Hey guys.

Been a while since I updated, I know.

I'm not dead.

It's been hard is all, especially the last month or so.

You see, last month on March 20th...a good friend of mine committed suicide.

It's been trying. Everything reminds us constantly of her. She sat at our table, was at the birthday parties, she was apart of our little family, and now she's gone.

The first week after, I barely attended any classes--I was mainly in the mourning room at school, with the rest of my friends.

I've been crying a lot recently. And for a long time, I don't think anthing will be 'normal' like it was. The lunch table just feels so...empty, now, with that extra seat.

I'd like to ask a favor of those who are reading this. If you could please, just please, pray for her in heaven. I don't care if your atheist, christian, judaism, hinduism, islam, whatever...

If you could please, just spare a minute, and pray for her? It would a lot to me and the rest of the TFCC, and her family. We miss her very much.

She loved Elmo and John Deere. She was in your face, and if she had a problem with you, she told you. She hated almost everything girly. She carried a plush Elmo on a keychain that laughed when you pressed it's tummy. If she saw us grieving and crying for her now, she'd probably whack us upside the head with a hammer for doing so.

She died March 20th, 2009. Her birthday was March 21st.

She would have been sixteen.

Her name was Cassie.


The Adventures of Those Four Crazy Chicks

Operation: Morgan's B-Day


"Can I have a cookie?"

"No."

"Can I please have a cookie?"

"No."

"…"

"…"

"Can I have a cookie now?"

"NO god dammit!"

Morgan stamped her foot to accent her point this time. Brandi continued to look up at her with big, pleading puppy eyes. However, when it became apparent that Morgan would not give in to her efforts, Brandi proceeded to throw herself to the ground at the other's feet.

"Please!" she cried. "I have to have a cookie! You don't understand!"

"Oh, I understand perfectly," Morgan replied, not budging an inch even with the deceptive tears leaking from Brandi's overly large eyes. "I understand that you are addicted. Just like Tobi's addicted to Strawberry Nesquik."

"That's different!" the in denial cookie addict claimed. "I don't snort cookies! I eat them!"

"That doesn't change anything."

"Yes it does!"

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does!"

"No. It. Doesn't."

"Yes it does!"

"NO. It-"

"SHUT UP!"

The two girls paused in their fight to turn to the other members, Ariel and Samantha, who looked positively annoyed.

"Brandi, here's a cookie," Samantha tossed said treat somewhere on the staircase, where the cookie-loving brunette ran to catch it, little flowers floating randomly in the air behind her, "and Morgan…"

Ariel finished her sentence, "We're sending you on errands!"

Morgan raised a brow. "Errands? Why me?"

Ariel grabbed her by the shoulders, and began pushing toward the door. "Because you're available!" She opened the front door, thrusting a set of keys into her hand. "Here's the keys to the Akatsuki Mobile-"

"I don't know how to drive!"

"-and here's the list of things we need you to do!" She stuffed a two-foot list into her other hand. "Now…have fun!"

And suddenly, Morgan found herself pushed into the front lawn, the door slamming closed behind her.

Morgan blinked. "Ooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaay…"


(Back Inside…)


Ariel leaned against the door, sighing in relief. "Phase one, complete."

"Alright." Samantha clapped her hands. "Now, Deidara, Tobi," the two boys appeared from the stairs and saluted, "you'll do reconnaissance. Follow her and alert us to her movements."

"Yes ma'am! (un!)" both shouted, then disappeared to prepare.

"Okay. Now Brandi, you-…Brandi…Brandi?…Where's Brandi?"

"Umm…," Ariel pointed to the couch, where the hyperactive TFCCan was cuddling with her cookie.

"And I shall pet you, and love you, and name you Squishy! Because that's what you'll feel like when you get to my tummy!" She rubbed the dessert lovingly against her cheek.

"BRANDI!"

