"What the hell happened to this thing?"
Kaidan stared incredulously at the Hammerhead, and the debris lodged in its undercarriage. All manner of plant life was wedged into the chassis, apparently glued in place by the foul-smelling white conductive fluid usually found on the inside of a geth. It shouldn't have been possible to make such a mess out of the underside of a hovercraft.
"Shepard happened to that thing," Garrus responded flatly. The turian was leaning against the outside of the nearby Kodiak shuttle, a datapad in one hand. He had retreated to the cargo bay to escape Miranda, who was after him about financial reports regarding the main battery improvements.
"She couldn't drive the Mako, either," Kaidan grunted, pulling futilely at what looked suspiciously like the remains of a pyjack. "Always ran that goddamn thing into whatever obstacle happened to appear. I spent half my life fixing it."
"Ken just stopped one day," Garrus said, shrugging. "He told her that if she couldn't be bothered to watch where she went, then he couldn't be bothered to keep it running. We haven't used it since."
Two weeks had passed since Kaidan's arrival on the Normandy, and other than that first night it had been almost entirely uneventful. Tali had been thrilled when he offered his services, and immediately set him to work on all manner of maintenance that the rest of the engineering crew deemed unnecessary or too odious to complete.
Shepard continued to assume her rigid commanding officer posture on the rare occasions they happened to be in the same room. She never looked him directly in the eye. That had bothered him at first, but the sheer scope of tiny repairs that needed to be done had quickly distracted him. Since Shepard had never been particularly mechanically inclined, they were rarely in the same part of the ship anyway.
His first meeting with Legion, and consequently EDI, had been the one exceptionally exciting event. Kaidan had emerged from the shower on his second day aboard, and come face to flashlight face with a geth. Thankfully no one had been around to hear the embarrassingly scream-like noise that tortured itself out of his throat.
"We were curious about the Spectre," the thing said, making no overtly threatening moves. "Shepard-Commander informed us that you were instrumental in the destruction of Nazara."
Some detached part of Kaidan's mind noted that this must be the geth he was told not to engage in poker with. "You… are a geth," he said eloquently.
"We are many geth," it replied.
Man and machine stared at one another for a long time. Kaidan clutched the towel protectively around his waist, considering the sudden distinct possibility that he was going to be killed in the ship's head. The flaps around the geth's single bright 'eye' only fluttered curiously.
"The geth unit is a member of the crew, Commander Alenko."
Kaidan nearly jumped out of his skin. A blue orb appeared suddenly near the door behind the geth, blinking innocuously as it spoke. "It is harmless."
He just stared, wondering if maybe he was still sleeping and this was some truly bizarre dream.
"I am EDI, the ship's AI," the orb said.
"This ship has an AI?" It was all he could think to ask.
"Yes."
"I assumed 'Edie' was a yeoman," he murmured, mostly to himself. Since it was becoming apparent that the geth was not going to shoot him in the unarmored stomach, Kaidan stood straighter and attempted to regain at least some of his dignity. The initial rush of adrenaline subsided, and he noted to his chagrin the unit didn't even have a gun.
"Does it… do you have a name?" he asked, turning his attention from the AI to the geth.
"We are Geth," it replied. "Shepard-Commander refers to us as Legion. We have adopted this name."
With that it turned and walked out of the head, apparently satisfied with whatever it had seen. Kaidan stared after it, dumbfounded. He supposed he shouldn't be entirely surprised; Shepard had made a habit of collecting unsavory aliens in the same way regular people collected antiques or model starships.
Garrus and Joker acted as though no time had passed at all. He took most of his meals with one or both of them, ventured into the Citadel on off days. Joker had a lot of free time with the Normandy in drydock, and insisted on going into the Wards at least every other day.
"It would be easier to drop that one and buy a new one," Garrus was saying now. He looked up from whatever he was reading on his datapad and gave the hovercraft a skeptical eye. "Tell Miranda we lost it in the Collector attack. Or that it was stolen by pirates."
Kaidan laughed, wiping his now-filthy hands on his pants. An impressive array of sticks, rocks, shattered geth pieces and other assorted detritus was scattered beneath the Hammerhead. "You're probably right."
