A/N: Erm...update?

Not much to say except enjoy :D

Warning: Language, slight violence, gotta love OOC


"I say we wait in the van," Sasori said. "Anyone with me?"

Kisame looked at him. "But Itachi's missing."

Sasori waved at him dismissively. "He'll come back."

How do you know that? Deidara thought to himself.

"It's getting hot out," Kakuzu idly commented.

Konan nodded. "You're right. Pein- we're going to sit in the van while Deidara fixes it, okay?"

They left Deidara standing alone with his leader in the front of their dilemma.

"You better not blow us up Deidara," were Pein's final words.

Then he, like the rest of the lot, disappeared into the van to escape the blistering heat.

Deidara crossly muttered profanities under his breath, throwing the hood of the van up and inspecting the garbage inside. "What the hell is this un?" He reluctantly flipped the lid to the tool box Sasori had pegged at him open, pulling out a screwdriver. "Might as well get started hmm…"

As the minutes passed by, Deidara began to get the feeling he was being watched. A bead of sweat trickled down the back of his neck. Itachi was still missing. No one had even bothered looking for him. What if… the blonde gulped. What if he was next? They wouldn't even notice until it was too late!

A branch cracked in the woods.

Deidara stiffened, senses on high alert. What was that…?

Another branch cracked.

Deidara held in the high-pitched scream he wanted to let out. I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die-

"Deidara-"

"HOLY SHIT!" The blonde nosedived onto the other side of the van.

Itachi walked over, staring at him with a blank face. "What are you doing?"

Deidara blushed and then jumped to his feet, stalking back to the engine. "Me? What are you doing yeah? You scared the crap outta me un."

"I hadn't noticed," the raven said in dry sarcasm.

Deidara shot him a poor look before going back to rummaging with the engine.

Itachi had to hold in a chuckle as the blonde wiped his cheek, incidentally leaving a dark smudge in its place. He innocently held his arms behind him. "Deidara."

The bomber tilted his head. "What now yeah?"

"I went back to the base to get this," Itachi offered the blonde a neatly folded towel. "I figured if you're going to be dealing with an engine Pein made, things would get rather…messy." When Deidara made no move to take the towel, Itachi added, "You have something on your face."

Deidara took it with a slight flush, angrily wiping his cheek with it. "Thanks un," he grumbled under his breath. His stomach let out an obnoxious growl a moment later. He growled as Itachi raised his brow at him. "I'm hungry yeah. I told the others to bring food but they wouldn't listen to me. Know they're just sitting in this thing waiting for me to fix it and- wait a minute." Deidara peered closely at the raven. "Did you bring anything else with you?"

Itachi looked at him in slight surprise. "Why would I do that?"

"So…" Deidara slowly lowered the towel from his face. "You went all the way back to the base…took three hours…and only brought back this?"

Itachi thoughtfully hummed. "That's about right."

The blonde felt a vein pop. "You IDIOT!" He bashed Itachi over the head with the towel, wrapping it around his neck and beginning to strangle him from behind, a foot on his back. "Just what are you playing at yeah?! I'm gonna kill you!"

Itachi struggled in the tight hold. "Ah- Deidara you might kill me if you pull any tighter!"

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?!"

"I'm losing air!"

"Argh!"


"What's going on out here?" Konan asked in a bored tone, coming out from the van. "We can't hear the radio with all that shouting- huh?" She stared with wide eyes as Deidara politely asked Itachi for a wrench from the toolbox and Itachi, with a gentle smile, handed it to him wordlessly. She jumped back inside the van, sitting very paranoid with her hands tightly clamped together in her lap.

"Hm?" Kakuzu looked at her from where he was in the passenger seat, fighting over the radio channels with Hidan. They had thrown Pein in the back with Kisame and Zetsu. "What's wrong Konan- you look like you've seen death."

She raised her hands in a silent prayer. "I have."

"Okay…"

No one questioned her after that.


Deidara glared at the raven next to him. "You're impossible yeah. I don't like acting much."

