Four
Sam had returned to Doc's office with the ice and he and Newly packed it around the patient's stomach. "Just maybe this will keep the swelling down," he explained, "and keep the appendix from rupturing." He made ready the surgical tray, put water on the stove to boil and opened Doc's medical book to the chapter on appendicitis. And then he prayed, prayed that he not be the one to do the surgery; prayed that he not be the one to kill Miss Kitty.
She was in pain, and she begged him to give her something to dull her suffering. He consented with just the smallest dose of laudanum. Pain was the gauge he was using to indicate how close they were to the appendix rupturing. As the medicine took control, her mind started drifting, O'Brien sat beside her, trying to comfort her, "Just lie quiet Miss Kitty, Doc will get here soon, just rest."
She looked at him with glassy eyes, seeing what she needed to see and not what was really there, "Doc." she said, "Don't tell Matt, promise me you've got to promise not to tell Matt."
"Doc's not here yet Miss Kitty, it's me Newly."
But his words didn't register for she was caught in another time; "Don't tell him about the baby, he can't ever know about the baby…"
Confusion added to the panic he was feeling, "Baby? Miss Kitty, are you going to have a baby?"
Like a godsend he heard footsteps on the stairway and then Doc opened the door. Taking off his rain soaked slicker he assessed the situation in one look. He pulled on his glasses and was at Kitty's side with agility that no one who didn't know the old man well would think him capable of. His exam was quick and his diagnosis concurred with Newly's.
The surgery was long, her appendix rupturing during the procedure - her life hanging by the barest of threads. Poison from the infection was racing through her blood stream. She was moved to the bed in the back room and the deathwatch began. Each member of the ordeal took their place; Sam paced the room shaking his head, Maybelle kneeled before a table in the far corner sobbing loudly while trying to recite a long forgotten prayer, Doc in the chair beside her, holding her hand, and Newly O'Brien staring blindly out the window. He had isolated himself from the rest of the vigil keepers, shouldering the blame for not acting sooner. He was thinking too of what she had said, "Don't tell Matt about the baby." He'd mentioned it to Doc just before his steady old hands had made the first incision with the scalpel. "Is she pregnant Doc?"
Adams had shaken his head, "There's no baby Newly."
She would wrestle with consciousness, and the best it would give her was that time thirteen years earlier. Her voice was frail as she looked to Adams for answers, "... my baby ... gone?" He nodded, unable to speak and she cried the words over again, "My baby ... baby ..."
Adams looked up from his patient to the Newly standing by the window listening, he swiped his gray moustache before explaining, "It happened a long time ago, and Matt never knew, she wanted it that way."
They hadn't heard the lawman enter the office or been aware that Dillon had been standing in the doorway with his eyes fixed on Kitty. He made his presence known then stepping out from the shadows. "Maybe you better tell me about it now Doc." His steely blue eyes left the beloved form on the bed for just a moment to stare into the eyes of his old friend.
Like the participants in a dance, Doc got up from the chair and Matt took his place, he lifted her hand in his like the passing of a lifeline from one survivor to the next and he held on knowing that without this lifeline he would surely drown. He said her name, "Kitty." And waited, hoping for some sign that she had heard him, but her feverish body was listening for other voices. He faced fear again, as the reality of what was happening hit him. His grip on her hand tightened, denying fear - he wouldn't let her go.
Festus, having seen to the animals entered the room followed by Bessie Roniger. For some reason, Kitty recognized her old friend and called out to her. Moving to the other side of the bed Bessie sat down and took her hand, "I'm here friend."
Kitty's voice was less than a whisper, "... baby…" she said, "Bessie… my…baby...dead"
Using the same words she had thirteen years before Bessie murmured, "I know Kitty but you mustn't think about it now, just think about getting better."
Adams returned to the room with the bottle of laudanum, which he carefully measured out and gave her. Slowly the painkiller took effect until she was finally resting.
Dillon's mind was in turmoil, "I need some answers Doc."
Adams studied the floor for a moment than looked back at his patient. The wall he'd built suddenly crumbled. Kitty Russell wasn't his patient, she was his friend, closer still than that, she was like his own daughter and he couldn't have loved her more had she been a product of his flesh. The old man was tired; he found a chair and sat down. The strain of the last hours had taken a toll on his eyes and he ran a weary hand over them before finally answering Dillon.
"Her appendix ruptured. I was at the Ross farm delivering Amy's baby, Newly was here with her, he did everything he could have done under the circumstances. There isn't much more we can do, just make her as comfortable as possible."
It was Festus who voiced the unthinkable, "She aint goint to die, is she Doc?"
Adams blinked his eyes like he had something in them, he fought against the anger in his voice, "There's nothing more I can do for her. Her living or dying isn't up to me." He saw how his harsh words hit them, and knew he had to give them some hope to hang on to, "if she's strong enough to make it through the night, well, maybe then we have a chance."
