Diner Disaster

Diner Disaster!!

Co-Written by: Ramboss and Wade-man

The young city of Peach Creek: it's hard to believe how much this city has grown since last summer. Last summer, this humongous city was just a small town that no one knew about, and now, skyscrapers tower over the old suburbs, roads are now longer and branch off into different directions like the veins of a leaf, and just recently, a new diner has opened up called, "Pop's Diner."

The owner of this new eating establishment has taken full advantage of the summertime by hiring several kids and faculty from the local school to help run his business. Yesterday was the due-date for job applications; today is when the new workers begin. Pops himself is ambling down the sidewalk towards his diner, swinging a ring of keys around his finger as he goes. The diner sits on a patch of almost bare ground, nothing on it but dirt and sparse amounts of crabgrass. His diner is old and worn-out; the sky-blue paint is chipping, the walls are cracking, the sign is barely capable of lighting up the words "Pops Diner", and the windows are coated in a fine layer of dust.

Pops himself is a portly man who wears a blue shirt, black pants, and a white apron. The only hair growing on his head is gray while the top of his head is bald. The rest is growing on his forearms. His keys jingle as they twirl around his short, stubby fingers. He smiles as he sees his loyal, brand-new employees standing at the door waiting on him, all of them in the brand-new uniforms issued to them yesterday.

"Well, I'm glad to see all of my employees here on time."

"Just hurry up and unlock the door, yo," an African-American kid wearing glasses and a blue waiter's uniform says in a nasally voice.

Pops unlocks the door and opens it. His employees step in first, but are met with a horrible odor that smells like decaying animals and rotting food. The seats are torn and coated in muck, the walls are tinted a light green from the mold growing on them, and their shoes stick to the floor as they try to lift their feet.

"It reminds me of Ed's basement," a blonde teenage girl exclaims happily.

"All right, all employees line up in front of the cash register!" Pops yells as his employees obediently stand at attention in front of the counter. "Okay, kitchen crew, fall in!" Three people in chef uniforms step out of line. Pops walks up to a blonde kid with six canine-like whiskers growing out of the corners of his mouth. The kid salutes Pops.

"Naruto Uzumaki, ready to go sir!!" he says enthusiastically.

"Well, you're certainly ready to work, aren't you? Well, um, Naruto, do you know how to work a grill, a stove, or an electric skillet?"

"Uh, no, not really…but I can boil water and work a microwave!"

"Great! That's all I needed to know before I let you work in the kitchen!" Pops walks towards the next person in a chef uniform. She has long red hair with her bangs pinned behind her ears by floral hairclips and gray eyes. "And what about you, um…" Pops looks at one of the job applications. "Orihime Inoue! How are you with a stove, grill, or skillet?"

"I love to cook! In fact, I cook all the time for my friends and for myself, but every time I cook, no one seems to be hungry anymore…"

"Good, we have two certified cooks! Just don't burn the kitchen down, please! And our next cook is…Rolf!" Pops walks up to a blue-haired boy with a large chin. "So, can you cook?"

"Yes! Rolf was taught to cook many dishes from his old country by his great Nana!"

"I like that! Congratulations, Rolfy-boy! You're our head-chef!"

"This is good, he who smells of Nana's foot soakings! Rolf will keep the kitchen running smoother than Rolf's back after a good vegetable soaking!"

"Great, now round up your crew and go man the kitchen!" Orihime and Naruto make a mad dash for the kitchen, but Rolf grabs their shirt collars.

"Where do you think you're going?" the Son of a Shepherd asks the energetic boy and red-head. "Rolf is head chef so Rolf enters the kitchen first!!" Rolf pulls them to the side and struts into the kitchen, his crew-members following at his heels.

"All right, the next position up for grabs is the coveted position of assistant manager. Now, the title sounds pretty powerful, but it actually isn't. However, it takes someone with plenty of work experience to handle such a responsibility, and since May is the only one here who has graduated both high school and college, she gets this job. And as for the pink-haired girl and the dorky kid with the glasses…"

"Now hold on, yo! I don't take insults like that from some greasy old man who smells like five month old cheese!!"