"Waaah!" Brandi jumped, and the cookie flew from her hands, crashing into the wall and shattering into hundreds of tiny inedible pieces. "NOOOOOO!!!!"

"Brandi!" Samantha called again, dragging the sobbing mess to her feet. "Pay attention! It's time to begin phase one!"

Brandi sniffed, wiping her eyes. "Ph-phase one? Phase one of what?"

Ariel grinned, putting an arm around the cookie deprived child. "Phase one of Operation: Morgan's Birthday Surprise."

With Morgan…

"Okay," Morgan mumbled to herself, pulling into the Walmart parking lot, "let's see what we got here."

Morgan did a quick scan over the list, her eyes widening as she read it aloud to herself. "Bananas…whipped cream…candles…sensual body oils…a whip…leather bustier?!…eggs fresh from a chicken…three horse tail hairs…?…straw…chocolate flavored edible thongs?! Are those even real?!…a child's front tooth? WTF?…one of the lifesize Ronald McDonald's plastic figures that always sat outside the restaurant that little kids sat on…a male whore…a baby crib…and Nesquik."

Morgan stared at the list, her eyes swiveling between it and the front entrance of Walmart visible through the windshield.

"…I don't think I'm gonna find all that at Walmart…"


(Back At The House…)


"Hey, Itachi? Can I ask you something?"

Itachi turned from his task of hanging paper flowers to the banister on the staircase to his red-haired once puppet companion. "Hn?"

Sasori hesitated, seeming unsure of himself for a moment before answering. "Do…do you think Ariel's…cheating on me?"

Itachi blinked slowly. "Hn."

"I mean, she's been really secretive lately."

"Hn."

"And, thing is, when I'm near our room I can always hear her talking to someone."

"Hn?"

"But when I walk in, there's no one there!"

"Hn!"

"And she looks all innocent when I ask her who she was speaking to, denying everything."

"Hn~!" "And she's been buying weird things lately."

"Hn?!"

"She bought a lot of clothe, like she's making clothes, but won't tell me who for!"

"o_o"

"…Itachi…?"

"?_?"

"You're not seriously answering me with emoticons now are you?"

"^_^"

"…okay, one, what the hell, and two, how is that even possible?"

"-/_\-"

"…that's just creepy…"

"+_+"

"…I'm going to go on the assumption you're having another bout of temporary insanity, and ignore you."

"-_-"

"…whatever you say, Itachi, whatever you say…"

"0////0"


(With Brandi, Sam, and Ariel…)


"Okay, what about this one?"

Samantha observed the piece of clothing Ariel held up, drumming her fingers on her chin contemplatively.

"It's just…it doesn't have that distinguishingly sexy flare, you know?"

Ariel blinked, lowering the clothes. "I think it's distinguishingly-sexy-flarey-enough…"

Sam rolled her eyes. "Ariel, look at it."

She blinked, and peered down at the billowing, ruffled white shirt that opened to mid-chest, and a pair of loose black leather breeches. By her feet lay a pair of soft, calf-length leather brown boots and belt.

"…what's wrong with it?"

"Ariel," Sam sighed, "if Tobi wore that, he'd look like a pirate."

"BUTT PIRATE!" Brandi butted in from nowhere.

"Shut up!"

Brandi whimpered, retreating to what she'd recently dubbed her Emo Corner, completely with glowing neon sign and overly depressive atmosphere.

"Ahem, anyway," Sam turned back to Ariel, "he'd look like a pirate."

Ariel sniffed, a little miffed. "What wrong with pirates? They're sexy."

"In movies, yeah. But Tobi wouldn't make a good pirate."

"How do you know?!"

Sam smiled triumphantly. "Because he'd look so much better in this!"

She whipped out a sleeveless black leather vest, which criss-crossed over the chest, painted on black leather pants, thigh-high black leather steel-toed boots, and fingerless black leather gloves.

"…Sam?"

"Yes?" she replied, staring adoringly at the outfit she'd created.

