Here's the scene missing from the previous chapter. Its not long and I haven't changed it much from the original. And that's pretty much all I have to say!
Hope you all are happy with the ending, still not sure if I nailed Leo, but since it's going to take much more than one talk to get him to start to forgive himself... well, you all know how he can be. ;)
So, yep. Enjoy.
TMNT and all related characters are not mine.
Chapter 4
Moving out to the hall, I felt the little man's weight at the pit of my stomach and wondered absently if I'd be sick tonight. Stress level still high, my muscles twitched in anticipation of a good run. Only half the grief was gone; the key to the rest was supporting my family and working it out myself. We'd find a way to survive.
Still, I had a lot to think about.
Don was in the kitchen, chatting quietly with Mike. They fell to a marked silence as I walked through and leaned heavily in the doorframe. Don gave me the kind of lip-smile where you show no teeth, his eyes doing a subtle sweep over my face, lingering a fraction of a second longer over my reddened rims. I felt surprised that he wasn't giving me the cold shoulder about tossing him out of my room the other night. Mike, on the other hand, looked statue-like.
"I'm sorry." I was dishing out apologies tonight.
Donatello answered. He knew the track my mind was on immediately. "You didn't hurt me."
The shame at the memory rose, and I shoved it down, including Mikey in my gaze. "For a little more than that."
Don sighed and spoke slowly, as though he was afraid I wouldn't get what he was saying. "Leo, we were all at the end of our ropes. A lot happened, all at once."
"It doesn't excuse my behavior." My voice was rough and foreign sounding, a reflection of my weariness.
"It really doesn't," Mike piped. My apology had brought back the old glint in his eyes. Eager to forgive, he was horrible at holding grudges, a testament to his ability to continue joking with Raph after a beating. He leaned back in his chair, joints popping as he resumed his familiar nonchalant posture.
I realized then how tensely he had been holding himself, not for an hour, but for the past couple of weeks. I remembered now, but hadn't noticed then, too preoccupied with myself. "Don't worry, though. I gave you your scheduled wake-up call."
I sighed at his understatement, still in my bubble of depression and determined to stay there for a while. "I should thank you, too."
My youngest brother dismissed me with a flick of his wrist. "Just get home early enough to have supper with us tonight. As a family." He eyeballed me. "Maybe after talking to you, he'll actually come around and eat."
I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, weighted with his words. He snorted, sounding more like his old self with every passing second. "And, Leo, when you do come, leave your awkwardness at the back door. It's all good now, right?" His smile, hopeful at the edges, stretched even wider. "We're all a big green unit again?"
My tiny nod was enough for him to pry his gaze off me and turn back to his newspaper. He was obviously satisfied.
"You can't fix everything at once." Don was watching me in an oddly piercing way that totally contrasted with Mike's dismissive attitude. I ignored the twitching scream of my muscles as I walked in and stood a little way from where he was sitting.
"An unfortunate fact," I smirked. "You should take your own advice more often."
That wiped Don's smile and, I knew without looking, dragged Mike's attention from the news article. Don held the expression of someone caught, who had thought he had gotten away.
"Look," I sighed, "I know I… upset you. I know I left everything to you, and an apology really doesn't cover it."
I chanced a glance at Mike, who was beaming his approval, eyes still directed down at his paper. Don's voice brought me back.
"And… what do you suggest as payment, then? Blood sacrifice?" I turned my gaze to him and, predicting my rebuff, he stopped me by rising from his seat. "Hey… all I really care about it that the whole mess is behind us."
He motioned me forward, then grabbed me in to a hug. He planted his forehead against my shoulder, and I reached up to clap a hand across the back of his neck.
Exhaling deeply in a sigh, he said, "Just next time try to confide in us a bit. You know, before things get out of hand?"
"You know that's difficult."
"A good leader always turns to his most trusted for aide. I'd go as far as to say that you owe me that much. You actually owe all of us."
He jerked his head as if to pull away, and I held him a second longer. "I'm proud of you, Donnie."
He chuckled dryly, then pulled away to examine my face. "Are you okay?"
