Jessica had been kind enough to offer me a drive home even after I had refused Mike's countless offers. My truck was still at school in the same parking place I had left it that morning; I wasn't keen on leaving it there overnight just so I could have someone to question me about what had happened after class. Mike seemed rather upset that I still refused his small advances, especially after everything. Jessica was suspiciously polite, even stating that she would call me later that evening 'to talk'. I didn't bother commenting on that in hopes that she would forget.
Of course, she didn't. I had only been in the house for a few minutes when the phone started ringing. Our conversation lasted a solid hour and some odd minutes, though I refused to satisfy her need to know about my personal life with the Cullen's. I don't know why, but she seemed to think that tonight of all nights was the best time to question me and ask me all of the things that she had been dying to since they had left. I told her that even I wasn't sure about everything and that I knew just as much as everyone else. I didn't care that I was making the Cullen's out to be the bad guys in this situation. They certainly were to me.
I had quite the appetite that night, even choosing to sit downstairs in the living room with Charlie to eat supper he had ordered out while he watched the basketball game on the flat screen. Normally I would just skip on meals all together and go upstairs to my room for the night. I was sure he was surprised to see me both eating and spending some time downstairs. I was glad I could make him the slightest bit happy.
Homework, I had none. I had only been to one class that day, something my father would surely hear about and both question me and ground me for. I didn't care; my day was worth it in the end. I had gotten the chance to say some of the things to Alice that I had kept bottled up for some time. The time I normally dedicated to homework I decided to use to sleep. I was exhausted after falling, arguing with Jacob and walking all the way to school from La Push; my legs were still throbbing from the physical endurance.
I never bothered with pyjamas. My mother bought me a new pair of silk pyjama's for every holiday each year. I wasn't sure why, I never bothered wearing them. They would just sit in my underwear drawer until I went through my clothes and tossed out what I no longer wore. Instead, I pulled on a pair of gray shorts and a forest green tank top, along with a new pair of ankle socks. My feet were both sore and still freezing cold from the walk in the rain.
I was just about to climb into bed, into the warm comforts of my sea of blankets when I heard a noise at my window. A noise that was both familiar and frightening at the same time. I stared at my bed for a few long moments, wondering how easy it would be to ignore. I could just crawl into my bed and pretend like I hadn't heard anything at all. Perhaps he would take it as a hint and go away, let me get my sleep for the night. I had to force my eyes to stare at my blankets as I pondered what to do.
"Is there something wrong with your bed?"
I wasn't sure where the fury inside of me had come from, or why it had hit so fast. I wasn't sure if I was mad at myself for taking so long to just ignore him and crawl into bed; pretend I was sleeping, or if I was mad at him for breaking and entering. What ran through my mind wasn't registering. I was unable to concentrate on a single thought knowing he was standing in my bedroom. It wasn't the old, excited feeling I used to experience while being this close to him. It was something else... disgust.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you... Is everything okay?"
"No. Everything is not okay." How could he even ask that?
"Fair enough, I suppose."
I decided to climb into bed, something I should have done a few moments ago when it would have done me more good than it was doing now. The sheets were cold from lack of body contact, though they were beginning to grow warmer with each second I was between them. I didn't bother fluffing my pillows or any of that nonsense. I was never picky when it came to such things. I just flopped back and let my head hit the pillow like any other night.
"Alice is worried about you, you know."
"Good for her, I suppose." I was mocking him now, I knew that. I was sure he knew it, too.
"What happened to you, Bella?"
"What happened to 'it'll be as if I never existed'?" Those words still haunted me and cut me to the core.
There was a long silence between us, so I decided to use that opportunity to roll over so that my back was turned to him. I still hadn't directly made eye contact with him since he returned, I wasn't sure I'd be able to without feeling ill or breaking down into tears. That would certainly blow my tough facade.
"You're different." I rolled my eyes, though it went unnoticed. "You're thinner, paler. You're less... alive." Maybe I wasn't the only one who had noticed. "I thought I asked you to move on, Bella... I thought-"He sighed.
"Move on? I'm sorry if it's taking me longer than it's taken you. I don't have the distractions you claim to have had." I had memorized everything he had said during the conversation before he had left me. I was surprised that I was able to remember it now of all times, though.
