The three of us get up with the rest of the crowd and head outside. The Reaping now has my full attention. Some of the things that Master Aquilis said stick out. As an 18 year old, I'm expected to be considering volunteering if any younger person's name is called from the ball. I think about what my reaction would be if my name is to be called. There are only eleven of us that are of the age he wanted volunteering, and only 6 of us are boys including Dylan and myself. Surprisingly I'm not all that upset by the possibility. After all, what future do I have here in District 4? What happiness do I have awaiting me? If I go to the Hunger Games, at least I have a chance to make a name for myself in the district. Really it's win-win. If I die, all my problems disappear with my last heartbeat. If I live, then I'm a Hunger Games victor, and all the benefits that come with it are my future. I'd be more important than my hateful parents.
The three of us hang out at the docks for a while. None of us really talk much- each of us is alone with our thoughts. Marina tells us that she needs to talk some last minute outfit preparations with another girl so she'll catch up with us later at the Reaping. After Dylan and I say our goodbyes to her, we begin the walk back to his house.
"Our final day of training is over," he says happily. "Can't wait to be able to start sleeping in for a change."
"As long as we don't have to put all of this training to real use I'll be happy." I reply, secretly a little disappointed that I no longer have an excuse to swim around with him and see him in his training swimsuit every day.
"Isn't that the truth." he says as we pass a group of ship hands being watched over by Peacekeepers. The fact that they don't call out any insults is a testament to the impact the Reaping has on people. They know full well one of us might have just hours left in this district. The sun is rising higher in the sky, which is completely cloudless. It's going to be a beautiful day out. How nice that we already have an excuse to be out and about in it later.
"This is our last Reaping though. At least as the ones with our names in the pot." says Dylan.
"Yeah clear sailing from here till the end of our lives." I reply sarcastically. "Or until we have children ourselves."
"Well you won't have to worry about that though at least." Dylan says. I look at him confused and then realize he's wondering how could a gay guy ever have a kid of his own?
"Well what if I was to adopt a kid?" I ask him quietly. The sudden picture of a future with a kid is jarring to me. No, it's impossible. No child would be allowed with a gay parent.
"Do you think that would be allowed?" Dylan replies, stunned.
"I don't see why not. Better than letting the kid starve to death on the streets or go their life unwanted. Who cares though?" I reply. I have no idea why I'm trying to play devil's advocate for something I know is not going to happen, and the whole conversation is starting to irritate me for some reason.
"I guess so. I don't even know if I'd want to have kids. Just get married and that's it."
"Why not?" I ask, still a little irritated.
"Why would I raise a child that could be sent out into those Games? How could our parents do that to us, let alone me do it to my child?"
"But you'd make such an excellent father. Seriously. And besides, the person you marry will need to have at least two kids anyways." I can picture him having little kids all with his wonderful eyes. It would be a shame for future generations not to be able to see their beauty.
"I don't know…." he says in a wavering voice.
"Plus, I always imagined me getting to be a crazy uncle for your kids. Naturally I'd be a terrible influence on your kids." I say, poking him in the side. There I am again making up an impossible future. I doubt whoever his wife wound up being would want me around her kids.
He looks up at me with a smile starting to form on his face. "Uncle Adrian you say? Well if you wind up adopting a boy I guess I'd have to be Uncle Dylan. After all, one of us would have to be there to teach him about wooing the ladies." he says, his smile getting bigger.
"Goodness knows I'd be no help." I reply, laughing. "I'd wind up getting him nowhere for sure."
We both laugh, though in the back of my mind, the thought of my future is not quite so funny. I know that the odds of me ever having a partner to fall in love with are nonexistent, and having a child even smaller odds than that. And throughout all of it I will be dead to my family. If it wasn't for the Murphy family and their endless supply of kindness….
A few minutes pass before Dylan speaks up again. "So do you have any clothes that will work for reaping day?" he asks, getting serious again.
"Ah yes need to look pretty for the cameras now don't we? You think they'd allow me to just wear my swim suit?" I ask half-joking.
"Something tells me the Capital will be a little upset with that." he answers.
"True, I suppose I'm not in the mood for lashings. I'll just wear my button up shirt, some shorts and my boating shoes. Roll the sleeves up and leave some of the buttons undone so I can show off the tan and muscles. Never know how many gay Capitalites there are that might want to be a sponsor." I answer truthfully. I have actually given the outfit a touch of thought, though the last part had been a thought from Marina. Who knows, maybe one of those gay Capitalites would be a potential partner for me if I win the Games.
"Oh man good thinking." he says. "I'm sure my mom laid out the outfit I had last year. I hate wearing long pants." he says in a whining voice.
"Well like you said earlier, at least this is our last time." I say, hoping it cheers him up slightly, while thinking to myself that I too hate seeing him I long pants. Or pants in general. I shake my head. The thoughts just keep coming out of nowhere today it seems. Too much to keep track of. I wish I had a chance to relax in the water somewhere and collect all my thoughts, but there's not enough time.
We reach the door and head in. The mood in the house is tense to put it mildly. Mrs. Murphy busies herself making some lunch but the frown on her face is noticeable. Mr. Murphy is looking over a bunch of work orders but I can see that his eyes aren't moving. Dylan and I quickly eat the bread and salmon combo that was on the table and then head down to his room. On the way we pass his brother Kyle and I can see the worry in his face. Luckily his name in only in the pot three times so he has much better odds than most of having his name called. And besides if one of us from the training academy volunteers he will be safe anyways.