"Irwin, drop it," the pink-haired teenage girl standing beside the bespectacled kid snaps.

"Ahem! As I was saying, the kid with the glasses and the lady with the funny hair color will wait the tables."

"Wait! What about me?" the blonde girl asks.

"Who are you?" Pops asks.

"This is my protégée, Carrie," May replies.

"Protégée, huh? Well, what experience does she have? I couldn't get anything out of her job application other than she likes chickens, eating peanut butter and pudding, and apparently she likes to draw because there are drawings all over the paper…"

"Well, she did do some volunteer work at the local middle school serving food, but she was fired an hour later."

"Yeah, I was attacked by mole mutants!" Carrie adds.

"Uh, don't mind her. She tends to be a little, um, spacey but she's a hard worker."

"Well, since she's your protégée, I'm putting you in charge of her! She can work any job you can think of here at the diner, but any damages caused by her comes out of your paycheck!! And whatever you do, don't let her eat the out-of-date canned food in the pantry. That's for the customers." Pops walks into his office at the corner of the room.

"Okay, Carrie, let's see if you…Carrie! Get your nametag out of your mouth!!" May snatches the nametag out of Carrie's jaws and pins it back on her white shirt. "Now, we're going to see how good you are at waiting tables. I'll let you get the first table, if Dorothy and Irwin don't mind."

"No, go right ahead," the pink-haired woman replies.

"Nah, I don't mind, yo! I'll just stay here and chill with my woman Dorothy." Irwin leans back on the counter where Dorothy is sitting, but she maliciously shoves him into a table.

"Anyway, Carrie, did you study the book I gave you last night?"

"Yeah, but I couldn't read it. I think it's in Chinese!" Carrie holds up a yellow and black book titled Fast Food Service for Dummies.

"First of all, you're reading it upside-down, Carrie!" May takes the book, flips it, and places it back in her friend's hand. "There! After I'm done with you, you'll be the employee of the month hands-down! Now, all we need is a customer…"

Just as the brown-haired thirteen-year-old genius finishes speaking, an elderly man walks in the front door. He's wearing a solid white zoot suit and he has a set of fangs protruding from underneath his gray moustache. He sort of resembles Red Foxx from the TV show Sanford and Son. He sits down in a booth to the right of the door and picks up a slimy, grease-covered menu resting on the table.

"Here's your chance, Carrie! Remember the three most important rules, one: always act friendly towards the customer. Two: don't eat ANY of the customer's food. And three: don't spill anything on the customer or yourself. Got it?"

Carrie smiles and says, "You can count on me! I'll remember to do all three of those things!"

"Great, now go take his order." Carrie happily walks up to the elderly man.

"Oh, my gosh, IT'S DRACULA!! I've seen all of your movies!! C-can I have your autograph?"

"What? Dracula already gave you his dang autograph last Tuesday! Dracula's hungry right now! Dracula needs the Early Bird Special! Now go get Dracula's food!"

"Okey dokey, Artichokey!" Carrie walks to the service window overlooking the kitchen. "One Early Bird Special, please!"

"Okay, Rolf will prepare the eggs! Uzumaki-boy, you will fix the bacon and biscuits and the Inoue-girl will prepare the gravy!" Naruto and Orihime salute their superior and immediately get to work.

Orihime grabs a huge pot with various sauces and food particles caked on the sides without any evidence of a recent washing. However, the red-head ignores this and gets to work.

"Okay, I'll make some of my special gravy!" She fills the pot with water and places it on the stove. "And now to add some brown gravy mix and the most important ingredients!" Orihime reaches in the pantry and starts grabbing various food items. "I'll add some eggs, sugar, salt, pepper, vinegar, chocolate milk, sweet potatoes, this peppermint, a fish head, and I don't know what this thing is, but I'm going to add it anyway!" She happily tosses the mystery ingredient. Rolf eats a spoonful of Orihime's "Mystery Gravy."

"Very good, it's just like Rolf's great Nana used to make! Rolf is finished scrambling the eggs!" Rolf shows his two cooks his eggs. There's a small bone, a rat's tail, and an eyeball mixed in with the eggs, but this doesn't seem to faze the other two chefs.

