As you know, Marshall and Lily had just revoked the "Eight or Higher" rule. So naturally, the next hour or two was spent catching up with all the news from the past few months that they would've deemed to be a seven or lower. Kids, I'm not gonna lie to you, most of them were lower.


"Barney, even with the rule set aside, I don't think having sex with your fiancée is really news worthy." Marshall sighed.

"Oh trust me," he winked, "All my sex is news worthy."

"Especially with me." Quinn added, high fiving him proudly.

Lily smiled and shook her head. She'd missed everything about hanging out with the gang, Barney and Quinn's explicit sex stories included. "Okay, so what else is going on?"


The night wore on, and after a while, most of us had gone home. Lily was the first to run back upstairs. She and Marshall had been taking turns looking after Marvin whenever they weren't watching him together or were without a babysitter. Left behind were Barney, Quinn and Marshall, still discussing the latest developments.


"I feel kind of sorry for Robin." Quinn stated, a few minutes after her and Nick had left.

"Why?" Barney asked casually, trying to hide his concern.

"To be with someone who never challenges you. It must be so frustrating." She elaborated.

Barney shrugged, "well, you know, not every couple can be as awesome as we are."

They high fived high above their heads, for the second time that evening.

"Remember Ted and Zoey?" Marshall asked.

"I wish I didn't, that chick was bad news." Barney retorted.

"Who is Zoey?" Quinn wanted to know.

"An ex-girlfriend of Ted's, they challenged each other constantly." Marshall explained.

Barney took a sip from his scotch while Marshall silently reminisced about Zoey.

"I think it's good to challenge each other in a relationship though, we do it all the time." Quinn broke the silence.

"Yeah, you do." Marshall chuckled.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Barney questioned.

"Nothing." But Marshall's grin suggested otherwise.

"Spill it, Erikson." Barney demanded.

"In no means am I saying that you two are like Ted and Zoey, but you guys do challenge each other quite a bit as well."

Quinn raised her eyebrows, "So?"

"Real couples act more like a unit." Marshall responded matter-of-factly.

"Real couples?" Barney pretended to be outraged, holding his arms out dramatically, "oh I get it, you are just jealous now that Quinn and I are the best couple of the group."

"Best couple? That's cute." He laughed.

"What? We are."

"You guys are constantly competing with each other, besides, you've been a couple for about five minutes and think you can play with the big kids? Lily and I have been going strong for over a decade. We support each other, unlike you guys who are always trying to one up the other."

"Well, you guys are way too co-dependent." Barney countered.

"Exactly, Barney and I didn't just morph together, we are still two independent adults." Quinn added.

"Oh, I know that. The question is," Marshall paused for effect, "whether you really function as a couple."

"What's that supposed to mean? You know what? You are just lashing out because our relationship is superior to yours and Lily's."

"How? How is your relationship in any way superior to ours? We have gone through thick and thin together; we are raising a kid together. We actually trust each other."

"We trust each other." Quinn replied quickly.

"Yeah, right."

Barney and Quinn exchanged a quick glance before Barney dove back into the conversation.


The next day, your Aunt Robin went to visit Aunt Lily at the apartment. Having a baby meant that their girls' nights out were confined to the living room.


"So," Lily smiled at Marvin who was lying on his belly, chewing a teething ring. She leaned in towards Robin, "Anything fun happen with Nick last night?" Lily winked at her.

"What?"

"You know, did you have sex with him?" She explained, "I mean, we've all seen the man. I mean, wow. Mama needs some details."

"No, we uh .. we didn't have sex last night." Robin answered.

"Whaaaaaaaat?" Lily seemed shocked.

She lowered her voice, "Okay, if I tell you something you have to promise not to tell anyone, not even Marshall."

"Yes okay I promise. Spill."

"Nick isn't very skilled, if you know what I mean." Robin admitted cautiously.

"Nick?!" Lily shouted.

She shushed her. "Would you be quiet? I don't want the whole building to know!"

"Sorry, I'm just surprised."

"So was I." Robin said sullenly.

"Like, not even a little?"

"It's not horrible, but I've had better. Like a lot better. It's just something I have to adjust to, I guess." Robin sighed.

"I guess you guys could always talk." Lily suggested.

"That's what I thought we could do too, until we did."

"Can he not speak either?"

"He's not very smart."

"I noticed." Lily added.

Robin sighed, "Like the other day …"


Flashback


Robin walked into Nick's apartment, exhausted after a long day at work. She was quick to shed her coat and join him on the couch.