As we enter Dylan's room I look over at him and can see he is deep in thought. There are many people I'm sure he is worried about getting reaped today and I know Kyle has to be right at the top of the list. As I start to change into my reaping outfit, I start to think of who I'm worried about seeing get reaped. Obviously Dylan and Kyle. Marina. Then I remember that Lincoln and Lachlan are eligible too. The thought of only one of the twins getting picked and the idea of them being forever separated is tragic I must admit though my sympathy only goes so far at this point. So wow, 3 people I'd be very upset for, and then a couple hundred people I'd feel indifferent or possibly even glad for getting reaped. I wonder how many people would lump me into the 'glad he got reaped' category? I can think of four right off the bat. I think back to what Master Aquilis said this morning though and relax slightly. Really the only people that should be going to the Games are people from Training Academy, and of them the only ones I care about going are Dylan and Marina. But then I remember what he said about this year's Games being extra spectacular in some way. Maybe people won't be volunteering after all.
I look at myself in the mirror. The outfit is good at doing its job, mainly in making me look attractive enough in case I'm on camera. I glance at Dylan. As usual he looks excellent in his light blue shirt and white pants. That become see-through when they are wet. It hits me quite suddenly but it hits hard- the full knowledge that things are going to be changing massively between me and Dylan. I guess the earlier conversation is starting to register with me. We are both over 18 so marriage will become more and more expected. Even if he has no kids like he says I'm sure whatever girl he marries will convince him to change his mind. And between her, the kids, and whatever job he gets, the odds of me getting to spend much time my best friend that often will fall greatly. Not to mention whatever job I have, which right now doesn't look like that happy of a picture either. Reaping Day sure does bring out all the positive thoughts…..
As these thoughts are bouncing around in my head, Kyle walks in. He's dressed similar to Dylan. I can see how nervous he's starting to get by how fidgety he is. "So third reaping for me. Last one for you guys. Does it ever get any easier to go through?"
Dylan and I exchange a dark look. "I get a little less nervous every time. Guess you just get more used to it." Dylan says in a weak attempt to soothe Kyle's nerves. I know full well that's an outright lie. Knowing your name is on more slips in those reaping balls than last year makes each year more nerve-wracking than the last. And I know Kyle is smart enough to realize this as well.
"It'll be ok then?" he asks skeptically.
"You could do what I do." he says. "I just pretend I'm listening to the waves hitting on the beach. Helps keep me nice and calm."
Kyle smiles. "Yeah I guess that could work. What about you Adrian?"
Usually my thoughts are racing during the reaping, going through all the different possibilities of what to do if I or someone I like is picked. If anything I should be taking Dylan's advice myself. "Oh I do the same thing, just think of a happy place." I say quickly. He nods and walks back out of the room, looking like he was trying to think of what kind of place that would be for him.
"Happy place huh? Given how you usually look at the reaping I'd say you need to work on that." Dylan says to me.
"What can I say? I'm trying to help the kid." I shoot back.
"Alright, whatever you say." he says, waving his hands in front of him.
I pull on my shoes and stand. I feel the need to get out of the house and try to collect all the thoughts I've had today. "I'm going down to the ocean for a minute. You want to come or stay here?" I ask.
"Sure I'll come down." he replies, pulling his shoes on.
We pass by Mrs. Murphy and let her know we'll be back in a couple of minutes. She reminds not to be late for the trip to the square. We trek down the road and then through our familiar path in the woods to the rocks jutting out over the water. We take a seat. The rocks feel nice and cool compared to how hot the air is already. As we sit I start to think again about what Master Aquilis was saying at the end of training today. I wonder if he's right about just knowing in the moment that it's going to be you to volunteer. The idea is intriguing. His arguments for wanting to volunteer seem weak. On the other hand my reasons for wanting to stay here in District 4 are running thin as well. I wonder about what Dylan has going through his head on the subject.
"So have you given any thought to what Master Aquilis was saying earlier?" I ask Dylan.
"Which part?" he replies.
"About volunteering and all."
"Yeah I thought about it. I mean we have been training hard and I wouldn't mind the rewards of winning, but at the same time if I don't win, that'll kill my family." he says. "Plus you know me- I'm not exactly a fan as it is of having to pay for the sins of others. It's not fair to us. "
"I guess." I say. "So nothing will make you volunteer?" I ask, hoping his answer is no.
"There's only one thing. If Kyle gets called. That would be the only thing that would get me to make that move. I like the idea of an 18 year old volunteering though. Of course I'd like that not to be you either. Don't pretend like I don't know how many slips of paper have your name on them." he says, looking directly into my eyes with a slight frown. "What are you thinking about what he said?" he asks.
"I don't know, his reasons did seem fairly weak, I agree." I say, slowly. "I don't know what would push me to volunteer. There's only a limited number of people I don't really want to see go. On the other hand, it does offer a nice way to escape." I say.
Dylan gives me a sad look. "Would the Games actually be an escape from anything?" he asks quietly. I don't answer him, though in my mind, a small, dark voice says 'It just might.'
