Author's Note – Hey guys so I guess the last couple of months with work and far too many deadlines has made writing a little tricky for me. I am really sorry for the delay on this! As always a big thank you to all for reading this story. Enjoy.
Eye of the Beholder
Chapter 3 – Sound of a Gun
Perhaps the most frightening thing about growing up is not realising that bad things will happen. We learn to accept that bad things are inevitable and a part of life. Bad things will always happen even in the most perfect of worlds. No, the most frightening realisation of all is that we are often responsible for the evils inflicted upon us.
---x---
Lucas was in another place entirely as he kissed Peyton becoming lost to her. He'd played the moment of their first kiss over in his head so many times but none had been as right as this. Lucas broke apart from her almost begrudgingly and Peyton's emerald eyes meet with his own crystal blues and she offered a shy smile. Lucas didn't think he'd ever seen Peyton Sawyer wear such an expression, certainly not a look that he'd invoked in her. He ran his hand through her tangled curls; the curls that had captured him years ago and mentally promised himself he would save her.
The moment had short lived yet wonderful and he hoped there may be many more to come.
The brief escape was all too short as fear and uncertainty flooded between them. Peyton's entire body froze and stiffened against his own in a split second. The near perfect moment was shattered as Lucas heard the repeated click of the door handle and he then watched as Peyton's beautiful face clouded with terror. Lucas listened to the sound of someone trying to get into the library and felt his heart pelt painfully in his chest.
"Lucas," Peyton said. Her voice was quiet barely there and yet the sheer alarm it held mirrored his own. "What are we going to do?"
"I don't.....I don't know," his voice hit a full stop but his thoughts went into hyper drive. He focused on where the noise was coming from; he was coming from the Tutor Centre which meant he was blocking Lucas and Peyton's bid for escape. Lucas didn't think they'd make it past Jimmy that way. He didn't like their chances.
The banging from the door became increasingly angry and threatening and Lucas's head screamed that he needed to get them out of there. He needed to do something. He moved slowly to the retrieve the baseball bat from where he'd dropped it earlier. He knew the bat was no match for a gun but at least it was something to defend them with.
"Go," Peyton murmured in a low but firm voice and only her glistening tears betrayed her. It took Lucas a moment to understand the meaning behind her instruction. He stood a better chance without her and they both knew it. Her arms were out stretched as she now pushed him from her, commanding him to stand and run. The sweetness of the girl who just wanted to be loved was now replaced by the willfulness of the person he'd seen so many times.
"Lucas! Go!"
"What? No. I'm not leaving you," he told her with resolve reminding them both of his promise only hours ago. Leaving her was not an option for him. He'd never forgive himself if he acted so selfishly.
"Lucas! Go!" Peyton hissed with a new found courage she didn't think she could possess in such a situation. She knew that if Lucas left on his own he could easily climb through a window or take a longer route from the library and away from the school. She slowed him down. She didn't want to be left alone. But then Lucas had been so good to her and she didn't want him to stay if he had a chance to get out of this.
"No," Lucas said with a firm shake of his head now finding himself equally as stubborn as the hot headed girl. He knew why she was saying it and the gesture was noble but he could never bring himself to do that.
"I'm slowing you down," she told him matter of factly. "What about your mom?"
There was a shattering crack that could only mean that Jimmy was making progress outside. Peyton let out an involuntary half scream half cry.
Lucas took her small hand into his own, trying his best to ignore the fact that it was now as cold as ice. He locked eyes with her preventing her from becoming lost to the nightmare that captured her. "Hey I'm not leaving. Nothing's going to happen to us. Peyton, listen to me. We're gonna get out of this. You need to be here for your dad and I need to be here for my mom. Ok? You just need to trust me. I know Jimmy. I can talk to him."
Peyton nodded in agreement as she used her other hand to wipe away the stray tears from her cheek. Lucas gripped her hand tighter marking their silent pact.
