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After much discussion and deliberation consisting mostly of Tobias and me arguing back and forth about how to go about leaving, I got my way in seeing that we're going to leave after we tell a few people. He thinks that if we tell anyone that word might get around and someone will try and stop us, but there's no way I'm just disappearing from Christina or Zeke or even Caleb.
So here I am in front of my brother's hotel room trying to find the courage to bring my knuckles to the door. Eventually, knowing that Tobias wants to leave as soon as we can, I knock on the door. There's shuffling behind the door and I hear him yell that he'll be here in a second from inside his room. Suddenly my palms are sweaty and I'm nervous about seeing him again. Last time we talked I was in a hospital bed and honestly too tired to fight with me. Though I'm still not fully recovered, there's part of my brain that wants to bring my fist right to his nose.
"Be- Tris?" Caleb asks in surprise, I hadn't even noticed him open the door.
"Caleb, hi," I say awkwardly. I shuffle my feet a little and he senses my discomfort.
"Do you want to come in?" he asks politely.
"Sure." He opens the door up and gestures to his room. It's neat and practical besides the stack of books on his desk showing off his Erudite side he's always had. I don't know where to sit until Caleb pulls out a chair for me and I ease myself down. He fills up two glasses of water and hands me one before sitting on the bed across from me.
"How are you doing?" he asks.
"I'd be lying if I said I was anywhere close to normal, but I've actually been feeling a lot better lately. It's more just like bruises now," I explain. Caleb nods and smiles a little.
"That's good to hear. I'm glad you're feeling better."
"Thanks." There's a slight silence before Caleb clears his throat and clasps his hands together.
"So, I'm guessing you didn't come see me just to catch up?" he asks. Of course he knows that. There would be no logical for reason for me to just come say hi.
"Yeah, um, Tobias and I are going back to Chicago," I say slowly.
"Oh."
"And I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye," I say. He nods at me and gives me a half-smile.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't just leave. I wish I could say that maybe I'll see you soon, but I don't think I'm going back anytime soon," he says. I frown and seeing that, he sighs. "I made so many mistakes in the city. You know that first hand. And that's where mom and dad… yeah. Here, there's so much learning I can do. There's so much to know about the world that we live in and I really want to know what it's all about. I hope you understand that."
"I understand," I choke out. I don't expect to feel this way after everything that Caleb did, but I do. I feel my throat begin to constrict and I cough trying to make the urge to cry go away. I should be happy that he's not coming back, but I'm not. He's my brother and he was ready to give up his life just so I would forgive him.
"Well, goodbye then, Tris," he says as he stands. I stand too and don't know exactly what to do. I embrace him lightly and don't even feel him hug me back, but that's okay. Abnegation was never good with showing affection and I can't imagine Erudite was either. I step away and nod at him before heading towards the door.
"Bye, Caleb."
I stare out at the dirt that stretches before us and concentrate in on the fence surrounding Chicago watching it grow bigger with each passing second. My head is pressed against the window of the passenger door in the car though it smacks against the glass repeatedly as we bump along due to Tobias' lack of driving skills. I sense him looking at me and sigh. I muster a half smile and turn my head towards him as he drives. Our gaze meets and his lips turn upward before he focuses back on the lack of road we have before us.
"You okay?" he asks. I yawn and stretch my arms back carefully. My injured arm is sore, but the stretch feels nice.
"Yeah. I'm good, just tired is all," I reply. He glances at me for a moment before resting one of his hands on my thigh and giving it a small squeeze. I place my own hand over his and lace our fingers together. My thumb brushes the backside of his hand softly and I shut my eyes.
When I open them again, it's because Tobias is gently shaking my shoulder and telling me to wake up. I grumble and crack my eyes open only to see the lower entrance to Dauntless in front of me. I immediately crack a smile and glance at Tobias. His face wears the same expression as mine. He gets out of the car and bounds around to my side to help me out. I take his hand and jump out of the car to stretch. I crack my back and Tobias makes a face.
