IMPORTANT: Thanks for all the lovely reviews and support so far guys! I'll try to make this brief. Firstly, just to clear up the whole biting issue. Yes, Natsuki sort of bit Shizuru in Chapter 1, but if you go back and read it over, you'll see that it wasn't a full bite. In other words, Natsuki's fangs never sunk the entire way in, she stopped herself before it got to that point. Secondly, and most importantly, this is will be the last chapter for a while. As said in my very first note at the start of the prologue, I got serious writer's block after this chapter and never managed to get past it. That said, I am trying to write the last two chapters, but I am not sure how long that will take. Sorry, you might have to wait quite a while. That said, enjoy the chapter!
Chapter 3 – The Burning
It was the smell that woke her.
1: Deception
"Shizuru..."
Emerald orbs watched as the girl brushed her hair, gaze focused on the mirror but not what she could see in it.
"Shizuru."
Again she tried to garner her attention, to meet the gaze that now shunned her. But Shizuru brushed the last stroke and quickly caught up her hair in one before moving away. Again Natsuki had been ignored. And for what? For some arrogant Frenchman who had met his own just end?!
"Dammit Shizuru! Answer me!"
She barely managed to stop her hand from flying through the fragile mirror, and felt it shudder violently beneath her palm. Still, still Shizuru did not look. She did not look and it pained Natsuki too much for such a thing to continue. It couldn't continue. Because Shizuru could only be hurting herself with this, right? Shizuru hurt as much as, maybe more than Natsuki, didn't she? Wasn't that how such conflicts affected people? The hero loses the trust of the girl, and she shuns him, all the while suffering inside as much as he suffered out; that was how the story went. And the hero always redeems himself. Wasn't her situation with Shizuru very much like that? It could never be any different, because Shizuru loved her. She had to.
"Shizuru! I didn't kill him! Is that what you want to hear? He met is end without my interference, I was here the entire time, watching you!" And still the girl with wonderful russet eyes refused to turn and look. "Dammit Shizuru he is not worth this!"
Shizuru paused, and Natsuki felt a flicker of relief at the first bit of acknowledgement she had garnered in four days.
"You wanted him gone didn't you? You wanted him to leave. So why are you acting like this? I wanted to kill him, Shizuru! Believe me I did! But I didn't. I didn't!"
She watched as Shizuru's shoulders began to shake, and then a sound she had never again wanted to hear reached her through the glass. Shizuru was crying. "Shizuru-"
"Stop it!" The yell was sudden and startling. Natsuki was so surprised by it that she actually took a step back before once again placing her palm on the back of the mirror.
This was wrong. "Shizu-"
"Where did you learn to lie so blatantly?!" The words stung. "What have you been doing so that you could think to look me in the eyes and hide behind your goddamn mirror and lie so brashly, so brazenly to my face! I-" her voice broke and wavered momentarily before she turned to look at Natsuki. Natsuki who was merely an outline with two glowing pinpricks of emerald light high up. Natsuki, who had hurt her so deeply. Natsuki, the coward hero. "I did not teach you this..." her voice trailed off to a whisper. And Natsuki's hands curled as she took in the tear streaks on the beautiful face. "I did not teach you to be so cruel, Natsuki."
She was making Shizuru cry. "I-"
But Shizuru shook her head, no. She wasn't done. "You have been leaving the house. Early in the morning, when I and the maids are fast asleep. You take one of the horses, and you ride to a town 3 miles away, where it is safe for you to feed. A town that is already used to such occurrences that one more would not matter. You go so far, so that I won't know. You are a vampire, Natsuki, you have to feed to survive. You need only have asked... and I would have given you as much of my blood as you needed. Instead you lied to me and played the role of the charming phantom. You hid yourself from me. That hurts. You go to the same town to steal clothes, because you believe that I could not supply you with your own without risking myself. But I could have learned to sew for you.
"You hide in your walls, and watch me from hidden panels and play yourself the hero of some grand fairytale! Come to save the Princess Shizuru from her dismal fate! Acting as if you are the better choice! Acting as if you are innocent and blameless! Living in your fantasy world as you dare, you dare, stand there and say to my face a blatant lie!"
