he'd never left. Except the Tardis had brought him back after an absence in Ianto's life of nine long and bitter months. Bringing him back just before the man was about to leave Wales, and destroy memories of him, of them together. There had been no easy slipping back into anything. He suspected he should have brought something bigger than chocolates. Then there was the slight detail that he hadn't really understood the dynamic of Gwen, clearly to his detriment. 'Does it matter what my intent was when I got back? I'm here now.'
'Are you?' His voice quiet. 'Are you really here now?' He took his casserole out of the oven so he had something to do that didn't require looking at Jack. 'Do you wonder what it would be like if she was in your bed?'
Jack stepped up to Ianto and placed a hand on his shoulder, which was shrugged off. 'Please Ianto, don't do this.'
'Why not Jack?' He turned to face him, the seeds of tears shining in blue eyes. 'Tell me why I shouldn't do this.'
'Because it's tearing you apart and I don't want to see you like this.' He sighed. 'But that's your entire point isn't it.' He stepped back. 'I think maybe I understand now.' He raked a hand though his hair before shoving it in his pocket. He'd done this to Ianto because he'd been afraid of his feelings for him. He'd been so afraid of his beautiful and honest Welshman that he'd run away. Run straight into purgatory, spending every day chained, beaten and being killed. Except each link of his chains had been stitched into Ianto's soul. Even as he loved this man he had come back hoping to just pick up where they had left off. Little more than a convenience, he had underestimated his feelings for Ianto and now it was all blowing up in front of him. He wasn't sure he could fix this.
'You think you understand? You astound me Jack, just go away, Get out, leave, run away, it's what you do.'
Jack shook his head. 'I can't leave you like this.'
'You can't bloody stay!'
'The hell I can't, we need to sort this out!'
Ianto sighed. 'What's to sort out Jack? What are we even doing here?'
'Rabbit casserole?'
'Jesus Jack, this isn't a joke.'
'I get that, I really do.'
'Do you? Because when you make this a joke, you make a joke out of me.' His voice dropped to a whisper. 'You make a joke out of how I feel.'
Jack groaned softly, he was cocking everything up and he was still afraid to say the one thing he suspected Ianto needed to hear. 'I don't want Gwen Cooper.' He stepped towards Ianto. 'I want you. Does it really matter what I thought would happen when I got back?'
'You thought you were just slipping back between the pages of a book, right where you left it didn't you.' He watched Jack just take it, every word dripping like acid rain and not a single denial. He hadn't particularly expected anything different but hope springs eternal.
Jack reached out and dropped his hand. 'And how do you feel Ianto Jones?'
Ianto shook his head. 'How do I feel? How would you feel if you watched someone you spent every night making love to, flirting with someone else? And if your lover dismissed your concerns as a little bit of nothing because you went home with your lover and not your paramour?' Ianto wanted to throw something, preferably at Jack's head. 'But you don't really get it do you. No matter what you say, you, just, don't, get it, and I don't know if you ever will.' He shook his head. 'I feel sorry for you, I'm starting to think you are incapable of registering human emotions.'
'Not incapable, a little rusty perhaps.'
'So what do you think I need you to say to make this all go away?'
'That I love you, I think that would make it all go away, don't you.'
Ianto shook his head. 'I don't know if you are capable of love Captain Jack Harkness, except with yourself.'
'That's not fair.'
'It isn't? You disappeared for nine months. Fine, we worked though that, now I have to keep watching that dense cow make eyes at you because you haven't stopped her. Then, you tell me I was a handy back up plan and that isn't supposed to matter because you're here now. Well news flash Harkness, it still fucking matters.' He swept his arm around, sending an empty beer bottle smashing to the floor. He sighed as he bent down to pick the shards of glass up and knocked his head against Jack's, who had the same idea. 'Leave it Jack, I'll clean it up. It's what I do after all.' He cursed in Welsh as he saw blood pooling around a piece of glass sticking out of his hand.