"Are you?"
Instead of getting annoyed like Mike or Raph would, he shrugged. "I will be. As long as everyone else is okay. And nobody goes off and does anything rash." I cringed inwardly at the pointed look he gave. He knew it; somehow, he saw my reaction, and softened his gaze accordingly.
"I'd have to confide in you first, right?"
"Since you're avoiding me, I'll have to take your answer as a no, you're not okay."
"Why wouldn't I be okay?"
"There's no way that you two of all people could resolve something so quickly. You're tense as all hell, you held an embrace for more than 3.5 seconds, and the guilt's clearly written on your face."
"In, like, twelve different languages." Mike had his head tilted to the side in mock imitation of Don's scrutiny.
Feeling slightly cornered, if not annoyed at the playful way they were picking at me, I forced the defensive acid from my voice. "I messed up. I overreacted . Again." I focused on Don. "Really… you don't know how sorry I am." I glanced at my hands. "I can't…"
Expression still soft, Don looked about to say something when Mike interrupted. "You acted all crazy and wrong and yeah, you messed up. So did Raph, and so did I, when I attacked you, and so did Donnie, when he…" Mike paused, then laughed and gave a sheepish smile. "Never mind, Donnie didn't do anything uncalled for. But yeah, Leo. Nobody's perfect. We don't ask you to be."
"I'm the leader."
"So lead. Get angry when things go wrong." Don had his arms folded over his plastron. "Beat us around a little bit, and then come back. You're not the leader of some random horde of nobodies, we're brothers. And for the record I've never thought you to do anything without good reason, Leo."
"Yeah. If you're looking for a way to somehow perfect stress response, as though that's possible but I know you'll go for it anyway, just try to not make yourself so scary."
I tried to smile at Mike. "You scared me right back."
He didn't return it. The expression on his face didn't match the still-light tone. "The three of you were acting like big fat crazies, and it wasn't going anywhere good. I had to deviate from my normal technique so that I could, once again, save the day."
Don shot him a sideways glance. "O great Mikey, what would we do without you?"
The other sighed theatrically, waving Don's comment away. "Save your gratitude for the formal All Hail Mikey session I plan on throwing after everything clears up. You guys owe me one from Battle Nexus anyway." He peeked at my solemn features. "Hm, apparently I'm lacking in my old technique today. Guess I haven't been trying that hard."
"He wants to go out." Don stated knowingly.
"I think I just need a good run," I half-apologized, adding a pathetically weak chuckle.
Mike snorted and returned to his paper. "You humor me by pretending to like my humor, which in the end is not the least bit humorous, 'cuz you're not humored."
"Just…" Don had his hands held up as though I would break though the back door at any second. "Just be careful. It's okay, Leo. Everything's good, so don't push it too hard."
I swallowed against the onset of dryness in my throat. He looked… raw. "I won't go far, and I won't be gone long." For a short moment I deliberated scrapping the question on my tongue. "No matter what wrong I do to you, you'll still care about me, won't you?"
"I wouldn't exactly say 'no matter wha- oww!"
Don snatched his hand back as Mike swiped out in retaliation to the blow. "Well, would you care about me no matter what?"
I didn't have to think much about my answer. I looked to Mike, who was rubbing a reddened spot on his arm. "Apparently I need a wake up call every once in a while… But not caring isn't possible."
"Then don't go expecting any different from me. No matter what."
"There's no escaping it with the four of us." I was unsure as to whether Mike was leaning more toward agreement or sarcasm until he winked at me.
I shifted on my feet. "Hey," Don said. "Give it time. We'll all come around." He jerked his head to the door. "Catch you later."
I sighed as I turned, breaking to a run before I was out the door. I relished the immediate rush of exhilaration, launched myself off the front steps as hard as I could as the feeling twisted with the guilt I was attempting to leave behind. My brothers' forgiveness was one thing; convincing myself I deserved it was another.
"Supper, eight o'clock!" Mike boomed at me, his voice carrying a command that I wouldn't dare disobey.
That's all she wrote, folks.