With the sound of a heavy heaving crack the door finally gave way to the intruder. Then several thuds followed as the library's furniture was thrown from his path. Lucas heard the telling sounds of footsteps. Jimmy was coming for them. To Lucas the day couldn't get more surreal but the shocks and surprises just kept on coming.
Peyton cried silently against Lucas's chest as they both could only listen to the sound of his approach. She felt weak and girly for truly breaking down but in that moment she didn't know what else to do. She felt like such a hindrance and she hated that.
"It's ok," Lucas murmured trying to soothe her. He needed to keep a calm and clear head and he knew he needed to try and talk to Jimmy. He hoped that he could still reason with Jimmy; he had known him better than most. He hoped that he could appeal to the good that was undoubtedly still in the boy.
Lucas could only listen as the footsteps became nearer and nearer. The air he breathed seemed cold and brittle and his breaths became increasingly shallow. Peyton's trembling began to ease off as she listened to the intruder's approach as well. Her eyes met with his and she was wordlessly reminded of his promise to protect her.
Finally after what seemed more like an eternity than mere seconds the final echoing thud meant Jimmy had found them. Lucas craned his neck and he saw a greying sneaker first before he raised his eyes to Jimmy's red hoodie and then finally to his face. Jimmy's face was pale, his eyes troubled and shadowed like he was just as shocked and afraid of the role he was now living.
But in his hands Jimmy still held the gun. It was cradled delicately between finger and thumb but it was still pointed in malice. The gun he had brought into school and shattered the safe lives of every student.
For a moment there was just silence between them. Jimmy stared at the sight before him in disbelief as if he was as uncomfortable in the situation as Lucas and Peyton themselves.
"Lucas," Jimmy's voice was shrill and shaky as he stared down at his former friend, the pretty blonde cheerleader and the baseball bat clenched tightly in Lucas's hand. Jimmy's gaze fluttered from Lucas and to his gun and back again. Jimmy was now the predator, the monster, the bad guy in the scene. In that split second he made his choice.
"You! Get up!" Jimmy ordered with a harsh tone and angled the gun at Lucas Scott.
Lucas sat frozen for a moment. But he knew he had to give Jimmy the feeling of control and power if he had any chance of getting them out of this. Slowly he untangled himself from a reluctant Peyton.
Jimmy kept the gun on Lucas. Jimmy mentally cursed the heavens above that of all the people he could have come across in the library it had to be someone who he knew and still cared about.
Lucas stood on unsteady legs, his knees shaking and betraying him. Then he felt a sudden surge of adrenaline spark through his body. He moved in front of Peyton placing himself between her and Jimmy.
"Come on Jim," Lucas found his voice finally. It sounded distant like it was no longer his own.
"Now drop the bat!" Jimmy was more agitated now but is gun hand shook just a fraction. He knew of course that along with Lucas's height and athletic ability that Lucas was also holding a baseball bat and that wasn't good. Jimmy's chin quivered slightly despite his stern deliverance. "I'm not joking around here Luke. I will shoot. Drop it and kick it over. Now!"
Admitting defeat Lucas extended his arm and dropped the baseball bat in one slow and deliberate motion. The object hit the floor with a clunk and Lucas kicked it over to Jimmy.
Lucas stood with his arms still raised in surrender with the gun still pointed at him.
"She's hurt Jim," Lucas said hoping to get through to the Jimmy Edwards he knew.
Jimmy's face contorted into shock and fear as he saw what his actions in the hallway had done. His eyes took in his victim's bloodied jeans and the shirt tied at her leg. He felt an added and suffocating weight tugging in his chest. He hadn't meant to hurt her. Guilt and fear shook him to the core. He hadn't meant to hurt anyone. Jimmy knew Peyton Sawyer to be Lucas's childhood crush. She'd never done anything to Jimmy; sure she had never noticed him just like so many others but she wasn't mean or unkind.
"I didn't mean to hurt her," Jimmy managed uselessly. His shot in the school hallway was meant to be a warning; he never thought he would actually shoot someone.
"I know you didn't Jimmy." Lucas kept his voice even and sympathetic to Jimmy.