Itachi absently looked at the mess that was their engine, already noticing the damage being properly repaired by the bomber's mechanic skills. "I thought you acted very well. Especially the strangling one."

"That wasn't an act Itachi un," Deidara muttered, giving the wrench back to him.

"It wasn't?" Itachi curiously eyed him.

The blonde resisted the urge to blow something up. "No!" He slammed the hood of the van down, dusting his hands off on his shorts. When he looked up, he noticed his claimed rival staring at him. "What hmm?"

Itachi leaned in, face inches from his own. "Deidara…"

Deidara turned bright red. "What are you-"

Itachi suddenly grabbed the side of his head, scrubbing at his cheek with his brows furrowed in concentration. "You have oil on your face again. Let me clean it off."

"Wha- ow, ow! Hey- that hurts Itachi!"

"Oh." Itachi paused. "I'm sorry."

Deidara sputtered uncontrollably as the Uchiha pulled away, pocketing the towel in his waistband. "What was that?"

"It's gone now," Itachi said before humming and walking to the side of the van. He knocked on the dirt-covered window, ignoring the horror-frozen bomber still in front of the metal contraption.

The window rolled down with some effort, revealing a completely bored redhead. "Yay we found you," he said in a monotone. "Is the engine done?"

Itachi nodded. "Deidara did a good job."

"Hmph. I don't care much about that." Sasori rolled the window back up. His muffled voice was barely audible through the glass. It seemed as if the grime made the van soundproof too. "Hey Pein, you can drive now. Engine's finished."

There were several sounds of struggling from inside and then silence.

Itachi had no time for any kind of warning as the van started up and sped forward.

Hitting Deidara who hadn't moved from his spot.

The van screeched to a halt.

Luckily for a certain blonde, Itachi had been locked out the van and was able to serve as a suitable cushion as Deidara came tumbling from mid-air and squashed them both flat to the ground. Dirt clouds swirled around them.

Everyone climbed out the van to see what they had hit.

"It's just Deidara? Damn, I thought we hit a deer or some shit," Hidan complained. "Then we could have had something to eat!"

"Okay guys, back inside," Konan said. "It was just Deidara."

"Hey un!" Deidara pouted, slowly getting to his feet. He subconsciously held out a hand for Itachi as well.

Itachi took the graciously offered hand and pulled himself to his feet, dusting his pants off. "I do believe they've forgotten about us."

"I'll say! Frickin' bastards yeah…" Deidara then looked down, pointedly staring at their intertwined hands. "Itachi…"

"Hm?"

"GET THE HELL OFF!"

Itachi complied and opened his mouth to say something but was cut off as the sound of an engine driving away filled the air. Both he and the blonde watched as the van they worked hard to fix…drove off without them.

Deidara was beginning to twitch. "I feel hated."

"I know the feeling," Itachi comfortingly said, clapping him on the back. "I'm sure we can catch up with them in no time. We're ninjas."

Deidara sighed in defeat. "Fine…let's get walking hmm…"


Kisame perked his head up. "I feel like we forgot something."

"The only thing forgotten here is your brain," Kakuzu replied, never once looking at him.

"True, true," Sasori murmured in agreement.

There were more collective murmurs of agreement from the rest of the crew.

"Well Tobi doesn't think it's true!" Tobi defensively said.

Kisame smiled. "Thank you Tobi-"

"Tobi thinks he needs a new face as well," the masked man finished.

Kisame sulked in the corner of the van as everyone else snickered.

Except for Pein. He was thinking about what the shark-nin had said. What AM I forgetting?


An hour and a half later-


"I'm hungry!"

"So am I Deidara…"

"I'm really hungry yeah."

"I know. You've told me this for the last hour."

"Why didn't any of us eat breakfast un?"

"I don't know," Itachi sighed.

The Iwa-nin hung his shoulders, defeated. He kicked at the dirt pebbles with his toe, looking at Itachi out the corner of his eye. "We're gonna die out here, aren't we un?"

Itachi glanced at him. "Of course-"

"What kind of thing is that to say?" Deidara screeched.

