Hey guys sorry it took me so long to get this up but thanks to everyone who reviewed my story, hope you like this chapter. And I own no one never did never will, and I dont own the songs used either.

CHAPTER:4/ I HATE MYSELF FOR LOSING YOU.

I woke up today

Woke up wide awake

In an empty bed

Staring at an empty room

I have myself to blame

For the state I'm in

And now I'm dying

Doesn't seem so cruel

And oh, I don't know what to say

And I don't know anymore

Anymore

" I hate myself for losing you"-Kelly Clarkson.

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After the kiss the night of Skylar's birthday party, Jay and Emma tried to pretend it never happened, but JAy couldn't get it out of his mind. It took him back to times when they were togeather and happy, and it lead to thoughts of what would have happen if he had stoped Manny form telling or had told her himself. Would be still be with her and raising Skylar with her. But Emma acted like it never happend what so ever, she never brought it up but he could tell she thought about it. He had seen the way it effected her, she kissed him back like she had in school: full of love and want.

Jay walked into his journalism class, the follwoing week with the same thoughts of Emma. She was in that class so it was hard to avoide her,not that he wanted to, he wanted to be with her but she wouldn't let herself open back up tom him, not that he blamed her he messed everything up not her. As he was walkign to his seat he noitced Tommy talking to Emma, more like flirting with her. Emma was smiling and laughing at something he had said and Jay could feel something build inside of him. He was jealous that Tommy and Emma were gettign close he didn't want that to happen. She was his ex-girlfriend and the mother of his daughter not to mention the love of his life. And Tommy was his friend who went through girlfriends like they were socks he couldn't commint to one. And if he was going after Emma not only was that low but there is no way he would stick around because of Skylar and even if he did stay in it, Jay didn't want him around his daughter.

Jay calmed down before he walked over to them, and put on a fake smile. "Hey guys did I miss something?" he asked looking between the two fo them. Emma wasn't looking at him and Tommy was smiling at his friend. "Hey man no nothing I was just gettign a date with the beautiful Emma Nelson." he told Jay with a smug smile on his face before turing to look at Emma who still wasn't looking at him. "is that so?" he asked looking at Emma with an eyebrow raised. She fianlly turned to look at him, "yea it is can I talk to you for a minute?" she said getting up and making him walk out of the room.

" Tommy, Emma?" he said to her once they were out of ear shot. "yea so what?" "so what, so what? He's my friend Emma thats the so what." he didn't care about being calm or not. "Well big deal I like him and I'm going out with him this weekend." she was angry with him for making a big deal out of this they weren't togeather anymore. "well it is a big deal." "I'm not going to fight with you about this, what I do in my personal life is my buisness the only thing you have a right to know about is what goes on with your daughter. Okay?" "yea that's another thing does he know your a mom and I'm the father, did you tell him Em?" "No I didn't but I will." she placed her head in her hands and then looked up at him.

"Jay can we please just calm down. The thing is I haven't been out on a date since we broke up, okay that's a long time. I need this Jay please don't ruin it for me, Please?" she pleaded with him. Jay sighed he knew he wasn't being fair they weren't togeather anymore, he just didn't like the fact that she was dating even after she lfet he was wondering if she was dating where ever she was and he hated those thoughts. He pulle dher intoa hug and she rested her head on his chest and her arms around his waist. "Okay your right you deserve some time to go out and be a normal eight teen year old girl, it's just that I know Tommy and I don't want you to get hurt I did that and you don't deserve it. And to show you I'm okay I'll take Skylar for the day and the night so you can get ready with out worrying about her. Okay?" Emma nodded and pulled away as fast as she could, she liked being held by him and won't go back to that she couldn't.

Saturday had finally come and Emma was a nervouse wreck. She was trying to get Skylar ready for Jay to take her for the night. Skylar had never spent the night any where so she had no idea what to pack or anything that and she was nervouse about her date. Skylar was in the den playing with her Cinderella doll Paige had given her for her birthday and her purple monkey when there was a knock at the door. The toddler ran over to the door and stood on her tip toes to try to open the door. "Mama help!!" she called out. Emma came out of the kitchen and reached above her daughter to open the door.

Jay stood there as Emma opend the door and his little girl ran out to him and held on to his leg. "Daddy!!!" she yelled happily. Jay smiled and tried to walk in when Emma opened the door wider but it was a little hard with Skylar holding on with a death grip. He laughed and picked her up and lifted her over his head and back down to tickel her. Emma stood watching the pair with a sad smile on her face, she was so happy that Sky finally got to spend time with her father, and she was happy that Jay knew and loved his daughter so much. The only thing that made her sad was the fact that they weren't all togeather. A part of her wanted the three of them to be a family but that wasn't going to happen, she had to move on. "Is her stuff ready yet?" he asked putting Sky down and bringing Emma out of her thoughts. "Um no I have no idea what to pack her." she said with a small laugh. "why not?" "Well she never spent a night away from me even when she was born, I wouldn't let them take her out of my room. I think I drove some nurses crazy." she smiled and walked back to Skylar's room Jay following close behind.

