He had let his anxiety get the better of him; he hadn't let his anxiety get the better of him in years, not since…

Well, he could hardly remember a time.

All those years ago, Hogwarts had been a whimsical place, full of wonder and the promise of some kind of fulfilled childhood (a temporary cure to the relentless grief that always settled in the back of his mind), but now it was full of staring, looming, impossibly powerful children.

He thought of all the things he could personally do, with just one year of magical education, and then what came from the Truth's cheat of knowledge, and he found that he feared his own ability - to think that the room was full of kids the same, with not always good intentions...he shuddered.

As Dumbledore relayed to him that he would live in the boys dormitories, that he would attend regular classes, that he would have to make up those five long years of missed education, Edward sat entranced by the whole situation. Shock was a bad choice of emotion to fall into - then again, it wasn't like he had much of a say in it. These days, he didn't have much of a say in anything.

"Edward, has your mind wondered?"

Golden eyes remained fixated on the wall behind Dumbledore, tired but always sharp. Much like the boy himself, who considered the fear that he might not be sent back this time at all.

Though the steel of his fingers clenched, he responded, "No, I'm listening. Gryffindor room, lie, study. Stay away from Voldiwhore."

The headmaster gave him a solid look at that from over the edge of his tinted glasses; there was mirth in there somewhere, too, a reassurance to Edward that though the times were hard, Dumbledore was still a big softy.

Ed sighed and shifted a little in the chair of his office. Across the room, the phoenix - he couldn't quite recall the name - gazed at him gently and shook its feathered head. This place was still the same old same old. Daunting and whimsical. That was the magical world for you - get sucked in, or get out. He preferred the hard logic of alchemy and Amestris, the feel of coin and mathematics to sparkly shit.

"Look, I'm not here to get involved with stuff, or mess around, wasting time. I'm here to leave, plain and simple." And if I can maybe find a way to help Al…His gloves squeaked against the armrest. "There are things I really need to get back to. If I don't…"

Everyone will die. Father will destroy the world. Everyone he loves will fall, lifeless, gone forever and he will be here -

"You may find it more difficult to stay uninvolved here than you think." A flash of his blackened hand didn't miss Edward's eye - he tracked it clearly and Dumbledore hid it away once more. "You mentioned that something withdrew you before. It may be in your best interest to wait for that to happen again-"

Away from his chair, Ed leaned up, speaking before the pain caught to him. "If I wait that long, my world will die. I can't just sit around on my ass and hope someone else-"

He grimaced, suddenly feeling the need to retch. A sharp, hot, dismal pain grew from his supposed to be healed wound, spreading in veiny agony throughout his torso. A whole midsection of pain and bodily defiance. He clutched at the area and swore.

The headmaster's eyes softened. "Perhaps you should revisit Mrs. Pomfrey. A few spells and I'm sure she'll have you feeling better in no time."

Through clenched teeth, "Did you hear anything I just said?!"

"Rest assured Edward, I am listening. You'll find your name will grant you full access to the library and other research materials. I don't expect you to spend your stay here in luxury. However, I must ask just one thing in return."

Of course he would. Ed tried not to vomit as he listened intently.

"Keep an eye on Mr. Potter. This world is rapidly changing, and I fear it is not in a good way."

From what Ed remembered, Harry could take care of himself. Still, he gave a skeptical nod; head down then up through resounding aches. Even if he promised, there was no absolute law that he had to follow through. He knew what he was here for - to get home. And that would be what he would pursue alone.


He transmuted what he could from the drapes for extra coats - there was a large pile of clothing for him on the bed already, but the dragging cloaks everyone else wore were...not his style. At least there was underwear and socks and other necessities, a few plain shirts and some slacks. He had the boots that were on him, wet with snow and blood.

With those things, and the journal that had been returned to him, and Winry's earrings, he filled the trunk at the foot of the bed and sealed with alchemy, locked it. No one would ever be getting into it at with that kind of advanced alchemic knowledge. Smugly, he crossed his arms and admired the interlocking work. And then he sat.

Naturally, Dumbledore had shoved him into Harry Potter's room.

Edward didn't know what he was going to say when he inevitably entered.

"Hey, how's it going?" didn't exactly seem appropriate, given the situation. They all probably assumed he was dead, and he might as well have been, completely disappearing that summer. Oh god, the Weasleys would be very touchy-feely. And Hermione. He remembered the sliver of her face he had seen in his weakened consciousness - pretty now, like Winry. But crying as she examined his features, as he had breathed with harsh labors, as he had slipped into near-death.

Inside his red coat, he felt the silk of his glove against a pocketwatch. He stood and made his way to the common room, a stony place by the fire.

It wasn't long until people began to file in, whispering and pointing with vivid stares.

"I hear he disappeared a long time ago."

"Did you see the way he came in?"

"I thought he was dead!"