Jimmy tugged at the collar of his red hoodie as if it was choking him. He kept the gun pointed at his friend as he tried to forget the pale fear on the face of his victim. "I didn't mean to hurt her," he uttered again.
"You need to let her go." Lucas acted on that momentary lapse. He needed to appeal to the compassion Jimmy was showing. "She's hurt Jim. She needs medical attention. It'll be ok you just need to let her go."
"Shut up," Jimmy shouted back. He had to be strong. He couldn't go back out there into the real world after what he had done. Jimmy had altered the course of his life forever and he couldn't undo that now. "Shut up."
"You can still get out of this," Lucas continued on saying. "You didn't mean to do this. If you let her go now there's a chance you can still get out of this. I'll tell them you let her go."
"Shut up," Jimmy thundered again."Sit down and shut up."
Lucas sank back to the floor feeling the weight of defeat. The look Jimmy wore and the way his hand now squeezed painfully at the gun told Lucas that reasoning with his friend may not work. Lucas pulled Peyton back into his arms holding her close to him as he battled with the feeling of helplessness.
"No! Nobody goes out. Nobody gets in and nobody gets out."
Jimmy paced in front of them at his statement. He paced clenching the gun tightly in his hand.
---x---
The entire school and the parking lot were now enclosed by the yellow police tape. "Do not cross the line" it warned. Though judging by the fact that their world now stood frozen in an ominous terror no one would do so voluntarily.
Mary Edwards, Jimmy's mother, a petite and mousy looking woman arrived on the scene. She wore a look of anguish as she searched out for someone who could tell her that her son was safe and unharmed. She'd arrived like every other parent just wanting to know that her child was out of harm's way. She prayed that the churning feeling of maternal protectiveness within her was just that and would not become a mother's worst nightmare.
"Mrs Edwards?" the police official muttered lowly under his breath.
"Is my son ok?" she asked with a last shred of hope.
An arm stretched over her shoulder as the man asked her to come with him. The gesture seemed almost pitying. She knew even before she stood before the police captain what had happened. A mother always knows; or at least she should have known what her son was capable of.
Several witnesses can confirm that your son brought a gun into the school today.....
The mother felt the swells of guilt as they told her what Jimmy had done and her knees barely supported her. She should have known. She had seen the signs of Jimmy spiralling downwards for so and yet she hadn't been able to protect him.
---x---
Jimmy lit up another cigarette leaning heavily against the table behind him. He gripped the little white stick tightly and inhaled deeply so the nicotine could reach his fraying nerves. The police sirens and helicopters had arrived and settled now surrounding them inside. As he felt the onset of calmness once again he moved from the windows and perched on one of the nearby study desks and stared at his unmoving hostages. Lucas had fell silent after his outburst but the cheerleader now studied him like a hawk.
"Why are you doing this?" Peyton felt the words pass her lips before she could stop herself. She still remembered Jimmy's face in the corridor. He had been scared and overwhelmed over what he had just done.
"Why am I doing this? Why? You think I wanted this?" Jimmy ranted angrily at her. "You think I got up today and just decided to shoot you? You don't know what it's like."
Peyton breath caught in her throat and she felt Lucas's arms tighten in warning around her body. Fitting in was hard Peyton of all people knew that. She was lucky enough she guessed to be part of the popular crowd but she didn't feel like she belonged there. She found the image of herself as a cheerleader laughable at times, she felt lonely even in the arms of the captain of the basketball team. She felt uncomfortable in the labels she had been given.
"I know it's not easy..." she tried reaching out again.
"Yeah?" Jimmy spat at her statement. "What do you know about it? You're beautiful, smart and surrounded by people just like you."
Peyton glared back at his blind judgements. "Just like me?"
"You think it's hard for you?" Jimmy snarled. "At least people notice you. At least people want to be around you."
"It's not like they really know me," she stated.
"Yeah that's right," Jimmy sniped remembering her time capsule as she indulged in what he thought of as self pity. "You're Peyton Sawyer the girlfriend of the basketball team star player with all your cheerleader friends. No one understands you right? No one gets you? I'd give anything to have your world whether they knew a thing about me or not. You're lucky and yet you're too stupid to realise it."
