Author's Note: Wow! Thanks for all the feedback! I plan on Tali being a big part of the story as well – not as a love triangle or anything, don't worry, but just as Shepard's best friend. I am really trying to stick very closely to the game.
A special thanks to Weeblecat, Sonya Robinwood, Lightan117, Sedgehammer, SinSaverus, Laura-Star16, RayneEthelwulf, Xzotic, My Reality Is Fiction, and for reviewing! I really appreciate it!
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to BioWare. I own nothing!
Shepard leaned back in her chair and groaned. She had thought that since the Normandy was no longer an Alliance vessel, then perhaps that would mean less paperwork. She was getting a little tired of being wrong. Her usually (relatively) neat cabin was now covered in scattered datapads, empty, used coffee mugs, and an occasional article of her Cerberus uniform. The Illusive Man had sent over the next batch of dossiers, and her initial reaction was one of joy. Tali was among the potential specialists. She had ordered Joker to set a course for Haestrom right away, but now alone with her self-made fort of datapads, she felt uneasy. Tali had already refused to join her on Freedom's Progress and she was still exhausted from the encounter with Kaidan on Horizon. During her first meeting with the Illusive Man, she had been so positive of her team – of course they would drop everything to join her. But Horizon had really shown her just how much time has past. But not enough to dilute any hatred towards Cerberus apparently, Shepard thought.
The commander wasn't pining over Kaidan. In fact, she was surprised by how easily she was able to move on from their time together. It had hurt more that he wouldn't join her as a soldier, than a man. Just when the whole situation had begun to make a home in the farther recesses of her mind, she received an email from Alenko.
"Commander, you have a new message at your private terminal," Kelly had said, a slight note of tension in her voice. Shepard noticed that the yeoman always sounded that way when she had bad news.
What is the use of a private terminal if Chambers and Miranda are always reading my messages before me? Shepard thought, nodding to Kelly. As soon as she saw the subject, "About Horizon…" she knew she should read it in her cabin. But the yeoman was watching her intently and Shepard didn't want Chambers thinking she was up there crying over some ex-boyfriend. Taking a deep breath, she braced herself for another onslaught of accusations from the biotic and clicked "open."
All things considered, it wasn't a terrible message. He had apologized right away, but then followed it up by telling her he was dating some doctor on the Citadel. I wonder if it's the same one Garrus and I helped out all those years ago. I think she emailed me… What was her name again? The fact that he had started dating didn't surprise her. It didn't hurt to read as much as it just felt… weird. She tried to remind herself of the obvious, again – it's been two years, blah, blah, blah. It wasn't like their relationship had been set in stone even before the Normandy went down. They didn't have problems, per say, but she had started having doubts. He was just so formal all the time. Shepard had thought that after Ilos, he would loosen up a bit, but he continued to call her ma'am and hang off of her every word. Now that he wasn't listening to her at all, she wondered if that had been such a bad thing…
The rest of the email said nothing new: I don't trust Cerberus and be careful. He had alluded to maybe continuing things later when she was done with Cerberus, but Shepard knew it was over. Horizon had been the breaking point. It was her turn to feel betrayed and she honestly didn't know if the resentment she felt from him not joining her would ever fade. Maybe as a friend, but nothing more.
Kelly was still watching her. Without looking up from the screen, Shepard said, "I'm fine, Kelly. Thanks for your concern."
Chambers jumped slightly, then smiled warmly and turned back to her own workstation.
Coming back from the memory, Shepard looked over at Kaidan's holo. She didn't know why she hadn't gotten rid of it. They were over. A nagging thought in the back of her mind told her it was because the moment she did trash the holo, she would be recognizing the past two years had happened.
Deep down, it was still hard to accept she had died. She couldn't remember anything after passing out from the lack of oxygen. Shepard didn't know if that meant there was nothing after death or if she just wasn't supposed to remember when she returned to the mortal plain. She wanted to believe the latter, but it wouldn't shock her if the former were true. Either way, she wanted to stay alive.
