Author's Note: Sorry for the long hiatus. I think I'm going to put all of my writing efforts into this story, so ideally, I should be updating often. I'm going to try and do weekly, or every two weeks. Enjoy :) Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, follows, or just reading.

Chapter 3

"You seem to be convinced that this child is going to be a boy," Kakashi couldn't help but laugh as Kurenai sat in the baby's room with four different shades of blue that looked all the same to him.
"It's because he is a boy," she said with a smile. "Come sit down with me and help me pick a color."
"They all look the same," Kakashi insisted as he sat next to Kurenai.
"They do not. You just aren't looking," she said back. So, trying to see the difference, Kakashi sat on the floor and stared at the almost identical colors before deciding to choose one at random.
"What about that one?" he said, hoping that he gave the right answer. Kurenai stared at the particular color, smiling and nodding.
"Yes, I think that's the right one. Do you want to paint today, or do you have plans?" she asked. Kakashi knew that translated to 'are you going to help you extremely pregnant wife prepare for your first child or are you going to haul yourself back up in the attic and read your father's old journals'. Even though he knew what answer she wanted to hear, she did give him a choice...
"I was actually planning on reading today," Kakashi answered carefully, expecting rage but receiving none.
"Alright. If that's the case, I'm going out," Kurenai said with a sigh as she got up off the floor. Kakashi knew that voice, that phrase 'going out'. She was going to go visit Asuma. It didn't bother him that she did it, only that she wouldn't admit to doing it.
"Okay, just be careful," Kakashi said sympathetically as they parted ways. He couldn't help but wonder if Kurenai felt the same way about him as his father seemed to feel about Kakashi's mother, Akari. Through the journals he'd been reading of recent, they seemed much more like friends than anything else... No, at least not to him they weren't like that at all. He wasn't going to lie to himself and say that Kurenai loved him as much as she had loved Asuma, because it would be a lie, but there was no doubt in his mind that they loved each other. As he read his father's journals though, the last thing he saw between his father and his mother was love.


Sakumo's Blue Journal

Age 27

Location: Konoha

January 1

Dear Journal,
Another year has passed. Hurray I guess. It's days like today, when it's snowing heavy and there's a nice fresh layer of white on everything in the village that I can't help but miss Shinju. I haven't heard from her since she left, but I think she moved back home...
No, I'm done worrying about her. I won't waste the energy anymore. I'm just going to write her a letter, hopefully receive a response to make sure she's alive, and that'll be the end of it. I'm married now. I can't waste my time pining over someone I can't have. It isn't fair to Akari and it isn't fair to myself.
Okay, I need to compile my thoughts for my letter. I'll just tell her that I'm over her and that I'm happily married and that I hope she's doing well. Okay. Sounds good.
Sakumo.

January 24

Dear Journal,
I still haven't received a response from Shinju. Maybe she's dead. I hope not.
Sakumo.

February 10

Dear Journal,
Still haven't heard from Shinju and now I'm worried... As much as this goes against everything I stand for, I have to make sure she's okay. I'm going to travel to her village, find her, make sure she's alive, and then come home. Akari is on an S ranked mission at the moment, so it won't be as though she'll be home soon or anything. It'll be like nothing ever happened and I can move on with my life.
Sakumo

February 15

Dear Journal,
I made it into her town today, and it's strange how time hasn't seemed to affect the place at all. Everything looks exactly the same as it did the day we rebuilt. I found her too, quite alive and so much more beautiful than I had allowed myself to remember. She said she never received my letter, so it must've been lost in the mail. Maybe that isn't a bad thing, since I seem to remember being somewhat cruel in it. I'm staying the night at her house and then going back home tomorrow.
Sakumo.

February 16

Dear Journal,
What have i done? And why is it that the only thing that's bothering me is that Akari would kill me if she found out? I should feel much more guilt…. Or at least something other than fear that Akari will never let it rest. I'll just not tell her then, but… still, I can't believe this.

I should've known it was a bad idea to stay the night with Shinju. We both should've, and I guess we both probably did, but just didn't care and were willing to face the consequences. Well, now we have consequences to face. I've cheated on my wife, and she's broken her own personal vow to stay away from me, yet neither of us feel bad about it… Maybe we are worse people than we thought we were.

Sakumo.

With a gentle clap, Kakashi closed the journal and went back downstairs to clear his mind. His brain did not want to accept it, that his father, this man who he looked up to as an idol, could have possibly cheated…. How could he do that? No, he couldn't have. That couldn't have actually happened.

Kakashi busied his mind with buying paint and starting to paint the baby's room, but it's extremely hard to not think about anything when doing such a monotonous job as painting. He wanted to read on, to see what happened next, but the fear of his image of his father being even more tarnished made him continue to run the roller over the white walls until one wall was a pale blue. He had to keep reading. He had to know what happened next, at whatever cost.