Jimmy puffed once again on his cigarette as he felt his anger rise. He felt some sense of satisfaction as Peyton's fiery retorts dwindled into silence.
The minutes ticked on by and Jimmy stubbed out his cigarette and lit up another. He watched as Lucas tended to a shivering Peyton and she held a hand to her injured limb. They weren't together but Jimmy knew all too well that Lucas had fallen for Peyton in Freshman year and now in the most bizarre circumstances the two had been thrown together.
"This is so screwed up," Jimmy muttered under his breath.
"Why are you doing this Jim?" Lucas focused his attention back to his friend. Back to the little boy with glasses that he'd looked out for since kindergarten. "A gun in the school? This isn't you."
"How would you know?" Jimmy shook slightly in disbelief. "It's not like we've been hanging out for the past couple of months. It's not like you know what's been going on with me."
"We're friends Jim," Lucas reminded him.
"No we were friends Lucas. That is until you joined the team." Lucas didn't know what he had been going through. Like so many others Lucas Scott had failed to even notice Jimmy.
"I've been busy Jim," Lucas stated. It had been hard for him to keep up with all his obligations and he felt a sense of guilt that he had neglected that friendship. "I admit I haven't been around so much but..."
"But what?" Jimmy snarled incredulously.
"This isn't his fault," Peyton piped in as her own tempers rose. She'd seen from her own experiences that Lucas was there for anyone who needed help. "This is your fault."
"No. This is your fault. And the fault of all your pretty and popular friends. You think I want this?"
"This is your choice," she felt Lucas's fingers tighten once again on her arm and she merely choose to ignore it. "This is your choice and you can't blame anyone else."
Jimmy pointed his gun back in the cheerleader's direction. It silenced her judgements as she recoiled and shrank back against Lucas.
"You don't know what it's been like for me Lucas," Jimmy focused his anger back to his friend. As much as the taunts of the popular crowd had affected him it was the failings of his close friendship circle that upset him more. "Whilst you've been living it up as part of the team and being part of their world I've been dealing with so much stuff."
"Then talk to me," Lucas appealed to him. They had grown apart ever since Lucas had joined the basketball team at the beginning of the year and he felt bad for that. He knew Jimmy had become distant from not just him but all their friends from the River Court.
Jimmy shook his head as he started to pace again becoming lost to the hell he'd been living. The bullying had become worse as he found himself without the protection of his small group of friends. When he was alone walking the corridors the ridicule seemed to only worsen. He'd go home after each day and feel more upset and hopeless than he had even the day before. His school work had suffered and he felt more and more into his own little world distancing himself from everyone even his mother.
"You don't know what it's been like for me Luke," Jimmy muttered.
"Please Jim talk to me," Lucas tried once again.
"I took a bunch of pills last month. I tried to end it all," Jimmy's eyes locked with Lucas's own.
"Jim?" Guilt took hold and strangled Lucas. He hadn't known it was that bad. He thought Jimmy would come to him or one of their friends before it got to that.
"But not because of the bullies. I took a bunch of pills because of a girl."
Lucas's breath caught in his throat and guilt rushed in dizzying waves through his core. How could he not have known that? How could he not have noticed how hopeless Jimmy had felt enough to try and help him?
"My grades had fallen," Jimmy told his friend to fill in the blanks. "I was doing badly in class because I skipped or didn't concentrate. I got a tutor to try and catch up." His eyes flicked to Peyton. "Casey. She was pretty and smart and she made me feel smart. She made me feel special. So then one day after I'd aced a test I asked her out. And you know what she did? Casey laughed in my face and said she'd never date someone like me. I thought we had a connection and she told me she was just being nice because it was part of her job.
"So I went home that night and I took one of my anti depressants. My mom had got me them to try and help me. They never worked for me so I took another and then for fun I took a few more."
"Jim," Lucas mumbled but didn't really know what to say. "I'm sorry."