…
"Ready to get Tali?" Garrus heard Shepard ask. He had been waiting with Zaeed by the shuttle for fifteen minutes. The merc was one of the few humans on the ship other than Shepard that Garrus enjoyed talking with. It boiled down to two reasons: he wasn't Cerberus and had fantastic taste when it came to both assault and sniper rifles.
"Ready as an Asari whore at Afterlife," Zaeed replied, throwing both weapons behind his back.
"What he said," Garrus said, amused.
Shepard rolled her eyes. "Charming."
The three boarded the shuttle and Shepard banged on the door to start their descent to Haestrom.
Once they were in the atmosphere, Shepard began her usual routine of checking all her weapons were in good condition and fully loaded. Jacob did a good job, but everyone could make mistakes. She'd rather find out on the shuttle than the battlefield.
"Any idea what we can expect?" Garrus asked.
"Only that it's an abandoned quarian colony," Shepard answered, settling her shotgun across her lap. "But technically we are in Geth space, so be prepared."
"Locked and loaded, Shepard." Zaeed said, the possibility of battle raising his blood's the temperature. "A few machines aren't going to slow me down. We'll rescue the quarian princess."
"I wouldn't call Tali a princess to her face… err, helmet. Might hit a little too close to home, her father being on the admiralty board and all," Garrus said.
Shepard tried to keep a straight face, but it was difficult when she was imagining Tali in a poofy dress, like something out of the classic vids. "Just be ready."
The shuttle was close to Haestrom's surface now. All three studied the ruin through the window. After serving with Tali on the original Normandy, Shepard considered herself one of the more knowledgeable humans when it came to quarians. But she didn't really know what to expect when it came to their architecture – very few, human or otherwise, did. The ruin seemed to be mostly made of stone and metal. It's boxier than I imagined, Shepard thought, looking at the fallen rectangular columns and debris. Quarians were one of the curvier alien races, so she had assumed their architecture would be similar. Wrong again…
As the shuttle prepared to land, the three warriors noticed something peculiar: a bug that had been happily crawling in the shadows of the ruin, suddenly burned to a crisp once it entered direct sunlight. "Well that's not good," Garrus muttered.
On cue, EDI chimed in, "Shepard, our data indicates that Tali is somewhere in these ruins. There is considerable geth activity, and an environmental hazard. Solar output has overwhelmed Haestrom's protective magnetosphere. Exposure to direct sunlight will damage your shields."
Shepard jumped out of the shuttle first, taking point. "And I was just thinking I needed to work on my tan a bit," she heard the merc snigger behind her.
…
Garrus's throat emitted a quiet, approving hum as he listened to Shepard and Tali chatting ecstatically in the mess hall. From the main battery, his turian hearing could pick up a few words here and there; just enough to know it was a happy conversation. He knew the commander had been worried about whether their old friend would join the mission. But Tali had come through for her. While Tali didn't always quite get Garrus's humor, they were good friends. She was one of the few people he had kept in contact with for a couple of months after Shepard's death before cutting all ties and leaving for Omega.
He strained to hear more of their conversation. Something about a card game with the engineers that Shepard had won. You could just join them, Vakarian, he told himself. But he didn't want to intrude on the conversation. Alien or not, Garrus knew not to interrupt female gatherings. Pulling out one of his dextro-protein bars, Garrus settled next to the door, making his eavesdropping a little easier.
…
"I'm pretty sure Kenneth is going to want a rematch, Shepard," Tali said, her helmet's ventilator almost enhancing her delighted tone.
"I think I'll stop while I'm ahead." Shepard laughed and poured another glass of wine. It was late. They were the only ones left in the mess hall, but Gardner had given Shepard a bottle of his reserves before heading to bed. A thank you for the grocery shopping she had done for him on the Citadel.
"I hope that doesn't mean you'll be avoiding engineering!" Tali said. "I don't know how many friends I'll be making on a Cerberus vessel."