The air was hot and muggy, the kind that breeds twisters on the open prairie. Thunder and flashes of lightning crackled the night, but the rain had stopped for the time being. Bessie opened the window to let a little fresh air filter in. "It looks like we might be getting fireworks a day early courtesy of Mother Nature." She said.
Dillon didn't seem to notice anything, all his concentration was on Kitty; willing life giving energy from his great body to hers. Doc had said, "if she's strong enough to make it through the night…" He had strength enough for both of them.
His voice startled the quiet, "What was she talking about Doc?" he finally asked, "What baby?"
He'd had thirteen years to prepare himself to answer the question and yet he was at a loss for words. It was Bessie who answered, "It was all those years ago, when she was stabbed. She was expecting a baby, Matt. She was so pleased; she knew you'd be pleased too. She couldn't wait to tell you about it. She thought with all the sadness the two of you had been through this wonderful thing could bring happiness back to your lives. But before she could tell you, you told her it was all over, and then you rode out of town." Bessie choked back a sob at the memory and couldn't continue. Seeing her distress, Festus walked over to her and patted her back, "Don't you cry now Miz Roniger, Miss Kitty's gonna be alright."
All these years and he had had no idea, she had tried so valiantly to spare him this pain but the irony was the pain pierced as deeply as if it had all just happened. He looked at the lifeless hand in his, "then when she was stabbed …" he began, "she lost the baby?"
Adams nodded. "She couldn't bear for you to know, she felt it was her fault and she didn't want you to know the heartache she was going through."
Inhaling deeply, Matt said, "I guess you better tell me all of it now." Festus and Newly made a move to the door, but Dillon stopped them, "There will be no more secrets, Kitty needs all her friends with her tonight, and I guess you have as much right to hear this as I have."
Grimfaced they returned to their places and Doc began, "It was just before you heard the news about your friends that Kitty came in to see me, she thought she might be pregnant and I confirmed her suspicion. She was just delighted Matt, and she felt sure you would be too. She knew the changes the pregnancy would force, but after seeing you at Jeb Walker's house she knew they would be good changes. Before she got a chance to tell you, the telegram came about their deaths, you were so distraught that she couldn't tell you. It was a difficult time for her, she was suffering from morning sickness, and trying to keep the Long Branch going and she was grieving for the loss of her friends. Then when you came back and told her you couldn't see her anymore..." Doc shifted his view from Dillon to the woman in the bed. He shook his head and cleared his voice before continuing. "You left town, we didn't know when or if you were coming back. She kept trying to think positively, figuring that once you came back you would realize that the two of you belonged together and then she could tell you about the baby. But when you did come back you wanted nothing to do with her. The night of the stabbing, she had made up her mind to leave town, to make a new life for herself and the baby."
Adams turned again to the lawman; Dillon's face was a mask, only his eyes giving way to his true emotions. "Mrs. Roniger and I tried to talk her out of it, we tried to tell her that she had to talk with you first, tell you about the baby, but she said no, that she wasn't going to trap you that way. Either you wanted her or you didn't. The one thing I know for certain Matt, she wanted that baby more than anything in this world, but she told me she didn't even think when she stepped between Cade Mulgrew's knife and you. It was just the only thing she could do. After she was stabbed she wanted you with her, but she couldn't bear to have you know what had happened, after all you had been through, she didn't want to add to your grieving. She made me promise that I would never tell you about this, and now, well, I guess I've broken that promise."
GS GS GS
The storm had passed in the night and now the air hung less heavy than the day before. The first light of morning had broken; through the open window he could hear birds singing. Glancing around the room he saw everyone else was still sleeping. He looked down at Kitty lying so still he was afraid death had already paid its visit. But no, she was still with him, a gentle rise of the covers confirmed life.
It was July Fourth, Independence Day. Remembering the small velvet box in his vest pocket he thought how he had planned to give her it to her. After all these years he had wanted to do something special, even romantic. She'd always accused him of not having a romantic bone in his body, but he'd planned on proving her wrong. He had pictured the scenario so many times in his mind it seemed real to him. While the fire works were shooting in the sky he'd pull out the box and place the ring on her finger. Words, always difficult for him would suddenly come easily and he'd tell her how much he cared. That wasn't going to happen now and he sadly knew this might be his last chance to place the ring where it belonged.
Flipping up the lid he removed the delicate contents. It wasn't fancy, not by Kitty's standards, but the gold was of the finest quality, he'd made sure of that. Its beauty was defined by its simplicity; a brilliant cut amethyst stone was placed in the center of the ring, flanked on either side by a trio of small diamonds. He took her limp hand and gently slid the ring on her finger. His voice low, "Kitty Russell will you marry me?" She stirred and he thought for a moment the miracle had happened. He brought the ringed finger to his lips and kissed it.