February 18th

Dear Journal,

I'm back home now, and things have fallen into the same monotonous pattern as before. Akari is home and didn't even recognize that I had been gone, which is good, but also bad. It must be the guilt speaking, telling me that I wish I had been caught, but she's so indifferent about me anyways that I'm not even sure if she'd care.

Not much else to say except that I would rather be where I was two days ago than here.

Sakumo

February 20th

Dear Journal,

I received a letter from Shinju, an apology of sorts, although it seemed extraordinarily insincere. I hid the letter in my nightstand so Akari wouldn't find it, although, once again, I'm not quite sure if she'd care or not. I'll write her back I think, just to let her know I received her letter, and then leave it at that hopefully.

Sakumo

March 18th

Dear Journal,

I've been much too busy juggling work, home, and Shinju to write, so here are some updates. Shinju and I have become… well, I don't think penpals is the proper word, but we communicate relatively often. Work has become much busier with more hostile foreign shinobi being within the area, which is leaving many people with the whispers of another great shinobi war. No one brings it up with each other because the arguments of what should be done to prevent another war are endless, and usually lead to irritation and stepped on toes. On a somewhat lighter note… well, I guess that would be a way to put it, Akari is pregnant. Our parents are happy and she's happy, so I guess that's good. I know this sounds probably very horrible, but I'm somewhat indifferent. Maybe that'll change as time progresses.

Sakumo.

March 25th

Dear Journal,

I must be a glutton for punishment. Akari is staying with her family for a few weeks, so I lied to her. I told her I had an extensive mission to go on… At least Shinju is excited to see me, and I'm more than excited to see her, not only to escape all of this mess but just because I miss her. As it sits, I think I can say now that my biggest life regret is marrying Akari. That sounds harsh, I know, but it isn't because she isn't nice. She a nice person, but just so indifferent to almost everything. Shinju is so passionate and excited about even the stupidest of things, that it's a breath of fresh air to be around her. True, maybe her excitement would have irritated me if we were together all of the time, but I'd take irritation over feeling absolutely nothing almost constantly. The only time I've seen Akari excited about anything since we've been married is the baby, and I'm happy for her in that aspect. Maybe that will give her something to occupy her time with, as cruel as that sounds.

Sakumo.

April 14

Dear Journal,

I'm back from Shinju's and Akari still isn't home. I haven't been able to find her within Konoha, so I'm not quite sure why yet, but I'll write it in when I find out. I forgot to bring my journal with me to Shinju's, so I wasn't able to say exactly what was happening, but I will just say before I go find Akari that it felt like how I would imagine life being now if we had been married. It's disappointing to be back home.

Sakumo

April 15th

Dear Journal,

While I was away, Akari miscarried. She's been bedridden at her parents' house since, which was why I was unable to find her. I've spent hours trying to coax her out of her room, to get her to come home, but all she does is cry and refuse. As sickening as this sounds, it almost feels good to see her actually feeling emotions, although the reason behind it is very sad. I'm not as broken up over the situation, obviously, and if anything, what I feel is sympathy for her. I can tell that it's irritating her that I'm not weeping alongside her, but I'm not going to pretend that I'm feeling something I'm not. I already do that for everything else and I'm not that good of an actor.

Sakumo

April 21st

Dear Journal,

Akari is finally back home and has gone from being extremely depressed to constantly trying to get me to sleep with her. I'm assuming it's because she wants to have another baby, but I think she's moving a bit too fast for her own good, so I'm working a lot more to avoid her. She's smart though, so I don't know how long avoiding her will work.

Sakumo

May 15th

Dear Journal,

Akari's pregnant again, no surprise. She isn't as excited and happy as last time, but at least she's out of my hair and not constantly bothering me. Goodness, that sounds horrible. I guess that since I thought it though, that makes me relatively horrible as well. I guess I can live with that.

Sakumo

June 3rd

Dear Journal,

Akari miscarried again. Instead of moping and becoming extremely depressing, she's turned into a raging bitch. When she isn't yelling at me about something miniscule to life (for example, I think I left my shoes off the matt and she spent at least an hour yelling at me about it), she's out throwing shuriken at targets or training. From what I've heard from other people, I'm not the only one being constantly chewed out by her.

Sakumo


"Kakashi? Did you start painting?" Kurenai asked from downstairs, making Kakashi close his father's journal and come down.

"Yeah, I hope that's alright. I was clearing my-" he started until he saw her face. Her eyes were filled up somewhat as she stared over at him. "What's the matter?"

"Sorry, over emotional from the hormones," she said in a weepy voice as she rubbed her eyes with her shirt sleeve. "Thank you for painting."

"No problem," he said, still slightly concerned, but letting it go for the moment.