Jack reached around Ianto and grabbed the paper towels to stop the blood flow and assess the extent of the cut. 'Where's your first aid kit?'
'There's one at the top of the pantry.'
'Of course there is, come on, over the sink and put pressure on it.' He fetched the kit down and removed the glass before cleaning the cut and putting pressure on it again, waiting for the blood to stop flowing. 'Doesn't look too deep, you probably wont need stitches. I'll bandage it when the blood stops.'
'What, no kissing it better?'
'Now who's making bad jokes.' He looked at the broken glass. 'You, sit, I'll clean this up.' He pointed Ianto to the kitchen table and took the brush and shovel out of the cupboard. 'Do you have any paper?'
'Bottom of the pantry.'
Jack swept the glass up and wrapped it to throw away before turning back to Ianto. 'Is that ready to bandage?'
He nodded. 'This doesn't mean I've finished yelling at you.'
Jack gently pinned the bandage up and dropped a kiss on the gauze. 'I'm sure you haven't, but can we maybe save that for after dinner?'
'I haven't decided I still want you to stay.'
'Well you'll need a hand with the washing up so I might as well stick around for that, then you can maybe yell at me in the lounge. It's probably safer if we aren't in the same room as the kitchen knives.'
Ianto looked at Jack. 'Do you really think stabbing you with a kitchen knife is the worst thing I could think of to do to you? I'm still bitterly angry with you, and you think I can sit nicely though a meal so we can argue about this in a civilised manner?'
Jack grinned for a moment before he took Ianto's bandaged hand carefully in his. 'I can't really pretend I know what it must have been like for you, while I was gone or since I got back. And I didn't think much about the whole Gwen thing either.' He sighed. 'I am so out of practice with relationships, it was just easier to keep my heart to myself and after a while I forgot how to give it to someone else. I'd give it to you if I thought you would have it.'
Ianto shook his head. 'You do not get off that easily Jack Harkness. I am still pissed off at you.'
'So you suggested I come over for dinner and you planned to just yell at me and send me packing?'
'That wasn't my plan no, it just sort of happened that way.'
'A bit like us really.' He watched confusion on Ianto's face. 'We sort of just happened somewhere along the way.'
'But what are we Jack?'
He reached out for Ianto's hands again. 'Lovers at the very least I should hope.'
'And how long for before you get bored with me Jack?'
'How could I get bored with you Ianto, I need you. You brought me back to life.'
'So what is going on with Gwen then?'
'Gwen, she's nothing, she's safe.'
'Not from decaf she bloody isn't.' He muttered.
'Owen said you had a dark streak to you. I don't think I really saw that until today in the warehouse, you were quite something. Although I must admit I wasn't happy to see they had a gun on you.'
He shrugged. 'I survive scummy, exploitative, entrepreneurial gits with cleavers and guns, and then I cut myself on broken glass.'
'We all have our moments.'
'Well if we want any dinner you'll have to do the honours.' He waved his bandaged hand at Jack. 'And don't you think I wont milk this for all I can.' He watched Jack ladling casserole out, setting bowls on the table before slicing the bread.
'Are you going to be okay with a spoon or do I need to cut your dinner up for you?'
'You could butter my bread and slice it into soldiers for me.'
Jack raised his eyebrows. 'Are you having me on?' He watched Ianto shake his head, the very picture of sincerity.
'The casserole has been slow cooking for several hours, so it should be fine, but the bread, I could use a little help with.' He pointed to his bandaged hand. 'It's my hand.'
Jack just smiled as he buttered bread and cut it in half. 'I draw the line at soldiers.' Passing the plate to him as he started eating. 'This is good Ianto.'
'Compliments wont get you out of the washing up or my finishing yelling at you.'
'So this is intermission then.'
Ianto nodded. 'You can do the washing up then we can move into the sitting room so I can get back to the yelling.'
'I accept your terms although I'd rather seduce you into submission.' He watched Ianto's expression change. 'Or not.' He resumed eating his dinner.