"He'd look like a bondage slave wearing that."

"See! It's perfect!"

"…," takes deep breath, "okay. Sam, think about this for a second. Tobi. Bondage. Does not compute."

"…you know what, you're right." Sam gave her ensemble one last adoring look. "I'll just have to have Itachi wear it later."


(In Another Part Of The House..)


Itachi violently sneezed, head knocking against the wall and tissue paper flying from his hands.

"Itachi? You okay?"

Itachi turned to stare at Sasori briefly for a moment, before nodding his head. "Hn."

"Well at least he's not speaking in emoticons anymore," Sasori mused. "That knock to the head must have done something good."


(Back Where We Left Off Before That Totally Random And Pointless Venture…)


"So, what do we do about his attire then? If Tobi can't be a pirate and he can't be a bondage slave, what can he be?!"

Samantha sighed, falling back onto the bed (the girls were in her room right now). "We'll figure it out. But one thing is certain."

"What?"

"We are keeping the leather pants."

Ariel agreed.

Off in her corner, Brandi paid no attention to the other two girls. She was too busy talking to the mushrooms she was cultivating.

"Why thank you mushroom! You have a beautiful color as well. Gosh, I don't know why I don't talk to you guys more--you make such good conversation!"

And if the mushrooms replied, Brandi was the only one that heard.


(With Morgan…)


Moran had currently just finished shopping at Walmart, and was checking her list after loading the items into the Akatsuki Mobile (which was really just an old ice cream truck with the word 'Akatsuki' and a red cloud spray painted on the side).

Bananas

Whipped cream

Candles

Sensual body oils

Whip

Leather bustier

Eggs fresh from a chicken

Three horse tail hairs

Straw

Chocolate flavored edible thongs

A child's front tooth

One of the lifesize Ronald McDonald's plastic figures

A male whore

Baby crib

Nesquik

Morgan sighed.

It seemed Victoria's Secret was next on her list…


(With Tobi and Deidara, AKA, The Mission Stalkers…)


"This is soooooo boooorrring, un."

"Tobi is a GOOD BOY!"

"…-sobbing noise-…"


(With Sasori…)


Sasori took a deep breath as he walked up the stairs.

It was now or never.

Taking slow steps, he came to a stop at the front of the door to his and Ariel's room, ready for the worst. Then, abruptly he swung the door open.

"I KNEW IT!"

Ariel sat up quickly, the blankets ruffling around her body and the hammer she'd been cuddling with. "Sasori! It's not what you think!"

"Oh really?" he mocked, shaking his head incredulously. "Because from where I'm standing, it looks to me like you're in bed with another man!-er, hammer…"

Ariel hopped from the bed, running over to clasp Sasori's arm. "Wait, Sasori! I can explain!"

Unbeknownst to the two, Pein, Konan, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Itachi, Kisame, Samantha, and Brandi had all gathered at the door and were watching the spectacle.

"Konan? You are getting all this on tape, right?"

"Every second."

"This is so fucking awesome."

"You think we could make money off this if we sell it to PBC?"

"Well I must say, you people are more idiotic than I'd previously assumed."

"Hn, hn, hn, hnnnetty, hn."

"Itachi, you seriously need to work on your conversation skills."

"Hey Brandi, pass the popcorn."

"Okay!"

Sasori ripped his arm from Ariel's grip, rounding on her with his hands on his hips. "Oh really, what is it then?!"

Ariel giggled. "Sasori…you look totally GAY when you do that…"

The red head ground his teeth. "Answer. The. Question."

Ariel turned away dramatically, a hand rising to rest on her forehead. "Oh Sasori, I've been meaning to tell you! I just, I didn't know how!"

She suddenly burst into sobs and collapsed onto the floor, a spotlight shining down from above.

Sasori turned away, voice speaking in monotone with odd pauses between phrases. "I…don't know…if I can trust you…again…"

"This is like Days of Our Lives!"