"Well just pack what you think she'll need." he said sitting down in the rocking chair that was in her room. "yea but every time I do I think of other stuff." Emma said walking back over to the bag she had open. "okay well I'll do it." he got up and went to his daughter's closet and picked out a denim jumper with a pink heart on it and a light blue tee-shirt with a few flowers on the front. Since she already had shoes on he didn't take any with him, he walked over to the Emma and placed them in the bag. "See simple." he smirked and went to put her pajams in the bag when Emma stoped him. "Not those she spilled this morning so better take new ones." she walked over to the dresser and took out a pair of light purple shorts and matching tee shirt. "Okay anything else?" he asked after she put those in the bag.

"Um how about her tooth brush and tooth past." she walked out and into the bathroom to get them. "Okay anything else?" "just her balnket, she can't sleep with out it, and her monkey but she'll carry that, and her cup and dish other than that she's packed." Jay nodded and packed everthing Emma had said plus some toys for Skylar to play with. When the baby was all packed Emma got Sky's jacket on and they walked out side to put her stuff in the car. "you better take the car seat with you Jay." Emma said and got it out of her car and placed it in his. When that was done she turned to Skylar who was in Jay's arms her head on his shoulder and pacifier in her mouth, monkey in her arms. "okay well I'll see you some time tomrrow." Emma said kissing Skylar "I love you okay, be a good girl for daddy. Okay?" she asked and Sky nodded hugging her mom around her neck, still in Jay's arms. Emma was so close to him she could smell his cologne, she got lost in her thought for a minute and leaned up and kissed him on the corronr of the mouth. "Thanks for taking her tonight Jay." "no probelm Em, I love spending time with her, and don't worry so much about tonight you'll be fine." he kissed her once more on the head and placed Skylar in her car seat and then got in the car and drove away.

Later that night Paige came over to help Emma get ready for her date. Emma was still a mess. "Hun calm down, will you." Paige said when Emma came out of her shower and looked frantically through her closet. "I can't Paige I haven't been on a date since me and Jay broke up." "I know that but your too jumpy just take a few breaths and realx. It'll be fine." Emma calmed down and sat at her vanity to brush out her hair while Paige finished looking through the closet, fianlly picking out an outfit, she laid it on the bed and took over doing Emma's hair and make up. An hour later Emma was dressed in a simple pair of black jeans with a light blue silk tank top, and a pair of black sandels. And her hair was pulled back into a braid going down her back.

"Okay Paige I have no idea what I'm doing." she said to her friend. "Em you'll be fine just breath and be yourself." Paige tried to calm her down, when there was a knock on the door. "He's here just relax you'll be fine." Paige gave her a smile before opeing the door. "Hey Tommy, I'll see you guys later." and with that she left. "So you ready to go?" "um yea lets go." They left the apartment and Emma had to take a few deep breather, she didn't remembver beign this scared when she was dating Jay or Sean. But when she was dating them she never had to worry about making a bad choice that would effect her and a child. She had to make choices for Sky, not herself.

The night was pretty normal for Emma, they had gone out for a bite to eat and a movie. She was having a great time but something kept nagging at her that something just wasn't right at all. "Emma are you okay?" Tommy asked her. "No I'll be right back." she said and walked off to the bathroom and took out her cell phone and dialed Sean and Jay's number.

Jay was having hard time with Skylar, she was fine that afternoon and earlier that night. But after her bath she started to fuss and just wasn't having a good night. All he could do was hold her as she cried. "Sean what the hell is the matter with her?!" he yelled at his friend. "How should I know I'm not a father, amybe she's sick?" he said and walked into the den where Jay was with Skylar in his arms. And Sean was right because after he walked in she started to cough and then threw up all over her dad (A/N Ha I used to do that lol anyway). "See told ya." Jay groaned and laid her down on the couch as she cried even more. "not funny." he walked off to go and change his shirt, while Sean picked the baby up and rubbed her back gently. "Come on baby it's okay." he tried in vain to calm her down, the phone rang and Sean tried to put her down but she just screamed even louder. "okay, okay I won't put you down." he shifted her and reached for the phone. "Hello." "Sean what's going on, is that Skylar crying?" "yea she is, she's sick." he said and shifted her again trying not to move her too much. Skylar was still screaming her head off when JAy came back in. "Oh God okay I'm coming over." "No, no Em you enjoy your date we can handel it." Emma laughed a little. "Sean no offense but do either of you know how to take care of a sick little girl?"

