Say hello to Chapter 4.
Maria woke up at 7:00 am to the sun streaming in through the windows. It was a beautiful... what day was it? It was Saturday. A day of peace and relaxation. Maria sat up and stretched, taking in the calming feeling of the sun on her face. She felt something furry at her feet.
Did I mess up the growth spell again? she thought, thinking back to when she had used it on her blanket and all the fuzz had gotten everywhere.
Maria, puzzled and curious, lifted away the covers to check the damage of her failed growth spell.. only to find a blonde man snoring peacefully with her feet in his hair. She screamed, causing him to fall off the bed. Now that she was fully awake, the memories from the night before came rushing back.
"Bill, what did I tell you about coming upstairs?" she yelled at the groaning man on the ground.
He sat up and offered his meek explanation. "I got scared... and lonely." He mumbled that last part barely loud enough for Maria to hear.
"You've been alone in the Mindscape for thousands of years, how could you not spend one night in my basement?" Maria asked incredulously.
"Well, that was before I got a human body, that apparently came with the rationality that being alone is a bad thing."
Maria sighed tiredly. It was too early for this kind of nonsense.
"Just go downstairs, I need to get dressed." she instructed.
Bill smirked and got up. "Why? It's not like I haven't seen you naked before." He said in an obnoxious voice.
Truth be told, memories like that kind of went out the window with his powers. But that didn't mean he didn't want to 'refresh' them.
Maria's face turned pink, mostly because it was embarrassing to hear a guy say that. The shock only lasted a moment before it turned into rage.
"GET OUT!"
He smirked, as if giving her the silent challenge of 'Make me'. So Maria got out of bed and dragged him out by the ear. She threw him on his back before slamming the door in his face. Just to make sure, she spawned an anvil outside the door. Upon hearing the scared yelp, she grumbled her way to her closet to get dressed.
Stupid, Cipher. What a stinkin' wise guy. Who does he think he is? Moron...
Bill, meanwhile, had his hair pinned under an anvil. The thing had missed his face by mere inches. He wasn't sure if she was trying to squish him or scare him, but he wasn't going to risk it again...yet. Now, he was trying to find a way to get the heavy object off. After several failed attempts, he managed to tip it over and escape.
Well that was fun.
He made his way to the kitchen and sat down on a stool to wait for Maria. She came down a few minutes later dressed in a blue unzipped hoodie, an orange t-shirt, and grey sweatpants.
"You look like Pine Tree." Bill stated.
"You got a problem with that?" Maria snapped back.
She breathed deeply to calm her rising anger.
Just breathe.
She walked to the fridge and got the ingredients to make some pancakes. Bill watched as she mixed them all together, her mood improving with the task at hand.
He watched as Maria took out a pan and proceeded to fry some pancakes for herself. She hummed a little tune to pass the time a bit. After she had made the first pancake, she sat down to eat while the other was sizzling. Bill watched her movements, taking note on how to use the utensils. He needed to eat now, after all.
The second pancake was finished and put in front of him. He picked up the fork and picked up the whole pancake, which slipped off and fell on the floor.
"Bill! That was a perfectly good pancake!" Maria complained in between bites.
She sighed. Feeling a bit lazy, she just levitated it to the trash can.
"Wish I still had magic." Bill grumbled.
"Glad you don't, jerkface." Maria replied finishing her pancake.
She went back to the stove to flip the other pancake. Just then, an idea occurred to him. He walked up to Maria and leaned down next to her before whispering in her ear.
"I still have this magic."
Maria leaned away from him, obviously uncomfortable by the lack of personal space. She looked at his deviously smiling face.
"What magic?" She asked slowly.
What she didn't know was that Mr. Cipher over here had been discovering the wonders of static electricity. He had woken up at about 3 am to the static shocking of his blanket and decided to harness it as some form of weaponry. So he had gotten the socks from his old suit and begun to rub his feet on the carpet. He had gone up to Maria's room before in hopes of finding her awake and using it against her, only to find her sleeping peacefully.
Now, he was standing, fully-charged, in front of the very bewildered Maria. He touched her side, causing the energy to zap her. She yelped and jumped backwards, the static shock taking her by surprise. She fell on her bottom as Bill ran out laughing, not wanting to wait for the repercussions.
