During her first days at the House of the Prophets, Alicia jumped whenever someone called her name. Whenever she was at a service or a meal, her eyes followed Vedek Sharom to see if the head of the order would summon her to tell her that today was the day she would be permitted an audience with the Orb of Prophecy and Change.
After her first week in the House of the Prophets, however, Alicia began to understand what Laren, as well as the other vedeks with whom she had contact, meant when they told her that even without looking into the Orb, one could find a better way to live one's life here. Many began to put the pieces of their lives back together without ever having the audience with the Orb that Alicia had requested. Rituals and routines helped, but so did the hours she spent in the library. Alicia found a myriad of excellent texts there, written in Federation Standard. Since Alicia had brought her Bible with her to Deep Space Nine, she had it available for her use here as well. Alicia recognized many similarities between the sacred writings of Bajor and those of Terra. It was nice to realize there were constants in the universe. Truly, great minds did seem to think alike, on many worlds.
She did not totally ignore what was happening outside of the House of the Prophets. She followed the worsening situation in the region and sensed an opportunity existed to do some good to mitigate the crises that were fast approaching. She wasn't quite sure what that good thing might be yet, but she felt that if she persevered, she would discover it.
Her late evenings were given over to study. In the morning and early afternoon, however, Alicia spent her time working with her hands. She enjoyed the lessons she received from those who specialized in weaving and pottery, but her favorite was gardening. She quickly perceived why Laren so enjoyed working at that task. It was the company.
Terzy was technically still a Supplicant, or in human monastic terms, a lay brother. His reverence for life of all kinds was notable. Religious fervor was not the first thing one noticed about him, however. Terzy's hands were always grimy from digging in the dirt. His true gift was a genius for working with plants. His particular interest was breeding varieties that would restore fertility to lands which the Cardassian Occupation had turned to wasteland. Terzy was a cheerful soul, as down to earth as his craft. Alicia felt an ease around him she had not known with anyone for a very long while. Until she came to this place and gave herself up to the experience, she had not realized how incredibly tightly wound up emotionally she was. Her grief for her son had obscured her ability to see what she had become.
Despite her busy days, she still had plenty of time to grieve for all she had lost. She prayed for her lost Tom, of course, but she quickly realized that she was also grieving the loss of her husband of almost forty years. Their marriage was broken, and Alicia was not sure how she could ever put it back together. She still loved Owen Paris, but she no longer recognized him as the man she had married. He had never been the same since he was imprisoned and tortured by the Cardassians. Much of his joy in life had died. Everyone in their family had tiptoed around him at first, hoping he would recover his good spirits. Tom had tried the hardest to cheer up his father. He had gone along with all of his father's demands. He'd even given up his long-cherished dream of entering Earth's naval service. Instead, because his father was insistent that he join Starfleet, Tom had gone to Starfleet Academy.
It had not been easy for Tom. Alicia privately thought he was better suited to life on the water instead of in space, even if he was a terrific pilot. Owen always pushed Tom so hard. The worst was when Tom was in his class. Alicia had stood by helplessly as her husband drove their son relentlessly. She thought it was a miracle Tom managed to retain his good spirits throughout his time at the Academy. Some of that resilience might have been due to his friendship with a Bajoran cadet who had lived a life so much harder than Tom had. He never completely lost his perspective when his father rode him hard. At least Tom still had a father and a family. Ro Laren had neither.
Then came Tom's fall from grace at Caldik Prime. Once the true story came out, Alicia believed Tom had lied to the official Board of Inquiry after the accident because he had been afraid to disappoint his father, but Tom's guilty conscience betrayed him in the end. As he told his mother after he had been thrown out of Starfleet, he found he could not live with his lie, even though telling the truth too late meant the ruin of his career. Alicia understood and forgave him. If Owen had done either, he had hidden it completely from his family - especially from his son.
And then Tom was arrested as a Maquis terrorist, was convicted, and finally was lost with everyone else on Voyager. Her husband blamed the Maquis. He couldn't blame his protégée, Kathryn Janeway. She was also lost with Voyager. The Maquis were still around. They could be punished for the loss of his son. The man who had been tortured by the Cardassians supported the treaty that favored the Cardassians rather than those who had been victimized by them. It was a classic case of blaming the victim.
Once she realized what was happening, Alicia left her husband. She believed in lifelong vows of marriage and truly did still love him, but she could no longer live with the way he now was, in complete denial of everything she felt was important in life. Alicia could no longer trust him to do the right thing.
She found a little apartment in San Francisco. The separation agreement allowed enough funds for a few frills, like this trip to Bajor, but she was no longer a pampered admiral's wife who enjoyed many "perks" due to her position. All of that was now in the past.
It was the strangest thing. After she had made her way to Bajor, and after she had lived a much simpler life in the House of the Prophets for a few weeks, Alicia found she did not mind the loss of privilege at all. She actually preferred this kind of life. Laren called it a life of service. Somehow, Alicia knew that was what she was meant to do with the rest of her life, but she still had to identify exactly what service she could offer others.
By the end of Alicia's third week on Bajor, she had ceased her constant surveillance of Vedek Sharom. She was content to continue her studies until she felt she had to return home to Terra.