"Shut up, Brandi!"

Ariel stood up, and took Sasori's hand in hers, the spotlight now enshrouding both. "But you have to, Sasori! You see, Marietta isn't my lover, he's your child!"

"KONAN~!"

"I'm getting it, Pein, I'm getting it!"

"Does anyone else find it a little fuckin' creepy that a he is named Marietta? Seriously."

"Does anyone else find it odd that she gave birth to a hammer?"

"This is extremely disturbing."

"Hn-hn-hnnnn!" (Dun-dun-dunnn!)

"Oh, Morgan will love this."

"It's even BETTER than Days of Our Lives!"

Sasori stared wide eyed at Ariel. "You mean?"

Ariel nodded. "Yes."

Sasori turned to the bed, and walked forward until he stood over the innocent hammer that rest there. Slowly, he picked it up, holding it to the spotlight.

"Hello, my son.

"Hello, Marietta."


(With Morgan…)


"This -pant- fucking -pant- SUCKS -pant-."

Morgan sat in the drivers seat of the Akatsuki Mobile, having just finished the task of running through Victoria's Secret, and avoiding all the annoying sales women that wanted to sell her scanty lingerie.

Looking at the list, she made note of what was left.

Bananas

Whipped cream

Candles

Sensual body oils

Whip

Leather bustier

Eggs fresh from a chicken

Three horse tail hairs

Straw

Chocolate flavored edible thongs

A child's front tooth

One of the lifesize Ronald McDonald's plastic figures

A male whore

Baby crib

Nesquik

Now she needed to find a farm…


(With Tobi and Deidara…)


"Those sales women are RABID, un."

"Tobi's still a good boy!"

"…why me, un? Why?"


(With Morgan, At A Random Farm…)


Morgan carefully nursed the black eye she now sported, wincing every time she brushed it.

Apparently horses don't like it when you pull their hair out of their tails…

Who knew?

She glared balefully down at the straw and three hairs she had just recently acquired. She'd be getting the eggs soon from the farmer man (under penalty of death) and then she'd be on her way to McDonalds.

Oh JOY.


(Ten Minutes Later, At McDonalds…)


"Holy shit!"

"Get her!!"

Morgan could now be seen running across the McDonalds parking lot, three of the staff chasing after her and some VERY angry six year olds clutching her pant legs.

As she arrived at the Akatsuki Mobile, Morgan grabbed the nearest six year old, and tossed him at the nearby McDonalds staff. Then, she punted the other over a nearby fence, uncaring of the fact that she'd just manhandled two small children.

Hopping in the car after tossing the plastic Ronald in the back and speeding down the street, narrowly missing several curbs as she did so, she sighed to herself and took out the list.

"Where to next?"


(With Tobi and Deidara…)


"I hate you Tobi, un."

"I'm STILL A GOOD BOY!"

"…I'm seriously contemplating your death, un."


(Back To Morgan…)


Morgan hung over the bed of a little boy, sparkling crown glittering in the glow of the nightlight. Of course, why the child was asleep with a nightlight at three in the afternoon totally escaped her…

"Hello, small child," she whispered, shaking the boy's shoulder gently.

The boy blinked slowly, smiling up at her lazily. "Are you the tooth fairy?"

Morgan grinned, a barely noticeable twitch in her right eye. "Yes. I am the freakin' tooth fairy."

The boy frowned suddenly. "But, I'm not missing a tooth…and aren't you supposed to be three inches tall?"

Morgan narrowed her eyes. "Just give me the damn tooth, kid!"

Then, she promptly reached forward and jerked his front tooth from his mouth, ignoring his screams of protest, and shrugging away any guilt with the thought that it would have come out eventually--with or without her help.

After crawling through the boy's window, which had been her means of entering, she shredded the horrid costume she'd donned for the event and looked at her list to see what was left.

