She fell when Han died. And it felt like she would do so forever.

What have I become?

The thought was dangerous. She was worried about this girl causing Ben to falter, but her own guilt over Han's death threatened to ruin all her plans. She had known that sacrifices would come- freedom always calls for sacrifices; she had learned that when Alderaan was destroyed- but she had not expected the sheer pain that Han's death would cause.

I've gone too far.

She had felt Ben's soul scream as he struck his father down with his light saber. Snoke had demanded it. She had demanded it. It had nearly killed Ben as well …

And then Chewbacca- Chewie, who had once loved Ben with at least as much ferocity as Leia herself- had nearly killed him with his bowcaster.

She had almost lost her son then. She had barely managed to nudge Chewie's mind, barely caused him to alter his aim enough to allow Ben to survive … It had been so close.

And then came the battle with the girl. Ben had been insistent on capturing the girl, not defeating her. The girl was filled with power and righteous anger- Leia hadn't known to the last moment whether or not she was going to kill Ben. She had not been able to reach into the girl's mind at all.

When the girl came to them- came to her- the sheer power of her almost blinded Leia. The girl was untrained, but so strong. No wonder Ben was drawn to her; she was easily as powerful as Ben- perhaps even more so.

She could not stay with the Resistance.

She was a threat to Leia's plans. She might learn things that she shouldn't. Leia had always done what she had to do, but if the other leaders of the Resistance learned just how she had learned so much about the First Order's plans …

No.

She needed the girl to be out of the way. She needed her away from the Resistance. She especially needed her away from Ben.

She could ruin everything.

The girl was desperate to find her place in the Galaxy, to understand what had awakened in her … in another time, if things had not been so desperate, Leia would have tried to train her herself. She couldn't do that now, of course; her hatred of Ben, her grief over Han … she would never understand.

No, Rey was too righteous to be useful now.

So when she volunteered to bring Luke Skywalker back- to bring her brother back- Leia had agreed.

It was possible that Luke would train her. The girl- Rey- was stubborn. In some ways, she reminded Leia of herself. She would not give up easily- perhaps she would convince or coerce Luke into helping her. That could prove problematic.

Luke was more powerful than her. Perhaps their power might have been equal if she had applied herself, but she was mostly self-taught while Luke had not only had Jedi Masters to help him, he had spent years researching the old Jedi ways. She was not entirely sure she could hide her thoughts from him if he chose to read her mind.

It was a risk.

But it was one worth taking.

She needed the girl away from Ben. She needed the girl away from the Resistance. The future would bring what it would; she simply had to trust the Force.

Luke could be a problem, but the girl already was a problem.

It was only after Rey and Chewbacca took off in the Millennium Falcon that Leia felt a moment's peace. She didn't have long though. The First Order was coming.

She could feel Ben's tormented mind as he attacked the Raddus. The murder of his father- the murder that they both shared though only Ben would ever be blamed- had set a tempest loose in his mind. Ben?

He did not reply.

He simply moved his ship into position to attack. Only the barest fragment of his thoughts came to her- Kill her be free kill her be free kill him be free kill him be free be free be free BE FREE.

Her poor son.

She had done this. Twisted his soul so much that freedom- from Snoke, from her- was all that he could think of.

For a moment, she let her mother's heart be free. It's all right, Ben. Do what you have to.

Mother?

The fragmented thought of her son. For all his pain, all his anger, he had always had a loving heart.

He loved her still.

It's all right, Ben.

And it was all right. Perhaps she had done enough. Perhaps she had done too much. Perhaps the Galaxy didn't need Leia Organa to save it.

If this gave her son peace –

Mother-

She felt his fingers grip the firing pin. She felt his struggle. And she felt him let it go.

Yes.

The Force was still with her. With Ben. She had wounded him- torn his soul apart- but he remained her son. His loyalty was still with her.

Leia smiled.

And then the bridge of the Raddus exploded and she was sucked out into space.

Mother!

And even though Death reached out to her with all the coldness of space, Leia felt a slight smile touch her lips.

The Force was with her.

And so was Ben.

With the support of both, she made her way back to the Raddus.