"Hey, babe. How was work?" He asked casually, not looking away from the baseball game on T.V.

"Exhausting," Robin sighed, "I got into a fight with Sandy about who Joan of Arc was. God, I swear some people are so uneducated."

"Who doesn't know Joan of Arc? I love her! That's one funny chick, the way she criticizes everyone. Man, her show is great! How can Sandy not know her?"

"Joan of Arc is a famous heroine," She paused, "are you talking about Joan Rivers?"

"Oh, yeah, that's her name! Love her." Nick replied, equally as enthusiastic as before.

"Do you really not know who Joan of Arc is?" Robin asked, almost concerned.

He laughed, "What, are you going to break up with me because I don't know who Jane's Arc is?"

"Joan of Arc. And no, but doesn't it bother you, not being able to have intellectual conversations about people like her? Don't you want to be challenged?"

"I don't want us to challenge each other, Robin. I want us to be able to have stupid conversations and spend time together. I don't want my brain to hurt. I want my heart to hurt from loving you." Nick said sweetly.

"That's so sweet." Robin replied, chuckling awkwardly as she did so.

"Robin, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, anything."

"Are we going to have sex tonight? I need to know if I should DVR the game or not."


"Well, we all have small gaps like that in our knowledge." Said Lily.

"Yeah, well that's not the only thing. He tried to eat a vanilla scented candle."

"Did you leave it in the kitchen?"

"Yes…. But it was lit."

"Oh, sweetie. You guys could do crafts!"

Robin put her head in her hands and Lily rubbed her arm gently.

"I need another drink." She moaned.


As a newly single man, I was enjoying the bar scene. And Barney, despite being engaged to Quinn, continued to fulfill his wingman duties.


"I'm kind of surprised to see you here." Ted said questioningly. "I figured you'd be with Quinn planning the wedding."

"Ted, my boy," Barney began, "When you're as awesome as I am, legendary nights out are always a priority. I didn't realize it before because, yes offense, all of you are so lame when it comes to relationships, but I have found in my travels that it is possible to have one and remain just as awesome."

"So, where's Quinn?"

"Out with friends." He placed his drink down on the table. "Unlike couples like Lily and Marshall, we don't have to be together every second of every day just to function. We're beyond that."

Ted let out a small laugh, "You're still in that 'whose the better couple' feud? I thought you would've let that go by now."

"Please," Barney chuckled, "You may be all good with calling a draw, but that ain't me, bro."

"If you say so." Ted said dismissively.

"I do say so." He replied, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get us another round." Barney turned away quickly so that Ted wouldn't see as his eye began to twitch.


"Hey, you know what?" Marshall commented as they lay in bed that night, a gurgling Marvin between them.

"What?" Lily asked, curious.

"They can win best couple," he announced.

"Huh?" Lily scoffed, stumped by his declaration. They had been so competitive earlier, and she had wanted to win in the worst way, and usually, so did Marshall. So his change of heart made her panic slightly. "Why is that?"

"Because we made this," he said, rubbing Marvin's small, round belly. "Barney and Quinn may be the more energetic ones, the more stylish ones, and the hotter ones, but we, Lily," he paused to look her in the eye, "we have this. We have this little boy, and really, I don't care about anything else anymore."

The thought brought tears to her eyes. He was right. Marvin was pretty damn worth winning for, despite all of her trials and tribulations.

"You know, Marshall, you're right," she agreed. "It doesn't matter," she sighed, gently rubbing her son's arm. "That doesn't mean we can't win though. We may be parents, but we can still totally bring it."

"Damn straight," Marshall agreed, as they high fived over their heads.


Barney walked into his apartment to find his fiancée, along with four other girls all gathered in the living room. He recognized at least two of them from the Lusty Leopard, back when he was there at least once a week. Ever since Quinn had quit her job, he'd promised to stop going there.

"Hey honey." Quinn greeted him from her spot on the couch.

He smiled half-heartedly. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Um, yeah. Sure." She turned to her friends, "I'll be right back, ladies!"

The couple headed to their bedroom, Barney leading the way.

"What's this about?" Quinn said, folding her arms the moment the door closed behind them.

"I don't know. Maybe the fact that it's after 2am and there's a gang of strippers in our living room." He said bitterly.

"They're my friends."

"Your work friends. From when you were working as a stripper. I thought you were done with that part of your life, Quinn."

"They're still my friends. Why do you care so much who I hang out with? I'm not harassing you about coming home at 2am after drinking all night with Ted."