Naruto's bacon and biscuits aren't so good either. The bacon is half-cooked and smothered in pepper and the biscuits look like lumps of coal. However, Rolf is pleased with the work of his crew and gives the plate to Carrie.

"Okay, I was nice to the customer, now what were the other two rules? Oh, well!" Carrie walks over to Dracula's table, places the food in front of him, and then devours it right before the vampire's very eyes.

"Hey, that was Dracula's food!" May hears the commotion and makes her way to the table to solve the commotion.

"Is something wrong, sir?"

"Yeah, Blonde-girl ate Dracula's Early Bird Special! Didn't even leave Dracula a crumb!"

"Carrie, did you forget rule number two?"

"NO!!" Carrie snaps back defensively. "Um, yes, I did."

"Carrie, what am I going to do with you? KITCHEN!!" Naruto and Orihime stick their heads out of the little window.

"YES!!" They say in unison, until Rolf jerks them back in.

"Rolf is boss, so Rolf answers the call!! Back you urchins! Back I say! Now, how can the son of a shepherd assist you, she who wears the hand cloth on her noggin?"

"First of all, it's a bandanna and second of all, we need another Early Bird Special!"

"Yes, ma'am! Red-haired girl, make the gravy, and hyperactive boy, prepare the bacon and biscuits!"

Minutes later, the food is ready and Carrie is headed towards Dracula's table, again, holding his long-awaited meal. Everything seems to be going smoothly until something catches Carrie's eye. Lying on the ground at Dracula's feet is the shiniest penny Carrie has ever seen! She bends over to grab it when CRASH!! Dishes, gravy, bacon, and eggs fly everywhere and once again, Dracula is rather unhappy. Carrie straightens up clenching the penny in her fingers when she realizes the mess she made. Dracula's face is covered in Orihime's mystery gravy, the bacon is poking out of his ears, and the eggs are sitting on his head. Carrie smiles sheepishly and places her penny in his shirt pocket to try to make things better, but it doesn't help the situation. May, who witnessed the entire incident, grabs a roll of paper towels and goes back to Dracula's table. Outraged, the vampire pours the last bit of gravy on the table on Carrie's head. Carrie is surprised at first, but she uses her tongue to catch the drops of gravy oozing down her face.

"Rule number three, Carrie, rule number three!!" May exclaims as she cleans the mess. "I'm sorry about that, sir. How about a free cup of coffee while we fix you another Early Bird Special?"

"No thanks! Dracula's getting out of here before Blonde-girl kills Dracula!" Dracula runs out the door.

"Well, Carrie, I guess I can't trust you with serving food, so let's try beverages. You can serve this next guy. Dorothy! I need you to help Carrie with this next one if he orders any food!"

The next customer comes in the door. He is a walking skeleton wearing a black robe and a sickle clenched in his fist. He glides elegantly across the room and takes a seat on a stool by the counter. Dorothy approaches the lifeless customer.

"Hello, Grim! What can I get for you this morning?"

"I don't want anyting to eat, but I would like a cup of coffee to wake me up, mon," Grim replies in a Jamaican accent. May walks Carrie over to the coffee maker.

"Okay, Carrie, all you have to do is press the button, wait a few minutes, and pour the coffee into this mug. Remember, don't spill it; it's extremely hot." Without saying a word, Carrie presses the button and smiles. "Good, now while you're waiting, you can read your book."

May walks away and Carrie pulls out her Fast Food Service for Dummies book. Quickly growing bored with reading, Carrie takes her notepad out and decides to play herself at tic-tac-toe. Carrie is losing when the coffee pot finishes. Carrie puts her pad and pencil away and removes the pot. She spills some coffee on the counter, but manages to pour a full cup of coffee. Carefully she places the mug in front of Death, splattering a few drops on the counter.

"Tanks," Grim says, pouring the coffee into his mouth. Unfortunately, Grim is a skeleton and has no skin, so the coffee pours out of the hole in the bottom of his jaw and into his lap. "No, it got all over me good robe! I just had dis dry-cleaned!"