He ran the back of one arm across his forehead, stopping the sweat from leaking into his eyes. As a biotic he naturally ran a few degrees hotter than the average person, and the cargo bay was already warm. Combined with the dirt and oil already smudged on him from several hours of labor on the Kodiak, Kaidan decided it was time to call it a day.
"Thanks for the company, Garrus," he said. "I'm going to go take a shower."
"You know there's a bar on the crew deck," Garrus replied, straightening and tucking the datapad under his arm. "We could go sit for a while. Kasumi lives there usually but she's probably out stealing something. It's colder in there."
"Garrus, are you asking me out?" Kaidan quirked a mocking eyebrow at the turian.
"Why Commander," Garrus replied, fanning his face with one clawed hand. "I thought you'd never notice."
"Let's go, I need the drink," Kaidan laughed, starting for the door.
"And I need to stay away from Miranda at all costs."
It was blessedly cooler on the crew deck, and for a moment Kaidan considered sacrificing the privacy of his own cabin for the comfort of a temperature-controlled shared bunk.
"You guys really did upgrade this place if you have a lounge," he quipped as they walked down the hall. "Nothing like that on an Alliance vessel."
"I have learned that comfort is not always high on the list of taxpayer-funded projects," Garrus replied. "Oh shit, it's Tuesday," he added cryptically as the door labeled Port Observation beeped and slid open.
Kaidan glanced confusedly at the turian, puzzling over that bizarre statement for a moment before turning his attention forward and realizing why Garrus had become so suddenly dismayed.
Four sets of female, and oddly one set of salarian, eyes turned simultaneously towards them. Kasumi and Tali's faces were obscured and unreadable, but Kelly smiled warmly at the two men in the doorway. Mordin looked at them with a sort of mild curiosity.
Shepard, seated in the armchair facing the door, was furiously focused on the holo screen in the corner, her spine rail straight. Three human women and an asari strode across the screen in wildly impractical footwear, arm in arm as they passed through what appeared to be the Presidium of the Citadel. Clearly this was some manner of social gathering.
"Sorry, ladies," Garrus said, activating that strange charm he had. "And professor," he added, nodding towards Mordin. "Didn't mean to interrupt."
"No interruption," the professor replied in his oddly halting manner. "End credits. Curious program. Surprising insight into human female reproductive practices. Must watch more."
"I don't think that's a good representation of human female… anything, really," Tali said, cocking her head to one side.
"It can be." Kasumi shrugged. "Depends on the female, I suppose."
"Curious," Mordin repeated.
"We just came up to find something to drink," Kaidan interjected, his voice carefully neutral. He moved cautiously towards the bar in the corner. "We'll get out of your way in a second."
"You don't have to leave, you're welcome to join us," Kelly chirped, and instantly looked stricken. Everyone turned their attention to Shepard. A muscle jumped in her tightly clenched jaw, and her hands twitched in her lap. Her expression was strained.
"I should go," Shepard said, standing suddenly. Her tone was awkwardly firm, as though she were caught between being the commanding officer and being merely a woman with her friends. She walked stiffly out of the room, eyes focused straight ahead as she slipped past Garrus.
Fuck, Kaidan thought, plucking two cans from behind the bar without bothering to check what they were. "Have a good night," he said lamely, nodding to the remaining women and Mordin, who Kaidan still couldn't really understand the inclusion of.
The door hissed shut behind him, and Kaidan pressed a drink into Garrus's hand.
"That was uncomfortable," Garrus said as they started back the way they had come. "I forgot it was Tuesday."
"Tuesday?" Kaidan inquired vaguely, preoccupied with Shepard's strange reaction.
"Sex and the Citadel night," Garrus replied. "Some show Kasumi watches. I guess it's about some woman who moves to the Citadel and meets other women and they do… woman things... Kasumi somehow coaxed half the female crew to join her. Every Tuesday they spend a few hours in there. Usually Miranda's there too, but I suppose she's busy wringing reports of some other poor bastard. Not sure how Mordin got involved, though."
"I see." The women of the Normandy didn't really seem like the type to have a weekly ladies' night.
"Apparently human females need to bond and form some sort of alliance. Even Jack crawls out of her pit to join them sometimes," Garrus continued. Kaidan was mildly amused at Garrus' uniquely… turian assessment of the situation. "This apparently causes some fear among the males. I'm amazed you made it past the door. Even Zaeed wouldn't go in there on Tuesdays."