"That's different."

"Why? Because he's not strippers?"

"Because I want to leave that part of our relationship behind!" Barney admitted, he took a deep breath to steady himself, "I didn't just stop going to the Lusty Leopard because you made me promise not to, I did it because I hate being reminded of the shit you told me there. You really made me think that you liked me, when it was just the same lines you were feeding to any other guy with a few bucks in his wallet."

"You're still upset about that?" Quinn asked, a hint of surprise in her tone.

Barney nodded as if it were obvious.

"I was just doing my job, which I quit for you, by the way." She added. "And I may have been feeding those lines to other guys, but I did like you."

"I get it. I really do, it's just hard to trust you after you played me like that."

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes, "You've played half the women in this city, and you can't trust me? When we met I may have been a stripper, but you were one of my most regular customers."

He laughed sarcastically, "Trust me, 'regular' doesn't begin to cut it after you scammed me into about fifty lap dances a night." Barney softened slightly after a second. "Look, I know I've done some pretty sketchy stuff in the past, but I've left it all in the past. I don't run around lying to get myself laid anymore. And for the record, I've never done anything like that to you."

"Because I'd never let you pull any of that bullshit with me."

"Well, either way, I've been trying my best to be honest with you." Barney said.

"Fine." Quinn, sat down on the edge of their bed. "Then I guess I could ask you anything right now and get an honest answer, yes?"

"Hit me."

After a moment in thought, she asked, "Who was the last person you had a real, actual relationship with?"

"Her name was Nora."

"And how did you break up?"

Before Barney could answer, one of Quinn's friends knocked on the door.

"Hey Quinn, I was just wondering if-" she saw Barney and stopped. "Oh I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, don't worry about it."

Quinn shot Barney a look that said "we'll talk about this later" and he thanked his lucky stars he didn't have to get into the whole boat incident.


Thanks to Barney's skilled tactics as a wingman, Ted had gone home with a woman who Barney had dubbed as "at least an eight." Despite her obvious advances, and his tipsy state, Ted felt off. Something wasn't right. The idea of lebenslangerschicksalsschatz ran through his mind. He looked at the attractive woman who was kissing his neck, and sighed. He wanted more than this, he wanted more than a one night stand. Ted thought back to the night that Marshall and Lily got engaged, the moment he realized what he truly wanted.

Gently pushing the woman off of him, Ted excused himself. He walked into the bathroom and stared at his reflection. Ted barely recognized the man before him. His tired eyes had seen too many romances fail, his heart still rested on his sleeve, but it was worn. His mouth had whispered "I love yous" to all the wrong women at all the wrong times. Seeing how happily invested all of his closest friends were in their respective relationships made his chest ache. So many times he'd thought he had that, he'd thought he'd met "The One". But now, he was sure he hadn't, and now the fear of being a seventh wheel forever grew stronger. He walked back into his apartment, and escorted the woman out, sending her home in a cab. Ted knew what he wanted, and he knew he needed to wait for the real thing, no matter how hard it got.


After a few more glasses of wine, Quinn's friends finally left. Barney dried the dishes after Quinn washed them, creating a small assembly line. They did this in silence for a few minutes before she finally spoke up.

"So, how serious were you and Nora?"

Barney stared at the dish in his hands, avoiding Quinn's prying eyes. Her tone was nonchalant, but he could feel the suspicion emanating off her.

"You know, your red head friend got a bit handsy after that final glass of Pinot noir." He said, changing the subject.

"Barney."

"Okay, fine." He turned to look at her, placing the glass in his hand down on the counter. Quinn took off the purple rubber gloves she wore, setting them beside the sink. Barney grabbed her hand and brought her to the couch.

"Nora and I met through Robin, she was her coworker. After our first date, she found out I was lying just to sleep with her and didn't want to speak to me."

"Understandable." She interrupted.

Barney rolled his eyes at her and continued. "A few months later we reconnected, she forgave me and we dated awhile."

"And then...?" Quinn asked expectantly.

Barney took a deep breath, deciding to commit to the truth, "I cheated on her with Robin."

Quinn moved her hand off of his. "You slept with Robin?"

"Yes. But, Quinn that doesn't matter now."

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long ago did this happen?"

"Quinn..."

"How long?" She repeated angrily.

he flinched slightly at her snarl, "Four months before I met you."

Quinn stood up and walked away from him. Barney followed her into the bedroom.

"Quinn, wait." He called after her.