"I DIDN'T DO IT!!" Carrie screams. May hears the commotion and comes to her friend's aide yet again.

"I know you didn't do it, Carrie. I want you to go into the kitchen and taste the food. I don't think those three chefs have any idea what they're doing." Carrie stands at attention, salutes her friend, and marches into the kitchen. "As for you, Grim, if you don't have any skin to keep the coffee in your mouth, don't order any."

"Sorry, I just needed someting to wake me up dis morning. Anyway, here's the money for de coffee and a quarter for Carrie's tip. She didn't do all dat bad, save for de coffee all over de counter. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get me robe re-cleaned." And with that, Grim takes up his scythe and exits the diner.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, when Orihime opens the cupboard to retrieve more flour, a huge cockroach leaps out.

"A giant bug!!" she screams in surprise. Naruto grabs a frying pan.

"I'll kill it!" Carrie watches as Naruto chases the unusually oversized insect around the kitchen, swinging the pan wildly and breaking dishes and putting holes in the slime-covered beige-tiled walls. The roach flies on Rolf's head and Naruto decides to make his move. He swings the pan with all his might, but the bug dodges. WHAM!! Rolf falls to the cold, grease-covered ground, a large knot on his head. Ignoring him, Naruto continues his chase. Rolf stands to his feet.

"YOU HAVE BROUGHT UPON THE RAGE OF A THOUSAND GOATS, UZUMAKI-BOY!! NOW PREPARE FOR AN UNMERCIFUL THRASHING!!" Carrie steps over the mess left by the commotion and walks over to Orihime, who is quietly preparing today's lunch special.

"Hi, my name is Carrie and I'm here to taste-test the food by order of the assistant manager!"

"Great, I'll let you have some of my stew! All I have to do is get some squid tentacles and it will be ready." Orihime goes over to the refrigerator and pulls out a box that reads "Samurai Kwan's Frozen Squid Tentacles" on the front, but when she returns to her pot, she finds that it's empty.

"Hey, where did my stew go? Did it run away?" She turns to Carrie, whose mouth is caked with tomato sauce. "Hey, you're supposed to taste the food, not eat it all!!"

"According to my book, I'm only supposed to taste what I could fit in my mouth, and there's still some stew left on the sides!"

"Well, in that case, my stew must've walked away…oh well! I'll just make more!!"

Meanwhile, Pops hears the racket in his kitchen and storms out of his office.

"WHAT IN SAM HILL IS THAT RACKET!!" His only answer is a metallic clang followed by Rolf screaming in anger and then a thud. Naruto pokes his head out of the window. He's missing a few of his teeth and he has a footprint embedded on his face. In his hand he still has his frying pan, only this time, the bottom is caked with roach guts and a few twitching legs.

"Sorry, boss, but there was a huge bug and we were trying to kill it."

"A roach, huh? Don't throw him away. Put him in the burger meat to give it some extra flavor." Naruto salutes Pops and pulls himself back in the kitchen.

Later on that afternoon, business really picks up. Carrie is kicked out of the kitchen after Rolf catches her trying to eat the silverware and she's now manning the cash register.

"Okay, Carrie, you get to work the cash register now! Just read your book and come get me if you need help," May says.

Carrie nods and opens her book to a page titled "Manning the Cash Register." A paragraph underneath reads: "Working the cash register is a simple yet very important job. Remember to keep a positive attitude and mind your manners when dealing with a customer. Also remember, THE CASH REGISTER IS NOT A TOY!! If the cash register looks intimidating, just remember, it is your friend and must be treated as such."

A woman steps up to the register and says, "I'm ready to pay for my food."

Carrie gazes at all the buttons on the cash register in confusion. She takes the lady's money and sticks it in the side of the register.

"Ahem! I'm expecting to get some change back, please!" Carrie begins to sweat as she types a message on the register that reads "I want some change. Love, Carrie." ERROR flashes on the screen.

"Uh, maybe I should push all the buttons…" Carrie places her hands over the buttons and pushes down. ERROR flashes on the screen again and adding paper shoots out of a slit in the side of the register. The drawer flies open and dollars and coins scatter everywhere. "Help, I made it mad at me!!" Carrie screams as she hides behind her friend, covered in adding machine paper. May unplugs the register, adds up the customers change, and cleans up the mess.

