-Chapter 4-

"Emily! Really, you are just too much. Too much!" Julia vacillated between exasperation and amusement today. That's what I get for involving her in the first place, but I just had to tell someone... Then she reconsidered. Still a mile better than Ruby…

Emily Grace could not keep her curiosity, nor enthusiasm, contained any longer; although this was not an unusual state of affairs, even she would have to admit. It was at her urging, after all, that Julia told Detective Murdoch about receiving death threats, which lead to eventually discovering it was Leslie Garland harassing the couple. Because of that, Emily thought of herself as the couple's primary "rally" leader, with her task to urge them down the aisle. She nearly stamped her foot. I had no idea it was going to be this difficult!

She had approached the subject of their wedding from so many angles she had eventually run out of them, having come no closer to the answer she was looking for. Almost half a year ago, Julia started out so pleased and excited about accepting the detective's marriage proposal, and then several presumed dates for their marriage came and went with nothing to show for it. After that there was almost a moratorium on any discussion of marriage.

Since March, Emily had managed to dole out a new question, idea or suggestion at the rate of one every week or two, on topics such as wedding party, guest list, reception, wedding dress and post-marital living arrangements, as there was no apparent forward movement with nuptials. Most of these talks produced nothing more than a shrug from Julia and a confession that plans for her previous marriage were taken over by her father, sister or Dr. Garland's family, and that she had very little to do with it. Emily guessed that since Julia's heart had not really been in it, that was to have been expected…

Now, finally! A weekend in late May was nailed down as a wedding date for detective and doctor, and Julia was still not forthcoming with any details. Presumably Julia wanted to marry the detective…Emily just had to know…

"I can only imagine how excited you must be, Julia," Emily prompted again. When Julia offered nothing more she tried a direct approach. "Where will the ceremony be held?" That seemed like a simple enough question and easy enough to answer.

Julia sighed and hesitated. "I don't know, yet." She felt her heart sink a little. She realized she should be excited but instead her conscience was bothering her. I told William I did not want a church ceremony of any kind this time around. William even agreed with me! It should have made things easier and faster… "I suppose I've been putting off having to make that decision…."

Putting it off? Emily was shocked; how do you set a date but no location for a wedding? What in heavens name did that mean? She wondered if Julia had been dragging her feet all along. Curiosity took over again, but she was not absolutely sure now that she wanted to know the answer. "Why is that?"

Julia sighed. "William would never say as much but I know it would mean a great deal to him for us… to marry in the Catholic Church."

"How do you feel?" Emily asked, assuming that was something that was clearly impossible. What was going on…? She saw Julia hesitate.

"I'm not sure….But I worry that in granting him that I may be betraying my own values."

Values? Values? Emily could hardly believe her ears. Of all the barriers to their happiness, the litany of problems, snagging on that one left her speechless. She knew that Julia, Dr. Ogden, was fiercely independent and that Detective Murdoch had accommodated her in untold ways. As far as Emily was concerned it was obvious to absolutely everyone the detective would have the doctor as his bride in any honourable way, so it confounded her that Julia was hesitating over an issue that was, or certainly should be, long-time settled.

Several peppy comebacks played in her mind, but she tossed each one aside. Instead Emily did something uncharacteristic of her: she decided to stay out of it.

She answered only, "Perhaps that's an issue I should leave to you and the detective."

# # #

Later on that day and throughout the evening, Julia replayed her conversation with Emily, rehashing the quandary about choosing a wedding venue. Over the intervening weeks since the holidays it slowly occurred to Julia she'd been tending to her own needs, wants, will and desires for so long out of necessity as well as habit that to fight it was quite difficult…most days all it did was produce a headache. The fact that even Emily had not taken up the argument today was telling… She observed wryly.

She also did not think she could tolerate a bridal "Hen party" such as Emily suggested. That would probably thoroughly jinx the whole business! Grumbling, she pawed through the drawers in her desk and through her medical bag in frustration. There it is!

Julia found the packet of willow bark extract she was looking for and dissolved it in her cold tea, since that was the only liquid readily available. She walked to her chair and sat within its cushioned arms, but that provided no comfort as she swallowed the bitter brew. Ever since being with William at Christmas Mass, she slowly but surely found herself torn between wanting to have her way and wanting William to have his.

Unfortunately there had been so many set-then-broken wedding dates it was getting to be an awkward joke between them.

Julia sighed and adjusted her corset, deciding it needed to come off as soon as possible. She cast her mind back to just last night when William nearly lost his considerable resolve…

***Her hands found the back of his neck and her fingers wound his dark hair, while she leaned her chest on his to deepen their kiss. He quickly wrapped his hands around her unencumbered waist to pull them in alignment, making small noises of appreciation and warming her with their physical contact. They had spoken no words, not even hello or each other's names, just taken each other in an embrace when William appeared on her doorstep, much too late at night. She closed her eyes to enjoy the delicious meal she was making of his mouth.

"I cannot stay," he whispered in between repositioning his lips.

"I know," she answered, pushing her hips towards his. "William, what are you doing here?" She moaned softly as he ran his hands along the fabric of her robe.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he asked into her ear.

She answered, "At least as much as I do you. But we promised we'd wait, William, it was important to you that we do." She felt his passion rise…***

Julia felt hers do the same just thinking about it, and squirmed in the chair as a result. She had to take some responsibility for further arousing him last night as her own desire ran away with her, knowing how unparalleled and powerful relations between them could be. Julia smiled to herself. She trusted wedding vows would be made of sterner stuff than their promises to refrain. We were naïve about just how hard abstinence was going to be…She giggled, so far, having had to recommit to it on two additional occasions... She felt her body respond once again to sensual memories. Julia occasionally wondered if William's insistence on not making love again until they were married was really a ploy to make sure she would go through with the wedding. She chuckled to herself. Well, he would not be wrong about it being a motivating factor….

The only way to save the both of them yesterday was for her to pronounce another date, agreeing with each other they would go forward this time no matter what. So May 24th it was. But where?

She frowned and recalled with some guilt how she once cursed angrily, then threw at him to "work it out with your God" when it came to marrying her at all, civil marriage or not, should she obtain a divorce. She winced to herself at her petulance, and shifted her corset again as it was pinching, noting at least the headache was fading a little.

William had gone away as she asked, returning later looking solemn and determined. She saw him in her mind's eye, very directly and sincerely coming to her, obviously trying to communicate his true feelings. He told me he loved me and that no love could be wrong. She felt her heart squeeze. It was one of the few times I ever told him out loud that I loved him….

She refocused on her dilemma about the place for them to marry. William had never mentioned Church again, asked for or even as much as hinted that he wanted anything more than to put a ring on my finger and say "I do" as soon as possible at the place and time I was willing and able.

Julia groaned out loud in frustration about her decision and pulled at her garment—both wretched problems that needed solving. The corset was easier. Emily suggested I need to talk to William. Julia thought about having such a conversation. That was actually good advice she gave me today, Julia admitted. Damn Ruby…

Therefore, Julia chose an entirely different solution.