The silence pounded in Natsuki's ears as she stared at the floor. "Shizuru..."
"Where did you learn such treachery?!"
...
And Natsuki found herself unable to answer; unable to look at Shizuru as the girl who raised her lifted a hand to finger the two holes scabbed over on her neck; unable to say anything but a quiet murmur. "You are becoming more susceptible to light. We have to leave, in a few days you won't be able to go out into daylight at all."
She fled as the response came. Piercing thick wood in a wounded cry, "And now you curse me?!"
She wiped furiously at what tears threatened to spill over from her eyes, and moved even faster from the sobs of the one person she truly ever cared for.
It was the smell and the screaming that woke her up.
2: Imagination
Natsuki loved to read. She loved to read because Shizuru loved to read. She loved to read because Shizuru had taken the time to stop her studies and teach her how to read. But, mostly she loved to read because the mansion's library was full of books, old and new, full of the different gateways to so many different worlds. Worlds where she could don a new face and history; worlds where she wasn't born a child's nightmare and worlds where the nightmare was made into a dream. She could escape from the echoing schemes, and the heat of flames, and the heat of the sun, and the pangs of hunger, and the lonely nights full of the smell of sulphur and shouts of men.
Wonderful worlds with mischievous fairies, and great roman gods. Tales where she could hide and imagine a different life, and always, always she would bring Shizuru with her. There were some worlds where they met as ordinary people of the same social standing, and others where they were not. There were some tales in which Natsuki was, instead, an elf, and where Shizuru was the human she had been forbidden to interact with. There were more stories still. Stories where Natsuki would save Shizuru from the dragon, from the dwarves, from the rapist and murderer, from the runaway carriage, from the wicked step mother, from the burden of duties passed down. Stories where Natsuki could protect Shizuru like Shizuru had protected her. Stories where she could repay Shizuru for all of her kindness.
Worlds so similar and yet so different.
Worlds that were not real.
Natsuki loved to read. It took her mind off of how pathetic she had become. It spared her from thoughts of how uselessly skinny and frail and weak she was. Of how easily she had turned to almost harming the one person who had tried to help her. It kept her thoughts from how Shizuru had needed to teach her how to talk again, how to eat again, how to act again. How she had to relearn how to not be scarred and afraid. It kept her mind off of why she never once looked into the mirror she so frequently hid behind; of why she often found herself walking secret halls in the day when she should have been sleeping, stalking Shizuru's footsteps when she should have been allowing her body what it needed to survive on what little blood still circulated through her system.
Reading was a most wonderful thing. Such a wonderful gift Shizuru did not even know she had given her.
Shizuru...
"Natsuki?"
Shizuru? She turned, and there she was, gently closing the library doors before looking up to smile at her.
"Would Natsuki care to tell me what is so interesting to have her reading in the library all day?"
The smile that spread on Natsuki's face was genuine. "No."
The cute pout that appeared on Shizuru's lips was not. "How mean..." But the twinkle in her eyes was truer than ever.
Shizuru would never have to worry about her again. Because Natsuki was stronger now, and growing stronger still. And she would protect what was precious to her, even if her sword wasn't as stainless and smooth... even if her shield was battered and crooked.
It was the smell of sulphur and the screaming that had followed her for 11 years, and the loud cheers that echoed from her past like a swinging sledgehammer.
3: Separation
"Don't go out today."
The reply was cold. "I'll manage."
"Shizuru!"
"I said that I would manage, did I not?"
Then she was out the door, her white, wide brimmed hat casting shadows across her face; the only thing protecting her now extremely sensitive skin from drying out and flaking. She was fully covered in her long-sleeved dress, but going out like that so close to summer would only draw unwanted attention, and people were paranoid enough in this day and age. She wanted to go out and stop her. To drag her back, kicking and screaming if she had to. To risk the sunlight if only to keep her Shizuru safe.
But Shizuru did not want to be saved, and was already well out of Natsuki's range of tolerance. She could do nothing but watch the white skirt flutter in the light wind that was blowing and hope to high heaven that the wind did not blow Shizuru's hat off.