Jay took Skyl form his arms but stayed close, he knew he was on the phone with Emma. "Well not exactlly, but we'll manage." "not with my baby you won't I'm coming over and we're staying so I can take care of her." with that she hung up and so did he. "What did she say?" JAy asked as his daughter calmed down a bit but was still crying. "That she's coming over and stayign the night so she can help us." JAy sighed and held Skylar closer and went to lay down with her in his room.

Emma came out of the bathroom and saw Tommy sittign at the table drinking some coffie. "Hey." he smiled at her, "Tommy I need you to take me to Jay and Sean's apartment." she said looking over him. "What? Why?" he asked confused, he was having a good time and thought she was too. "My daughter is sick and I need to go and help take care of her." Tommy had a look of shock on his face, he had no idea she was a mother he liked her but didn't want to be with a girl that had that kind of responsibility. "yea sure why is she with them?" he asked as they walked out to his car, this was as a good of time to tell him. "She's mine and Jay's daughter." she said and climed into the car. Tommy was floored he knew that the two of them were togeather in high school and that she left after they broke up but Jay never told him that the two of them had a daughter. Now he really didn't want to be involved with her. He climed in and drove her to Jay's place.

"Thanks for taking me here and for tonight." she said as they pulled up to the apartemt complex. "Yea Em this isn't going to work for me, I'm not into a girl that has a kid. So this isn't going to happen again." he didn't even look at her just stared straight ahead. She nodded sadly and climed out and went to Jay and Sean's apartment and knocked on the door. JAy opend the door their screaming daughter in his arms. "Thanks God, I don't know what to do she was fine and then I don't know..." he trailed off and handed her to Emma. She took Skylar and rubbed her back and turned to Jay. "Jay just calm down, she'll be okay." she said and sat down on the couch and felt Skylar's head. "She's burning up." she told him and he came and sat down with her. "She going to be okay?" "yea she'll be fine, now tell me what happen." "well she was fine all day, you know we played and ate but after I gave her a bath she didn't look good and then started to cry and then she threw up on me." Emma laughed at that. "okay not funny Em I think she ruined my shirt." he said with a laugh "well welcome to parenthood."

The two spent the night taking care of Skylar. Around eleven that night she had finally fallen asleep, they got her to take some medicine but her fever still hadn't broken yet. Jay took Skylar from Emma, he walked down the hall to his bedroom and placed her in the middle of the bed. Emma came up behind him, "You did good Jay for first time." she said quietly in his ear. "thanks, so how was your date?" he asked her and a part of him didn't want her to have had a good time he wanted her to come back to him, so all three of them could be a family like they were supposed to be. "well it was great till I told him me and you have a baby then he told me he didn't want to date me." she said and looked up at him. "I'm sorry Em, looks like I ruined your life in more ways then one." he said and looked down.

Emma placed her hands on his face and made him look up at her. "Jay you didn't ruin anything for me." "yea I did I broke your heart, got you pregnant so you couldn't do any of the things you wanted to do. And because of out little girl you can't even find a guy that'll except the fact that you have a baby." she sighed and smiled at him, yes all of those things had happen but she was happy with her life and she wouldn't be this happy with out him. "Jayson Hogart you listen to me. I am so happy with my life yes bad things have happen in the past and I didn't get to do some of the things I wanted to because of Skylar, but I can't picture my life with out her in it I'm happy being a mom and I wouldn't be with out you. And it'll be hard to date with out the guy freaking out over me having a baby but I'll find some one who will except her and me. So you did not ruin anythign for me you helped me grow up." she said and smiled at him but hesitated before saying one more thing,

"And I love you for it" Jay could tell that she was a little uncomfortable with the last part so he didn't say anything just gave her a hug. "You can stay in here with Skylar incase she wakes up and I'll hit the couch." he said and leaned down to kiss Skylar on the forehead and went to leave but Emma pulled on his arm to stop him. "Stay here with us." she said looking him in the eye, he nodded and walked over to the side of the bed with her. After she climed in next to Skylar Jay climed in next to her and wrapped her in his arms. He closed his eyes and remembered the good times they had togeather. He still loved her and loved this, him holding the love of his life with their child sleeping next to them. Jay closed his eyes and fell asleep.

I hate myself for losing you

I'm seeing it allso clear

I hate myself for losing you

What do you do whenyou look in the mirror

And staring at you is why he's not here?

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Okay guys here's the next chapter sorry it's so short but my dad is being a jerk and is making me clean the bathroom because my brother and his friends are staying over because of the stupid snow storm here. Anyway hope you liked it and please review when your done.

Allie