"What?"
"That's gross," he says. I roll my eyes and walk to the back of the truck to grab one of the three bags we brought, but Tobias snatches the strap away before I can grab it.
"No lifting," he says sternly. I make a face at him and he just smirks.
"I'm not helpless, you know," I mutter at him. He grabs the other two bags and slams the trunk of the car shut before kissing me quickly on the temple and walking into Dauntless. I look up at the glass building above the Pit and smile because I know that I'm home.
The winding rock paths leading from the Pit up to the apartments gives me a bit of a tough time, which frustrates me to no end, but by the time we end up at Tobias' door, I'm so excited that all the pain from my injuries has subsided. I don't even know why I'm so excited. Maybe it's because we're finally alone in a place I'm comfortable with or maybe it's because I missed his apartment. Maybe it's just because I missed the city.
Tobias opens the door and I let out a sigh of relief when I see that the apartment's exactly how we left it. The blue quilted blanket is still bunched up on his bed and his clothes are still sprawled out on the floor. My favorite black sweater of his hangs on the couch by the fireplace and I walk over to pick it up. I see Tobias smile in my peripheral vision and grin as well. That sweater holds so much history that it's almost like our own little secret.
"You hungry?" I hear him call from the kitchen. I reply back that I am and I hear him rummaging in the fridge. He walks out holding a large jug of orange juice and a white box.
"Well, it seems that we have a bottle of orange juice that expired last month and some old fried rice that Zeke left here from God knows when."
I laugh and stride over to him. I lock my arms around his waist and just embrace him. I nuzzle into his firm chest so his scent overwhelms me. He smells like earth and sweat, but it's something so purely Tobias that it completely engulfs me. I feel his arms encircle my body and his face in my hair.
"I missed this. I missed being home," I murmur into his shirt.
"Me too. But I guess we should go get your stuff moved into your room, huh?" he says. I pull back and glare at him before he breaks into a smile.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to get rid of me," I challenge. He lowers his forehead to mine and presses our bodies together.
"Well, I'm glad you know better," he growls. His lips capture mine and I melt in his arms. "I already almost lost you once. You're not going anywhere."
The hand on my good arm snakes around his neck so I can press myself to him more. I feel his arm beneath my legs and he scoops me up swiftly. I laugh into his lips and he smiles as he walks us to the bed. He places me gently down on the mattress and hovers over my body. Light kisses pepper my cheeks and neck. I thread my fingers through his hair and giggle at this feeling of complete and utter freedom.
"I've missed that sound," Tobias murmurs into my neck. I cup his face and trace his lips with my thumb.
"I've missed this feeling. I missed it all. It's been so long since I've ever felt this free. Actually, I don't know if I've felt like this. In Abnegation, it always felt wrong and 'selfish' to be happy. During initiation, I was just focused on making it through. We both know how things went from there. The closest feeling I have to this is zip lining, and that doesn't even compare to us."
Tobias just looks at me with those blue eyes of his and nods. I decide right then that's enough talking. I pull his face down to mine again and kiss him hard. I deepen the kiss and he growls low in response.
"Tris," he whispers on my lips, "we shouldn't." I push him off of me so that he's on his side and stick myself to his body. My hands find the hem of his shirt and travel beneath it going up his bare stomach and chest.
"The good doctor didn't say anything against me making out with my extremely good looking boyfriend that I almost lost, did he?"
He decides right then that's enough talking too.
A loud knocking disrupts me from my slumber. My ear is pressed to Tobias' bare chest while his arm is draped lazily across my lower back. I go to move, but I feel his arm tighten around me. He grumbles something along the lines of "whoever it is better be important" followed by a string of threats. He plants a kiss on my forehead before slipping out from beneath me. I pull the covers over my body and snuggle into the pillow his head was resting on. It smells just like him and I smile into the fabric of the pillow case.