"-not…" Itachi smirked. "You should calm down before you give yourself a heart attack. I can sense everyone's chakra nearby anyway."

"Really?" Deidara's face brightened almost immediately. "Alright, let's pick up the pace! We can catch them if we try un!"

Itachi held out a hand. "Deidara wait-"

"What's the matter hmm?" The blonde pivoted on his heel, getting smacked in the face with the van door Sasori had opened. He fell backwards, head throbbing. "Nevermind…"

Itachi walked over albeit more calmly as Sasori looked down at his partner. "What happened?"

"No idea," Sasori answered, nudging the blonde with his foot.

"Not to him," Itachi said. "To the van."

"Oh." The redhead grudgingly got out the piece of scrap metal they dared called a vehicle to lift Deidara up, slinging him over his shoulder carefully before chucking him into the depths of the van. There was a distinct thud and squeal as the blonde crashed into Tobi. He turned back to Itachi. "We ran out of gas."

"I see."

"You can come in if you want. We're not going anywhere now."

Itachi entered the crowded van along with Sasori.

As soon as he did, a loud round of growls resounded in the tiny machine. All gained identical blushes.

Pein turned in his seat, looking at his members in exhaustion. Not even two hours into their trip and he was already done. "We have a slight problem on our hands-"

"Slight?" Hidan stared at him in disbelief. "We ran out of fuckin' gas in the middle of nowhere and we have no food to eat even though we're all starving!"

Deidara tenderly prodded the bruise on his head, glaring at anyone he could. "I told you guys so yeah…"

"SHUT IT BITCH!" Hidan pulled the blonde's shirt up over his face, blinding him.

Zetsu grinned somewhat sinisterly from the very back of the van. "All of you will starve." "Me on the other hand? Well I have a grand feast laid out right before my very eyes…"

They all moved as close to Pein as possible.

Pein sighed, leaning back in an attempt to get breathing space. "Since we have no gas and I'm not going to let Zetsu eat you guys, we have to come up with another way to solve the issue." He thoughtfully looked over the Akatsuki. "One of you can push us. There's a pit stop with gas and food about a mile away."

"I volunteer Deidara!" Konan declared.

"Wha-?"

"I second that notion," Kakuzu said.

Deidara stared wide-eyed. "But-"

"Me too," Sasori added.

Deidara felt a nerve snap. "NO! I'm not letting you guys push me around anymore! If you want something fucking done then do it yourselves before I blow the SHIT out of you all!"

A heavy silence fell over them.

Deidara coughed lightly. "Sorry."

"Right…" Pein brushed the awkward moment off, analyzing the remaining members who weren't Deidara. Itachi had helped so that knocked him off too. "No problem. Hidan-"

The Jashinist looked at him in terror.

"You can push us. You've got plenty of muscle to spare," Pein reasoned.

"FUCK NO!"

Pein's eyes dangerously narrowed.


"Come on, push faster yeah! You're moving slower than Hiruko!" Deidara shouted as he leaned out the window.

Hidan felt his eye twitch. "Shut the fuck up! I don't see you out here!"

Deidara smirked. "Of course not. I'm sitting in here. Now hurry up!" He threw a spare screwdriver from the toolbox at his head.

"Ack! You douche! Wait until I get back inside there!"

Deidara stuck his tongue out.

Why none of them thought to simply get out and run there like the shinobi they were was something they never bothered to bring up.

Besides, they were getting a kick out of watching Hidan struggle.

"Come on, come on. Time's wasting!"

Even Pein was smiling.


A/N: That's all for tonight I'm afraid! Who knows...there might be one up tomorrow at the rate these things are popping out! ^v^

Next Time:

No matter where they go, some sort of problem always awaits.

"You are under arrest for traveling in such an unsafe vehicle," the shinobi cop said, pushing his sunglasses higher up on his nose. "Please come with me."

Hidan and the others exchanged a glance. "RUN FOR THE HILLS!"

Pein walked out to see the Akatsuki gone and his van being towed away. "What the hell?"