Tenderly he placed her hand back on the bed and pushed himself to his feet. He stretched his cramped muscles. It was going to be a hot Fourth of July. Barely daylight and already the temperatures were soaring. Sam was awake now as well, and offered to get the coffee started, Matt nodded.
Festus was sleeping in a chair by the window his feet propped on the sill. Dillon nudged him awake, "It might get a little rough out there today; I'm going to need you to keep an eye on things."
The deputy rubbed the sleep from his eyes and took a quick appraisal of the situation. "Right Matthew." O'Brien was awake too, and he offered to help Festus and began to follow him out of the room. Dillon stopped him at the door, "I'm grateful for what you did for Kitty."
The younger man looked away his face riddled with guilt, "I just wish I could have done more."
"You did all you could Newly; no one can ask for more than that."
Bessie excused herself to check on her family, Will and the younger children were staying at Ma Smalley's and they'd planned on enjoying all the events associated with the holiday. Out on Front Street the celebrations of the day were taking place as planned with little regard to the drama going on in the small infirmary. A parade led by the Dodge City Women's Suffragette Society, followed by the City Band, the mayor, the Fire Department, and finally Percy Crump's hearse. After that there'd been an assortment of races, shooting contests, pie eating competition and the First Methodist Ladies Aid Society's play entitled a Tea Party in Boston. Looking out the window Matt Dillon realized that in the midst of the last twenty years Dodge City had become civilized.
GS GS GS
Dr. Adams sat next to Kitty; Dillon watched as the doctor carefully checked the incision and replaced the dressings. He was meticulous in his exam looking for any sign of improvement. His hand felt the pulse in her neck then reached for her forehead, "I wouldn't have believed it last night but I think she feels cooler, pulse is slower too. We might have a chance after all."
GS GS GS
When night fell, he was alone with her, Adams was seeing to Amy Ross and her new baby, Festus and Newly were keeping an eye on the streets of Dodge City and Bessie was with her family. From outside he heard the first loud booms signally the fireworks were about to begin. Like the lighting from last night's storm the room lit up with random bursts of light, and the small room shook with each loud explosion. He watched from the window, but the event brought only heaviness to his heart, and he moved away to sit with her again. He had brought a basin of water and a towel to bathe her with. Tenderly he stroked the moist cloth over her face and neck hoping to soothe her pain and cool the fever, which had spiked again that afternoon. It brought him some comfort that at least she looked peaceful, as though the demons she'd been fighting had left her. Lovingly he pushed away a stubborn lock of red hair from her forehead. He lifted her hand and ran the cloth over her fingers, his own lingering on the ring she wore.
He thought about the baby he had never known existed until yesterday. He grieved for the child and wondered how Kitty had kept this a secret from him for all these years. He imagined if the child had lived, picturing a sturdy fair-haired toddler reaching out for his hand, calling him `daddy.'
"If I'd only known about the baby." He breathed, he dropped from the chair to his knees enfolding her hands in his, and he bowed his head in prayer.
Kitty had been aware of Matt's presence all through that long painful day. She was aware of the saddle soap and sage smell of him, she was aware of his rough hands gently tending to the needs of her body. She heard his voice telling her to be strong and to fight. She was fighting but each time she tried to break through the pain to the light of his voice something pulled her back into the darkness. Now she heard him speaking of the unspeakable, the baby; their baby. She heard the pain in his voice and it matched the anguish she'd carried in her heart these past thirteen years. She forced her eyes open and saw him kneeling on the floor beside her bed. He said again, "If only I'd known about the baby."
She opened her mouth and formed his name, "Matt." If he hadn't been inches from her face he wouldn't have heard her speak.
"Kitty." All the joy and goodness in his life summed up in that one word. "Kitty."
"You ... know?" she questioned with a raspy whisper.
He swallowed and nodded, "I know about our baby."
Years of carrying the burden of this secret alone were lifted, as finally the two were able to grieve over their loss together. Too weak to fight the tears they spilled freely down her cheeks. With the pad of his thumb Dillon wiped them away. "Shhhh." He soothed, "it's alright Kitty, it's alright." He took her hand and pressed it to his lips. "It's all going to be alright now." When at last her tears were spent she noticed the ring.
"Wh ... this?" she asked.
His features turned boyish, "I asked you to marry me this morning."
Her smile broke through the tears like a rainbow after a storm, with great effort she said, "I wait … twenty years … you to ask ... marry you … you finally do… I'm unconscious."
He smiled back at her. "I guess you've got me on my knees already." He cleared his throat and wiped moisture from his eye with the back of his hand before beginning. "Miss Kitty, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
She nodded.
