Chapter 4

"Zach, where's that report on the Donnelly case?" Brennan asked in a sharp tone. She was applying tissue markers to a skull from limbo.

Zach looked up from his monitor, exchanging a glance with Hodgins, who rolled his eyes and gave a slight shake of his head. "I thought you needed me to analyze the kerf marks on this John Doe," he asked.

"Ongoing cases take precedence over limbo cases, Zach. I shouldn't have to tell you that," she snapped.

Zach's spine straightened. "You're right, Dr. Brennan. I'm sorry, I'll get on that right away," he said. Angela shot him a sympathetic look.

"Hey, Bren, can I see you in your office?" Angela asked, standing up. She didn't have anything to do until Brennan finished with the tissue markers, but she thought it was time for some intervention. It had been a week since Booth had dragged her off to the doctor. Angela didn't have any personal knowledge of post-partum depression, but she thought they'd see some improvement by now. She suspected something else might be going on.

Brennan finally looked up, frowning. "Now? I'm nearly done here, then you can have the skull if you need something to do. This is not the appropriate time for girl talk."

Angela rolled her eyes and sighed. "You wanna discuss this in front of the guys? Fine. Is the medication you're taking having any affect on your post-partum—" she began.

"No! Okay!" Brennan shouted. Straightening and putting the skull down, she marched off the platform, leaving Angela to follow.

"Good luck," Hodgins muttered, returning to the particulates he was processing.

Angela shut the door behind her and stood watching her friend. Brennan was behind her desk, tidying an already tidy pile of folders. Angela stepped closer and made an 'ahem' sound. Brennan looked up at her with a frown. "I'm taking the damned medication, okay?" she said grumpily.

Angela folded her arms and cocked a hip. "Maybe the dosage needs to be adjusted. Have you called the doctor?"

"No, there's no point," Brennan said, then sighed. "Look, Russ is sick and I really need to finish up here so I can get home to him—"

Comprehension dawned on Angela's face. "So, that's what's wrong," she said.

Brennan looked at her, puzzled. "What?"

"Sweetie, you're feeling torn. Every working mother goes through it. Your baby needs you, especially when he's sick, but you also need to be at work."

Brennan sighed and dropped into her chair. "He was screaming for me when I left," she said hoarsely. "Leaving him this morning was really hard. Rachel is the best, but when he's sick, he only wants me. What kind of mother leaves her baby when he needs her?"

Angela came around the desk and perched on the edge near her friend. "A mother that has other responsibilities." She watched Brennan as she stared blindly at her blotter. "Sweetie, don't worry, I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure Rachel got him to calm down eventually—"

"I should be the one calming him down, Ange!" Brennan cut in, angry at herself. "I should be there to comfort him when he's sick."

"So, you wanna quit? Take a leave of absence? Cut your hours? What do you want to do?" Angela asked, desperately trying to help her friend find a way to deal.

Brennan blinked her tears away. "I don't know," she whispered miserably.

Angela touched her hand. "Have you talked to Booth about it?" she asked gently.

"What good is that going to do?"

"Sweetie, I realize you're new to the marriage thing, for that matter I don't think you've had much experience with committed relationships, but the beauty of being with someone is being able to share your troubles with them. If you can't talk to him about what's bothering you, I don't think there's much hope it's gonna last."

Brennan sniffed and dashed away the pair of tears that had rolled down her cheeks. Angela was right. Talking to Booth was the first thing she should have done. She still wasn't used to depending on someone else. "Okay, I'll talk to him."

Angela smiled, relieved. "Good. Who knows, maybe he'll have a solution you haven't thought of."

Brennan smiled too. "Maybe. There's only one way to find out," she said, feeling better already.

BBBBBBBBB

For the first time since returning to work, Brennan beat Booth home. Rachel had told her everything was going well every time she had called to check, but it just wasn't the same. She had left the lab at four thirty, anxious to see for herself that Russ was fine.

Dropping her bag and coat inside the door, she hurried to the nursery. Rachel looked up from the changing table where she was buttoning Russ' sleeper. "Hi. Great timing, he just had a bath and a bottle. His temp is back down to 99 degrees, so I think we're on the downside."

Brennan reached for him as Rachel picked him up. He was smiling at the nanny, but chortled with glee when he saw his mommy. Brennan smiled at her son, chuckling at the silly smile on his face. Gathering him close, she kissed his sweet-smelling head. Rachel took another swipe at his hair with the brush, but finally gave up. He seemed to have inherited his father's unruly hair. Brennan picked up his tiny hand and he wrapped his fingers around her thumb.

"Thanks for taking such good care of him, Rachel," she said, unconsciously rocking the baby a bit. She chuckled as the baby's free hand latched onto her hair.

Rachel smiled and rescued the lock of hair from the baby's fist. "My pleasure. Even sick, he's the best baby I've ever cared for. Aren't you sweetie?" she asked the baby brightly. "Well, I need to get going. I have a few stops to make on my way home. See ya Monday."

"Okay, thanks again, Rachel." Brennan took the baby swing and set it up in the kitchen so she could make dinner. Russ kept up a steady stream of nonsense chatter, laughing at the toys attached to the crossbar overhead. She turned the radio on low and hummed as she worked, stopping occasionally to talk to the baby.

Booth came home and stopped just inside the doorway. "Hey," he said with a smile.