One afternoon, however, Alicia was summoned to the office of the head of the order. "Alicia Kelley, pray with me for a while."
As they prayed, Alicia realized what was happening. She was being prepared for her Orb experience. Alicia Kelley, a human being from the world of Terra, was to be permitted a glimpse into the Orb of Prophecy and Change. This was a great privilege, one which had nothing at all to do with being the wife of an admiral. By her prayers and study, Alicia had earned the right to experience whatever this Tear of the Prophets could offer her.
Vedek Sharom opened the cabinet which housed the most precious object of this House. "Alicia Kelley, also known as Alicia Paris, the time has come for you to look into this Tear of the Prophets. I can make no promises about what you will see. Your visions may or may not come true. It may be a painful vision to see, or you may not see anything at all. Are you prepared to accept whatever it is that you will see here? Do you choose to look into the Orb of Prophecy and Change?"
"Yes, Vedek Sharom. I would like to see whatever it is the Orb can show me."
Vedek Sharom stepped aside. Alicia opened the doors housing the Orb. The light spilling out of the Orb was so bright, it was almost painful, but before Alicia had a chance to even think of looking away, she fell into a vision.
Space rushes by her, glittering with unknown stars which stream and swirl around her head. She seems to be flying on her own through the void. She cannot perceive the walls of a starship around her, but she can see clusters of worlds circulating around many suns. Alicia does not know how, but she knows she is passing through a region of space that is hostile, disputed, dangerous. All around her, there is pain and suffering.
And now she sees them, the children; a multitude of children, of all ages and many races, surround her, with their hands outstretched. They are reaching out, crying out in many tongues: "We are hungry. We are cold. We are sick. We are lonely. We can't find our parents. Can you help us? Please, please, help us!"
She feels overwhelming sorrow. She's so helpless. So much need! So much pain! How can she help so many? And yet that is her path. She must find a way to help them. They need her. They need a mother's love, and she has so much love to give.
The stars stream by her again, in strange patterns she knows she has never seen before. Words are uttered in a voice that is hauntingly familiar: Sakari. Moneans. Vidiians. Hirogen. Brunali. She doesn't know what any of them mean, but she knows the words do have meaning, to someone. Someone dear. And that voice is so familiar.
And then she sees him. She sees her Tom. The children cluster all around him, but they part to let him pass. He walks towards her, holding a toddler in his arms. The child hugs him closely. She thinks Tom might be the child's father, but he does not speak to the toddler. He speaks to all the other children, the ones who are reaching out to him, and to Alicia. Her Tom's voice echoes in her ears: "Help is coming soon, help from far away. You will have plenty of food, and warmth, and love, very, very soon now. My mother will help you. Very soon now."
Tom turns towards her. Now she can see he is followed by a woman, whose face she cannot quite see. Somehow she knows the toddler in Tom's arms is her child. "And we're coming to you, too, Mom. Soon, very soon." He smiles beatifically at her, his beautiful blue eyes shining.
The glittering light in Tom's eyes flares into unbearable brightness - so bright, Alicia must close her eyes or surely, she will be blinded by that bright blue light. The light of life in her son's eyes.
She didn't know how long she stood there with eyes closed, afraid to open them. Tom was not there. He would never be there, but he had told her something important. There was something she needed to do, and it was so obvious, she could not imagine why she needed to look into the Orb of Prophecy and Change to find out what it was.
Finally, Alicia could no longer justify her presence in this room. Her vision was finished; her audience with the Orb was over. Carefully, she opened her eyes.
She was standing in the audience room, exactly where she had been when she'd opened the cabinet doors to look into the Orb. The cabinet doors were now tightly shut. Alicia took a very deep, cleansing breath. It truly was over.
Vedek Sharom was gone, but another had taken her place. Vedek Rikaar Laren was sitting on a bench, beneath the open window of the audience room. "Intense, isn't it?" Laren said sympathetically.
In two steps, Alicia reached the bench and sank down onto it. "How long was I . . . how long was my vision?"
"I can't tell you for sure. You were already enraptured when I arrived. I've only been here for a couple of minutes."
"Tom was in my vision. He said he was coming."
"Alicia, we usually don't speak of our visions until after they come true."
"How can this one come true? Tom is gone."
Laren looked at Alicia with a strange, haunted look upon her face. "That's very interesting. When I had my vision, I thought it couldn't come true either, but it pretty much has, or will, very soon." Laren caressed her stomach, so full of her child. Alicia realized that this baby of hers would be born any day now. She hadn't expected to still be here when he came, but now, she was sure she would.
"Your vision was about your child?"
"Yes, and his father. That's the part that seemed impossible! A Tom with Will Riker's face! Of course, I know sometimes people don't have their visions come true, but in my case, it basically has. I haven't even told Thomas this yet, so please, don't tell him!"
"I won't. I promise," Alicia said with a smile. "You know, I'm famished. Do you think we can go down and have some sort of snack? I know it must be getting late, and we have a service to go to, but I have something else I need to talk to you about."
"Is this from the vision, too?"
"Yes, but to be honest, I'm surprised I never thought of it before myself."
"Well, then, let's go down to the kitchens and see what Thomas has cooked up for snacks this afternoon."
=/\=