"Bella... I needed to keep you safe. You have no idea the amount of frustration I felt towards myself for failing in doing so all the times before. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have had James after you. You wouldn't have been hospitalized, hardly able to move. Everything ranging from broken scraped or bruised. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have been introduced to Jasper; he wouldn't have had the chance to lunge at you. If it wasn't for me, you-"
"I would have been dead," I reminded him. "The van would have crushed me. If by some off chance I managed to escape that unharmed, I would have been raped and murdered in Port Angeles. You can't keep me safe from everything."
"I've been trying to keep you safe from me."
"Well then I guess you've succeeded." I didn't have to be looking at him to know that the expression on his face was likely a pained one. I had all of his expressions memorized; the exact way is brow would furrow in frustration. The way his eyes would light up when he showcased my favourite crooked smile. The crinkle that hit the corners of his eyes when he laughed loudly, the way his right eyebrow would raise in question when I said something or reacted in a way he hadn't expected... I knew them all.
I heard a deep sigh as he closed my window, though I knew better than to expect him to leave without argument. He had never been one to back down, and u until recently he had never bothered doing things for my personal well being.
The left side of my bed tilted slightly with his added weight, though I kept my back turned to him. I didn't want him to see the traitor tears that had been escaping from the corners of my eyes. I hadn't realized how painful such familiar things like him in my room at night would be. I didn't want to alert him to my sudden rush of emotions, so I didn't bother to raise my hand to m face to wipe the tears away. Instead, I let them fall silently against my pillow.
"I was going to talk to you in biology, you know. I had an entire speech prepared," he chuckled softly to himself, as if admitting a foolish secret. "I never thought I'd be the type to practice words in front of a mirror. Glory of the first love, I suppose."
I cringed upon hearing that four letter word.
"You seemed distant... reluctant. You wouldn't even look at me. I clung onto things while I was gone, things like the way you would glance over at me during classes. The way your body would react to just being that close to mine... You wouldn't even look at me. I've never known such sadness; I've never experienced one quite like that. Even now, with your back turned to me... " He sighed.
I wasn't sure what he expected me to say, though I did understand what he was talking about. Six months ago the small distance between our two bodies as we both occupied by bed would be pure electricity bouncing off him and into me. Six months ago I would have given him anything, and now here I was practically unable to give him the time of day.
"I think it's best if you leave, Charlie's-"
"Sleeping. He fell asleep on the sofa in front of the television seconds after you came upstairs."
"I was going to say he's not your biggest fan right now. He'd have an aneurism if he found out you were here."
"He's never known before. You've never had a problem with me in your bedroom before which leads me to believe that you're not exactly comfortable with it. I should have known it would be too soon, I'm sorry."
I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. It was quite true, it was remarkably uncomfortable to have the guy that had broke my heart a half of a year ago sitting on the edge of my bed like old times, as if nothing had happened. On the other hand, I was too busy lost in my thoughts to open my mouth long enough to even try to answer.
My thoughts were overrun with so many questions, though none directed to him, his family or the time they had spent away from me. I was thinking about myself, as selfish as it sounded. I was thinking about what was wrong with me. All of the reactions I had to Edward's very presence not that long ago seemed forgotten. My body barely tingled. I wondered why at the end of a relationship, everything seemed lost. I wondered where the love went. Surely it didn't go onto the next relationship, for I knew there was no way I would ever love the next person in line as much as I had loved Edward. And so the question plagued my mind. At least the tears had stopped.
"Whatever you're thinking, whatever you want to say... I can handle it, Bella."
I found myself ignoring his words, though throwing the blankets off my body in a frustrated manor. It was quite pointless to be laying in bed with the hopes of soon falling asleep when I had him perched on the edge of my bed looking for a deep and meaningful conversation.
A cold touch sent a shiver through my spine. Not out of discomfort from the temperature change. It was as if a ghost had grabbed onto my arm rather than Edward, I guessed in some ways it was a ghost keeping me company.
"Your arms..."