"Don't worry, I have no plans to stop bothering you. I might just have to pull rank, if he challenges me again." Shepard took a large sip of her wine. It wasn't anything special, but it felt good to relax. She felt bad that Tali couldn't do the same, but the quarian insisted the commander didn't deprive herself on her account. "Garrus will be happy to not have me hanging around the battery all the time."
Tali giggled and shook her head.
"What?" Shepard asked.
"Nothing, nothing." Tali waved her gloved hand dismissively. "Some things never change."
The room stilled. Shepard pinched the stem of her wine glass, slowly twirling it on the table. When she thought about it, she used to distract Garrus when he worked on the Mako, two years ago. He was always cursing in his native tongue, causing her translator to glitch on some of the more colorful words. The completely foreign clicks and growls were fascinating to her. So much so, that she would intentionally drive recklessly to ensure she would hear them later on. "I guess that's true."
Tali's softly glowing eyes squinted through her helmet. "Are we going to talk about Kaidan or is that just going to remain the elcor in the room?"
"Hopeful: Kaidan who?" Shepard asked, mimicking the elcor's monotone speech.
Tali laughed and shook her head. "Alright, alright. I can take a hint."
Shepard began pouring a third glass of wine, happy to see that her tolerance had raised since the night she shared that bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy with Dr. Chakwas. "Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you."
"Oh?"
"I tried talking to Joker and the doctor about it, but they keep giving me the run around," Shepard said. "After I died… Did something happen between Kaidan and Garrus?"
Tali's breath hitched slightly and she instinctively looked at the main battery. "Shepard… I don't-"
"Come on, Tali," Shepard interrupted, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair. "How bad could it be?"
Tali exhaled loudly. "I wasn't there when it happened. Just heard about it later from the doctor." The quarian linked her fingers together, something she did when she was nervous. "But apparently when Kaidan and Garrus found Joker's escape pod, he kind of snapped."
"What do you mean? Snapped?"
"He went nuts. Started tearing the pod apart," Tali whispered quickly. "He blamed them for your death and attacked Kaidan. It took the whole search team to subdue him."
Shepard's eyebrows rose, stunned, and she stole a glance at the main battery's closed door. It wasn't hard to see Garrus angry, she had seen that plenty of times before, but she couldn't seem to picture him out of control. The former C-Sec officer had built up a laid back persona, but she knew underneath all that was a soldier. Shepard took another sip of her wine, unable to think of anything to say.
"That's just what I heard though," Tali exclaimed, obviously afraid she had said too much. "Like I said, I wasn't there. Maybe the whole thing was exaggerated."
"I don't think so," Shepard replied. "On Horizon, Kaidan didn't say one word to Garrus."
The two women sat silently. Shepard finishing off her glass of wine, while Tali shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "Keelah, please don't tell Garrus I said anything to you," she blurted out.
Shepard grinned. Tali was easily flustered, it was one of her favorite qualities the quarian possessed. "It is strange that he didn't tell me any of this, himself…" She teased.
"Shepard, I'm serious!" Tali said. "You know how much he idolizes you. If he didn't tell you, it's because he didn't want you to know."
"I think 'idolize' is a bit extreme." Shepard chuckled, a blush gracing her cheeks.
Tali huffed and leaned forward. "Are you kidding? The man left his stable job on the Citadel to serve on a human ship and take orders from some human female and work with a human crew! I bet he didn't even hesitate to join you when you found him on Omega, even with Cerberus at your side!"
"Well, I mean," Shepard began, "he didn't have much choice. The whole missile in the face thing. We had to bring him aboard."
"Yes, but after you patched him up?" Tali pressed.
Shepard thought back the conversation she and Garrus had had in the comm. room. He had said a few choice words about Cerberus, but Tali was right… Shepard never had any doubt the turian would join her. You realize this plan has me walking into hell, too… Just like old times, she remembered him saying. Shepard smiled and shook her head. "He's loyal, that's for sure."
Tali groaned. "Just don't tell him, okay? I don't want a visit from an angry turian tomorrow!" She placed her hands on the table, and pushed herself to a standing position. "I should get some sleep."