Brennan turned from the stove. "Hi," she said, putting down the potholder and moving to meet him. She leaned up to kiss him sweetly. "Dinner's ready." Booth hugged her. "Great." He went over to the swing. Russ was waving his arms madly, laughing. "Hey, buddy, how's my little Russ-ter doin'?" he said, picking the baby up and pulling him close to hug him and kiss his forehead. "Fever's down," he noted with relief.

Brennan turned from serving up dinner. "Yeah, Rachel said it's back down near normal." She set the table and Booth put the baby back in the swing where they could watch him.

"How was your day?" she asked to forestall any similar question from him. She wasn't quite ready to talk about her issues. She managed to keep him talking through dinner with a few questions here and there. They were almost done when Russ began to fuss. Booth picked him up as Brennan got up to clear the table. While she cleaned the kitchen, Booth sat down on the couch with his son. He was showing the baby a brightly colored cloth book when she joined them.

"He's a very smart baby," Booth declared. "Look how closely he's paying attention."

She chuckled. "Booth, it's a little early to determine his intelligence. He's only three months old. He's just responding to the bright colors and your tone of voice."

"You hear that, buddy?" Booth said, smiling down at the baby. "Your mommy doesn't think you're smart."

"I didn't say that!" she argued. He looked at her with a glint in his eye and a smile tugged at her lips. "Smartass!" she murmured.

"Ah-ah-ah," he scolded, shaking a finger at her. "Language," he warned teasingly.

"He's three months old. At this stage he isn't able to process and discern language, and he's still months away from being able to form words." She leaned in to kiss the baby, raising her voice a little and smiling at him. "Right now he only understands tonal quality and facial expressions, right sweetie?" Russ grinned at her and grabbed for her earring. Catching his hand, she freed the earring and kissed his fingers.

Booth snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oh, so now you're an expert on early child development?"

She smirked at him. "I googled it. There are some really interesting online articles on the subject."

They played with the baby until he started yawning and scrubbing at his eyes with his chubby little fists. Brennan stood, holding the tired baby close. She leaned down so he could kiss his son.

"Goodnight, buddy. Sleep tight," Booth said, then watched his wife and son head for the nursery. He marveled at the change in his partner. If anyone had told him a year ago that they would be happily married with a beautiful son, he would have thought they were nuts. He never dreamed she'd ever marry him, much less make such a loving mother.

She was back in thirty minutes. She had changed into a pair of burgundy satin pajamas and her hair was in soft waves around her face, and Booth was struck by her beauty all over again. She smiled at the expression of wonder on his face, then, to his disappointment, sat down in the chair adjacent to the couch.

"I need to talk to you," she began.

It took a moment for her words to register, then he straightened, somewhat alarmed by her serious tone. "What is it?"

"Something has been bothering me lately and I don't know what to do and Angela told me I should talk to you, because we're married now and I should get used to asking for your advice—" she said all in a rush, stopping abruptly as she realized she was babbling. Booth was watching her with a frown. "This morning, when Russ wasn't feeling well and was crying for me and I had to go…was very hard," she said tentatively. "But I love my job and I really wanted to go into the lab…but at the same time I couldn't concentrate because I was so upset about leaving him." She stopped again as tears clogged her throat.

Booth leaned forward and took her hand. "So, what do you want to do? Do you want to take a leave of absence?" he asked cautiously, not quite sure where she was going with this.

"I don't know!" she said, frustrated beyond words. After a moment her lips firmed. "No, I can't, I won't—it would be like giving up a part of who I am."

Booth didn't know what to say. "It wouldn't have to be permanent—" he began, but she cut him off.

"Do you think a few months leave will solve the problem? There's always going to be something. When would be a good time to return to work? When he starts kindergarten? High school? College?" she asked, her voice rising as she got more agitated. "This is why I never wanted to have children!" she exclaimed, bouncing up to begin pacing. "I knew the demands of motherhood would intrude on my career, but I never expected to feel this…torn. I want to be with my son, to be there when he cuts his first tooth, says his first word, takes his first step. But what I do at the lab is important. How can I put that on hold so I can raise my son? And then I feel guilty for even thinking that my career is more important than him." She stopped suddenly, her back to him, shoulders rounded in defeat. "I just don't know what to do," she said miserably.

Booth sighed. He had been completely unaware of the struggles that she was going through. He felt guilty for being so oblivious, blithely going about the job of living without considering how she might be adjusting to the role of mother and wife. He got up and approached her carefully. He slid his arms around her waist from behind and cradled her close, dropping a kiss on her head.

"Why don't you talk to Cam. I'm sure you can work out a compromise to temporarily reduce your hours. And I don't see why you can't stay home with Russ when he's sick. Zach has his doctorate, it isn't like they won't have a forensic anthropologist around if you're not there."

She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "I swore I wouldn't cut back my hours after the baby was born," she said stubbornly.

"That was before you fell in love with him," Booth reminded her gently. "You've been trying to do it all, be everything to everyone. This just proves you're human after all."

She took a deep breath and leaned into him. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to cut my hours temporarily. I could keep up via email from home," she said thoughtfully. She was feeling a lot better now. She smiled up at him. "Thanks, Booth," she said.

He smiled too, pulling her closer. "My pleasure," he said huskily, dropping his head to kiss her lingeringly. She moaned a little, winding her arms around his neck. He stroked his hands down her back, kissing his way along her jaw to her ear. "I think it's bedtime," he whispered, sending goosebumps skittering along her skin. She nodded and pulled back, taking his hand and leading him to their bedroom.