Jimmy watched as sadness and shock traced over Lucas's face and he watched how the pretty cheerleader shed her tears for him.
"Casey didn't even notice I was missing from school. Neither did any of my so called friends. I came back to school and it was as if I had never been away. Everything was exactly the same."
Jimmy looked into the teary eyes of his friend and then at the girl who believed she was misunderstood. "Do you know what it's like to know that you wouldn't even be missed if you were to never come back to this place?"
---x---
Haley sat beside Nathan and Brooke Davies and felt a frightening sense of irony that now as their close friends were trapped in the school they now shared a common bond. They had heard the hushed rumours filter from the mouths of police officials and then to their peers of who was responsible. They all feared Jimmy; a boy that none of them had truly known or understood he was now holding their friends hostage.
Brooke wore a dire expression as she silently fretted of the safety of her friend and no words of comfort from Nathan or her fellow cheerleaders would silence her dark thoughts.
Nathan's eyes turned into the direction of the doors as he saw his father finally walk through into the school to take Nathan home. Dan Scott's stride was slow and deliberate as he approached with confidence.
"You ok son?" Dan's keen eye assessed that Nathan was fine before continuing. "A kid came into the school with a gun?"
It was as unbelievable to Dan as it was to any other parent though perhaps he was more capable of understanding the evils a man could act upon when pushed to his limits. He had taught Nathan at an early age to be ruthless and to fight for what he wanted and to "defeat" any opposition along the way.
"Yeah Jimmy Edwards," Nathan replied back shakily. "And Lucas is inside there too."
A shadow of fear and concern spread immediately across the face of Dan Scott before it disappeared just as quickly to be replaced by decisiveness. "Wait here, I'm going to talk to the police."
Nathan nodded back but Haley thought she detected the traces of sadness across his perfect face. Nathan wanted to be seen in the eyes of his father and yet so many times he was simply overlooked.
"I'm glad you're ok son," Dan added as an afterthought before pacing into action.
"Are you ok?" Haley ventured to Nathan as they watched Dan Scott walk over to the police chief. She felt bad for him; during their tutoring sessions Nathan would confide to Haley exactly what a powerful and damaging hold his father had over him. Nathan didn't want to be a disappointment in his father's eyes.
"I just feel so helpless," Nathan uttered with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'm just not used to feeling like this. I just wish there was more I could do."
"With Peyton?" Haley enquired. She was mildly surprised that even though Nathan had just been talking with his father his mind had flicked back to the welfare of his girlfriend in a split second.
"I didn't worry about her enough when we were together," Nathan stated with a deep sigh. "And now I can't stop worrying and there's nothing I can do."
Haley smiled just a little. It was no secret that Nathan and Peyton had a rocky relationship or that they had just broken up. And it was no longer a secret that Haley liked Nathan. Thanks to the unveiling of the time capsule not many secrets remained hidden. But one secret that was well hidden was that Nathan undoubtedly cared about his ex girlfriend. Haley didn't know whether to feel slightly disappointed over that fact or happy that once again Nathan had showed her a softer side that he kept so hidden from everyone around him.
Haley's gaze followed Nathan as he went to sit down beside Brooke who had been watching them with a keen eye. Brooke gave her a look of warning as she protected her best friend's territory. Haley quickly averted her eyes as she felt her embarrassment rise.
"Peyton will be ok," she promised Nathan gently and hoped her voice was strong enough to convey that fact. "I know Lucas. She's in good hands."
The dark haired brother offered a small nod before mumbling that he should go and Haley could only watch as Nathan shuffled back over to the cheerleader captain.
Haley turned to watch as Karen gathered with Larry Sawyer and Sergeant Peter Coloma, Marcus's father; as they were all told that their children were trapped in the school with the shooter. The parents were now living their worst nightmares. Their children were in danger and all they could do was wait and hope.
Haley bit back her tears as she watched Karen, normally so calm and collected, break down.
Jimmy Edwards.
Those two words; the name was now uttered in a mixture of disbelief and fear.