"Alright Tali," Shepard said, standing as well. "It's good to have you back."
"Of course, Shepard."
…
Garrus lightly banged his forehead against the metal wall of the main battery. Damn quarians, he growled inwardly. Gossiping, big mouthed, suit wearing scavengers! It was bad enough she had let slip how he had acted on the rescue mission. But to go on and tell the commander how he idolized her? Garrus groaned. If turians could blush, he would be as red as the Bloodpack's armor. I don't idolize…
He heard the two women stand. Finally, he thought, I can go to bed. He looked around the room to make sure he had everything. When he was about to leave, he heard footsteps heading his way. Act normal, Vakarian, he told himself. Act normal!
The doors slid open, revealing Shepard's thin frame. She had positively smug look on her face. "Garrus."
"Shepard."
"You're up awfully late," she said, entering the room.
"Just finishing up some cal-"
"Calibrations, yeah, yeah." Shepard yawned.
"I'm almost finished with the new cannon."
Shepard chuckled. "I look forward to your new excuse to avoid social interaction."
Garrus scoffed, "I'm not avoiding social interaction! If you had any experience in calibrating a weapon of this size you would understand why it's taking me so long!"
Shepard leaned against his console, grinning at him. "Alright, Vakarian, I believe you. Don't get so worked up."
There was an awkward pause as the subject came to a close. Garrus waited for her to say why she came in here, but she continued to just stare at him. He cleared his throat. "Have a nice chat with Tali?"
Shepard clapped her hands together. "I knew you were listening!"
Garrus's mandibles twitched as he stuttered, "I-I wasn't listening! I mean, I ca-can't help if I hear a few things. Y-you two talking so loudly!"
Shepard practically howled at his excuse. It was the first time since her death that he had seen her wear her emotions so freely. "Tali was whispering half the time!"
Garrus's taloned finger pointed towards his ear hole. "Turian hearing."
"Turian hearing, turian pride… are you going to blame everything on your race, Vakarian?" She asked.
He was relieved to see she wasn't angry with him for eavesdropping. Still, he felt like he had a right to know what was being said about him. "Only when it applies to the situation, commander."
Shepard expression changed. Her open mouth grin closed to a small smile and her eyes softened. Like she had the other night, Shepard began to close the distance between them. She knew it was cause of the wine, but she suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to let him know in some way that she appreciated him just being there. But their friendship had always been more about actions than words. Jokes sugarcoating sentiment that neither of them were comfortable voicing. His small blue eyes darted back and forth across her face. She was confusing him.
"Shepard?" his double voice questioned.
"Sorry," she muttered stepping back. "It's late. Too much wine."
He laughed, softly. As she turned to leave, Garrus lightly touched her forearm. "About what Tali said…"
"We all do rash things when we're upset, Garrus," Shepard stated firmly.
Garrus nodded, his mandibles flat against his jaw. Shepard once again started to leave, when his voice stopped her. "And about the other thing…"
Shepard's heart beat quickened, though she was unsure why. The blush from her previous conversation returned to her cheeks. "Yes?" she asked, her back still turned to him.
"I, um…" He started pacing. "You know I respect you, Shepard."
She cocked her head to the side. Where is this going?
"Idolize is just such a strong word," Garrus said, his eyes looking everywhere but her. "You know how Tali can be. Quarians in general. They like to exaggerate. I mean, I do respect you. Like I said. It's just, you know… I mean, I don't idolize…" he rambled.
"Garrus," Shepard said, but the turian continued on his rant about respect, but not idolization and how nosy quarians are. "Garrus!"
He stood at attention, finally shutting up. "I got it," she said, a hint of laughter under her words. "Point is clear."
"Ah, okay." Garrus visibly relaxed, his large shoulders slacking. "Good."
The opened-mouth grin returned to Shepard's face. "Get some sleep, Officer Vakarian."
"Yes, commander."
Author's Note: I promise to do some FemShep/Garrus scenes that happen in places other than the shuttle and the main battery in the future hahaha. The team is headed to Illium next :) Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please review!
