Chapter Three:

Here I Am

I just stared.

My heart going into overdrive at the cold feeling in the back of my spine. No words would come out, not even a gasp.

Castiel studied me, still shocked as his eyes wandered up and down my body. I noticed his hair was black now, and it suited him.

STOP!

I snapped out of my daze and took a step back, the shock wearing off and I whistled Nix over. He looked up from his play fight with Demon and ran over, looking extremely pleased with himself. I just grabbed his leash and walked past Castiel without another word, my chest tightening in pain.

"So that's how it is," Castiel said and I stopped in my tracks, my back still to him. "You're not even gonna say anything."

I held back the insults as I stared at the ground. "I thought you didn't want me to come near you. In fact, I recall you saying to forget your existence." I said coldly. I knew I hit a nerve when I heard him tense up, a bitter feeling in my mouth.

"You know I didn't mean that."

I let out a bitter laugh, finding the irony of it all. "I don't know what to believe anymore."

It was silent again before he spoke.

"I should've believed you, but I didn't," Castiel said quietly, regret and guilt thick in his voice. "After all, you were the only person who knew me."

My eyes burned with tears, some of them falling but I refused to look at him, knowing if I did I'd break down and cry. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

"I thought I knew you but you proved me wrong," I replied and he sighed angrily. This just pissed me off to the point where I saw red. I spun around, glaring at him as the tears continued to fall. "Fuck you Castiel. I spent an entire year wondering if you had forgotten me!"

"How could I forget you?" Castiel shouted furiously. "I thought about you every day for the past year! Fuck, even Chyna reminded me of you! I was reminded every day about what happened!"

I looked at him in shock. Castiel's hands were clenched into knuckles that were white as a ghost. Both of us were breathing heavily before I shook my head.

"Don't," I choked out. "Don't say shit you don't mean."

It was like a slap to his face. "Why would I lie? What do I gain from lying?"

Everything, my guilt, my feelings that were locked away.

I just glared at him. "What's done is done. You can't make amends for the stuff you fucked up on. Your mistake was choosing the wrong person." I told him in a deadly voice before walking away. As soon as we were far enough, I made Nix run into a full sprint back home. When we were in the door, I locked it and ran into my room, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it, where I cried my heart out once again.


"Never again." I groaned, wiping my nose with the back of my hand and walking into the ensuite. The first thing that greeted me was my red puffy eyes in the mirror. I turned on the tap and washed my face before drying it with a towel.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I walked out and headed to the kitchen, feeding the boys before grabbing my laptop and sitting on the couch, turning the TV on. The news was on, talking about some new product Zodiac Industries invented.

I turned my laptop on and began typing where I last left off.

Jade lifted her head up and looked at the forest that was behind them. Something didn't feel right; the hair on her arms began to stand on edge.

"Go to the tree and stay hidden," she told Daniel and Abbey, who both nodded and ran to where she instructed. Jade slowly crept to the edge, hiding behind a tree and loaded her bow with an arrow at the ready. A sound of a twig snapping and footsteps, way too quick for a zombie came closer.

The sound of my mobile ringing snapped me out of my train of thought as I leaned over and grabbed it, seeing Rosalya's number.

"You are all going to hell," I told her as I answered. "Seriously, you guys could've told me."

Rosalya winced. "So you saw Castiel." She assumed and I snorted.

"More than once." I confirmed.

"How? You should've only seen him in class?" Rosalya asked; her voice full of confusion.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and hugging my knees to my chest. "We ran into each other at the park. He was walking Demon and I was giving Nix a walk." I answered and she winced yet again. My eyes burned again with tears but I refused for them to appear.

"Things didn't go down well huh?" she guessed and I laughed bitterly.

"Something like that. We ended up screaming at each other," I told her quietly, gazing out the window. "Why are you guys trying to protect me?"

"We care about you Adrianne; we just don't want you to get hurt." She answered sincerely and this pissed me off somehow.

"I'm capable of taking care of myself! I can fight my own battles!" I snapped at her and then regretted it instantly. "Rosa I'm sorr—"

"It's fine," she cut me off, not seeming affected by my outburst. "I'd be like that if it were Leigh and I. It was almost like that."

That caught my interest as I leaned forward. "I sense a good story coming along."

Rosalya laughed and told me the story of her brilliant revenge plan against Debrah after I left. She had Leigh dress up and pretend to be some kind of mysterious, successful manager. It almost backfired when Debrah was practically humping the poor boy and Rosalya nearly killed her; thankfully Armin was there to hold her back.

When Debrah cut ties with her manager for Leigh, they revealed that it was all fake. To top it all off, when Debrah followed Rosalya to the teacher's lounge to yell at her, Nathaniel 'accidently' left the microphone on. Everyone knew who Debrah really was.

By the end of the story, I was in tears, my stomach hurting from laughing so hard. "Oh god, Leigh in a suit and black sunglasses! I would've payed to see that!"

Rosalya was laughing as well. "I had more fun taking it off afterwards."

"Gross, I did not need that image in my head," I told her and she giggled as I rolled my eyes. "But I have to give you brownie points, that was a genius plan."

Rosalya snorted. "Do you expect anything less from me?" she asked and I laughed, shaking my head. "What are you doing now?"

I sighed tiredly. "I was going to continue writing the chapter I was on but right now I can't be bothered. I just need to be alone for a while."

Rosalya understood at once what I meant. "Alright, I'm always one call away."