I wasn't sure what he was referring to until I let my gaze move from his pale hand wrapped easily around my thin arm, to the deep bruise just above it. It was in the perfect form of a handprint on my upper arm, images of mine and Jacob's fight flashed through my mind, a simple smile tugging at the corners of my lips.
"It's nice to know you find your inability to self preserve amusing." I could hear the anger in his voice, the familiarity of it only seeming to make my smile grow. "Who did this to you? Was it Charlie? Newton?"
My smile grew until it was impossible to expand in size, a small and fairly quiet laugh escaping my lips. The thought of either laying their hands on me was oddly humorous to me. Charlie was so tiny in comparison to any other man in Forks or any of the surrounding towns. Sure, he was tall, but he was so skinny. Plus, he was a cop and my father. He'd never intentionally hurt me. Newton, on the other hand, was too crazed about me to do be abusive. Plus, Newton knew I'd have no problem punching him in the face in return.
"Bella..."
"Jacob must not know his own strength. He's a werewolf, you know," I said in a matter-of-fact tone. I physically noticed Edward's body tense at the mention of Jacob being such a creature and instantly realized he must have been more up-to-date on the theories and old stories than I was. Then again, it was likely him accompanying Carlisle when the treaty was made so many years ago. How easily I'd forgotten.
"And yet you still grace him with your presence?" his voice was livid. "I knew you were uncoordinated and a magnet for danger, but I didn't know you had a death wish. A suicide wish, at that." His pale hands were balled into tight fists on his lap, his golden eyes that darkened by the second the second were focused on nothing in particular. They seemed to be staring right through my bedroom wall.
"He's quite in control of himself. Paul, on the other hand..." I cringed upon remembering his sour temper towards the others.
"All of them?" His eyes shot to mine and I physically winced. Not because I was scared of Edward, not in the slightest. But because it literally hurt me from the inside out to look at him as if things were okay.
"Uh..." I tore my eyes away, taking a few minutes to breathe deeply. I always needed a few moments when thinking about him or the rest of his family, enough time to mentally sew the hole he had left. "Embry, Jared, Paul. Quil and Sam... Jacob..." I couldn't locate my train of thought as I trailed off. "Leah too, she's the only female," I mused. I still found it interesting that only one female existed in their group.
"And they just let you in on this rather surprising turn of events?"
"I guessed it. They can't physically tell someone about their secret, their oath to the pack prevents them. I remembered all of the old stories, witnessed Jacob and his friends acting strange... referring to themselves as their tribes 'protectors' and I guess it all just clicked."
"And this gave him reason to put his hands on you?"
I glanced down, oddly aware of the fact that his cold hand was still gripping my arm in the gentlest of ways.
"He didn't mean to, I don't think. It all happened so fast that I don't think he fully comprehends the strength he has just yet. Doesn't hurt, anyways..."
"Only you would attract monsters, Bella." That comment hit close to home.
"I think you should probably go," I mumbled. My voice was beginning to betray me just as my own tears had a few minutes ago. I was slowly beginning to realize that Edward still had a major hold of me, though it wasn't the amazingly blissful hold he once held.
"I don't mind staying if you wanted, we could talk..."
"You left," my voice cracked.
"For your own personal protection," he interrupted to remind me. "Something I see was a mistake. No matter how many miles that I put between us, you will still attract some type of danger or another. If it isn't vampires, it's werewolves. If it's not a van looking to end your life, it's some crazed murderer. I think I realize now more than ever that you need me here to keep you alive, Bella. Something I had been completely blind to. You can call it an epiphany if you wish."
"I don't need a bodyguard anymore, Edward. There's no more danger here... Even if there was, I'm sure Jacob would be more than able to-"
"They're amateurs," he interrupted me yet again to correct. "Teenagers thinking they're superhero's."
"Are you jealous that you're not the only superhero in town anymore?"
He scoffed at my words. "I'm not a superhero, Bella. I never claimed to be."
"So the god complex you unknowingly possess is something that you've picked up over the past few decades then?"
I could tell that my tone was striking a nerve. His eyes narrowed and glared into mine proving that there would be no resolution tonight, nor would there be room for anymore apologies. He was convinced what he had done to me was in my best interest. I was more than convinced that what he done and forever ruined me.