"Please be careful," I hear Tobias call out before I hear footsteps and am bounced into the air by another body hitting the bed. I swivel around about to yell, but Christina's smiling face in front of mine makes those intentions break away. I grin and give her a hug which earns me a squeal in my ear.
"Christina! What are you doing here?" I ask. She snorts and raises her eyebrow at me like I'm the world's biggest dumbass.
"You honestly didn't think I was going to live there did you? Somebody's gotta be here to force you to go shopping. Plus, there are just some things you need your girlfriends for that Four couldn't possibly understand. You know, sensitive stuff," she says. I laugh and glance at Tobias who has his arms crossed.
"Hey! I can be sensitive," he says defensively. He looks like a wounded puppy and I grin at the sight of him.
"You're about as sensitive as I am subtle. Now get out of here and go work out or something. We have things to talk about," Christina says as she wriggles her eyebrows at me. I frown and looking at her inquiringly, but she just winks. Tobias rolls his eyes and grabs a pair of shoes before leaving the room.
"What do we need to talk about?" I ask. She just laughs and bounces up from the bed.
"Absolutely nothing. I just wanted to hang out with my best friend for a little bit without him hovering over you like you're about to break."
"I did almost die… but point taken. I've been a bit annoyed with that myself," I grumble. Christina raises an eyebrow and looks at me.
"Problems in the bedroom?" she asks. I flush so red I'm sure that all the blood has rushed to the top of my skin.
"No! He's just being overly-careful is all and I wish he wouldn't," I mutter.
"Just start stripping. I'm sure he won't stop himself." I roll my eyes at her, but grin. I really couldn't live without her sarcasm and bluntness in my life.
"Let's just get out of here, okay?"
We decide to walk down to the edge overlooking the Pit. We sit down with our leg dangling over the edge and survey the scene down below. There are a few people milling around, mostly in black, but in mixed colors as well. They're most likely Factionless, but maybe people have really started to wear all the colors.
"It's a wreck down there. We should probably start cleaning up at some point," Christina says. I nod in response. The Pit did look trashed. The Control Room and the area up by the Pire was still messed up, but I didn't want to see it. I fear that the blood stain from my father would still haunt me. I fear that the room where Tobias almost killed me would bring back too much pain.
"Are you the only one that came back?" I ask. She shakes her head and flicks a pebble off the ledge.
"Zeke and Hana are coming back for Shauna. They also wanted to spread Uriah's ashes here. Cara is trying to convince Caleb to come back too, but I think she'll still come even if he won't. Amar is coming with George. Hopefully everyone comes back soon so we can start rebuilding. I'm not really sure where to go from here, you know?"
Gazing down at the Pit, I remember my initiation. I remember watching fights and wandering around. I remember fighting Peter and how he almost killed me. I remember capture the flag and the fear simulations. I remember how afraid I was of Tobias, not just because of him leading us, but because of how he made me feel.
"What are you smiling about?" Christina asks and nudges my shoulder.
"I'm just thinking about initiation. Us becoming friends, almost not making it, and Tobias… it all seems so long ago. I feel like I was just a kid then; I still am. Everything is just so different now."
"Well, different is good now. Difference is what caused the war, but it's also what stopped it. You're what stopped it, Tris," she says quietly. Though I still struggle with showing affection, I place my hand on her shoulder and give it a squeeze. She leans her head on my shoulder and sighs.
"I was so worried. Not for you, because I knew you'd be okay, but for Four. It was scary seeing him so… broken. I honestly thought he would take the memory serum if you had, you know, gone. He really loves you."
I try to picture Tobias the way Christina is trying to describe him, but I can't. I can't see him wanting to give up and not remember his life just to make things easier. The thought kind of angers me to be completely honest. How could he just forget about everyone he loves just because I was gone?
"I love him too. I really do," I reply. Christina smiles and leans backward.
"He stills scares the shit out me though."
We both laugh and sit there gazing over the Pit without a care in the world. For once, I just want to feel free; and this is the first step.