"You slept with your best friend less than a year ago! How am I supposed to be okay with that?"

"I never slept with Ted." Barney joked and Quinn grilled him, causing him to wipe the smile off his face.

"Please, Quinn," He begged, "sleeping with Robin was a stupid drunken mistake. But everyone backslides with their ex once or twice."

"Ex? You and Robin dated?

"I said sex. Everyone backslides in sex."

"I can't believe you."

"You've dated other people too!"

"Yeah but I don't drink with them everyday."

"No, you only rub your ass on their laps. "

Barney instantly regretted the words as they left his mouth. He could see how hurt she was by them.

Quinn grabbed her purse and Barney stood in front of her before she could leave.

"Wait, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"But you did."

"Look I'm a screw up. Okay? I have banged half of the female population in NYC. I cheated on Nora, and I broke the bro code when slept with Robin. But all these things that I've done have lead me to you. I proposed to you because I love you.

"How can I trust that it won't happen again?"

"After everything, Robin rejected me. She chose Kevin over me, you have nothing to worry about."

"You mean I don't have to worry about Robin."

"Exactly." Barney half-smiled, not realizing the corner he'd just backed himself into.

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Well you said that Robin didn't choose you. She picked someone else. So, what does that make me?"

"What? Quinn, where are you getting this from?"

"Barney, I don't just want to be the rebound."

"You're not – that's insane. Why would you even think that?" He stuttered.

"But if it were up to you, you'd be with Robin."

"Quinn, I love you. I am engaged to you. Robin is just a friend."

She scoffed.

Barney's voice was serious and calm, "You don't trust me?" The question was more of a realization than one that was meant to be answered.

"Its not like you trust me." She said, tears welling up in her soft blue eyes.

"I can't marry someone who doesn't trust me." He told her bitterly.

"I can't marry someone I don't trust."

The silence in the room echoed off the walls, creating an unsettling atmosphere between them.

"So that's it?" Quinn said, and Barney nodded.

"Yeah, that's it."


Kids, there's a certain balance that needs to be struck between trust and a little bit of a challenge, for any relationship to last. Lily and Marshall aside, it took all of us a little while to find that person. But we all did. Barney eventually ended up with someone who he felt safe trusting. Robin ended up with someone who never bored her. And me? I met your mother. And she challenged almost everything I ever thought I knew about love. And even to this day, I am grateful.


Barney walked tiredly back into MacLaren's the next day.

"Daddy's home." He muttered under his breath before he noticed Robin sitting alone at the usual booth, a half empty glass of scotch in her hand.

He ordered one for himself before taking a seat across the table from her.

"Robin," He greeted her, "I didn't really expect to see you here."

"Yeah, well, I guess I just needed some time out of the apartment." She took a swig of her drink, "Nick's been hanging around there a lot lately, so I told him I was working late tonight."

Barney nodded, understanding, "How's that going, by the way? With Nick."

"Could be better." Robin shrugged, "I mean, he's been really sweet and everything, I just never feel challenged when I'm with him. It's frustrating sometimes."

He almost laughed at the idea of such a non-challenging relationship, since it was something so foreign to him, but instead gave a slight nod. "You okay though?"

"Yeah. I've just been a little stressed lately. Work has been exhausting and getting home to mindless conversations with Nick hasn't exactly been enough to take my mind off it."

"You know, if you're ever bored, I have a 600 inch television at my apartment. Two of them actually." Barney suggested. "And you can call whenever."

"I just assumed you'd be busy planning the wedding."

"Not anymore." He replied solemnly, "Quinn and I just broke up."

"Do you want to talk-" Robin began.

"No."

"Does anyone else know?" She asked quietly.

He smiled, "I thought we always told each other about this kind of stuff first."

"We do." Robin returned his smile, "Don't tell Lily though, she'd kill us both."

Barney looked down, and saw Robin's hand resting on top of his. It was a simple gesture, a purely platonic one, and yet he felt a sudden surge of energy fill him. Bringin with it a sense of reassurement, one that made him believe that things would soon fall into place. The sound of Lily, Marshall and Ted entering the bar caught their attention. Robin moved her hand from his and Barney looked away.

Lily looked at Barney and Robin, puzzled, "How long have you guys been here? I just texted you both wondering if you wanted to join us but didn't hear back."

"It hasn't been too long." Robin answered.

"So, what's new?" Marshall slid down into the booth beside his wife.

Barney and Robin exchanged a thoughtful glance, then he hesitantly broke the news. "Quinn and I broke up."