Edward kept his gaze down despite any annoyance at the words. He felt dampened and tired, drained of life here. His usual temper was even too exhausted to rear its ugly head. As long as a certain word would stay away from the occasion (although he had grown many, many inches in the past year).

Finally, he heard the voices go completely silent and knew instantly the three that had entered. Harry's footsteps first, swift and light, almost nervous. Then Ron's, clunky. Hermione's were last, and they were the smoothest. The most eager seeming.

Edward looked up.

They were old.

For so many years, they had felt like imaginary friends in his head, pieces of something he would never touch again, never interact with - seeing them before him now...It was almost too much in a strange sense. This was a boy who'd been through hell and back, and yet, reunification with such a pure part of his life felt so very very heavy.

Feeling it was appropriate, he stood and left his hands in his pockets.

"Um, hello, I-"

After several seconds of nervously wringing her hands, Hermione flung herself at him. Everyone else became rigid.

"You have no idea how worried we were!" At arm's length she pulled back, examining him. Eyes raked over his face then his form and his strange dress choice. He felt his cheeks burn and his - regrettably, his eyes, too. But he kept that 100% hidden, even when Hermione felt no shame in her tears.

"Yeah, mate," came Ron quietly. The words seemed hard to come out and weak. "We thought you were...y'know…"

"Dead," finished Harry. It seemed as though he couldn't help it - the black haired boy smiled, moving past hermione to clasp his friend with a firm handshake and a pat on the back. There was distance, sure, but it was alright. It had been a long time. You don't often forget the strong bonds you've had in the past, though. Edward knew this well, reciprocating their greetings even though his body and heart burned. He did owe them a lot.

They took their places with him by the fire and everyone else pretended to tune out. Said Ron,

"Yeah, Mum's going to be ecstatic to know you're alright."

Molly. There were many days in the past that he longed more than anything to be here again, but not away from Alphonse, not like this. Not with Winry's well being on the line and the world about to end.

Painfully, he nodded. For once, Edward Elric didn't know what to say. He tried his best. A harsh smile. He tried to be as nonchalant as he usually was, as driven and forward.

"It's good to see you guys again. Sorry I left you hanging before! Not like I had a choice, but..."

Harry shook his head, confused. He looked like he didn't know where to start, and the other two...They sat dumbfounded, blank expressions of disbelief even still. Ed had his arms propped on the back of the chair so his forearms dangled over his body and his frame was slouched. Completely casual, masking the raging nerves in his stomach.

"What happened? Everything seemed fine." They all thought of the same thing, it seemed - Edward's 'amnesia', his strange 'quirks'. "...Well, besides the obvious."

His grin remained toothy. "I found my dad," he lied happily. Not a complete lie, but one in context of the situation.

Hermione was the first to react, "Oh Edward, that's great news!" But after processing the implication of the words, paused. Struggled for words.

Ron didn't. "Why didn't you write, then? Even just one letter. We were bloody worried. I mean, we really thought you were a goner. Dead. In the ground."

The alchemist's face tightened for just a split second in remorse. As soon as it was back, he replied,

"I didn't have an owl. And even if I did, we were far away. Too far for one to travel. And I didn't know how to get back in to the wizarding world once I was out. You guys ever think of maybe putting a sign up or something?"

He hoped they couldn't hear or see his nerves. Mostly, he knew they couldn't - he looked picturesquely calm and confident per usual. Grounded even with his attitude and fire. But as the lies stacked up, he realized more and more that he needed to leave as soon as possible. Getting attached again would be a mistake. A big mistake.

"That's really all…?" Harry sounded disbelieving, and Ed didn't blame him. He wouldn't believe that bullshit either. Still, the blond nodded.

"Yeah, I know it's stupid and all, but that's really why. It wasn't like I liked taking off on you guys. But like I said, I didn't have a choice."

The trio paused and looked at one another. Hermione was next to speak, whispering amidst the common room chatter,

"And what about coming back? There must be an explanation for...that."

Lightly, too lightly, "Psh, that was nothing, I'm already better. There's no need to worry about that."

Again, exchanged glances. Again, hesitation. Hermione and Ron seemed to look to Harry now for assurance, who gave some kind of warning look. Maybe to not dig in too deep yet. Yeah, that seemed about right.

Harry said with a contorted expression, "We're not stupid, Ed. We know there's more to it than that."

The blond stood and stretch. Oh dear god, that hurt like absolute hell. His arms quickly dropped to his sides but he tried to make it seem as normal as possible, softening his face and yawning through the raging agony.

"If you say so. I'm gonna hit the sack. I'm tired."

They watched with open mouths as he left - Hogwarts' greatest enigma of a student. And that was saying something. None of them could define an answer for his change, could come up with any kind of explanation on what had happened, but between the three of them, there was one thing for certain:

Edward Elric was lying, and Edward Elric was drastically different. And they longed to unroot the reason for both.


A/N: I'm alive and I have no idea how to write these characters anymore.