Sam was hurt. His chest ached in a strange and unpleasant way, he gasped for air but his lungs felt empty. Dean loved him. Dean was in love with him. Sam was pretty sure there wasn't a certain protocol on how to deal with finding out your brother was in love with you so Sam felt justified in feeling hurt.
Dean couldn't love Sam because if he did then why didn't he constantly blow Sam off to hang out with girls? Or make Sam wait at some seedy bar while Dean took someone back to their room? If Dean loved Sam then he wouldn't just forget about Sam as soon as some girl with big tits and a little waist walked by.
Once Dean had turned 16, Sam got used to being forgotten about. Sam knew that Dean would much rather hang out with some airheaded babe than spend time with his nerdy little brother. So, Sam got used to Dean ditching him, cancelling plans and breaking promises. Because Dean was Dean, and Dean liked having sex with random strangers.
Sam's thoughts whirled around his head, a mass of confusion. Why hadn't Dean just told Sam how he felt? When they were younger they told each other everything, no matter how embarrassing or stupid.
Sam looked over at Dean, the man next to him had no resemblance to his brother. This man was tense, his back painfully straight and his hands fastened to the wheel so hard Sam was sure Dean would never be able to unclench them. Sam had made Dean look like that, it was Sam's fault, it always Sam's fault.
Sam continued to stare at his brother, tracing every detail of Dean's face as if he had never seen it before. Of course Sam knew Dean's face as well as he knew his own. He knew every expression that had ever been on his brother's face and he had committed them all to memory. Sam could not bear the sudden rush of pain that threatened to swallow him when he thought of what it would be like when Dean was in Hell. He could not bear to think of the silent road trips, or renting one bedroom motel rooms. Sam needed Dean, he had always needed Dean. Because Dean took care of Sam, never let him anywhere near harm and now because of Sam, Dean was going to Hell.
Sam thought of every time Dean had sacrificed himself for Sam. Every time Dean had gotten in school for beating up anyone that dared to hassle his brother, every time Dean had fought with their father for Sam, every time Dean had gotten hurt, had almost died just to keep Sam safe. Sam knew that Dean would do anything for him and maybe, it was about time Sam returned the favour.
Sam was sure he did not share the same kind of love that his brother had for him. But he knew that he did love Dean and he'd do anything to see him smile. And Sam owed him. Because Dean was dying, Dean was going to Hell, Dean had given up his soul for Sam. And Sam would give Dean anything he wanted and it seemed that all Dean wanted was Sam.
Sam wasn't sure how far he could go with this but he would try, for Dean. Because if this was Dean's dying wish then Sam was sure as hell going to make sure it came true. Even if Sam wasn't being entirely honest or true in his actions, he could fake it. For Dean, Sam would do anything. Even give himself to Dean, if that's what his brother wanted, then Sam would do it.
"Stop the car, Dean"
Dean jumped at his brother's voice, Sam hadn't spoke for over half an hour. Dean had wondered if Sam would would ever speak a word to him again.
"Stop the car. Now, Dean"
Sam's voice was sharp, his eyes dark and his jaw set. Dean had seen that look only a few times, it meant that Sam had made a decision. And everyone who knew that once Sam made a decision there was no going back. Sam was a stubborn little bitch and Dean knew that more than anyone. And Dean knew, he just knew, that if he stopped the car then Sam would get out and walk away. Sam would leave. And Dean knew he wouldn't be able to stop his brother, he hadn't been able to stop Sam when he left for college. Sam would leave and Dean would be left broken.
Without Sam, Dean would welcome death and the burning pit with open arms. The pain of Hell would be nothing compared to the pain of losing Sam.
You guys are amazing! I can't thank you enough for all the feedback! As always let me know if you want me to continue. A few of you are worried about whether or not this will have a happy ending, don't worry I don't think I can do a sad ending!