Natsuki had been sick with worry the entire time Shizuru had been out. She had taken extremely long for just posting a letter, and Natsuki could not help but worry that she had been found out. But she had not been. The proof of that stood directly in front of her. Off came the hat, and Shizuru lightly shook chestnut tresses. The smile that greeted Natsuki was brilliant. It would have gotten anyone to instantly fall in love with her. But Natsuki was not anyone. And she understood then, that Shizuru might never forgive her or trust her again. It was not her smile.
It was not her smile.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. She wilted under the sudden sharpness in Shizuru's eyes, eyes that used to twinkle at her. "I... I was worried. I'm sorry, I... I should not have lied. I should not have lied to you."
Shizuru was silent for a moment, her red orbs searching deep into Natsuki, no mirror between them to block her view. "Then I apologise to Natsuki for hurting her with my words." Natsuki winced at the memory of the reprimand Shizuru had given, and braved a chance to look back at the eyes that pinned her to the spot. Her heart fell through her chest. There was no smile on Shizuru's face. Shizuru wasn't even looking at her anymore. Shizuru's apology had been empty, only given out of politeness. Empty, because Natsuki's own apology had been insincere, only given because she had wanted Shizuru to look back at her as she used to. She would lie again. And Shizuru had not forgiven her for the lies she would tell in the future.
"We..." Natsuki's voice was barely a whisper now. "We have to leave soon."
She could see Shizuru's shoulders tense. Shizuru did not want to leave, but Natsuki had ripped that choice from her a week ago. Natsuki's only comfort was that she had not meant to.
She took it back, that wasn't much of a comfort at all.
She heard Shizuru's shaky exhale. "Soon..."
Shizuru didn't want to leave. But if she stayed she would die. She had to understand that! She had to understand that no matter what happened she didn't want her to... to! "Dammit, Shizuru we can't stay here!"
"... Natsuki should keep her voice down lest she wake the whole house."
"I don't care!" But even as she said that her voice came out in a harsh whisper. "It will be dark soon. We should leave tonight! We can go and find shelter before the sun rises and..."
"And what? Turn to living as you did when you were a child?"
The remark at her earlier days stung more than she wished they did. Shizuru knew she detested those days, and had mentioned it on purpose. "I was only a child then Shizuru... and I was alone." She took a deep shaky breath that came out too much like a whimper. "I know that you don't want to leave. And I know that this entire thing is my fault. But you have to believe that I'm sorry! I'd take it back if I could! But I can't. Shizuru... Shizuru I love you... I don't want you to get hurt because of me... They'll kill you."
Natsuki was oh so tired. She hadn't been sleeping well. Shizuru's insistence on travelling to town at every opportunity had worried at her mind and she hadn't found it in herself to rest while Shizuru had been unaccounted for.
"Soon Natsuki... I promise."
But Natsuki didn't want to hear soon. She wanted to hear now.
"We'll leave tomorrow..." Thank you, Shizuru. "We'll leave tomorrow."
4: Fissures
It was the smell she had once choked on that woke Natsuki up while it was late in the afternoon. It was the scream that she knew too well from her past, transferred through time in a voice she knew all too well. It was the cheers of men bloated on their egos after a brutal conquer.
The smell of sulphur, the heat of fire, fire that was too close. The smoke that tickled her nostrils. The screams of the maids, banging on the doors to be let out, that they didn't know. The cheers and jeers of the men who had barricaded the doors, yelling for the vampire to burn. She had awoken to the dream she had run from so long ago. And the only thing that seized in her mind was Shizuru. She chased downstairs, not caring for the hidden passages anymore, and happened upon Miss Maria, who looked at her with strict, stone eyes and said bitterly, "So we all die for you."
Natsuki felt that gaze follow her around the corridor. But there was nothing to witness but maids frantically trying to put out the fires on their skirts and aprons as they screamed and cried, inhaling rancid smoke full of the sulphuric smell. Where was Shizuru?
She ran back the way she had come, Miss Maria was not there this time, but Natsuki was in too much of a panic to care. Where was Shizuru?!