"Carrie, didn't you read the part in your book that says 'the cash register is not a toy'!?"

"Yes, but it had so many buttons that I didn't know what to do, so I pressed them all."

"It's okay. You'll get it tomorrow after you study that book a little more. For now, just stand there and attract customers and don't eat the food."

"You're right, Plank, I wouldn't feed this food to my dog," the last customer, a bald kid accompanied by a 2x4 piece of wood with a face drawn on it remarks as he quietly throws his leftover salad away. The salad has roach legs and chicken feathers poking out from under the lettuce leaves.

Later on that night, Carrie is determined to study that book, but she falls asleep before she reaches the front door of her friend's house. May drags her into the living room and sets her on the couch.

"Well, I guess I'll have to take things into my own hands. By tomorrow, Carrie will be the greatest employee in that diner!" May pulls out a syringe and uses it to inject some blue liquid into Carrie's arm. "These nanobots should do the trick." May looks around and realizes she's alone. "I really need to stop talking to myself…"

The next day, Pops enters his diner to find everything cleaned up. There's not a trace of mold and dust, all the dishes are clean, and his shoes no longer stick to the floor. Carrie walks out of the kitchen holding a well-prepared Early Bird Special in her hand and serves it to Dracula, who's sitting in the same seat as yesterday.

"Whoa, what's gotten into Carrie?" Dorothy asks.

"Last night, I injected nanobots into Carrie's bloodstream. They basically control Carrie's muscles and have more data downloaded into their memory banks than Flo. Carrie is now able to work at speeds faster than any ordinary diner employee before her and she won't even break a sweat. And, as long as she doesn't get stressed out too much, nothing can possibly go wrong!"

"Wait, where are my cooks?" Pops asks. "They called me and told me they'd be here early to prepare a new appetizer for me to taste."

"Oh, I have them doing something else!" Carrie explains.

Meanwhile, in the boiler room under the diner, Rolf, Naruto, and Orihime are tied up and their mouths are stuffed with dish rags. Their appetizer is fermenting beside them in a pot.

"I can see myself in the counter!" Dorothy says in amazement. Irwin decides to make a move.

"I can see you to, and I think you look fine!" Dorothy fakes a laugh and stuffs a stack of dishes in his mouth. Irwin stumbles into a trash can. "That was not cool, yo!"

Pops decides to sample Carrie's cooking. "Hey, the food's actually edible and there isn't a rat tail or cockroach wriggling around in the eggs!"

"This is fun! I'm doing all the jobs and I feel like all I'm doing is standing up!" Carrie says as she refills a salt shaker.

"As long as Carrie's stress level remains low, nothing can go wrong."

Suddenly, a guy barges in the frond door and yells, "HEAD FOR THE HILLS!! THE KANKERS ARE COMIN'!!"

He hides in the trash can with Irwin as three girls walk in the diner. One has a red beehive hairdo and wears a shirt covered in red polka-dots. The second has blue hair and is wearing a black sleeveless shirt and the other has buck teeth, straight blonde hair, and is wearing a gray shirt with motor oil smeared all over the front. They take a booth close to the counter and Carrie strolls up to the trio of troublemakers.

"Carrie! Come back!" May yells.

"Hey, waiter, we're hungry!! FEED US!!" The trio demands. Everyone in the diner hides under their tables and watch as Carrie pulls out her notepad and pencil.

"Hey Marie, what do you want?" The polka-dot shirted Kanker asks.

"Eh, I'll have a breakfast burger and some hash browns. What about you, Lee?"

"I want an egg, sunny-side up!"

"Hey, what about me?" the buck-toothed Kanker asks rudely.

"Shut up, crybaby May!"

Carrie runs into the kitchen and returns seconds later with their order.

"Hey, I didn't order this! I ordered pancakes!!"