---x---
"Jim," Lucas finally spoke again lifting his weary head from its resting place against the book stacks. After Jimmy's revelation silence had swept in and hung over them in a cold haze. Lucas wanted to help Jimmy, he really did, but in order to do that Jimmy had to give himself up. "I'm sorry I really am that I wasn't there. But I am now and it doesn't have to be that way for you anymore. It doesn't have to be like this."
"Oh I think it does," Jimmy lifted the gun once again. The secrets were out now but they didn't change anything.
"It's not too late Jim. We can walk out of those doors together. It can be ok again."
"I'm not like you Lucas," Jimmy spat bitterly. "Everything does not work out for me like that. I can't just like a girl. Tell her that I like her and get her. Not like you!" His gun hand angled towards Peyton in emphasis. "It's not that way for me."
Peyton normally flinched whenever Jimmy pointed the gun at them but this time she didn't. Lucas chanced a look at her and didn't like what he saw. It wasn't really her as her body became limp in his hold and she finally gave in.
Lucas shook her firmly by the arm as he tried to keep himself together. "Peyton....come on....wake up."
"What's wrong with her?" Jimmy knew full well how bad the situation was. Panic rose and churned within him. He hadn't meant to hurt her; he hadn't meant to hurt anyone. He had just wanted it all to stop; he had just wanted to feel in charge of his life if only for one fleeting moment.
"Jim you need to let her go," Lucas pleaded this time as Peyton's head rested heavily against his chest. Lucas's hand circled around her tiny wrist as he felt her pulse that was barely there. He'd promised to get her out of this and had every intention of keeping his word. Without even thinking Lucas gathered her into his arms and lifted her from the floor.
"Sit down Luke!" Jimmy's warning came out as shrill as he watched Lucas stand up with the girl cradled against him.
Lucas faltered for just a second as the barrel of the gun was focused on him once again.
"She's dying Jim. I know you don't want to hurt her. I know you don't want this."
Peyton's head rested onto Lucas's shoulder and Jimmy looked at her. Her lips were almost blue and her skin was pale from blood loss. He knew Lucas was right; she was dying.
"I just wanted them to like me," Jimmy's voice was high and desperate and his gun hand shuddered.
The outside world would label him a monster but Jimmy Edwards made a firm decision to let her go.
---x---
We all make our own choice of how we act in a terrifying situation; when we feel overwhelmed and threatened we can either run from it or we can fight back....It's in these choices we learn who we truly are and what really lies buried just beneath our skins and our consciousness.......
Marcus Coloma walked through the abandoned corridors as anger pulsed through him fuelling his every action and every decision he made. Everything had changed in the time it took to take a breath. Their world, their certainty had been shattered and torn from them in one split second. Their world of established comfort lay outstretched and frozen in this never ending day.
The school wasn't safe anymore and no one would feel safe walking down these corridors for a very long time. Jimmy Edwards' choice had ignited that feeling of unease.
Marcus had been there in the corridor as Jimmy fired his gun. Now as Marcus surveyed the books strewn in his path he relived the shocking screams and the chaos that followed Jimmy's shot. In the present silence all he could do was relive that scene over and over in his mind. He didn't like this and he would be the one to stop it.
Marcus now stepped to the very spot where blood had been spilled. He now knew that someone had been hurt by Jimmy Edwards' misjudged actions. He felt anger course through his veins as he remembered all he had been taught by his own father, the military sergeant.
"Our world is what we make of it and if someone tries to take that away then you fight back. Don't be a victim son. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like a victim."
Marcus walked with determination as he crept into the school library and made his way carefully through all the discarded furniture; he didn't think he just acted. He saw Jimmy. He saw the gun. He saw Jimmy's hostages. The unlikely basketball star held the limp body of Jimmy's victim. Marcus moved quickly and quietly and pulled the trigger of the gun his father had given him to make him feel safe in an unsafe world. He pulled the trigger of his own gun before anyone had the time to react.
All eyes and shocked expressions were on Marcus Coloma as the metallic click of the trigger sounded and helplessness reigned.
The gun sounded and the world stopped once again that day.