"Where are you going, Bella?"
I was already out of bed before he had a chance to stand to his feet, grabbing my raincoat and a pair of socks. It took me only a few seconds to put both articles of clothing on, though his solid grip on both of my wrists stopped me from reaching for the door.
"I'm going to Jacob's."
"I'm not letting you."
"It's not your choice anymore; it's not your job to protect me, Edward."
"You don't think I won't just go down to your truck before you reach the stairs and start pulling parts out from under the hood?"
"I'll walk." I pulled my hands free of his grasp and barged out of my bedroom door louder than I had intended. I wasn't aware I was quite this angry.
The commotion of me bounding down the stairs must have woke Charlie up, for the moment I pulled on my rubber rain boots he was peeking around the corner from the spot on the sofa that he had fallen asleep on.
"It's awful late to be going out, Bells."
"Jake just called; he wants me to take a run over for a second. He's going to meet me halfway."
"I didn't hear the phone ring... Is something wrong with your truck?"
"Oh, no. I just don't want to waste gas. We both decided we could use the fresh air. He called my cell."
"Do you need me to pick you up?"
"Jake's going to drive me home, bye dad."
I was out the door quicker than lightening, not wanting Charlie to question be further. I had my fingers crossed that he wouldn't decide to call Jacob to make sure that's where I was really going or to validate my story about my truck being fine. Jacob had no idea I was on my way. We hadn't spoken since our fight earlier today.
The sky was a deep blue, almost navy indicating the end of yet another day. A few select stars that were bright enough to shine through the thick clouds were noticeable, which was rather odd for Forks. Despite that beauty, it still rained, hard.
"Don't be so foolish, Bella."
"Go away, Edward."
I was walking as fast as I could, my eyes locked on the ground to keep from tumbling. The last thing that I needed was to be embarrassed by taking a fall in front of him while trying to keep up a tough exterior. He kept up easily, no surprise there. It would always be impossible for me to outrun him.
"I have absolutely no qualms with throwing you over my shoulder and taking you right back home."
"Right, because that won't make him the slightest bit suspicious after I just told him where I was going."
"I'll throw you over my shoulder and take you back to my house."
"I'll scream."
He was standing in front of me so quickly that he had caused my body to collide with his. I tried to move past him, tried to walk around him though he seen my attempt before I pulled it off and blocked me. I tried to move in the other direction, another block. I glared up at him only to see his onyx eyes glaring right back down at me. I knew then that there was no way I was getting to Jacob's house tonight.
In one swift movement, Edward placed his hands around my waist and hoisted me up over his shoulder with more force than was needed, for the moment my chest collided with his hard back, the air was knocked out of my lungs. This effectively prevented me from screaming, he'd obviously thought this through to perfection.
My arms dangled lifelessly down his back, my legs hanging over his chest as he flew us through the forest. I was barely sure how to get to his house using the actual roads let alone random patches of woods.
I knew better than to have my eyes opened, especially with my face pointed at the ground. During the seldom times in the past that Edward had chosen this type of transportation I had learned the hard way that movements as quick as this easily made me nauseous. I likened it to sticking my head out of a moving jet plane. The air moving past my ears at top speed, the scenery moving so quickly it dizzied my eyes and churned my stomach. Yes, keeping my eyes closed was a must.
Perhaps that's why I was so shocked when he had set me down on my feet, I hadn't been keeping an eye on how fast we had been going. How easily I had forgotten just how fast he could move.
I slapped his hands away that moved to fix my wild hair, taking the time to adjust it myself. I was too furious with him to let him anywhere near me, let alone touch me. Too livid to look up into his beautiful eyes in hopes he'd melt my anger away so instead I stormed across the vast first floor of his amazingly massive house and made my way towards the spiralling staircase on the far left of the room.
I wasn't sure if the other Cullen's were in Forks let alone in the same house Edward had brought me back to, though I didn't care. He had brought me here specifically for one reason or another, though I was in no mood to find out why. I understood that he didn't want me around Jacob, though I didn't agree but there were so many other places he could have brought me. Why here?
That's when two sets of golden eyes met mine, and I understood.