That was when she heard it. The scream so much like her mother's. So much like her sister's. That high-pitched screech born of intimate pain, and Natsuki's heart froze in her chest as she threatened to throw up. No. No no no nonononono NO!
The room she entered on the third floor had yet to catch light from the fire downstairs, but the window was already fogged by ash that seeped up through the floor. The heat of the room was intense. The light between the floorboards a bright orange where black didn't block the view. The fire beneath this room was strong. She couldn't stay long.
She wiped furiously at the window and pressed her face to the glass. She winced as the sunlight hit her exposed face, but did not move. Could not move. Shizuru screamed again, and the men around her jeered. She could barely see over the few buildings in her way, but the town was small, and she was close enough to see the square. A square much too far away for her to reach. A square where a crowd smaller than that which surrounded the mansion stood gathered around the post which had only recently been set up, tied to which was a blackened and blurred Shizuru. A Shizuru tied to a post in the midst of a raging fire. A Shizuru whose clothes had long since burned off, whose hair had been burnt from her fissuring scalp. A Shizuru whose screams became weaker until they existed in only her mind. A Shizuru speared through the middle by a rod. A Shizuru who was no longer screaming. A Shizuru who was dying. A Shizuru who was dead.
A Shizuru who was dead.
Dead.
DEAD!
Natsuki was screaming. "NO! NOOO! NOOO! NOOO!"
Shizuru was dead.
"SHIZURUU!"
A rock hit the glass where her forehead was pressed and Natsuki's head snapped back as it smashed through and drew blood.
"There's the vampire!"
Shizuru...
Shizuru...
I... I...
She shuffled back from the window. The room was on fire now. The flames creeping around on the walls to trap her in.
Shizuru...
She was no hero. A pretend hero. A coward. Useless, weak, unable to protect even that which she held dear.
Shizuru...
The flames licking greedily at her tears, Natsuki ran.
My watchful phantom, Natsuki.
She ran to her hidden passageways and secret tunnels. Fled the light of day and the light of fire. Fled the life she loved, the corpse she had failed, the image she had built around herself.
Sweet Natsuki; my courageous prince; the phantom who watches over me while I sleep.
Oh... Shizuru... Why hadn't you listened? Why? Why? Natsuki had never been strong enough to do anything but runaway. Why didn't you run away with her? Why?
It is good then, that monsters do not exist.
No... but cowards did. And as Natsuki sought refuge in the stone tunnels that led away from the burning mansion she knew. She knew that she had always been a coward. Shizuru could never love a coward. Could never, because in every book she had read, every world she had fled to, every situation she had imagined. The coward lost. But the brave... The brave got the girl.
She cried as she ran. Bawled like a baby.
You're a vampire...
You can marry me.
What a fool she had been.
And the sound of screams followed the runner, because no matter where she would run to, her sins lay on her heart. Because only the brave could face what wrongs they had done, and Natsuki wasn't brave at all.
End Part 1.
Chapter 3. A powerful chapter in which this story reaches its most saddening point. Oh Natsuki, what have you done?
Fear not, for this tale is not done. What is left one might wonder. But our Natsuki has yet to learn the lesson required.
Another three thousand word chapter. Still I will continue what I have been doing at the end of each chapter thus far and expound a bit on the situations presented in the chapter... or at lease organise them for you.
First on the timeline is Part 2; a flashback (as are Parts 1 and 3) that gets a bit more into Natsuki's mindset. It tells why Natsuki behaves the way she does and shows a little moment at the end between our two characters. That they are on agreeable terms blatantly hints that this flashback comes before the flashback of Part 1.
Part 1 is, of course second. The actual fall through from a situation already tense. This fall through bares serious effects on their relationship as shown in Part 3, and that fallout paved the way for Shizuru's death. One thing lead to another. I apologize for reminding you of the fact that I killed Shizuru, but I did, get over it. I love her too. And you may hate me for it, but I have a reason.
Edit 26/9/2012: If you have not done so, please read the note at the very beginning of this chapter.
~K-promises-fall.