Maria got up rubbing her back. She had two options: screw him over now or continue eating. She chose the latter, not wanting to get all riled up without breakfast. She finished making two stacks of pancakes. One for her and one for Bill in case he was hungry. Don't think she made it that easy for him, though.
Maria had made one pancake into the shape of a triangle, put a slit in the middle to look like an eye, and taken a bite out of it. She had then put the pancake in the middle of Bill's stack.
After finishing her own, Maria went upstairs to plan out the rest of her day. 20 minutes later, she heard panicked screaming followed by a loud thump, and she felt her mood lighten a bit.
Maria quickly realized that when Bill lost his powers, he also lost huge chunks of memory. He only remembered basic things that anyone would know about themselves and anything else involving the rest of the world. Unfortunately, that didn't include how to use indoor plumbing.
That was an issue for a good chunk of the morning. She had to call up Dipper to help out. Well, more like give the whole lesson. She was so not teaching him.
The lesson went pretty well, but Bill's aim was a bit off, thus leaving the bathroom as a pretty big mess by the end, as well as Dipper's sanity. He looked about ready to burst into flames. Maria knew why, as she had passed the door while the lesson was going on.
"So... like this?" Bill's voice was heard saying.
"Yeah, you just... aim for the toilet." Dipper awkwardly suggested.
"Could you give a demonstration?"
"What?!"
Maria guessed he had shrugged at this point, before he said simply. "Visuals help."
"Umm... okay..."
The sound of unzipping was heard.
"Why's yours so small?" Bill questioned.
"What?" Dipper asked, obviously offended.
"It's tiny."
"I'm 12! It's supposed to be that small!"
"I don't think so."
"Just shut up and the use the stupid toilet."
Dipper wasn't too happy when he came out 10 minutes later. Yeah, not a fun morning.
Now that that lesson was out of the way, there wouldn't be any major problems from here on out, right?
Wrong!
By noon, Maria realized she needed to replenish the items in her fridge, and that called for a shopping trip. She couldn't very well leave Bill home by himself. He'd probably find some way to burn the house down. There was also the fact that she needed to get him some clothes.
That was how Maria found herself at the local supermarket, pushing a shopping cart with one hand and cutting off the circulation in Bill's wrist with the other.
He wouldn't stop bothering the other patrons and he fumbled with items they didn't need to buy. It was like taking care of a child, except a child would pout and sit in the cart. Maria got weird looks when she did that the first few times. It wasn't too bad since there wasn't much to do at a supermarket, but the clothing store was a whole 'nother story.
The first few minutes were spent getting Bill some proper clothes, he was still wearing the ones Maria had given him. Bill didn't mind, obviously not noticing the weird looks people gave him for the too-short pants.
The exposure to society wasn't exactly having the desired effect on him. Instead of knowing when to shut up, Bill couldn't keep his mouth shut as he 'commented' on others' clothing.
"Ha! Look at how low his pants are! And look at that woman, she's pretending to be 15!"
Maria could only skulk on in embarrassment, trying her very best to send out the message 'I don't know him'.
Bill was perfectly well aware how he was annoying her, he just thought it was too funny... until Maria threatened to feed him triangle-shaped pancakes for a week.
"...and I won't let you eat anything else."
"No! I'll stop, I'll stop! Just don't show me edible mini-mes again!" Bill cried, horrified.
"Say you're sorry." Maria said patronizingly.
"I'm sorry... that people don't dress properly." he mumbled.
"That doesn't count. I think I'll make some triangular cookies, too..." she turned to leave.
"Okay, fine! I'm sorry for being rude to my fellow patrons." he said desperately.
"Much better. Now let's go get you some clothes."
It didn't take long to find the men's clothing section. Maria started browsing, sometimes holding up clothes to see if they would fit Bill. Bill, on the other hand, was also browsing. He didn't really know what to look for, so he just listened to some of the other shoppers' conversations. He had heard a few lovey-dovey conversations between couples and decided to save those away for later. He heard some pick-up lines too, and made a mental note to try them on Maria when he could.
By the time she was done, Maria had a cart was full of trendy clothing that would make the wearer seem pretty cool, and in Bill's case, normal. Bill looked at the clothes and grimaced.