"But we don't serve pancakes…"

"No pancakes!? What kind of place is this!? Hey girls, this place doesn't serve pancakes. Let's show our friend Carrie what we think of restaurants that don't serve pancakes…"

The Kankers jump out of their seats, knocking the table over and spilling their food. The nanobots make Carrie clean their mess. Next the troublemakers pick up a chair and toss it into another table, smashing it. Robotically, Carrie cleans that mess up, too. The Kankers then start throwing customers! Lee picks up Dracula and throws him at Marie. Marie dodges and picks up some random lady and tosses her into the kitchen. Poor Carrie is trying to keep up with the Kankers, but she suddenly finds herself joining them.

"Oh, great, the nanobots are out of control, and now Carrie's tearing the diner apart!!" May (not the Kanker, mind you) screams. Carrie pulls Irwin out of the trash can and throws him against the boiler room door. Suddenly it opens and Rolf, Orihime, and Naruto run out.

"Run for your lives, or you'll be eaten by the appetizer!!" Rolf screams as a giant meat-blob oozes out the door after him.

"I GOT IT!!" Naruto grabs a meat tenderizer and runs at the blob, swinging his weapon wildly breaking things as he goes. The blob dodges and eats the Kankers and Irwin.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! NARUTO HAS A MEAT TENDERIZER!!" Orihime yells as she watches the blonde-haired boy charge at the giant wad of meat.

The Eds, local boys who live close by and happen to have similar names, run inside with a fire hose, ready to fight the creature.

"Ed, turn on the fire hydrant!!" the sock-hatted Ed-boy screams.

"Okey dokey, Smokey!" "Ed" replies dumbly, obeying his command. The water washes the wad of meat away and for no apparent reason, the kitchen catches fire and the wallpaper peels off.

"Well, this place is ruined," Pops says looking at his ruined restaurant.

"Is everyone okay?" The sock-hatted Ed-boy asks. Everyone nods in response.

"Are you done, Carrie?" May asks her friend.

"No, not yet." Carrie picks up a chair and throws it out a busted window where it lands in the middle of the road. "Okay, now I'm done!" Dorothy tackles Double D and knocks him to the ground.

"Double D!! You came to save me!!"

"Dorothy, please! Respect my personal space!!"

"Well, since everyone is okay…" the short, three-haired Ed-boy grabs the cash register and tries to open it, but the drawer is melted shut.

"Eddy, get your hands off that cash register!!" Double D snatches it out of Eddy's hands.

"What? I couldn't help myself! It was just sitting there calling to me!"

"See, Double D, I told you Carrie would have fun at her new job!!" Ed exclaims, looking around the restaurant.

"Messy, messy, messy!"

"For once I agree with ya, Sockhead!"

"It was fun, Ed! I was taken over by robots, and I ate food, and played with the cash register!!"

"And you got to wear a uniform that makes you look hot!!" Eddy adds.

Double D puts his hand over his face. "Eddy, can't you keep your mind out of the gutter for five minutes?"

Irwin crawls out of a pile of meat and says, "I'm quitting, yo! I can handle being dissed by my woman, but not being eaten by meat monsters!!"

"So, Pops, what are you going to do with this dump now?" May asks.

"I'm closing down. This place is a pigsty! All the furniture is smashed, meat is everywhere, and the kitchen is burned. I'm definitely opening a grocery store."

"A grocery store!? I WANT TO WORK THERE!!" Carrie screams.

"Uh, Carrie, after watching you work for the past two days, I don't think you're ready to go to work. You should stick to watching cartoons and playing with Ed."

"Okay, even though I didn't understand anything you just said!"

" And as for the grocery store idea Pops, I personally will not buy groceries from there after seeing the food you give customers to eat," May says.

"That's okay, Carrie! You can help me, Eddy, and Double D when we scam the kids!" Ed says.

"Yeah, and speaking of scamming, I got the perfect scam that's sure to make money!" Eddy puts his arms around his friends. "Okay, we open a diner in the cul-de-sac, make Carrie a waitress, Ed a chef, and Double D, you can be the cashier! The kids will never know what hit them!!"

"Here we go again…" Double D follows his friends out of the wreckage, off to; once again, try to scam money from the kids so he and his friends can buy jawbreakers.