Bananas

Whipped cream

Candles

Sensual body oils

Whip

Leather bustier

Eggs fresh from a chicken

Three horse tail hairs

Straw

Chocolate flavored edible thongs

A child's front tooth

One of the lifesize Ronald McDonald's plastic figures

A male whore

Baby crib

Nesquik

Well, it seemed that all that was left was a male whore.

Oh dear lord.

Morgan slapped her forehead. Where was she going to get one of those?

A passing hobo caught her attention, and she smiled wickedly.

This would do nicely.


(Five Minutes Later…)


Morgan buckled her seatbelt, ignoring the muffled cries of the bound hobo in the back, and prepared to leave for the house once more.

Suddenly, Morgan's nose jerked into the air, and her eyes narrowed.

"…I smell Nesquik…"


(With Tobi and Deidara…)


"Tobi! Put the Nesquik away, un!

"But Tobi needs it!"

"I don't care! Look, she's leaving, un! We have to beat her back!"

"…-sniffles-…Nesquik…"


(At The House…)


"Morgan should be here any minute! Where are Tobi and Deidara?!"

Just then the front door opened. "Tobi's he-"

"There you are!" Samantha threw Tobi into Brandi's arms, who began to strip him and dress him into the appropriate attire.

"Okay, everyone ready? She'll be here in five, four, three, two-"

The door opened, and Morgan waltzed in. "Hey guys, what's-?"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Morgan blinked at the sight presented before her. The whole group stood, Tobi in a deliciously scrumptious outfit of orange silk shirt and painted on leather pants, smiling at her with decorations on every part of the house she laid her eyes on.

"…is this why you sent me on errands?"

"Yep!" Samantha put an arm around her shoulders. "Most of that is for you and Tobi, who will have a night with no distractions, but some stuff was for others."

Ariel came back inside (When had she left?!) the objects from the Akatsuki Mobile trailing behind her. "Thanks for the horse hairs and straw! I needed new voodoo equipment!"

Hidan stepped forward then, scanning the items.

"Where's my sacrificial male whore?"

"Right here." Morgan gestured to the hobo.

"…that's a fuckin' hobo."

"No, it's a male whore."

"It's a hobo."

She narrowed her eyes dangerously. "It's a male whore."

Hidan gulped. "It's a male whore."

She smiled. "Good boy."

"So, Morgan," Ariel stepped up to her other side. "Why don't you take Tobi over there and go upstairs--have some fun with your new toys, eh? We can eat cake and stuff later."

Morgan grinned devilishly. "Okay."

They disappeared in five seconds.

Brandi whimpered. "But I wanted cake now."

Deidara cuddled her sympathetically. "You can have some later, un."

On the couch, Ariel and Sasori were cuddling the 'baby', who was wrapped in a blue boy's blanket.

"Isn't he adorable, Sasori?"

"He is. Oh! He has your eyes. Your evil, fear inspiring, demonic eyes."

"That's so sweet."

Hidan, who had been prodding Kakuzu with his toe, as the old man had passed out upon realizing how much had been bought, paused and looked up at the two.

"It's a fucking hammer. It' doesn't have eyes. Seriously."

Samantha put an arm around Itachi. "Sooo…odd day?"

"Hn."

"You have such a way with words.


(Later That Night…)


Hidan lay asleep in bed, perfectly content, when suddenly he awoke to a pressure being added to his abdomen. Opening his eyes, who should he find but Stephanie-the unofficial fifth member of the TFCC?!

"Dude what the fuck are you doing here? The story's practically fucking over!"

Stephanie stared down at him, obviously not amused.

"…just shut up and fuck me."

Hidan happily obliged.


The End


Hi guys.

I know, it's been a while since I updated anything...

It's just, the last few weeks and stuff have been particularly hard for me, and my friends. (Which includes the rest of the TFCC)

I'm sure you understand, if you read the top note.

Thanks for your patience.

Please review!

Ja ne.

vampgirl8