"Thanks Rosa." I murmured, hanging up and looking out the window once before getting up and leaving my apartment. I went to the beach and threw my flipflops off, just walking along the edge of the sand near the water. Every once in a while, the water run across my feet. It soothed my body but my mind was still active.

I stopped walking at some point and just stood there, staring out at the ocean just as the sun disappeared off the horizon. A small breeze of wind picked up, running itself through my hair and blowing it slightly in the breeze.

My mind wandered to the time I was at the beach back in Sweet Amoris, discovering both Castiel and Iris were there, Castiel saving me from the boy who hit on me, taking care of me when my cut re-opened.

Without meaning to, my hand when to the pale scar that ran up my hip and began to trace it.

I closed my eyes before shaking my head and walking back to my apartment. Nix and Tiger weren't there by the time I arrived, my guess they both went to bed or something.

I started to get ready for bed, not bothering with wearing anything except a massive grey shirt that read 'I LOVE ROME' in red letters. Just as I crawled into bed, my phone went off again. I groaned, reaching over and answered it.

"Rosa I'm tired, what the hell is it?" I snapped irritably but was shocked when it turned out to be Nathaniel on the phone.

"Adrianne I need your help. It's Chyna." He said in a panicked voice.


I sat on the bed while Nathaniel was in the kitchen grabbing some warm milk with a dash of cinnamon and some honey like I instructed him. Chyna was sitting up on the bed, playing with her hands.

"You okay?" I asked her gently and she shook her head, letting out a shaky breath and laughing embarrassingly.

"It felt so real," she murmured. "I thought it was real."

I squeezed her hand in reassurance as a thought passed through my mind and it seemed like a good idea. "Hatto dake ga shitte iru'n da bokura no yukisaki wo. Itsu date don't think, feel! (Only our hearts know where our destination lies. No matter when, don't think, feel!)"

Chyna beamed, recognising the song and singing it along with me. By the time Nathaniel came back with the beverage, Chyna was feeling a lot better and even more so when she drank the warm milk. I grabbed the glass as Nathaniel made sure she was asleep before following me out of the room. We went into the lounge room where Nathaniel let out a sigh of relief and smiled warmly at me.

"Thanks, I didn't what to do when she woke up screaming." He said and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Is this the first time she's had a nightmare since the…incident?" I asked, choosing my words carefully and he shook his head.

"She's had two before, but her Dad helped her through them. She hasn't had one for a while so I assumed they were over," he said in shame and I put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. "You were the first person that came to mind."

I hugged him. "Well it's fine, just from now on, let me help over the phone."

Nathaniel chuckled and nodded as we broke apart and then studied my face closely before sighing, running a hand through his hair. "It's better if you work things out in my opinion."

I frowned, wondering what he was talking about when it hit me. "Seriously? This is coming from someone who previously hated him."

"There's the key word," he pointed out. "I previously hated his existence until I learned to put aside my differences with him. Now everything's great."

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. "Yeah well, did he break your heart and threw your feelings away like they were nothing? Did he betray you for someone who broke his heart in the first place? Did he pick someone over you?"

Nathaniel looked at me calmly as I realised I began to shout at the end. I looked away, ashamed of myself.

"No, but I know you Adrianne," Nathaniel said in certainty, placing a hand over my cheek and wiping away a tear that had escaped my eye. "You're a good person."

"Bastardo, (Bastard,)" I rolled my eyes. "Everyone's been saying that, but what if you're all wrong. I could've joined some Italian mafia for all you know."

Nathaniel chuckled at my joke as we walked to the front door. "I just want you to be happy."

"I already am happy." I pointed out.

"Happier then, you deserve it."


If some have you started to realise, the chapter titles will be on songs from the song list I have come up with for this book:

1. Ready Or Not by Bridgit Mendler
2. Crush by David Archuleta
3. You'll Be In My Heart - from Tazan Movies
4. I Could Transform Ya by Chris Brown.
5. When Can I See You Again? by Owl City.
6. Up, Up and Away - Shake It Up
7. Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavinge
8. Song 2 You by Leon Thomas III
9. Reflection by Christina Aguillera
10. The Party's Just Began by The Cheetah Girls.
11. My World by Avril Lavinge
12. Let's Go Out by Amoyamo
13. Jumpstart by These Kids Wear Crowns.
14. It's Time by Imagine Dragons
15. Hall of Fame by the Script ft. Will.
16. Freeze by Jordin Sparks
17. One Day by Trading Yesterday
18. Enchanted by Taylor Swift.
19. Don't Think. Feel! by Idoling!
20. Daisuki no na ni by Kylee
21. Cinderella by The Cheetah Girls.
22. B-e-a-utiful by Megan Nicole.
23. Yell ~Kagayaku Tame no Mono~ by Sata Andagi
24. Tenohira by Hero
25. Tattoo by Jordin Sparks.
26. Battlefield by Jordin Sparks.

27. Here I Am - Keira Version

Yeah...thought you might like to know. A couple are in Japanese...like three or four. I dunno, I'll be posting the one-shots for the winner and runner-up from the competition...just as soon as I write them. I have been busy, cut me some for trying to have a life, working...god dammit.

Oh yeah, someone pointed it out to me, I do have a special place in my heart for singlets. They are comfy as fuck and I wear them if I'm having a bum day (Basically me wearing track pants, a singlet, my hair in a ponytail and type all day) and to bed sometimes. Man, I've never realised how much Adrianne is like me...