"I'll only wear yellow tops, no compromise."
"Bill, too much yellow is going to make you look like a taxi cab."
"Does that mean I can pick you up?"
"What?"
After much debate (and strange pick-up lines), Bill's wardrobe consisted of black jeans, a pair of black-and-white Converses, and a yellow hoodie with his original brick pattern. After a bit more searching, Bill had also managed to find a top hat to replace his old one. (I think it's a given that they got undies and socks, too.)
Maria paid for those right when they'd picked them out so he wouldn't have to go around in what was essentially pyjamas.
Then she went back to get him some pyjama pants that were covered in yellow triangles and a plain grey t-shirt. Afterwards, she found herself a beige fedora and some hair pins.
Maria swore he still had some sort of magic with how fast he disappeared after that. I mean, how can it be that easy to lose a 6 ft man among 5 ft clothing racks? What puzzled her the most is that she found him in the underwear section.
The women's underwear section.
How he even managed to find it in the first place was a mystery.
Maria could only imagine the perverted guesses going through the clerk's head when she had to drag Bill out of there.
"Wait! I still need to figure out why they would need to be triangles!"
"Bill, you need to behave yourself." she hissed while holding his sleeve and dragging him back to the cart. "You can't just do anything you want anymore."
"How come?" he asked, already having a slight idea as to what the answer would be.
"Because you are no longer an invisible dream demon, meaning you can't look at anything you want to just 'cause you feel like it." They had reached the cart by now, but Maria refused to let go, in case he tried to run away again. "Honestly, you must have retained something about human conduct without me having to threaten you."
Bill took a moment to consider his options here. He knew that if he kept doing this, then Maria would blow her top like last night... but at the same time, he wanted her to be mad. He had remembered a conversation between a mother and her daughter from earlier.
Honey, I'm only mad because I care about you.
If Maria was mad at him, that means she cared, right? So naturally, the more mad she is, the more she cares, right?
"Sorry, Moonlight, but I am going to do what I want. I don't care what any of these meatbags think, not even you." Bill said haughtily.
"Fine then." Maria huffed. "I'll just finish up my shopping and go home. When you fall off your little throne in the sky, you can too."
And with that, she paid for the items and left.
It took Bill about 30 seconds to realize she wasn't coming back. He bolted out of the store, hoping to catch up, but couldn't see her anywhere.
Feeling defeated, he slumped against the wall.
Note #22 about humans: Humans are mad when they care, they don't care when they're mad.
Maria watched from behind one of the shops. She had slipped into the alley, knowing Bill wouldn't be too far behind. She watched as he sat on the ground, feeling a pang of guilt at his crushed expression. Her conscience was screaming at her to go back and cheer him up.
I'll go back to get him in a few minutes. He needs to learn that he can't do stuff like that and get away with it.
She watched as he sat there and curled into a ball, his head in his hands. He seemed to be sobbing. Some of the other patrons passed by and tried to comfort him, but he didn't move. After 5 minutes of watching the sad scene in front of her, Maria gathered her bags and went to confront the ball of sorrow.
She poked him a few times, but upon receiving no reaction, she just pushed him over onto his side.
Bill looked up, expecting to see another worried shopper, only to find Maria with her hands on her hips. His expression immediately brightened, but he was wary. What if this was a hallucination? Humans go those, didn't they? He got up slowly, never taking his eyes off of the girl in front of him. He swallowed, throat thick from crying.
"Maria?" he said, hoping she was the real one.
"Yes, jerkface?" Maria replied in a sarcastically sweet tone.
It was her! He smiled brightly before trapping her in a bone-crushing hug.
"I'msorrypleaseforgivemeIwon'tdoitagaindon'tleave!" he said in one rushed sentence.
Some elderly ladies were passing by and when they saw the two, one of them said to the others "Ah, young love."
Bill heard and turned pink, but didn't let go. Maria was too busy trying to breathe.
"Bill, you can... let go... now." she said in strangled gasps.
He let go, still smiling, but it wasn't his usual snarky smirk. The warm smile on Bill's face was enough to make Maria's heart melt.
Maybe there is some good in him.
An attempt at writing something other than humor. Any thoughts about it?
